I lay helplessly on my side, by the bed, allowing drops of my overwhelming emotions to escape through my eyes.

I screamed, I yell, I punched against the wall, feeling the blood trickling down my knuckles. Till the point of exhaustion.

But no one was there. No one was there to hear it all. No one knows. No one cares.

My vision tunnels into total darkness. I can't see the light, I can't see the end to this tunnel. I am hopelessly alone in the battle inside my head. No one can see the intense fight in my head.

I have so many words left unsaid, so many emotions left unexpressed, so many needs left unmet. I need someone to be there. But there is no one. At such times like this, I start to suspect that, maybe, actually, perhaps, I do need help.

Frantically, I swipe open my phone and scrolled through desperately my contact list. But, damn those voices. They started muttering, chanting, invading my mind.

"You are bothering others with your issues?!"

"Do you think they will actually care?"

"You can't even handle yourself you this emotional wreck!"

"You are just going to disappoint others with your weakness, you letdown!"

I stared widely at the screen. I can't possibly dial the numbers. I can't. The possibility of hearing a human voice is just right in front of me, yet, I can't.

The possibility of hearing someone talking to me is just right in front of me. Yet, I can't.

What should I say should they pick up their phone? "Hello, I am just feeling a little lonely, and would like to hear your human voice."?

A fucking despo, they would think. No, there is no way I am going to dial. I would rather die alone, with dignity than to appear as a helpless dog. Hence, I switched off my phone, distancing myself from the temptation.

As I lay wide awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling the blood trickling down my knuckles, craving so badly for human contact, I start to contemplate the fact that I might need help. Just that I can't get help.

This is probably why I started this notebook. This is by no means a girly, wimpy diary ranting about life.

This is a collection of my cry for help. To no one in particular.

Hi friends! Thank you for picking up this story. The first 3 chapters are just monologues, subsequently, a story will develop. I feel that these monologues are essential to establish the state of mind our Ryoma-kun is in right now, so hope you will immerse yourself better into the story before we start the story proper! Once again thank you for your support!