Disclaimer: I don't own either Harry Potter or D&D

As the day progressed, Harry's enthusiasm only grew more. Hell, he was in such a good mood he didn't even mock Quirrell during his Defense Against the Dark Arts. Well, he slipped in a 'You're actually useless as a Professor' at the last second, but in comparison to an entire class of it, might as well have been nothing.

As the students gathered in the Great Hall for dinner Harry suddenly realized he had been forgetting something crucially important to the quest. An aspect that could spell utter disaster or a resounding triumph of victory if he wasn't careful. Something so monumentally important he had doubled over in shock when he first realized his blunder. A vital aspect of any self respecting Bard.

"What am I going to wear tonight! I could rock red and yellow to show I'm with the others, but that's really close to just having the colors of Gryffindor. There's also obviously Slyherin's house colors, but then we're just four people with no real overall linking visual. Black and gold could work, but then that's the same issue as before. Black and red works, but it's also very Dark Lordy and I don't think that's what I want to project in this instance. What do you think?" Harry vented his fashion choice woes to Daphne and Tracey as they sat to his right. The two girls waited for a second, seeing if Harry's question was a legitimate one. Upon seeing he was indeed, very serious, they shared a look and a shrug.

"Personally, I think you should just do our house colors. Shows you still are a part of Slytherin despite associating with the other houses. Plus aren't you tricking Weasley and Granger with this? If that's still the case, you might as well own being a snake since that's exactly what you've been." Daphne began as she made her points. Draco, who sat across from the group, looked up from his food with a deadpan since he now realized this was an actual conversation happening.

"Hmmm, it's not so much that I've tricked them into doing this, I've simply not told them they don't have the complete picture. That hardly seems like a snake like to me, but then again I'm pretty sure if I do anything Ron assumes I'm plotting." Harry responded as he mulled it over. Draco gave a head tilt as Tracey still seemed to be thinking it over.

"...Isn't this whole…..whatever you're doing tonight a result of you plotting? Like, I don't think we've ever had a conversation involving people from other houses that wasn't the result of you being up to something." Draco accurately pointed out from across the table.

"...The Krampus thing wasn't, that was just a demon who came for me." Draco rubbed the bridge of his nose at the response.

"Fair enough, I guess. Oh, since that reminded me of Christmas, why did you send me an empty box?" Harry was actually caught off guard by Draco's question. Mostly because he hadn't.

"I didn't. While I didn't send you a ring, I still sent you something. Should have been a glass vial with some faint powder in it. Wait, it got sent via owl didn't it?"

"Of course it did, it was your owl! Bloody thing just tossed the package and buggered off. I figured you were pulling some kind of prank when I opened it and there was nothing. But then you never said anything when I came back, and I just kinda forgot about it." The blond haired boy explained. Harry began to chuckle after a few moments as he realized what happened.

"So, Draco, I'm willing to bet that the vial shattered when Hedwig spiked the package. That means that box wasn't empty, it was just full of invisible glass and invisible powder. What did you do with it?"

"Father gave it to one of our owls as a spot to nest, though the thing disappeared the next….oh." Draco stopped as he now realized he had an invisible owl lurking at home.

"Hahahaha, oh is right. That owl is probably super pissed at you guys ignoring it." Harry smiled at the mental image of a raging invisible bird of prey.

"Black and silver." Tracey suddenly spoke up, redirecting Harry back to his original woe. The young bard began to think as he agreed, but wanted to hear her line of thinking.

"Well, silver for Slytherin, obviously. But then black because it's a common color for Hogwarts as a whole, plus it fits with the house of…..whatever you and Tonks are." Tracey elaborated. Harry pointed at her and nodded while looking across the table.

"I like the way she thinks. Most of my silver is accent pieces anyways, but I do have a good variety of black. Tell me, what do you think Draco, casual or dress?"

"..." The blond boy simply stared in response. Silence passed between the two.

"Dress." Daphne leaned in and spoke.

"Thanks Daphne. SOMEONE was letting me down."

And thus Harry was now fully prepared for whatever the trials getting to the Philosopher's Stone and the thief were.

xxxXXXXxxx

It was the time of the quest, and all though the castle

Not a student was caring, or causing a hassle;

The hallways were empty, many a bench lay bare

The students were rested, unassuming that life wasn't fair;

When a young girl named Nymphadora, awoke with a jump

From the window she faintly made out, the sound of something that needed a bump;

Investigating the clatter, with speed and hurry

Her curiosity replaced, with fury and worry;

She wanted to hit him, and hit him hard

Out on a gargoyle sat one upset Bard.

"The bloody hell are you doing!" She quietly and angrily whispered, taking care to not wake her roommates.

"You're the one who fell asleep! The fucking painting wouldn't let me in or pass on a message so I had to climb. These towers have fuck all for climbing holes." He whispered back. He had tried to haggle with the protector of Hufflepuff tower, but the painting wasn't budging. Tonks pointed to the ground as she had an upset look.

"Well get down before you fall and hurt yourself, I'll be out in a bit."

"Like an actual bit, or your version of a bit? The two are not the same- Agh!" Harry had to hold on to the sides of the stone as a pillow was thrown. Regaining his footing the bard looked at the pink haired culprit.

"You don't have to worry about me falling if you push me to my death!"

"Yeah, well I decided mid way through your sentence I didn't care."

"...Harsh Tonks, after all we've been through?"

"You're making me go through more tonight."

"Yeah, but I doubt this will be nearly as exciting as a winter demon. Now we gotta go, Ron and Hermione are at the third floor corridor right now." Harry grabbed the stone he was crouched on and began his descent. Making his way back into the castle through the window he had to open to get to the tower, he made his way to the Hufflepuff door. Joining up with Tonks, he flipped off the painting one last time before they headed towards adventure.

One would figure there would be some kind of hall monitors given the amount of antics and trouble a student could get into at a school for Witchcraft and Wizardry. However it seemed that Hogwarts worked off the honor system. Well they technically deducted house points and maybe a detention, but really those two punishments were equivalent to two other things in Harry's opinion.

Jack and Shit.

And so, the dashing duo of Tonks and Harry made their way to the third floor corridor with the only person the wiser being the tall golem Bob. And Bob wasn't a snitch. When they finally arrived at the door that separated them from the adventurer, Tonks noticed something.

"Where are the other two?" Harry as well was noticing a lack of one Hermione and Ron, which was really odd since they had already met him here 25 minutes ago. Looking around the young bard couldn't see hide or hair of them as his attention fell back to the door.

"Oh if those two started without me I'm either going to be really mad or really proud based on their progress." He spoke as he walked to the door, which had been ajar when he first arrived. As his hand gripped the handle, the sound of a door closing behind them caused both Tonks and Harry to turn wands drawn.

"It's me! It's me! Don't blast me!" The now revealed Ron Weasley shielded himself with his arms as he cowered back. The form of Hermione Granger could be seen behind him, sheepishly closing the door to the trophy room that had held the famous 'Apple Duel'. The saddest part was that she was apologizing to the room as she did so. Quite a strange girl.

"Where were you two?" Harry asked as he raised an eyebrow. He could feel an awkward tension between the two as they shared a look.

"Look if you two were snogging you don't have to hide, no one is supposed to be on this floor anyways." Tonks joked as their now flushed red faces caused Harry to let out a laugh. Herminoe was the first to recover as she rushed to explain.

"It's not that we were doing…...that. Neville followed us and started to say he was going to stop us because we'll lose house points. Ron and I tried to explain that we were stopping a serious threat but he wouldn't listen. So…..we froze him and left him in the trophy room." The bushy haired witch was fully looking at the floor in shame by the end of her explanation. Harry's eruption into full blown laughter. Herminoe's shame only grew as Harry's laughter continued, for she knew she would never live this down.

"...Ah..hahahaha...haha...ah, shit. Well tonight has already been worth it. Now let's get this party started." Harry leaned against the door as he swung it open, the other three preparing for the confrontation with the three headed dog.

Now normally when one thinks of a giant three headed dog they think of Cerberus. The vicious and mighty guard dog of the Underworld. A beast so mighty it took the mighty Heracles to pull the monster from its position. A beast of immense terror and three jaws of sharpened death.

Typically it is not a sleep listening thanks to a harps gentle strum. However it seemed that tonight was the fluffy dogs night off, judging by the looks. Obviously the thief had put the beast to sleep with music, however the image of a guard cerberus having to explain to its boss that the Philosopher's Stone was taken because Bathoeveen is real soothing is much funnier. Harry's arms dropped as he looked at the sleeping creature.

"...Dog, two of the three times I've now been in here you've been asleep. You're literally the worst. Admittedly though, the harp puts me to sleep as well." Harry mumbled as he began leading the would-be-adventurers across the room. As the group approached the trap door, Ron was the first to crouch down and open it with a slow creaking of the metal. They were greeted with a dark drop, and a damp wetness feeling coming from below, not too dissimilar to what a cave would hold. Raising an eyebrow Harry turned to Hermione.

"There often caverns on the third floor? Or is this like a Hogwarts 'fuck geography' thing."

"What? Hmmm, no not really, but there usually isn't a three headed dog or a Philosopher's Stone either. Also it's magic Harry." The witch gave a sassy response, quoting Harry's go to dismissal line. The young bard gained a smile and stuck his tongue out, the ever mature response.

"I think I see movement down there." Ron spoke as the red haired boy leaned closer to the darkness. The older pink haired witch joined him as Tonk was the first to notice a shadow beginning to loom. Ron noticed it next as a large bit of slobber landed on his arm, drawing the group's attention to the now awoken guard. The once cute and slumbering goliath now had three jaws of barred fangs. Statistically, it meant that one of them could live while the other three distracted it with their corpses. Thankfully, Harry's minor hatred for death statistics involving himself kicked in, thus saving the group. He began to whistle the soft and soothing melody of Frere Jacques, initially drawing the dogs full attention to himself.

As the beast leaned in, Harry never broke his soothing tone as he gestured with his hand for the others to get going. Slowly and cautiously, the students began to drop down. First Ron, and then Hermione. The cerberus' heads began to sway with the melody as Harry continued to whistle. Tonks stood near the edge of the trap door, not wanting to leave her friend. The young bard slyly made his way over to her as he kept the dogs attention. Seeing the creature draw nearer and nearer to entering the dreamworld once more, Harry seized the moment. He pushed his Hufflepuff companion in with a light touch as he made sure the dog was completely asleep. Upon succeeding in his task, Harry leapt down to join the others.

He mostly regretted it when he found himself standing in a gross, wet, and dark cavern with strange plants all around. Seeing Hermione and Ron laying down amongst the plants with looks of concern caused him to raise an eyebrow. He then noticed Tonks was in a similar state as he quickly realized that they had been grappled and snared by the plants. Soon though, it was his turn as he felt the tendrils tighten around his legs and pull him into the rest of the room.

"The bloody hell is this!" Ron cried out as the boy thrashed about, seemingly only making the situation worse for himself. Tonks likewise struggled against the plants as she kept repeating "You're not going to Evil Dead me". Harry would have laughed, if he wasn't being strangled himself.

"It's Devil's Snare! " Hermione called out as the witch attempted to remember all she could of the plant.

"Oh how lovely, I get to die knowing what it's called." Ron's sarcasm was approaching Harry levels. Thankfully for those who wanted to live, our young and now mildly annoyed bard came to Hermione's aid.

"Hermione- it doesn't like light." He informed her as he couldn't reach his wand at the present moment, a situation Tonks and Ron shared.

"Start a fire then, or cast a light!" Tonks yelled from her position, bound by the Snare. She shot a look at Harry who mouthed 'Hot' while looking her over.

"If you need to cast the fire at someone, make it Harry." She then added. Thankfully for the green eyed bard, Hermione chose to use the Bluebell Flames spell. A mostly harmless to people fire spell that burned away the plants around Harry. Shooting to his feet and fixing his clothing, Harry then drew his own wand and blasted the other plants with the same spell. With the Devil's Snare driven off, Harry helped Tonks to her feet. She thumped the side of his head for his earlier comment. As the group recomposed themselves Ron looked at Hermione and Harry.

"How'd you two know about the plant?" The boy asked.

"By paying attention in Herbology." Hermione shot him a look of disappointment.

"If it makes you feel better, I don't pay attention in Herbology either. I just figured it didn't like light due to the environment." Harry added which drew the bushy haired witch's ire to him. Huffing and turning to continue Hermione stomped off to the next challenge that awaited them.

"She needs to get laid." Tonks commented resulting in Harry letting out a snicker.

"Hey, they say bookworms are always the freakiest."

"Pff, yeah? Man, Ravenclaw must be a wild time then."

"I can see it. They stress about everything so much, figure they gotta blow off steam sometime."

"Where does that leave Slytherin? I've seen some bookworm types there."

"It's an absolute BDSM pit. I can't ever leave my dorm without having to be whipped and then whip somebody."

"The hell are you two talking about?" Ron's confusion finally broke the straight faced conversation as they enjoyed the laugh.

Arriving to the next challenge, the group entered a room filled with flying keys with several broomsticks nearby. Checking the door on the far side, Hermione informed them it was locked.

"Oh jee, I wonder what this one could be." Harry sarcastically spoke as he scanned the room for an out of place key. It didn't take long for him to notice a silver key with a broken wing standing out from the others. Looking between Ron and Tonks, he gave the Metamorphmagus a poke to the side and pointed it out.

"You should be the one to get it." This caused the older witch to tilt her head.

"Why?"

"You were literally wrapped up in plant tentacles in the previous room."

"...And?" Harry suddenly realized Tonks might not have been familiar with certain aspects of a culture that he was.

"...Let's just say that you should probably do it to regain some dignity."

"Harry, I'm rubbish at flying. Why don't you or Ron do it?"

"I'll give you words of Inspiration. And we shouldn't because we actually know how to fly well, it'll be over too quickly."

"We're trying to stop a thief, remember."

"Even if he gets the stone he has to come back this way. So we might as wel- fuck it. Accio." Harry simply called the key down to his person. It was very unbard like to deny the opportunity for a story. However, it was very bard-like to cut straight past dumb ones. Which the key challenge in hindsight, was very dumb.

As our brave and mighty adventures made their way to their next challenge, they found themselves facing quite possibly the most intense threat any person could face. A task so daunting that eons from their completion of it, scholars would still be baffled at what they achieved. For what stood in front of them was something that no one in that group was possibly prepared for.

A giant game of chess. But no ordinary giant game of chess. No, in this game, the pieces moved on their own. Thus making it the world's largest and possibly most deadly game of-

Wizards Chess.