Another Way

It was a mess. That was really the only way to put it.

They now had two Barry's lying unconscious in the med bay, speed dampening restraints on both of them. One of them had tried to kill the other and was now recovering from a gunshot wound that Joe had been forced to give him, something that Joe was still struggling immensely with. He was still Barry, after all, and he had shot him, but only to stop him from killing his Barry.

It was a lot to process.

"Which one do you think will wake up first?" Joe asked tiredly, looking at the two Barry's, their beds side-by-side.

"I don't know," Caitlin said, "Our Barry was beat up pretty bad, but the only thing keeping him unconscious is the tranquilizers Future Barry injected him with. Future Barry was tranquilized and shot, so I think he'll probably stay under longer."

"Good," Iris said, "I hope our Barry wakes up first—gives us a chance to explain. He still has no clue what's going on."

That wasn't the case, though. Almost immediately after the words had left Iris's lips, Future Barry started to stir. He groaned and turned his head, eyes still closed, but they didn't stay that way for long. Future Barry snapped awake with a jolt. He immediately tried to get out of bed, but the restraints on his hands made that impossible.

"Get these off of me!" he demanded, looking around at all of them, "Get them off now!"

There was something more than anger in his voice, though. It was fear. As he pulled at the restraints, Future Barry had a panicked look on his face.

"Why the hell would we do that?" Joe gritted, "You just tried to kill yourself, Barry!"

"You ignorant bastards!" Future Barry shouted lividly, "You don't know what you're doing! This is more than just suicide! I need to die! It's the only way!"

They all felt their hearts clench. Future Barry truly did believe what he was doing was right. He thought he was being noble.

"I refuse to believe that, Barry," Joe said firmly, "I refuse to believe that's the only solution. I believe that you think it is, but I think there's another way to fix things. You just haven't found it, yet."

Future Barry shook his head, angry tears forming in his eyes.

"I've tried everything," he whispered, his voice shaking in anger, "But like always, every time I try to fix things, I just make them worse. You don't know everything I know, Joe. I wouldn't expect you to understand this decision."

"You're right," Joe said sadly, "I don't understand why you would do this, Barry. I don't know everything you know. But I do know one thing. I know you. You're still Barry, just older. I know you. I know that this idea of yours is just your idea of being a hero. I know you would do anything, would make the ultimate sacrifice, if it meant keeping other people out of harm's way. That makes you a hero, Barry, but it doesn't make you right."

"I'm no hero," Future Barry gritted, glaring lividly at him, "And you don't know anything about me, Joe. You don't know what I've been through, what you did to me. All of you."

That threw Joe off. He blinked at Future Barry in confusion.

"What are you talking about, Bar?" he whispered.

To their surprise, fresh tears filled Future Barry's eyes.

"Thanks to you, the future I returned to was even worse than before," he choked, "It took a few months for my memories to shift, for the new memories to take their place, but once they did…"

"What happened, Barry?" Iris whispered, tears filling her eyes, "What's going to happen?"

Future Barry shook his head and blinked away his tears.

"It doesn't matter," he said, not looking at any of them, "I'm going to change it. I'm going to end all of this."

"Well, we're not going to let you kill yourself," Joe said firmly, "You can get that idea out of your head now because that is not going to happen."

Future Barry glared at him with a hatred they had never seen occupy Barry's face before. It was like looking at a stranger, familiar features warped into something unrecognizable, something foreign.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Caitlin asked Future Barry quietly, glancing at the other bed where their Barry still laid, unconscious, "What did he do? What did you do?"

"He's not the only one I hate," Future Barry spat, glaring at her, "I did only what you made me do. You all drove me to this."

"What do you mean?" Cisco asked seriously, "What did we do to you that was so horrible?"

Future Barry deflated then, his eyes filling with tears as he looked down at his lap.

"You were trying to be humane about it," he mumbled, his voice shaking, "You didn't know what to do. I understand that. It didn't make it any less cruel, though."

"What did we do, Barry?" Iris asked softly.

Future Barry looked up at her with watery eyes.

"You kept me in there for years," he whispered.

Their eyes all widened.

"W-what?" Joe asked shakily, "In the pipeline?"

Future Barry nodded, his eyes dark.

"We wouldn't do that, though!" Iris cried in anguish, "That's not what we were planning to do!"

"She's right," Cisco said, "I was just going to propose that we—"

"Keep power dampening cuffs on me?" Future Barry finished for him, "You did. That's what you tried…at first. And I went along with it willingly. I gave up my powers."

"So, what went wrong?" Iris whispered.

Future Barry sighed and shook his head.

"I got sick," he told them, "My body started to fail me. Within a few weeks, I could hardly get up a flight of stairs on my own. Things got…ugly. My body just couldn't handle prolonged use of the cuffs. The speed force kept trying to come back. Once I started having seizures, you had no choice but to take the cuffs off."

"And put you back in the pipeline," Caitlin said sadly.

Future Barry nodded.

"I was a willing prisoner," he said, "I went along with all of it…because I trusted you. You all kept me company and even let me out of the cell sometimes to stretch my legs, but I couldn't be out for too long because I couldn't tolerate the cuffs for very long. They had caused chromosomal damage and from then on it caused me severe pain just to wear them."

He glared down at the cuffs around his wrists, restraining him to the bed frame.

"Are you in pain now?" Iris choked, looking worriedly at him.

Future Barry's head shot up to look at her, his eyes narrowing.

"What do you care?" he spat.

Iris looked like she had been slapped in the face.

"Why, Barry?" Joe asked seriously, "Why do you hate us now?"

Future Barry's mouth was a thin line as he looked at Joe.

"Over time, I came to resent you," he said, "All of you. Over time, you stopped coming. You stopped coming to visit me. Life got in the way. Your visits became less and less frequent, and after two years in captivity, my mind started to slip. After two years of being alone in a tiny box, I wanted out. I didn't want to spend my whole life in there. I asked you to let me out."

"And we said no," Caitlin whispered, tears in her eyes.

Future Barry's eyes swam with tears.

"You all started visiting more often again then," he choked, "You tried to keep me company. You gave me more books to read, more projects to work on, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't real. It wasn't life. I just wanted to live. I started to beg. I begged you to let me out. For another full year, I begged. But you all kept me in the cell…because I told you to. Because future me told you to. Because past me made you promise you wouldn't let me out, even if I begged. And then I changed my mind."

"Barry," Joe choked, tears in his eyes, "You know that we—"

"Love me?" Future Barry snapped, his eyes narrowing, "I can't tell you how many times I've heard you say that to me, Joe. It's now just words to me."

Joe put a hand over his mouth, holding back a sob. This couldn't be real. This couldn't really be their future.

"What you all did to me wasn't love," Future Barry spat, "You left me in a cell to rot. It would have been more humane to just kill me rather than leave me in that cell to go crazy. And the more bitter I became about it, the more afraid of me you all became. Over time, you feared me."

"Barry," Iris cried, "That's not true! We would never fear you!"

"Yes, you would," Future Barry said darkly, "Especially when I started trying to escape."

"You got out," Joe whispered.

Future Barry nodded, his eyes swimming.

"How long were you in there?" Cisco choked, "How long did it take you to escape?"

Future Barry slowly turned his head to look at him, his eyes glaring.

"Ten years," he whispered.

Their eyes all widened. Ten years. Barry was locked in a cell for ten years. They had locked him in a cell for ten years.

"It took me a while," Future Barry continued, "You all were so careful. You knew I was smart. You didn't fall for any of my tricks."

"So how did you escape?" Caitlin asked softly, her eyes welling up with tears.

"The same way I got into the cell just now," Future Barry answered, "I phased through it."

"How?!" Cisco said incredulously, "How did you do that? I made that cell, myself. It should be unphasable."

"It took me years to learn how," Future Barry said softly, "But once I finally did, I got my freedom. And then I ran. I ran and never looked back. I went into hiding. You all tried to find me, but I stayed well hidden."

"So how does that lead you here?" Joe asked seriously, "What happened to make you want to come back here, to make you want to kill yourself?"

"Because…a year after I ran, I did the very thing you were all fearing I would do," Future Barry said darkly.

"You changed time," Iris whispered.

Future Barry nodded.

"I was half insane by that point," he said painfully, "I was alone, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't have a family anymore, and I…I was selfish. I thought that after all my suffering, I deserved happiness. I wanted my family back, my real family, not the ones who held me prisoner for ten years."

Joe and Iris both felt their hearts clench at these words.

"So you saved your mother," Cisco concluded.

Future Barry nodded.

"I saved her," he said, "But I didn't get the future I wanted. I changed the timeline again and again, trying to put things right. I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted the life I thought I deserved. I was selfish. I was stupid."

Future Barry looked over at the bed and glared at his younger self.

"I hate what I did," he said softly, "I hate the decisions I made…who I became. I tried to reset things. I tried to put the timeline right, but…I only made things worse. Over and over again, I just messed things up more."

"And so you decided to kill yourself?!" Cisco asked incredulously.

"Yes," Future Barry hissed, "I did. I decided to come back here, to this moment, to fix things. One last time travel."

"Barry, this is not the solution!" Joe choked, "How can you not see that?! There are other things we can do! We can help you!"

"I don't want your help," Future Barry whispered, "I just want to die."

They all realized it at once then. Barry wasn't here just because he wanted to set things right. He really just didn't want to live anymore after everything he'd been through.

"You're still selfish then," Iris gritted, glaring at him, "You're only doing this for yourself. You're killing your past self so he doesn't have to go through what you've been through."

"That's only part of it," Future Barry insisted angrily, "I really am doing this for the greater good!"

"Before, you told us you didn't want to die," Joe said seriously, "You told us you didn't want to do this, but you thought it was the only way."

"That was me from a different timeline," Future Barry reasoned, "After my first visit…everything changed. I hardly even remember the first timeline…the one with Flashpoint and the dominators and Savitar."

"What are you talking about?" Iris asked in confusion.

Future Barry let out a heavy sigh.

"It doesn't matter," he said, shaking his head, "That timeline was erased…and it was replaced with one where you locked me up for ten years until I lost my mind."

They all stared sadly at him, not knowing what they could possibly do to fix this.

"So we won't do that then," Cisco said simply, "We won't lock you up."

Future Barry let out a humorless laugh.

"Tried that already," he said bitterly, "I went back and stopped you from putting me in that cell."

"And?" Iris asked.

"And so I went back to being the Flash," he said simply, "I promised not to time travel again, and it worked for a while. But then Caitlin died."

"W-what?" Caitlin stammered.

"It was Cisco's fault," Future Barry told them, "He felt so guilty for not saving her…he begged me to go back in time."

They all stared at him, trying to wrap their heads around it.

"No matter what I do," Future Barry sighed, "No matter what timeline I go to, something always goes wrong. Someone always dies. I've watched every single one of you die multiple times. I've lived in countless timelines, seen more than enough tragedy for a lifetime. I'm tired. I'm tired of watching everyone die because of me.

"I wish I had just stayed in that cell, but I didn't. I couldn't. Me messing with time is what caused all of this, and the only solution to this problem is if I either go back in the cell or I die. I'd rather die than go back in the pipeline again, to those walls…the silence. I'd rather die than keep watching everyone I love die."

"I thought you said you hated us," Iris whispered.

Future Barry looked down at his lap, a million different emotions dancing in his eyes. Joe finally understood then.

"We hurt you," he said sadly, "We hurt you badly, and you felt betrayed. You felt betrayed by the ones you loved, the ones you still love."

Future Barry looked up at him then with watery eyes.

"It doesn't matter what I feel," he whispered, "What matters is what has to be done. I've all but shattered the timeline at this point. I've been messing with things that are beyond my understanding. One thing I do understand, though, is that time punishes you. It takes things from you when you mess with it. It takes people from you. Someone has to die. That, I'm certain of, and I'm not going to let it be Dante. Or Caitlin. Iris. Any of you. It's going to be me. Then this lunacy will finally end. The timeline will be fixed."

"That's not a solution, Bar," Joe said sadly, "You dying instead of one of us isn't a solution."

"Yes, it is," Barry persisted, nodding firmly, "I'm not going to let any more people make sacrifices for my mistakes. I'm sorry I have to kill your Barry. He's still innocent at this point. That's partly why I came back here, to this time. I wanted to die while I was still a hero. I wanted to die with honor."

"There's no honor in suicide," Cisco gritted, "It's the coward's way out. I get that you think you're being brave, making this sacrifice, but that's not what this looks like to us. We can't believe you could ever possibly want this, that you would ever want to die."

"I'm sad," Future Barry whispered.

The words were so brief, so simple, but at the same time, they said everything. Future Barry let out a heavy sigh before continuing.

"And I'm tired. I just want to be done—to reach my finish line. I just…"

"No, Barry," Joe said firmly, "I don't care how hard things might seem. I won't let you do this."

"Would you rather it be Iris?" Barry whispered, "Or anyone else? If someone's going to die, it might as well be the guy who wants to die, right? The guy who caused all of this."

"This Barry," Joe said angrily, pointing at their Barry in the bed next to him, "This Barry here, our Barry, doesn't want to die. He would never want that."

"I'm him," Future Barry countered, "I know it doesn't seem that way, but I am. I'm future him. So you're wrong to say he would never want this. He just doesn't want it right now."

"That alone is reason enough not to kill him!" Joe said in frustration, "Dammit, Barry! Why can't you see that?! Why can't you see that this Barry deserves a chance, a chance to do things right?!"

"Because everything he knows is wrong," Future Barry snapped, "Everything he does is destructive. He's going to make mistake after fucking mistake, until he hates himself as much as I do. Do you really want that for him? For me?"

"Bar, I know you've suffered," Joe said painfully, "I can't even begin to imagine everything you've been through. But the way I see it, you haven't been through any of it yet. At least…this you hasn't. He deserves to be given a fighting chance, and so do you."

"Joe, you don't understand," Future Barry said brokenly, "I've been down this road before. I've been down every road—explored every possibility. There isn't another way. There never was."

"Yes, there is," Iris said seriously, "You could stay here."

Future Barry's eyebrows furrowed at her words.

"What?"

"You could stay here," she said again, "You could stay in this time period."

Future Barry shook his head.

"How does that solve anything?" he asked seriously.

"You could be here for your past self," Joe said, understanding what Iris was suggesting, "You could guide him."

"You don't want me here," Future Barry said with a humorless laugh, "You don't want a dark future Barry around."

"We'll always want you around, Barry," Iris said firmly, "Any version of you."

"I'm a time remnant here," Future Barry muttered, "I'm technically a time remnant to you guys. The only difference is that rather than there being a few minutes between us, there's over ten years."

They all looked down thoughtfully at that, trying to wrap their minds around it.

"It doesn't matter," Joe said firmly, "You're still Barry. We still love you. You said you've tried everything, but you haven't tried this. Just give it a try."

Future Barry shook his head.

"No," he said, "You're right, I haven't tried this before. At least, not this me. But there was a version of me that's been through this before, and it didn't work."

"What do you mean?" Caitlin asked, giving him a confused look.

"Savitar," Future Barry said darkly, "You haven't met him yet, but I have. I still have some memories left from him—from that timeline. He was a time remnant—my time remnant. He's been down this road before. He tried to live with you guys, as a time remnant. He tried to coexist with my original self, but it didn't work. He always felt like the lesser Barry, and those feelings ate at him and chipped away at his spirit until he lost his mind. I don't want that. I don't want to become him. If I stayed here, I'd always be the lesser Barry to you guys. I wouldn't have a life here. I would go mad like Savitar did."

"But you would change things," Joe said quietly, "You would be able to guide this Barry, stop him from making your mistakes. You would change the timeline."

Future Barry looked down, his eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"You're right," he said quietly, "It would change things. It would shift the future, making it so none of this ever happened. The timeline I'm from would be erased. And eventually…"

"You would be erased," Caitlin said sadly.

Future Barry nodded, a sad look on his face.

"The time paradox would catch up to me eventually," he said, "I don't know how long it would take, but…maybe that would be for the best. That's what I've been trying to do this whole time, isn't it? Erase myself from existence. I would get what I want, except this Barry…"

"He would get to live," Joe whispered, "He would go on to create a better future."

Future Barry smiled sadly at him.

"He could," he whispered, "With the right guidance."

I know this isn't a very satisfying ending. I was going to continue this, but then I realized it would be so close to my story The Pawn, and I don't want to write the same thing twice when I have so many other stories I need to finish. Also, I'm sure a lot of people, like myself, are sick of the time-traveling angst after season three. I'll be moving on to happier fics now :)