our writing on the wall (is lorem ipsum after all)

chapter i. you land badly, but you crash standing.

"You see!" said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!

"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely -"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Lupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times. . . ."

And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all.

"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor . . . too dangerous. . . ."

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," said Mrs. Weasley over Fleur's shoulder as she patted her on the back.

"I am not being ridiculous," said Lupin steadily. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

"But she wants you," said Mr. Weasley, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so."

He gestured sadly at his son, lying between them.

"This is... not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead. ..."

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," said Professor McGonagall curtly, just as the hospital doors opened again and Hagrid walked in.

-Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Chapter 29: The Phoenix Lament, pgs. 790-792

In the bustle of everyone leaving the hospital wing, Remus had not noticed Tonks disappear. After casting yet another pitying glance Bill's direction, he hurried out of the wing, not saying a word to the remaining Weasleys. He assumed she would be returning to her flat in the village, so he made his way to the entry hall.

Large chunks of rock decorated the floor, creating a jagged minefield. He could see a light brown head almost at the door.

"Tonks!" he cried, "Nymphadora," At the sound of her first name, Tonks faltered. In that moment, her foot caught on an outlying piece of stone. The result was instantaneous. Tonks went sprawling. Remus, instinctively, lunged forward, making his way across the stone carefully.

"Go away," yelled Tonks at the sound of his nearing footsteps. She hauled herself onto a large piece of rock nearby, and hastily wiped her eyes dry.

"Are you alright?" he asked in his soft, caring voice. Those words proved to be her breaking point.

In an instant, she was on her feet and her voice was dangerously low, much like her cousin, Sirius' when he was mad. "Do I look okay, Lupin?" She spat the name out like it was poison. "I'm just peachy,"

"Look,-"

"No, you look. I am in love with you. Don't you get it, you git?" Remus opened his mouth again, but Tonks plowed on, "I can't even morph anymore."

Remus took a step closer to her, his blue eyes boring into hers, "But don't you get it? I'm an old, dirt poor, werewolf. I am one of the most dangerous creatures you will ever have the misfortune of meeting."

Tonks let out a harsh, cold laugh. It sounded eerily similar to Bellatrix's, but Remus would never mention that, "Look around here. We are fighting a war. There are people out there who want to kill us. Hell, my own aunt wants me dead more then she does Harry. I'm more afraid of her than you. You couldn't hurt anyone, ever. You think you're so dangerous, then duel me. Let's see how dangerous you are." She challenged, eyes flashing menacingly.

"Nymphadora," he sighed dejectedly.

"Don't. Call. Me. Nymphadora."

"Fine, Tonks, I am a feral werewolf. It doesn't matter if I can't beat you in duel, which I'm sure I can't. When I'm a wolf, I hurt people."

"Then I won't be around you. It's one day in a month. That's only 12 days a year."

"For Merlin's sake, I am 13 years older than you. I could be your father."

"If you had a kid when you were 13. And let's face it you're too much of a goody two shoes. Remus, I don't care. I've never cared. You're a wonderful guy. The best man I've ever met. And you know what, I fell in love with you. Don't you understand?" Her eyes had lost their fight, and seemed more pleading than usual. "Don't you get it? I love you."

"Tonks, it would never work-"

"Just please tell me, did you ever love me? Or feel anything at all? I have to know."

For not the first time in his life, Remus Lupin was completely and utterly lost for words. "I…. I-I-I have to go," his mouth said the words, but his brain was screaming protest. His feet, agreeing with his mouth - the traitors - carried him out of the open doors of Hogwarts Castle.

Tonks, her heart crushed to a million pieces, sank down on to the stone. She wanted to cry, but there were no tears left in her. Instead of the usual pain that normally tore through her chest, she felt a bubble of anger and frustration rising in it's place.

"Hello," an airy voice broke into her thoughts, "Why are you crying?" Tonks raised her head and saw a girl with ethereal blue eyes and gossamer blonde hair that floated around her shoulders.

"Uh…"

"Was that Professor Lupin?" The girl continued lightly.

"Yes," Tonks managed, not quite trusting her voice yet.

"Are you related to Ginny?"

Tonks paused for a moment, utterly confused, "Ginny? Ginny Weasley? No… I'm not."

The girl's eyes widened in surprise, "Really? You have nearly the same hair color as her, and all Weasleys have the same hair. I didn't know she had a sister."

Tonks lifted a strand of her hair to her eyes and a gasp escaped her lips. It was flaming red, quite like the Weasleys' as the girl had said. A slight smile twisted her lips, the two conflicting emotions of excitement and sadness fighting. "No, I'm not related to the Weasleys. Tonks," she stuck out her hand like her mother had always badgered her about. The girl took it gently, and then released it.

"Luna Lovegood," she announced breezily. "Your hair is blue now." She stated as if it was a perfectly normal thing for people to do.

Tonks' eyes flashed to her hair, which was indeed a pale blue color. "Oh yeah, it does that."

"You must be a metamorphagous then, they're very rare," she said absentmindedly.

Tonks bobbed her head awkwardly and agreed, "Yeah, I am."

Luna Lovegood stared at her for a moment, somehow making Tonks squirm slightly under her gaze. "Well, I'm quite hungry now. I'm going to get some food. Goodbye, Tonks," Luna drifted away, disappearing into the staircase that led to the kitchens.

Tonks stared after the strange girl, distracted for a moment. But then she was yanked back to reality and the heartbreak it contained. She buried her head in her hands, trying to protect herself from a pain that was already firmly lodged in her chest.

Another set of footsteps echoed in the hall. Tonks glanced up through her fingers, but made no motion to leave. "Tonks?" Molly asked softly, "Are you aright, dear?" Molly picked her way between the jagged stones to where Tonks sat. "Tonks?" Molly laid a gentle hand on her back, and that time she looked up. "Oh, sweetheart." Before Tonks had time to react, Molly engulfed her in a tight hug. "It'll be alright, it's going to be okay." she soothed.

"He just left…. I asked him if he ever loved me and he left." She managed weakly. "Why does he keep doing this to me?"

"Because he's a man. They do stupid things trying to protect us." Molly said in a motherly tone. "Tonks, can you morph again?" She asked softly, looking at Tonks' rapidly changing hair.

"Oh… yeah. I guess I can." She screwed up her eyes in an attempt to stop her hair from going haywire. It settled on a deep shade of blue.

"But how?"

Tonks paused, unsure of what to say. "I don't really know. It could be because I gave up. I just- I can't keep caring about him and trying to make him care about me. It just hurts too much," she trailed off. "Thank you, Molly. I think I'm just going to go to my parents' for a while. I'm sorry about Bill." Tonks gave the older woman a watery smile and a quick hug before following the same path Remus had nearly 10 minutes earlier.

She quickly found the spot just outside the gates where it was possible to apparate and turned on her heel. Stumbling slightly, Tonks found herself in a small Muggle park near her parent's house. It was a short walk from the park to her parents, and the night was warm, so it wasn't too bad.

The small cottage was framed by picture perfect gardens, quite contrary to the gloom and doom of the outside world. Tonks pushed open the small gate, careful to avoid the loose cobble stone she always tripped over. No lights were on in the house. Tonks glanced down at her watch, forgetting that she had broken it many months ago. She knocked softly on the door. Sounds were soon heard within the house. She could just barely hear her parents' mutters.

"Where you expecting anyone, Ted?" Her mother questioned softly.

"No, you?"

"No." Andromeda replied warily.

"Could it be Dora?" Ted suggested before peering out of the side window. "Dora!" He moved to open the door, but Tonks held the door fast.

"Dad, security question?" Tonks insisted firmly, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment.

"Right, sorry, Dora." Ted mumbled, releasing the doorknob.

Dad, what was your nickname for me when I was little?"

"Monkey,"

"Mum, what did you say to me when I graduated from Hogwarts?"

"That you better be the best auror in the program if I was going to suffer through that stress," Tonks released the knob, allowing her parents to usher her in. Her father immediately pulled her into a bear hug.

"Dora, what's going on? It's 6 in the morning." He mumbled into her hair. A few tears trickled out of her eyes and she hurriedly brought a hand up to wipe them away.

"Dumbledore's dead." The words fell from her mouth heavily, clunking into the room, lingering in the air.

Andromeda clasped a hand to her mouth in shock. Ted stumbled backwards, clutching on to the edge of the table. A moment of silence passed between the family in mourning.

"How?" Ted.

"Who?" Andromeda.

"Snape," Tonks spat out, "He killed him, top of the Astronomy Tower. Harry Potter was there along with a handful of Deatheaters. There was a fight at the school. Bill Weasley…."

"He's not dead, is he? Molly will be devastated,"

"No, Mum, he's not dead. Greyback was there, it wasn't the full moon, but he attacked Bill. Mauled him more like." She added bitterly, "His face is all torn up, but L-Lupin doesn't think he'll turn into a wolf, just have some more wolf like tendencies."

Andromeda was already in the process of pulling down cups and putting a kettle out to boil as she said, "That's awful, the poor boy. Wasn't he going to get married? To that French girl?"

Tonks' fist clenched until her knuckles turned white, "They're still getting married. She doesn't care that he's a werewolf," she mumbled bitterly. She sank into one of the chairs surrounding the kitchen table, her hands twisting in her filthy robes.

"Good for her. That boy has enough on his plate right now. And there's always room in the world for a little more love." Ted declared, oblivious to the pained expression on his daughter's face. Andromeda set two steaming cups of tea in front of them before sitting down across from Tonks.

Her eyes were focused on her daughter, who glared bitterly into her cup of tea. "Mm-hm," Tonks agreed, unable to look either of her parents in the eye.

"So I see you're morphing again?" Andromeda observed softly, taking in the deep blue color.

"Yeah, don't know what happened," she mumbled rather unconvincingly. Andromeda arched an eyebrow, but remained quiet.

Ted gulped down his tea loudly, saying, "I better go and get dressed for work. Busy schedule today." Andromeda nodded, keeping her eyes fixed on her moping daughter.

As soon as Ted left the room, Andromeda asked, "So, now will you tell me what happened?"

Tonks fiddled with a loose string on her shirt before quietly replying, "Uh, Lupin and I had a fight."

"A fight?" Andromeda's eyebrows shot up.

"Yes, I may have confronted him in front of most of the Weasleys, Harry, and Minerva McGonagall. Then we fought again in the Entrance Hall and he left. I'm done. I'm absolutely done with him. I can't handle this. There's too much going on. Dumbledore's dead. The world's falling to shit. And Bellatrix is out for my head." She growled, her knuckles white around her mug.

"Bellatrix," Andromeda muttered darkly, "of course. Nymphadora," she paused momentarily as her daughter made a muted protest, "you must be careful. Bellatrix has no morals, no limits; she will do anything to get what she wants."

"I will, Mum." Tonks mumbled into her mug.

"But you are morphing again, that's something,"

Tonks let out a short, harsh laugh, "Yes, that is something." She picked at her hair with a dissatisfied air. "He-"

Her words were cut off as her father came down the stairs, already talking, "Dora, is there anything I can do to help with anything?" Ted took a good long look at his daughter before opening his arms, "Come give your old man a hug, would ya?" Tonks nodded and walked into his arms, sighing softly as he wrapped his arms around her. He squeezed her tightly and whispered, "I'm so proud of you, Dora." He pulled back and ruffled her hair teasingly, "I'll see you later, monkey." Ted moved over to his wife and gave her a quick kiss, "I love you, 'Meda,"

"Love you too. Be safe," Ted was out in a whirl of robes and a crash of a chair. Andromeda stood to right the chair her husband had knocked over and asked, "Are you hungry, dear? Oh, of course you are, you've been in a battle. And you are just skin and bones, love. Mon trésor, you need to take better care of yourself." Tonks nodded numbly, her gaze a million miles away. As Andromeda busied herself in the kitchen, she asked, "What were you saying before your father came down? Something about a he? Was it Remus?"

Tonks flinched slightly at the mention of his name but nodded nonetheless. "While we were- were fighting, I asked him if he had ever even had any feelings for me. And then he just left. He had nothing to say. I'd say that has a pretty big message. But maybe it's for the best,"

Andromeda stopped what she was doing and rushed to Tonks' side. "Nymphadora, don't you ever say that it is okay for somebody to hurt you. If he can't see how wonderful you are, then he isn't worth your time." Tonks looked up at her mother with wet eyes, wiping away imaginary tears hurriedly.

"I know. It's just… it just hurts."

"Oh sweetheart," Andromeda said no more, just pulled her daughter into a hug. Tonks winced as the last vestiges of adrenaline drained from her body. A long, painful gash on her arm decided to make itself known. "What's wrong?"

"There's a cut on my arm," whimpered Tonks softly. She peeled off her leather jacket, wincing at her sore muscles. The exposed skin below the hem of her t-shirt was purple and bloody. "Bloody hell. Must've gotten cut on a rock or something."

"Rock?" Andromeda pulled out her wand, and began tapping the skin around the wound.

"Oh yeah, that nut-job Rowle was firing off blasting charms as we dueled. He hit part of the ceiling and it caved in." Tonks let out a hiss of pain as Andromeda waved her wand over the wound itself. "Shi- Debris was flying everywhere. It was impossible to see anything. Then a group came down from the Astronomy Tower and they started leaving. It was chaos. Merlin's pants, Mum, do you have to do it so tight?" she whined, watching as her mother wound a bandage around the wound.

"Yes, Nymphadora, I have to, or else it won't heal properly. Now hold still. I'm almost finished. And once I'm finished, I want you to go straight to bed. You look as if you haven't slept in days." Tonks nodded, sensing that it would do no good to argue with her mother. Andromeda tied off the bandage and cast another charm over it. "Alright, off to bed."

"Mum, I'm not four years old," Tonks added, already walking up the stairs, Andromeda trailing after her.

"You left some pajamas here last time you stayed." Tonks cringed to think of that time. In the weeks following Sirius' murder, due to her injuries, she had to be living with someone else. And since the Order had been dispersed from Grimauld Place, that just left her parents' house. Those couple of weeks had been brutally painful, in addition to being incredibly cathartic.

Tonks tugged the clothes out of the drawer and disappeared into her bathroom to change. Taking off her shirt proved to be a challenge due to the gash on her arm and the number of ribs she could count alarmed her.

Another bubble of anger boiled inside her. She hated him—and herself—for causing this.

As she slipped on her ratty pajamas, she tested out how far her morphing skills could go. Tonks was able to change hair colors and eye colors, but the more complex morphs were eluding her.

"You alright in there, love?" called Andromeda, "Don't you dare unwrap that bandage."

"I won't, Mum." She reemerged, slightly readjusting her shirt over her arm. Sighing heavily, she sank down onto her childhood bed. Andromeda readjusted Tonks' blanket and softly hummed one of the lullabies of her childhood. Tonks shifted deeper into the pillow, her mind drifting. For the briefest of moments, Tonks wished that she was a little girl again and had no perception of the hurt the world would inflict.

O-o-O-o-O

Tonks woke, bleary eyed and in slight pain as she rolled onto her wounded arm. For a moment, she couldn't remember where she was. But then the events of the past night crashed back. She moaned slightly, her fingers searching under her pillow for her wand.

"Looking for this?" a gruff voice grunted from the other side of the room.

"Bloody 'ell, Mad-Eye. Give me my wand back."

"Constant vigilance, Nymphadora," growled Mad-Eye, tossing her her wand.

"I had it with me!" Tonks swiped at her eyes in an effort to wake up further.

Mad-Eye grumbled something about constant vigilance and the like before softening ever so slightly. "How are you, kid?"

"A bit sore, a bit tired, but Rowle's aim is awful." She said cheerfully.

"Nymphadora, do not give me that. Albus mentioned that you weren't looking well. Lupin as well." Tonks' eyes dropped away as her gut twisted traitorously. "Ah, I see." Tonks twisted her hands in her blanket, her cheeks flushing red, "You're morphing again."

"Yeah."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

"Are-"

"Look, Mad-Eye, is there a reason you're here? Because I'm really not up for this right now." Tonks snarled.

"I came to tell you there's an Order meeting."

"You couldn't just send an owl or a patronus?" Tonks asked sharply.

"And I wanted to see how you were feeling. You look bad, girl."

"Gee, thanks, Mad-Eye, always a charmer." She pushed the blanket away roughly and stood, barely even caring that she was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts.

"What happened to your arm?"

"Rowle has really bad aim. He blew apart the ceiling." Tonks grabbed her clothes from the night before and stormed into her bathroom. She made a show of slamming doors and drawers, "Who called the meeting?" she yelled through the door.

"Lupin."

"Excellent," she muttered under her breath. "Where is it? Not Grimauld Place?"

"No, no, it's at the Burrow. That's one of the only safe houses left. And Hogwarts is in disarray."

"When are they going to have the funeral?"

"In the next day or so. The term was nearly finished and they want to get the students back home as soon as possible."

Tonks slammed the door to her bathroom roughly, hoping that her morph would hope up well enough to not show her true state. Mad-Eye looked her up and down and gave a grunt of consent. "Come on girly, we're late."

Mad-Eye led the way downstairs where her mother was waiting with sandwiches in hand for her. "Here you go, Nymphadora. Send Molly and Arthur my love." Andromeda gave her daughter a quick hug.

Mad-Eye tugged her outside and gestured for her to grab his arm. Tonks felt that familiar tug around her navel as she grasped Moody's arm. As they landed, Tonks let out a curse as she tripped into the small duck pond. Moody's attempt to stabilize her did nothing to help as he grabbed her injured arm.

"Damn it! Damn it to Hades and back!" She yelped, brushing off some pondweeds. "Nice one, Mad-Eye." Mad-Eye waved his wand at her and her clothes dried instantly. "Thanks," she turned on her heel and stormed off towards the Burrow.

"Oi! Nymphadora, stop this instant." Mad-Eye limped after her. "I don't claim to know what you're going through, but I will not have you acting like some goddamned teenager. You are an auror, and a damned good one at that. I'm not saying that you or Lupin is right here. Yes, I know something happened between the pair of you; I'm old, not stupid. But there's a war on, so get it together, Nymphadora."

Tonks paused for a moment, inhaling deeply. "Alastor Moody, if you call me Nymphadora one more time, I will set your leg on fire." With a broad grin that she hadn't used for six months, she turned away from Moody and continued on her way to the Burrow. Mad-Eye shook his head at her retreating form before following after her.

Molly was overjoyed to see them both and spent a solid chunk of time fussing over Tonks, "We tried to talk to him, dear. But he isn't-"

"Molly, it's fine," Tonks waved away the older woman, an easy smile sliding onto her face.

Molly stared at her in shock, but nodded nonetheless. Mad-Eye patted Tonks on the shoulder as he trudged past her. The small living room was filled to the brim with Order members. Tonks could instantly pick out Lupin and was careful to stay as far away from him as possibly.

Kingsley approached her with some auror business, quickly distracting her. As they chatted, she could feel a number of stares bore into the back of her dark purple head. One was Molly's; she could practically hear her fretting. Another was Arthur's, also one of pity and concern. She could feel Remus's angry, or rather frustrated eyes. Normally she would've returned the look, but her mother and Mad-Eye's words reminded her not to.

A man cleared his throat at the front of the room, bringing the room to order. "Well, now that we're all here," began Lupin, shooting a not-so-subtle, not-so-friendly grin in her direction, "we should begin. I know that all of you have things to do, but I'm afraid that our situation has changed."

"Oh really?" Tonks muttered to Mad-Eye darkly.

"Albus Dumbledore is dead. He was killed by one of our own: Severus Snape. This came as a shock to many of us. And Dumbledore's loss is horrific, but we must not lose heart. Voldemort is still out there. The Death Eaters are out there. They will not wait as we mourn. Dumbledore was a great man. I owe much of my life to him. And I believe that many of you share this. However, he would not want us to waste time mourning him while this evil still exists. He would want each and every one of you to fight back: fight for what you love, protect what you love." Lupin's dark blue eyes darted up and found Tonks' at the back of the room.

Tonks felt as if shards of glass were attacking her heart. She dug her nails into her palms, crossing her arms firmly across her chest. She held his gaze, unwilling to back down.

The tension in the room was palpable. Many eyes glanced back and forth between the werewolf and the auror.

Thankfully, Mad-Eye broke the silence. "Alright, we're going to need to get new safe houses; reassign Potter's guard – the boy turns seventeen soon and his mother's protection will break; I want to set a guard at Hogwarts until the students go home; and I want somebody to find that lowlife, son of a bitch Snape." As Mad-Eye began barking orders at people, Tonks slipped away.

The Weasley kitchen was blessedly empty. Tonks inhaled a shaky breath and leaned against the long wooden table for stability. She knew it would be tough to have to face Re- Lup- him every day, but it was like he was purposefully aggravating her. Tonks tried to focus on her breathing like her Gran had taught her. The bustle of the meeting behind her proved to simply be white noise.

"Tonks?" A familiar voice interrupted her breathing. "Oi, loser!"

Tonks looked up with a grin, "Who you calling a loser, jerk?" The redhead pulled her into a friendly hug, clapping her on the back. "How's it going, dragon boy?"

"Pretty well. You?"

"I've been better. Just needed some air." She explained, nodding towards the meeting.

"I know what you mean. Mum is harping on me: 'Oh, Charlie, why can't you find a nice girl like your brother?' Honestly, she didn't even like Fleur until less than twenty-four hours ago. I'm content with my dragons. And anyway, I don't think that the middle of a war is exactly the best place for romance, eh?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," her dark eyes darted ever so slightly back to the room. "Are you staying in England, or are you heading back to Romania?"

"I'm staying for Dumbledore's funeral, but then I think I'm heading back. Any international help we can get will be huge. But we'll see what Mad-Eye and Lupin have to say." He said cheerfully, shrugging one shoulder. "Well, Mum sent me out to get refreshments for everyone, so I better get on that. It was good seeing you, loser."

"Yeah, you too, jerk," teased Tonks, giving Charlie a sharp jab in the ribs. She took a deep breath before heading back into the meeting. Mad-Eye shot her a concerned look, which she waved off.

"Tonks, you're with me." Mad-Eye called. Tonks let out a sigh of relief; heaven forbid she was paired with some one who had witnessed her slight mental break, or Lupin. "We'll be setting up safe houses. While we're on the topic…" Mad-Eye gave them all one of his self defense and safety lecture, one which Tonks could recite word for word, and did, with actions, drawing some weak laughter from the listeners. Tonks smiled to herself; at least she could make a couple people laugh in these dark days.

After a few people gave rather useless reports on Death Eater movements, the meeting was winding down. Molly and Arthur cornered her as soon as Lupin called the meeting finished.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" Molly asked urgently while her husband nodded in support.

"No, really, Molly, I'm fine. I'm going to stay with my mum and dad for a bit. Please don't worry, you have enough on your plate as it is."

"Girly, get your ass over here," barked Mad-Eye gruffly.

"Thanks Molly, Arthur. Mum sends her love. I'll be seeing you." She gave them a halfhearted wave before dashing to Mad-Eye's side. "Let's please get out of here." As they left, Tonks pulled out the sandwich Andromeda had given her. "You want some?" Mad-Eye shook his head, just continued hobbling along. "So where to first? And what do you mean setting up safe houses? Like the houses of Order members, or completely random houses?"

"Merlin's pants, girl, I forgot how much you talk." Mad-Eye held out his arm expectantly and she grabbed it without hesitation.

O-o-O-o-O

Mad-Eye and Tonks spent the days leading up to Dumbledore's funeral going to Order members' house as well as their allies and putting up extensive defensive spells. They had one encounter with a low level Death Eater who had tried to get the drop on them and who Mad-Eye had transfigured into a lemur.

He did ask her once about what happened with Lupin, and she had given him the barest details. After that, he had not mentioned it again.

Neither of her parents did either, but she could tell that her mother was lying in wait to ambush her.

The day of the funeral was bright blue and ironically cheerful. Tonks quite honestly did not want to go to this funeral. It would make it far too real. And she couldn't bear to see Harry, Ron, Hermione, or Ginny. She had made a fool of herself in front of all of them, and had dragged Lupin down with her (not that he didn't deserve it).

With a sigh, she pulled herself out of bed. After checking how many ribs she could see in the mirror, she pulled out her most formal and darkest clothing. Once she felt she was adequately dressed for a funeral, she focused on making her hair the most vibrant shade of pink as she could. Dumbledore had always liked the vibrancy and had seemed genuinely concerned when she had been unable to morph over the past year.

She made her way downstairs where her parents were eating breakfast. "Are you sure you don't want to go? McGonagall said you were welcome,"

"I know, love, but I think I might cause more issues. Especially if my dear sister was there that night, and anyway, I think I'm going to get some gardening done." Andromeda said, handing Tonks a plate of hash. "Your hair's very bright. Are you sure you don't want to go for something more subdued?"

"Dumbledore always appreciated the bright colors. I think he would find it amusing that I had bright pink hair at his funeral."

"Yes, but others might think it disrespectful." Andromeda argued.

"Well, I don't really care then," Tonks said between mouthfuls of hash. Ted rolled his eyes from behind his newspaper; this discussion was perhaps the most popular in this household, other than Dora's distinct lack of a love life.

"Fine, do what you want." Andromeda stood and began clearing away dirty dishes.

Tonks finished her breakfast in silence before rushing out of the house, already running a few minutes late.

She apparated just outside of the gates and could see a large crowd by the lake. To her displeasure, a certain werewolf apparated moments later. They were unable to look each other in the eye. Tonks chose to fill the silence by commenting, "Running a bit late, eh, Lupin?" As soon as the words left her lips, Tonks wished she could throw herself into the Black Lake.

"Yes, I had important Order matters to attend to. Why were you late?" He replied equally as hostile. "Fixing your hair?"

"Yep, because that's what all women do, is just fix their hair."

Luckily, for the safety of both, Mad-Eye intercepted Tonks and led her over to a row of aurors. "Play nice."

Tonks ignored the surprised stares of those around her as they took in her suddenly bright hair. Dawlish, the fool, nearly made a comment until Mad-Eye accidently stepped on his foot with his wooden one.

Tonks fidgeted all through the ceremony, her mind and gaze wandering. Her eyes skated over the crowd, taking in the number of ministry employees, including some who had been extremely vocal in their distaste for Dumbledore. The entire Hogwarts staff was there. Hagrid's half-brother was there. The centaurs and merpeople showed up. Most of the Order was there. Lupin was there. He looked tired—must be close to the full moon. That would explain the way he had snapped at her. Normally he would never rise to the bait of any of her barbs, but he seemed different, angrier in fact.

The ceremony came to a close and there was an instant flurry of movement. Mad-Eye prodded her in the side to get her moving. Tonks bounded up, nearly knocking over the row of chairs. Mad-Eye steadied her, grunting an insult in her direction.

They walked past the crowd of high-level ministry workers. Dolores Umbridge made her usual tutting noise and Tonks had to fight the urge to make a clopping sound, but figured that the volley from the centaurs was enough.

"Tonks, dear," Molly waved them over and Tonks couldn't help but dread seeing everyone. "How are you?"

"'m fine, Molly, stop your fretting," Tonks replied, thankful none of the kids were there to see her again. "How're you feeling, Bill?"

"Much better, but," he gestured to his bandaged face, "still on the mend. Like the hair, good to see you back in color." He shot her a smile full of pity.

That look of pity made her want to throw herself in the lake. "Oh, uh, yeah, thought Dumbledore would appreciate the pink."

"I still can't believe he's gone. Just never thought that he could die, you know?" Tonks nodded absently, "I mean he's Dumbledore; everyone just assumed that he would live forever…."

Bill's voice faded away as she noticed Arthur and him chatting a few feet away. Her eyes darted traitorously towards the pair as Bill continued to talk. Molly noticed and Tonks was instantly on the receiving end of a pitying gaze. She continued to nod along to Bill and gave a gentle smile as he excused himself. The Weasleys began to drift away and Tonks hurried to Mad-Eye's side.

"Kingsley wants to speak with you." Mad-Eye grunted to her, leading her over to Kingsley. Kingsley waved Remus over as Tonks and Mad-Eye approached. Tonks grimaced slightly as she saw Lupin coming their way.

"Wotcher Kingsley," greeted Tonks, "What did you want to speak to me about?"

"Kingsley," Lupin said stiffly, standing as far away as possible from Tonks. Tonks's nerves stood on end at his proximity.

"Many of the defensive spells around the castle were cast by Dumbledore. I do not know if they will have stayed with his death. I would like the pair of you to check the borders of the school. Tonks, I know you helped cast some of the recent auror spells around the castle. The Ministry is weak right now; we must weave our own protection in with those in case it falls to the Death Eaters," Kingsley explained. They both nodded, albeit stiffly.

"Alright, King." Tonks turned and started walking towards the border of the school. Remus heaved out a sigh and hurried after her.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to let the two of them do this?" Mad-Eye grunted to Kingsley.

Kingsley gave a one-shouldered shrug, "Could be good for them, they might work out their issues."

He was wrong, oh so wrong.

When they returned, Remus was sporting a garish shade of green hair and looked absolutely livid while Tonks looked surprisingly smug.

"Girl, what the hell happened?"

"I tripped." She replied simply, "If that's all, I'll be going before the Toad finds a reason to scold me," Tonks nodded her head towards the woman dressed in pink, looking suspiciously in their direction. She made to move past Kingsley, who was looking incredibly unimpressed with the whole situation, but stumbled a bit. She righted herself while her cheeks flushed bright pink. She stalked away, just wishing that there weren't any charms blocking apparition, so she could just disappear into thin air.

"Lupin," growled Moody, turning to the younger man, "what happened? And I swear to Merlin if those defenses aren't solid, I will curse your hair permanently."

"She tripped," Remus started, and was instantly pinned with harsh glares from the two aurors, "while casting one of the spells and it hit me in the head."

Moody's eyebrows faded into his hairline, "Son, if you had been hit in the head with one of those spells, your hair color would be the least of your worries," he grunted gruffly.

Remus grimaced, "Yes, I'm well aware,"

"Well, then what the hell did you do?" Kingsley asked, crossing his arms over his chest. A small grin bloomed on Kingsley's mouth, "Oh, you said something about her hair, didn't you?"

"I-"

"Mister Shacklebolt, if I may have a moment," a ministry official called out to Kingsley, waving her arms enthusiastically.

Kingsley nodded to the other two before taking long, purposeful strides towards the woman.

Remus felt a ball of dread grow in the pit of his stomach as Moody's eyes, both of them, fixated on him harshly. "You leavin'?"

"Yes,"

"Walk with me, Remus," Moody didn't bother to wait for him, just trotted away, leaving the younger man behind.

With a resigned sigh, Remus jogged to catch the one-legged man, "Alastor,"

"We need to talk," Moody growled, his staff beating against the soft ground as they walked. "About Nymphadora," he added as if Remus didn't know already.

"Look, Alastor…"

"I ain't going to tell you how to live your life. Lord knows I've made some bad choices in my life. Hell, I'm missing half my bloody nose." Remus squirmed as Moody halted and spun around to face him.

"So then what are we talking about, Alastor?" spat Remus, his feet shifting into a defensive position, "If you are, as you claim, not meddling in my life, then I don't see what we have to talk about. Have a good day," Remus pushed past the grizzled auror roughly.

Remus froze mid step, his limbs fighting against the constrains of a spell. Moody grunted behind him, limping up to stand in front of Remus.

"Remus Lupin, would you stop acting like you're a fuckin' first year?" growled Moody, flicking his wand at Remus, releasing him from the spells. "Like I said, I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but you've got to leave the poor girl alone. And talking about her hair? She just got that back and then you go and pick on her for it. You," Moody jabbed a stubby finger into Remus's chest, "caused her to lose her abilities because you are a fuckin' coward. I know that you think you have got everyone fooled. Hell, you got her fooled. I see the way you look at her when you think there isn't anybody around."

Remus felt his cheeks heating up with frustration and anger, "What's your point, Alastor?"

"You stay away from Nymphadora Tonks, you bastard," he hissed. Remus suddenly knew exactly why Moody was so feared – the man was an absolute nightmare.

"What do you think I've been trying to do?" Remus muttered through gritted teeth, his nails curling into his palms in irritation.

"Do it better then," Mad-Eye spun on his good leg and cobbled off, his normal clunking muted by the damp grass.

O-o-O-o-O

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i do promise there is a happy ending, but things will get worse before they get better.

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also shout out to the marscorp podcast for being a really solid soundtrack while i was fixing this up.

~ebh