Disclaimer: I don't own escaflowne so don't sue please

A/N: I've always wanted to write this one coupling. I'm not saying what it is yet. You'll just have to read to find out. Oh and I suggest listening to Pain Inside by Adema for this chappie.

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Realize that I've lost control, impulses keep flashing through my head
I'm on the outside

Take up all my life inside, why would I let them make up my mind
And be mislead
Go ahead make up your mind
I have had enough of who they want
Leave me alone

This pain inside I can't understand
This hate in life that will not go away (Go away)

Go ahead make up your mind
I have had enough of who they want
Leave me alone
Realize that I've lost control, impulses keep flashing through my head
I'm on the outside

This pain inside I can't understand
This hate in life that will not go away (Go away)
This pain inside I can not live with it
It feels like no one really understands

It's always killing me (Killing me)
The problems I face daily
It's always things that I have always take in vain
I'm sick of you judging me
I'm sick of you judging me
I'm sick of you judging me

This pain inside I can't understand
This hate in life that will not go away (Go away)
This pain inside I can not live with it
It feels like no one really understands

It's always killing me
The problems I face daily
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Chapter 1: Pain Inside

It had been two long and painful years since Hitomi was swept away to Gaea, a place most people would only dream existed. It was hard to let go but in time she was able to get over her adventures. She needed to focus on the present and not the past.

So much had changed in her life. Little under a year after her adventures on Gaea, Hitomi dropped out of the track team. She still looked somewhat the same as she did. She allowed her sandy blond hair to grow to her chin, framing her face perfectly.

Just over a year ago, her entire life had come crashing down before her. It was the event that would forever change her life.

It was a typical winters eve and Hitomi was alone in her room "working" on her homework. She tapped her pencil on her notebook to the beat of the music coming from her radio as she was "thinking". Her parents and younger brother Mamoru were out visiting relatives since it was getting close to that wonderful time of year. Hitomi would have gone with them but she felt she needed time to herself.

It was almost ten o'clock and still no sign of her family. Hitomi didn't seem worried or concerned. Their aunt always made it impossible to leave. However, it wasn't until the clock reached eleven that Hitomi became worried. Her parents would normally call to tell her if they were staying late.

When the clock struck midnight the phone rang. A deep sinking feeling over came Hitomi. She had a dreadful feeling about that call.

"Hello." Hitomi answered.

"Is this Kanzaki Hitomi?" the masculine voice on the other end asked.

"Y-yes." She replied hesitantly.

"I'm afraid I have some unfortunate news…"

Her parents and brother were in an accident. Her mother was killed on impact. Her father died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Her brother was still alive but in critical condition. When she hung up the phone, Hitomi rushed out of her home and drove to the hospital.

The doctor spoke to Hitomi alone in his office, away from the hustle and bustle of the hospital. He told her it was highly unlikely that Mamoru would survive the night. Hitomi took a few deep breaths and wiped away her tears. The doctor looked at the young sixteen-year-old girl and pulled her into a soft embrace.

"I'm sorry Miss Kanzaki…" he led her to the room where her brother stayed. His blood stained through the bandage wrapped around his head. Hitomi could barely look at her brother without sobbing. The nurses left the room and let the brother and sister be alone.

"Hi…to…mi…" Mamoru spoke in a soft whisper. "It…it hurts…make it stop…"

"Mamoru…" Hitomi couldn't believe that this was happening. "Don't worry, it'll be okay." She couldn't bear the thought of telling him he wasn't going to live.

"You're lying…I heard them…I know…" a sob escaped Hitomi's lips. She shut her eyes tightly and grasped his bloody hand. "I'll…I'll miss you Hitomi…" she shook her head. She didn't want to believe what he was saying.

"No, you can't die! I won't let you!"

"Hitomi…this is the end…I love you…" Mamoru took his last breath as his sapphire blue eyes slowly shut.

Hitomi shook her head no and fell to her knees sobbing uncontrollably. She had lost everything in one night. Her worst nightmare had come true. She was alone, all alone.

Hitomi sat down by her bedroom window looking up at the sky, searching for Gaea. Many times she had attempted to go back there but to no avail. She could only think of Gaea as her home and wondered why she left in the first place. It seemed to her that it didn't matter if she stayed on Gaea or not, either way she was bound to lose her family.

"Oh Van…please…please save me from this misery…" No mater how many times she said it, he never answered. She began to wonder if perhaps it was all just a dream.

Her emerald green eyes drifted from the starlit sky to her alarm clock that now read two am. She took one last look at the sky before getting up. It was late and she needed her sleep. May be I'll die in my sleep, end my misery…

A/N: I was actually crying when I wrote this. It really touched me and hopefully you guys will review. If you want me to e-mail you when I update, just leave your e-mail address or e-mail me at If you're e-mailing me, say you're from deviantart. I have this fic posted elsewhere on the net and it just helps me make my contact list easier.