A/N: Hey all! So these "snippets" will range in length depending on what kind of idea I get. They can be bite-sized pieces like these or a mini series of a few chapters. If anyone of you like a specific short piece and want me to expand them into a story just let me know in the review, and I'll get to work on it. I just want a collection dedicated to a couple that people don't often think could've potentially happened (and oh what could have ensued if they had...)

WARNING: swearing and mentions of butt stuff

Enjoy!

'You.' Shinji pointed accusingly. 'You left me. You have no idea what I've been through, what I've had to suffer. Being alone has toughened me to be cold and merciless. So if you think, for one second, that I will forgive you for abandoning me I'm sorry to burst your bubble, buddy. Shinji Hirako does not forgive and forget that easily.'

Renji raised an eyebrow. 'I just went to grab a cup of coffee…'

'High five.'

'Seriously? We just had the most mind-blowing sex ever and you want to high five about it?'

Renji blinked slowly. 'Yes…?'

'Marry me.'

'Y'know, what if Bruno Mars is a reincarnation of Michael Jackson? That MJ had to die in order for us to get Bruno Mars and appreciate his music?'

'Hm,' Shinji mused. 'that's an interesting way of looking at-'

'And then one day he's going to be all, "Syke! I'm actually Michael Jackson in disguise! I faked my own death so you all could throw me a fancy as fuck funeral for no reason so jokes on you for wasting your money!" before hip-thrusting and moonwalking away.'

Shinji sighed. 'You were so close…so close to proving you were actually sane…'

'Put your pinkie ring up to the…MOOD!' Renji belted, sliding across the master hotel suite in nothing but a pink bathrobe. 'Girl, whatcha tryna do? 24 karate magic in the aiiiir! Head to toe so clear!' He twirled around. 'Look out-!'

He stopped dead. Shinji grinned, leaning against the doorframe.

No, no, go on,' Shinji said, ushering with one hand. 'Glad you're enjoying the suite I booked.'

Renji glowered. 'Zip it, toothy.'

'Wrong lyrics by the way.'

'Shut up.'

'Love the robe.'

'I will end you.'

'Here. Lunch.' Renji tossed Shinji a paper bag.

Shinji opened the bag and gasped. 'Did you…?' He said tearfully. 'Did you tell them to take the tomatoes out of my sandwich?'

'Well, yeah, that's because you're allergic-HEY!'

'You do love me!' Shinji sobbed as he hugged Renji fiercely around the middle.

'That's because I don't want to take your sorry ass to a hospital! Now will you let go?!'

Rambling: (Premise is that Shinji is a kidnapper hired to hold Renji hostage. Might lead to a chapter on its own)

'So,' Renji mused, scooting forward on his bound hands and feet. 'If you're a kidnapper, does that make me a kidnappee?'

'Shut up.'

\\\

'So when you had to fill out a form and mention your employment,' Renji asked. 'Do you, like, write down "kidnapper"? What category would that fall under? Would you be a temporary employee? Or a part-timer?'

Shinji turned to Hiyori. 'Can I gag him now?'

\\\

'So do you have any hobbies? Like, what do you do in your spare time? Do you play an instrument? You look like you play an instrument.'

Shinji looked at Renji. The two stared at each other for a long time.

'Trombone.'

\\\

'What's the best advice you ever received when you started kidnapping?'

'Don't talk to your hostage.'

'Oh.' Renji looked at his bound feet then back up. 'You're not very good at following advice, are you?'

\\\

'Have you ever killed anyone?'

'Not yet.'

'That's not very encouraging…'

\\\

'If you could be anything else other than a kidnapper what would you be?'

Shinji tapped his gun against his leg, ignoring Renji.

'Fine, fine. You don't have to answer me. I'll just have to keep talking to entertain myself until you say-'

'A florist.'

'Wow, really? That's so-'

'Now shut up.'

\\\

'What's going on?'

'You're getting out. Your dad paid your ransom. Hiyori will escort you out.'

'Really? Well, damn I'm kinda sad to go. We had some good times in this room.'

'No, we didn't.'

'I know, right? Listen, I don't do this much since I don't have a lot of friends but do you wanna hang out sometime? I mean, it's pretty lonely for me-'

'No.' Shinji pushed Renji out of the room.

'Hey! Hear me out! Look, I understand what it's like to be lonely. I've been lonely my entire life. It's hard for me to make friends because everyone sees me as that rich kid who is full of himself. Truth is all I want is a friend I can have fun with. And I know you've been lonely because being a kidnapper means you can't have friends. But I think you're a great guy, Shinji. And…I want to be your friend. So what do you say?'

Shinji slammed the door in his face.

'Aw, come on!' Renji huffed. Then a note slid out from under the door. He picked it up.

'"We're kidnapping the Sanderwicci girl tomorrow. We'll be at the clock tower at midnight",' Renji read aloud. Then he grinned and fist-bumped the door. 'I knew you were my friend!'

Hiyori wrinkled her nose behind him. 'Shinji wasn't kidding when he said you were weird,' she muttered.