There is a single place in Heaven, a dark place. In the place of light, of beauty, sun, innocence, and purity. There is a single dark place. A place drenched in feathers, bodies, silver angel blades, and golden blood. A place where angels go to die, where they perform their final act. The most unforgivable sin in the eyes of humans is the most difficult act in existence for an angel. Breaking off so completely, losing everything, and destroying themselves. Breaking every order, even the one embedded in all creatures, the need to survive. They pull their blade and run it through their own Grace, their equivalent of a human Soul. They destroy themselves.
This dark place, known as The Graveyard, is a place no one speaks of.
As time went by more and more angels found their humans, they went through the pattern, each time it happened. They died, fell, or broke. The younger angels, the ones unburdened, they avoided Earth. They did not want to risk what had happened to their brothers and sisters.

Sam stood before The Graveyard and held his blade in his hand. It hurt. It all hurt. And yet he felt almost nothing. Whatever has been there. Whatever he had been. It was hollow. Empty. Sam understood it now. Something that no one had ever understood before. No one except Lucifer. While the rest of Heaven rejoiced. Celebrated Debriel and the opening of the Heavens, Sam stood there and reflected.

Their Soul.

A human to stand by them. A human created just for them. A human to complete them. Their Soul.

An angel would follow that Soul into Damnation and beyond.

Their Soul.

Angels didn't have a Soul like the humans, Pagans, and the monsters of the night. Not one they housed within their Grace. Yet, they could experience human emotion, feelings. They could feel love and pain that was a thousand times more raw than anything they could experience before humanity was created. Sam knew that. Had seen it and experienced it through Lucifer.

Angels did have Souls.

Their Soul.

God gave them a Soul. It wasn't a Soul they housed in their Grace, it was housed within a human body. A single human. A human that they would follow to the ends of existence.

Their Soul.

Sam had been punished for his crime. For killing Lilith. For destroying his brother's Soul.

Sam didn't feel anything. Not really. Just empty, hollow emotion. Something he was supposed to feel, but didn't. It was almost terrifying.

Gabriel Novak.

Sam remembered him. Remembered golden eyes the same as Michael's wings. Remembered the laughter and stupid self-sacrifice. Remembered the sensation of his deaths. The white hot agony. The pure unadulterated loss.

His Soul.

Sam sat down, laying his blade across his knees, staring at golden blood and corpses.

"Now I dream of you. And Hell. And Heaven."
"I am sorry he ruined your Heaven."
"I don't want to go to Heaven when I die again, Sam. I'd rather suffer in Hell than be trapped there."

"Sam." Sam didn't look over as Dean sat next to him. "He wouldn't want you to do this."

"I'm not doing anything." He responded hollowly.

"Then give me your blade."

"No."

"Sam-"

"I'm watching The Graveyard. Protecting their memory."

"There won't be anymore, Sammy. Not with Crowley and me making sure the Souls remain protected in their heavens and on Earth."

"And Gabriel? Who's protecting him?" Sam snapped back, words not holding the emotion he tried for. He didn't feel it. Just knew he should.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

"No you aren't. He did what none of you had the gall to do. He used his own Soul to destroy an Archangel. Now he's gone and I have nothing." Sam bit back, shoving his Grace against the Archangel and causing him to throw himself away, nearly landing in The Graveyard.

"Sam..." His brother stared at him in complete horror. "Is that…"

"How Lucifer's Grace felt? After her death? Yes. Hollow and empty and burning cold. Lucifer lost Lilith long ago. At The Dawn of Man. All I feel is nothing. Empty. I just know what I should feel. Eternal undying devotion. Love and agony for his death. I know I should want to destroy the very being of the one responsible for his death." And Sam laughed, a bitter sharp sound. "And isn't that the irony? Longing for his pain and suffering? The one that did it when he in fact did it to himself. Don't begin to pretend you understand. I feel nothing and yet I feel it all. But I'll sit here. For all of eternity I'll sit because my Soul is gone and will never come back. I'll do what I did before. I'll go through the motions. Because what else is there? Death and The Empty. Leave Dean. I'm done."

.-~*~-.

Three weeks later, Cas was sitting next to him.

"What are you doing here, Castiel?" He asked, after hours of silence.

"Standing as the advocate for hunters in Heaven. Dean thinks it'll help purify my soul. We're trying Raphael for his crimes."

"May he burn in Hell for eternity." Sam responded bluntly.

"Did you love him, Sam?"

Sam shut his eyes, remembering the playful smile, affectionate eyes.

"You are a ridiculous human being."

"But you love me." Gabriel stood and crossed the space, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

"Probably." Sam answered, smiling at the pout on Gabriel's lips.

"I won't push." Sam was grateful. He still wasn't completely sure he loved his Soul. Not yet.

"Yes." He answered. The truth. He had loved Gabriel. Now he felt nothing. Hollow emptiness.

"Did you ever tell him?"

"No." Sam said. Silence. "Do you think he knew?"

"We all knew. Even Samael knew and he…" Cas trailed off, shivering slightly.

"Did you love Samael?" Sam asked, resisting the instinctive desire to drape a wing over his shoulder. He was too cold. Too empty. It would hurt his Soul's brother.

"Not like that. But he didn't deserve to die. He was a child."

"She was a psychotic killer."

"So am I. But he was still a child. A terrified curious child. He never stood a chance."

"You couldn't have saved her."

"You couldn't have saved him." Cas countered and Sam flinched. "You told Dean you feel nothing. It's a lie. You just don't want to feel."

Their Soul.

"Leave, Castiel."

Later he learned they sentenced Raphael to life as a human.

.-~*~-.

Four years later the fledglings began arriving again. Not just any fledglings either. Names they all knew. Graces they thought they'd never see again.

Sam had retrieved Ion and brought him to Lilly and Dalara. Though he still didn't understand why Dalara was in Heaven; he suspected Crowley and Dean had something to do with it. When he brought Ion to them, he did it because of Gabriel. Because no matter the idiocy in the ordeal, Gabriel loved his sister.

That was the only time he left The Graveyard.

.-~*~-.

"Dean." Michael greeted, grinning at Dean as he quickly dissipated his wings. Twelve wings again. Full strength.

"What do you want?"

"Your Soul." Michael joked much to Dean's annoyance. Elizabeth leaned into his side, narrowing her eyes at Michael with her usual distrust.

"Have you seen the newest fledgling?" Michael asked without preamble, his tone telling him he knew he hadn't.

"Who was it?" He asked, carding his fingers through Elizabeth's hair reassuringly.

"Lucifer. But she only remembers The Early Days."

Dean's eyes widened. "Does-"

"Samandriel is grooming her wings. He's the only one who knows."

Dean placed a kiss on Elizabeth's head. "I'll be back, Liz. Promise." He whispered before spreading his wings and flying to Earth to the one island that Samandriel would have brought him.

And he was there. The smallest he'd ever seen him. So small and young. Wings pure and bright.

"Debriel!" The small angel cried, spreading fresh fully intact white wings and launching himself off the island with all of his might. The wings were unpracticed and uncoordinated, sending the freshly born Lucifer falling forward with a startled and agitated cry. Dean dove down, catching his older brother in a careful hug.

There was no chill to his Grace now. It was light and free and warm.

"Ebril." Lucifer cooed fondly as Dean held him. It was almost frightening. Seeing Lucifer like this. Naïve to everything. All of it. It took a moment before he finally brushed his Grace against his younger brother, a startled gasp escaping him as his Father's might brushed against him.

'I was wrong, Debriel. About it all. Wrong to punish Lucifer. Wrong to punish the rest of you. What you have done for them is more than I ever have. These are my reparations. The return of your brothers and sisters. Lucifer will never remember her Fall. She will never remember any of it. Lilith is on Earth again. Bring your sister to her. Allow them their happiness that was so brutally taken from them. Samael will be the last of the ones that were lost to return. Treat her right this time. Care for her and love her. She has so much potential. Is so strong. And lastly. For Samuel. There is nothing I can do for him except tell you to wait. As things stand, Gabriel is beyond my power of saving. This will be the last you hear from me, Debriel. You and Michael can rule Heaven and Hell right. When the day comes and she's prepared, give Samael Purgatory. That is her purpose.'

Debriel held tight onto his brother, unsure whether to curse his Father's name or be grateful that he had apologized. Of course the apology was nearly empty. Lucifer didn't remember how he was wronged. How all of Heaven was tortured because of him.

"Hey, Luce." He said, landing in front of Samandriel with care. The seraph smiled at him, six amber and jasmine wings tucking to his back as Dean returned the baby Lucifer to him.

"What did Father say?"

"Something all of Heaven should hear. I'll share it with everyone later." Dean promised, meeting the gaze of Lucifer. "I'll come back to you later, Lucifer. I promise."

"But, Ebril…"

"I have something important for you. I just have to find it." Dean met Samandriel's gaze. 'Take care of him.' He told him then took flight, taking to Earth to find Lilith while he tried to decide how to tell Sam that Lucifer and Lilith were back but Gabriel wouldn't be.

How did Dean tell Sam that without his brother giving into his clear desire to end it all? There had to be a way. There had to be.

.-~*~-.

Sam sat silently, how long had it been? Five? Six years? Probably more. Maybe less.

"Samuel."

"It's Sam." He corrected, glancing over as Crowley landed next to him. Almost immediately he regretted the action, Michael's wings shining brightly with that all too familiar coloring. Eyes. "Why are you here?" He all but whispered.

"Angels don't change their names. You'll always be Samuel, just like I'm cursed to be Michael and Fergus is cursed to be Fergus."

"I'm not an angel."

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Oh, sorry I forgot they gave wings to every creature in Heaven."

"I don't have wings." Sam bit back.

"We could argue about your short sighted idiocy all day, Moose. Your wings are there, dull as ever. I'm going to be blunt with you because everyone's favorite is being a coward."

"Dean isn't a coward."

"He is a coward. Unlike me he would rather protect you all then throw you into the deepest pits of Hell, which is commendable, but in this case grating. So I'm going to be blunt. Father resurrected Lucifer and Lilith and more or less told us all to bugger off. I get Hell, Debriel gets Heaven, Samael gets Purgatory, and the world keeps turning."

"He didn't bring Gabriel back." Sam said softly, feeling that final shred of hope snap in an instant. The last fraction of a chance. God had left, for good. It was over.

"I'm sorry, Sam." And it sounded like the Archangel meant it. It didn't make it better. It made it all worse. So much worse. Soft feathers brushed against his back and he flinched away from them. "It's over, Samuel. Truly over. I want you to close your eyes and remember. Remember him. Remember the good. Do it now."

Only two of his brothers remained by the time they found the Soul they had searched for forty years. Uriel and Balthazar.
The Soul was broken and torn and tattered from thirty years of torture.
Samuel had never seen something so bright.
He knew what it meant.
The way the Soul pulled at him, tugged him towards it, screamed at him to protect it without saying a word. The way it repaired him and reminded him to move on.
Without a thought Samuel launched himself forward, glowing brighter than he had in years, feeling more alive than he ever had.
This was what it meant to be a Guardian.
His Grace sang with power he had never felt before; the demons dove out of the way as Samuel landed before the Soul.
His Soul.
"Gabriel Novak."

"Say yes, Gabriel. Let me save you." Save me before you destroy me.
The Righteous Man crumbled in his arms and whispered one word, a word that, at the time, Samuel did not realize would end the world. "Yes." Gabriel choked out, broken and destroyed.
With little thought Samuel tightened his hold on the Soul, gripping him and launching himself from Hell. Somewhere in the back of his mind he still heard Lucifer's whispers. He heard Balthazar and Uriel calling after him. It did not matter. Only one thing did.
"Gabriel Novak has been saved!" He announced joyously as he escaped the iciness of Hell with his Soul, his human.

"Remember him, Samuel. Remember him. Hold onto him. Never let him go." Feathers brushed against his back again, slipping across his spine.

The older man with the dimmed Soul attempted to stab him and he caught the arm mid swing, twisting it and speaking softly, "You will not kill me." The words were spoken generally though they were targeted at his Soul. He reached over and pressed a finger to the older man's temple, sending him into a deep slumber.
"I'll be damned if I don't try." A knife that Samuel recognized from an ancient time was in his hand and Samuel instantly feared the knife. Not because it would harm him. It could not. However, it could harm his Soul. A knife that destroyed Souls. A hunter no doubt used it on demons. A human would not realize the dangers of the knife. Without a thought the knife appeared in his own hand and he sent it away to the deepest ocean.

"I know Samuel. Don't grieve it. He saved the world." Feathers brushed against his eyes and he realized he was crying, but he didn't open his eyes. "Remember. Remember it all."

And Sam remembered. He remembered it all. Every incident. Every moment. The kisses, the touches, the dream walking, all of it.

"I love you, Sammy."

"I love you, Gabriel." He whispered to empty air. Never once did he say it. Never once did he tell him. Why did he never tell him?

"Tell him goodbye." Michael said softly.

"Goodbye, Gabriel." Samuel said, voice breaking.

"Sleep, Samuel." A gasp escaped him as five jagged points pierced the back of his Vessel, tearing forward into his Grace, feathers, some part of him whispered as his cry tore across Heaven. Michael had used the fight feathers to kill him. The useless feathers. "It's over. Rest now. You will see him again in the aether."

'What have you done!' Dean's voice billowed across Heaven. Unlike the pain from an angel blade, the feathers numbed his Grace. Stopped the pain.

'Put him out of his misery, Debriel. As you should have done years ago. His fight is over.'

Samuel collapsed in on himself, dying Grace lighting up with joy for the first time in years as he latched onto those memories.

Gabriel.

His Soul.

'Rest now, son. You did well.' An impossible voice whispered, Power caressing him. 'It is over. You are free now.'

Gabriel. The name rang through him. A plea.

'Never forget him.'

I want him. Like nothing else, he wanted him. He wanted his Soul. The man he loved. He needed him. To tell him one last time.

'I'm sorry, Samuel. He is lost.'

You gave him to me. His Soul was a gift from Him. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

'I know I did. It is out of My power.'

You're God. Out of His power? That was a lie. He was God. The Creator. He had to be lying.

'Even I have My limits. Rest now. Rest, son. Michael was not meant to kill you, but this is the way things happened. Rest.'

Despite his wishes, he did as told, allowing himself to sink into blackness. Allowing himself to rest as the impossible power of God receded.

Confession time; I initially planned for Sam to take his own life but when push came to shove I realized Sam wouldn't do that. Enter deciding how it would happen. I couldn't bring myself to let him continue living, it was just too cruel, Sam was miserable. As my friend who helps me when I get stuck pointed out, Dean wouldn't have killed Sam, not even to put him out of his misery, so who better to do it than Michael? It was a mercy killing that he felt he deserved since everyone else had been rewarded.

Samael. Ah, Mae. My poor little baby that was a nightmare to write. Confusing as all hell because I thought it was a good idea to have Samael and Samuel. The little mistake that became a bit strange and evil but not really evil. What can I say for her except I miss her already. Sure she liked dissecting things and performing vivisections but she was just a curious little puppy. I mean who doesn't like taking things apart to see how they work?

Now before the question of why God couldn't bring Gabe back arises, I want to make it clear that this was not an excuse to keep my sad ending while lacing it with happy aspects. That is not the case. I want to make it clear that God never said he couldn't, this next detail might make you hate me, remember what He told Dean? He distinctly said that it was beyond His power as things stood. For Sam to wait. Then when He spoke to Sam He told him that Michael wasn't supposed to kill him. If they'd waited longer God could've brought Gabe back. But they didn't wait. Didn't consider it because they're still angry at God for abandoning them.

This is not the end, it hurts a lot but it is not the end, though I consider it the real ending. Be sure to read Falling Since I Found You as well as Falling In The Heat of The Moment!

Fun fact; there was half a smut scene I wrote a couple months back as a sort of side piece for the night before Gabriel said 'yes' to Lucifer. Originally Gabriel's 'yes' was going to be a last ditch plan to kill Lucifer and they all knew Gabriel might die to it, the big factor that changed this set of events was Dean's screwup with his Grace and decision to help. But yes, I wrote some smut to go alongside this story. A skill I really don't possess so it's probably for the best that it'll never see the light of day.

So thank you all for reading this and sticking through it. I can't say I'm super proud of this work, but I did thoroughly enjoy it. Mae and Cas, Gabe and Sam, Dean and Art, and of course Dal and her utter devotion to those that mattered to her. I could ramble for hours about my thoughts on their relationships but I'll leave it at that.

See you in the sequels!

~ Fay