Chapter 5 - There where everything began
...
"Thank you" she said into the receiver, then looking up and meeting Dr. Wyle's gaze as he stood in the doorframe of her office.
She smiled, locking eyes with him and gesturing him to come in. He took a seat in front of her desk, still staring at her. The black silk blouse hidden under her white coat, but not enough to hide completely its neckline. He couldn't hear the voice on the other end of the line but he could tell by her eyes that one wasn't a work call. Her eyes brightened and her smile grew wider as she looked down at her desk again.
"I love you too, sweetheart. Be a good boy and give a kiss to Rachel for me, ok?"
He looked at her as she hung up, smiling in turn.
"So, did you finally manage to find a good babysitter?" He asked her.
"Gregory's grandma" She said, closing the folder in front of her "My... er... ex-boyfriend's mother" She said with a slight smile looking at Mike as he nodded.
"You never talk about him" He said looking at her "He's not in your and Gregory's life anymore, is he?"
Cuddy just stared at him for a moment and then shook her head.
"He died before Gregory's birth" She said, looking at him and then down at her own desk before looking up at him again.
"Oh... I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... really, Lisa... I'm sorry" he whispered looking at her as she smiled slightly biting her lip.
"Er... it's ok" She replied "Don't worry. You couldn't know" She said placing a hand on his and looking as he relaxed at that gesture.
She knew he had a crush on her. Actually everybody in that hospital ward knew. And she liked him. Tall, dark hair and eyes. He was handsome and a good man. Divorced but without children. And something in how he always asked her about Gregory and Rachel made her think that maybe he missed not being a father. And yet, that wasn't enough. Sometimes she thought something was wrong with her. At first she had convinced herself that it was because she had to deal with a newborn who drained all her energy, and then because that same newborn had turned into a toddler drawing even the energy she didn't know she had. But deep down she knew that it wasn't just that. She wouldn't and couldn't risk to put again a man in her children's life. It had been so hard with Rachel in the beginning. Giving her answers about House's ehm... departure. She was young, but not that young. And yet, every time she thought about that she knew she was lying to herself. Maybe she just had to... go on... and give herself a chance to be happy again.
"So? Is your invite for Saturday night still on the table?" She asked with a smile.
"Always" He replied smiling back.
They looked at each other.
"Fine" She replied with a smile then looking at her watch "I'm sorry! I really have to go and check on my patient if I don't want spend the night in here" she said looking up at him again and standing up as he stood up in turn "See you tomorrow, ok?" She said putting a hand on his shoulder and smiling again.
He just nodded, looking into her eyes and smiling in turn, then watching her as she walked down the hallway.
...
"I left the documents you asked for on your desk, Dr. Cuddy" Nurse Laura told her as she approached her own office and the nurse walked out of that same door.
She just thanked her with a nod and a smile. She was so tired that every one of her muscles ached, even the smaller one. She ran a hand on her neck. Well, at least the children were going to stay at Blythe's tonight, so she had just to pack her things and then she could go to sleep. It was already 11 pm. At least 3 hours after the scheduled end of her shift, and she knew that wasn't casual. She didn't want to go home. She didn't want it, because without her children that one was not home, just the house in which she lived. But tonight she was so tired she doubted she even could feel alone. She just wanted to have a shower and a herbal tea. She was too tired for everything else. And those documents on her desk could wait until tomorrow. That was something never happened in her previous life.
She just glanced at those folders on the desk while she took off her white coat, taking the note that was on top of them.
What was that? A business card?
A motor inn lodge business card. A number written on it, probably a room number.
Her first thought was for Mike. No, he wasn't the kind of guy who could give her a motor inn business card! He definitely wasn't that bold. There was no way that card could be from him! He had need more than two years just for asking her out!
She turned it between her fingers just to find a writing on its back.
And her heart skipped a beat at those words.
"I wish I didn't, but I can't help it"
She held her breathing as she read it again and again.
Oh my God...
That writing. God... Was it just her mind making fool of her? Was it really the same one which had been on a white board for years? Could it be just a coincidence? ... It ... it couldn't be...
She almost ran toward the door, opening it with such a violence that Nurse Laura looked at her with a half questioning and a half scared look.
"Do you know who left this in my office?" She asked so out of breathing that Nurse Laura looked at her with a worried look.
"A patient" She replied "He just asked me to put that card on your desk... I... er... is it something wrong?"
"Er... no... it's just that... a man with a cane?" She asked feeling insane just for thinking about that, even more for saying it out loud.
"No, Dr. Cuddy. No cane" She answered as Cuddy looked down at the card in her hand biting her lip "Er... tall and blue-eyed and... oh, yes, I think you heard about him. He was that one from the coma ward. You know? He was right about Nurse Anne. Early stage larynx cancer. She's going to have surgery next w..."
She looked at Cuddy as she suddenly blanched.
And Dr. Anderson words suddenly came into her mind... 'He opened his eyes after fourteen months and nine days in a coma and the first thing he said to nurse Anne is that her voice is too raspy so she need to see...'
"Dr. Cuddy, are you ok?" She asked again.
"Er... ehm, yes" she replied looking at that card again and then up at her "Er... thank you" she added.
She drove along the highway following the voice of her GPS. Even without that she felt like she was on auto-pilot. Her eyes were fixed on the road but her mind was far away from there.
She looked at the bright sign and turned right into the parking lot of that motor inn.
Arbor Inn Motor Lodge.
She looked at that 'Arbor'... Shit... Was that just another bad joke of her life? It obviously was just a common name for a motor lodge but... she couldn't avoid her mind from going back to the 'Ann Arbor' which had changed her life.
She approached the reception desk still turning that card in her hands.
"Er... I have to meet a friend... room 108" she said, looking at the number written in blue ink on that card.
Not that she needed to check it actually. She knew by heart every inch of that card by now.
The receptionist just nodded.
"Yes, Madam. First floor" He said gesturing toward the elevator.
Was it just her impression or there was a shade of sarcasm on that Madam? And a shade of mischievousness in the way he looked at her from head to toe?
...
She looked at the door in front of her and then at her own fist before knocking. Her heart was hammering in her chest so much that she thought she could collapse right there before someone could open that door.
Was it really him? And if yes... why? What was she going to do? Hugging him? Kissing him? Or... maybe slapping him hard in the face?
If that was real... was she more happy or mad at him?
All her questions and thoughts reset in the bare moment she faced him.
No sound came from her lips. She just stood there. Still. Motionless. Just looking at him and he at her. Eyes moving from her jeans and black silk shirt to his grey sweatpants and his white T-shirt. No words. Just... one staring at the other one.
"Cuddy..."
The bare sound of her own name broke her trance as a bursting bubble.
"Oh my God... Tell me it's true..." she whispered, reaching for him and resting a hand on his chest.
He didn't answer, just placing a hand on hers and squeezing it slightly.
She didn't look up at him, just watching her own hand and his one on hers, feeling his heart hammering under her fingers as much as hers.
"He... he told me you were d-dead" she whispered as her voice cracked and tears filled her eyes.
"He told me... oh my God, h-how could he?" She said as tears began to roll down her cheeks "How could you?" She pointed out.
House reached for her shoulder, stroking her lightly, but she abruptly pushed him away.
"How could you do that to me?" She cried, slapping her palm on his chest so hard that he almost stepped back, as tears rolled down her cheeks "How could you do that to us?" She repeated, hitting him hard on the chest again. Again. And again. And again.
"Cuddy..."
He took her wrists and held them as her teary eyes met his. Her look hurt him more than her slaps.
"How could you..." She repeated as her voice definitely cracked, replaced by sobs as he pulled her toward himself and held her, letting her hide her face against his chest and sob on his T-shirt.
"I'm so sorry" He just whispered on her hair as he held her so tight he thought he could hurt her.
They stayed like there what could be seconds or minutes or hours. None of them cared about that. She just wanted to get lost in the warmth of his arms and he in her scent.
"I'm sorr..." He repeated, still stroking her back, not finishing that word as she placed her fingers on his lips, then lightly caressing his lower lip with her thumb.
He looked at her as she bit her lip, then moving her hand to caress his smooth cheek, looking at her own hand.
"I..."
She suddenly stepped back, letting her arm fell along her side, and shook her head, sighing and then putting a hand on her forehead. He just looked at the shaking hand now covering the blue of her eyes as she took another step away from him. Relief turning into anger. Disbelief turning into realization.
"Cuddy"
He reached for her arm as she lightly lose her balance, but she pulled back and just reached for the only chair in that room, leaning against the back of it but not sitting down, before looking up at him again.
"You got everyone thinking you were dead..." She whispered, in what was somehow a statement and a sort of question at the same time. "How could you do that, House? How could you do that to me?"
He didn't answer, just staring at her. And for a moment he was temped of deflecting, clamming up as he did so many times or even attacking her, saying her that the world doesn't turn around her and that for once what he had done have nothing to do with her at all. But he couldn't. There was anger in her eyes, but most of all there was sorrow. The same sorrow he had felt in that letter.
"I didn't do that to you, Cuddy" He said as he could clearly see her shoulders slightly stiffening at the firm and somehow dry tone of his voice.
"Wilson..." He just whispered in a softer tone, looking at her as the puzzled look in her eyes turned into an aware one and her lips lightly parted.
He shook his head, averting his eyes from her and looking at his own feet, inhaling deeply before opening his mouth to speak again.
"It was... I don't know, Cuddy... You know me... I did something stupid and... because of me being the worse friend in the world, he was gonna live his last months alone... he was gonna die alone... I had nothing left, Cuddy. Nothing but him. And I was letting him die alone. For once I did something altruistic. Well, from his point of view it was..." He said, slightly shaking his head again and running a hand on his face.
"Wilson and Foreman... they both saw me in that building a few minute before it collapsed because of the fire. It wasn't me. The corpse they found was the one of a poor suicide guy. I... I watched as everything collapsed... like my life... So... I don't know... I just seized the moment..."
He pause just a few seconds, looking up at her but not meeting her eyes. She was biting hard on her lower lip, her hands grasping the back of the chair in front of her.
"A few days after I attended from far to my own funeral. You wasn't there, Cuddy. Not even to say a goodbye. And that was the last proof I needed to know I had completely lost you."
He looked at her as an almost chocked 'Oh God...' escaped her lips, and he wished she could definitely sit down on that damned chair. She didn't. Stubborn woman! She just looked up, locking eyes with him.
"I..." she whispered again "... I wasn't there because..." She put a hand on her mouth as the realization of how much the fate had played unfair with them hit her.
"We just decided to enjoy what we still had. He died after four months" he said looking at her as she bit her lip more and her eyed misted again "He was the one choosing Boston for his last breath. After his death... well, I went back to jail. You know me... more enemies than friends so... well, actually I don't remember anything, but it looked like a few hours after freedom this guy called Big Joe broke my head and I opened my eyes fourteen months later."
He looked at her. Her trembling hand still on her mouth.
"He knew..." she whispered without looking at him.
"What?"
"Wilson knew I was in Boston" She pointed out as she looked up meeting his gaze.
House shook his head and slightly smiled at the thought of Wilson just being Wilson...'till the end. And Cuddy shook her head too.
"What he didn't know was that I..." She looked at him and bit her lip again, then looking down.
She didn't move, just mentally thanking him for the few steps he took toward her. She couldn't tell if he felt the shiver that the light touch of his hand on her arm triggered, but she felt him shivering as soon as her hand found his on her own arm.
"You can't even imagine what a hell my life was after that..." She whispered, immediately sensing his guilt at those words as his hand tried to pull back from her arm. But she didn't let him, squeezing his hand and holding it there.
"I'll never forgive myself for that, Cuddy. I have no excuses for what I did. And I'll never have. And -"
"Shut up" she said as she had done so many times in the past, from behind her desk in PPTH. The tone of her voice contrasting with the way in which her thumb caressed his hand still on her arm.
"You can't even imagine what a hell my life was after that... without you" She whispered again, releasing the grip of her hand on the back of the chair and turning to face him completely.
Her eyes watched her own hand moving up slowly along his arm, as the fingers of her other hand found his, intertwining with his.
"I can't believe that for all this time... you were just a few feet from me. Actually... under my feet since that ward is exactly under mine" She said shaking her head and this time, looking up, locking eyes with him.
They both sighed at that contact of her hand with his cheek, that reminded them of the last time she had done that, that time caressing his stubble. And her lips found his. She brushed his lips with hers, closing her eyes and just savoring that feeling. His warm breath mixing with hers, as his hand found her cheek in turn, caressing her before moving it down her neck and shoulder, then slightly wrapping her waist. Their lips opened slightly and their tongues found each other in the sweetest way. Slowly. And deeply.
He hold her tighter. There was no way he was going to let her go this time. Nor that anyway she wanted to go anywhere else.
She smiled as she pulled away just to look for air, still brushing his lips.
"How did you find me?" She asked reaching for his cheek and caressing it.
He shook his head, as this time he couldn't help but slightly smile in turn.
"I didn't find you. A blue-eyed toddler with too-many-R-in-his-name-to-handle-with found me" He said as her eyes suddenly widened.
"What...? ... G-Gregory?" She asked in disbelief as he smiled at the look in her eyes.
"He's... he's just... well, at least I did something good, Cuddy" He said looking at her as her lower lip trembled.
"He's smart" He said again as she smiled despite the tear that rolled down her cheek "And... you did a great work."
"He's a tornado" She replied, again biting her lip.
"Did you expect something different?" He laughed looking at her as a laugher escaped her lips too, despite the tears rolling down her cheeks.
He kissed her forehead, cupping her face and wiping away her tears with his thumbs.
"How can you be not mad at me?" She asked. Her guilt so evident that he could almost touch it like he was touching her tears.
"For not having get rid of the only good thing I did?" He replied, looking at her as she bit her lip "He's the best gift you could give me, Cuddy" He replied as she looked away for an instant, then meeting his gaze again, smiling slightly.
"He's the best gift you could give me" She said stroking his cheek again.
He kiss her forehead again and took her hand, leading her toward the bed and then handing her the drawing that was on the nightstand. She just looked at it and then up at him... and then down again at that 'I love you. GrEgorY' as this time a whirlwind of emotions overwhelmed her, forcing her to sit down on the bed. And she closed her eyes as soon as she realized what that paper sheet was. And where that sentence on the business card came from. That... 'I wish I didn't but I can't help it' wasn't just what she had told him on that night in his apartment... actually the worse love declaration ever. That was his answer to her 'Does he still love me like I do?'
"Do you, Cuddy?" He asked, awakening her from her thoughts and practically reading her mind "Do you still love me?" He pointed out sitting down next to her.
"Oh God... yes" She replied putting a hand on his and the other one on his cheek.
He took her face with both hands and looked into her eyes, wiping away another tear with his thumb.
"The mailman returned that to me" She said biting her lip "In... in the missing part I told you where you could find us... then... well, Wilson phoned me and... everything didn't matter anymore. I... I wasn't there, House, at your funeral, because I... I gave birth to our son five hours after that phone call" She sighed but didn't look away still looking into his eyes "I'm so sorry..."
He was the one who found her lips this time, brushing them with his before deepening that kiss.
"Stay here tonight..." He whispered leaning his forehead on hers and opening his eyes meeting hers.
"Tonight..." She repeated still staring at him "And... what's going to happen tomorrow, House?" She asked painfully looking into his eyes.
"I don't know..." he answered, shaking his head slightly as she nodded and stroked his cheek again, not averting her eyes from his.
"What do you want, Cuddy?" He asked still looking at her, lingering in the feeling of her hand on his skin.
She smiled, shaking her head slightly again and looking at her own hand stroking his cheek.
"Your stubble back" She replied with a smile as a smile appeared on his lips too.
"Well... it's a beginning" He answered still smiling at her attempt to keep things light and looking into her eyes.
"I don't want to stay here tonight, House..." She said again "I know how it is to be with you, and I know how it is to be without you and... the only thing I want is you... tonight and tomorrow and the night after that..." She looked straight into his eyes "But this isn't the point. It's not just me anymore. The point is... do you want us, House?" She looked down as his thumb caressed her cheek again and sighed "I... I already lost you once and God knows how much I don't want to lose you again, but..."
"So it's two of us, Cuddy" He replied as she looked up meeting his gaze again "I love you. I want you. I don't know what will be of my life from now on, Cuddy, but I know I want you into it. The three of you." He said caressing her face again "I know it can't be easy. I don't even have a work... I have nothing..." He said looking into her eyes and lightly touching her lips with his.
"You have us" She replied as this time even his eyes misted.
He nodded, biting his lower lip to avoid emotions from overwhelming him as the simplicity and, at the same time, the power of those three words floored him like never before. Her thumb freed it, and she brushed it lightly with her own lips, savouring the strange sensation of the softness of his mouth against hers. It was a strange one, but not a new one. The same feeling of their first kiss, so many years ago. Their tongues found each other in a so natural way they couldn't help but just letting go, losing themselves in that kiss. A kiss in which the more they got lost in it, the more they found themselves again. They were so different now, and still so alike to those same two students. Through bad and good times, here they were again.
"Did this place sound in a way familiar to you?" She whispered, smiling slightly on his lips.
He smiled in turn, knowing exactly what she was referring to. At the 'Arbor' of that 'Arbor Inn Motor Lodge'.
"Where everything began" He whispered in turn, sucking on her lower lip, this time sending her a shiver in her lower abdomen.
The sound of an incoming text on her cell broke the spell, but she took a moment to linger on his lips before standing up and looking for it on her purse, still abandoned beside the door. She just smiled at that message, then looking up at him as she couldn't avoid feeling his discomfort and reading his mind.
"Not what you're thinking" She said, sitting down again next to him, and resting a hand on his knee.
"I'm not naive, Cuddy" He replied, in an ironic tone "You're a beautiful woman. It would be naive for me thinking no man pleasantly explored your vagina in these years, making you moan and scream"
A little laugh escaped her mouth. It wouldn't be him if he didn't use any explicit and colorful expression instead of just asking if she had sex with someone.
"Oh well, actually someone did" She said, watching him as he looked at her hand on his own knee, avoiding her gaze "I moaned. I think I screamed too, but I actually don't remember very well" she said, paying him back for his jealousy, but taking his chin to have him looking into her eyes "But I'm not sure if popping someone out of my vagina can be counted like pleasant exploration" She said smiling slightly at the sudden change of the look on his face, as at the same time she handed him her phone. And he couldn't help but smile in turn at the view of that picture. An asleep Gregory curled up against an as much asleep Rachel.
"She's so big now..." He just whispered, still looking at the picture. Actually she was. And the sad shade in his voice made her heart ache.
"They're like the Beagle Boys sometimes. Once he convinced her to sleep under my bed. With their sleeping bags and everything else. They just waited for the babysitter to fall asleep on the couch. She almost had an heart attack when she found their empty beds and she couldn't find them anywhere." She said smiling and shaking her head, then pointing to the picture still on the phone screen "That's why I can't find any willing babysitter anymore and why now who takes care of them every time send me one of these" She said again, smiling at the smile that appeared on House's face.
"Oh well, last time I asked you it didn't end well, but... do you need a babysitter?" He said playfully and making her laugh.
"It depends..." she said while a mischievous smile played on her lips "Do you give extra services?" She asked looking at him as he smiled in turn.
He ran his tongue on his lips then moving his hand from her cheek to her neck, lightly kissing her lips and then kissing her cheek and neck.
"Put me on test" He whispered on her ear then kissing her behind it as she shivered.
She didn't answered but clung to him, holding his head in place as he still kissed her neck, savouring that feeling and then lying down on the bed, pulling him with her.
The last time a man had be on top of her she had pushed him away before he had time to unclasp her bra. As soon as the feeling of his smooth chin against her skin had made her aware of who actually was the man kissing her.
"What's wrong?" He asked, feeling her hesitation and lifting his head to look at her.
"I love you" She just answered, smiling slightly as his lips found hers and her hand found the smoothness of his cheek "But... I wasn't joking" She whispered, biting her lip "It's been so long since I..."
"I can luckily say the same, Cuddy. Unless you're thinking I found new pleasures..." He said, looking into her eyes whit a sly smile "You know? I even considered it but Little Greg wasn't up at all for my cellmate's hairy and tattooed ass. Yours on the other han-"
Her hand slapped his shoulder so hard that an 'ouch' replaced the last part of that sentence, before it found the back of his neck, forcing him to bow his head and his lips to meet hers again.
"Shut up and kiss me, you ass" She whispered, meeting his mischievous gaze just for a moment, until his tongue in her mouth made her close her eyes and moan in pleasure.
She had missed so much the feeling of his hands on her skin... and now it felt so familiar. Her body reacting to his fingers like an instrument played by a skilled performer. And his too. He never thought he'd have the chance to feel like that anymore. Being one thing with her again was something going beyond his expectations. Not just the overwhelming passion that so many times had burned them. Their labored breathing filled the room and they savored every second of that... every touch, every kiss, every moan. It was love. Just love.
He looked at her naked body clung to his and stroked her hair, just listening to her now calm breathing, then kissing her hair and covering them both with the bed sheet.
How could she made him feel like that? He had been a dead man and he had come back to life just for feeling dead every day since Wilson's death... until she had walked through that door. If he still had a little doubt now he had no more. She was his life. And he was going to do everything not to screw up that again.
"Standing to the restraining order of the Court I have to stay at least 700 ft away from you." He said, stroking her hair and laughing as she stopped the hand caressing his chest and raised her head to look at him.
"Oh well, I suppose I have to drop it" She replied brushing his lips with hers and looking at him with a mischievous smile.
"Good" He said looking at her with an even more mischievous smile, slightly biting her lower lip and sucking it "Even if, Cuddy, right now I don't give a damn about being 700 ft away from you..." he whispered rolling her under him again and stroking her hip with his thumb"... I'm more focused on being 7 inches inside of you" he said, moving on top of her as she rolled her eyes and smiled.
"You're never going to change, aren't you?" She said smiling on his lips and stroking the hair on the back of his head.
"Would you really want me to?" He asked sucking on her lower lip again and looking into her eyes.
"No. Definitely not" She answered, then finding his mouth in another long kiss.
...
THE END
...
.
Well, this is the ending of this story like I thought it at first. I'm full aware things can't be so easy after an act of domestic violence, but I can't help but always try to give these two their happy ending.
Moreover, someone already asked me to go on with this story (Gracias por compartir tu tiempo y esta pasión conmigo, you Huddy girl!) I didn't consider writing a sequel, but I'm ok with an epilogue. I'm working on it and I think I'll have enough inspiration to write it and post it soon.
I'll post it as a separate FF though, even if it will be just a one-chapter one. Why? Because I rated this FF as T, and I don't think the epilogue is gonna be less than M rated. I could have changed the rate of this FF to M, but I didn't want to risk to hide the entire story for someone of you out there. So... see you soon. Look for "The letter - Epilogue" and for my next fanfics (I promise a House-Rachel FF and it will come soon).
Thank you to all of you! It's amazing how good people there are in this Huddy world!