RWBY: Ninja's of...mistletoe?

*slowly peeks out from my bedroom and sneaks into my office*

Um...yeah. So I'm still alive. I haven't worked on Heart Taker in a while, I'm aware. Life can be bitch, I'm sure we can agree. Lots of details, so going into them are going to triple how long this fic is going to be, but I am Umbreonwriter dammit and I am BACK! For now! Whatever!

Anyway, this is, obviously, a crack fic, as I'm fairly certain Jaune and Blake interact little to none, but I can't help it! This is one of my favorite pairings in RWBY, minus probably Jaune and Yang, though that's more of a "let's see how badly we can torture the dork". For all intents and purposes, Blake would be the quote unquote 'main character' as it will mostly be focused on her and her thoughts.

Oh and warning: OOC alert, and if you are a Pyrrha and Jaune shipper, you may want to excuse yourself now.

Winter at Beacon Academy! Of course, everyone knew what that meant: snow falling, less homework (Even from Goodwitch), hot cocoa, pancakes, cookies, and of course, shenanigans of the Yang kind. Said resident brawler was currently staring, with intensely narrowed eyes, at her team's dorm room, her face showing to anyone who cared to observe that she was plotting, calculating, scheming and other words of similar description.

This was normal in the eyes of their team leader and her sister, Ruby, who was badgering Weiss to go out and play in the snow with her, while the icy heiress was trying her best to study and ignore the interruptions. The only person who wasn't paying any attention to anything around her was Blake, the cat faunus ninja girl, who was curled up on her bed, reading yet another book and trying to stay warm under her sheets.

Unfortunately, this wasn't to be…

"Blakey, I need your help!" Yang's singsong voice sounded as she leaned over on her bunk, her golden locks dangling into Blake's peripheral vision.

With a slightly growing sense of dread, Blake shot her partner a sideways glance to see Yang with her trademark grin. "What is it this time?" She asked quietly, only for Yang's grin to grow even wider for some reason.

"We all know Jauney is a little oblivious right?" This caused Blake's cat ears to twitch, she knew something was up, and was incredibly hesitant to be included in any plans her partner was making.

"Yaaaaaang, what are you planning?" Ruby called out, turning her head to look at her sister. Yang sat up on her bed and turned around to face the reaper.

"The one thing that we can use to get Jauney and P-money together of course!" She declared loudly, only earning a confused look from Ruby and a raised eyebrow from Weiss, who looked up to see what was happening.

"What are you going on about now?" Weiss sighed, closing up the textbook she was studying, seemingly realizing that she wasn't getting any work done. Yang groaned in mock annoyance and rolled her eyes.

"Come on, girls! It's winter, almost Christmas! What is the one thing people constantly use this time of year for decoration?" Yang asked, exasperated.

"Wreathes, pine trees, Christmas lights, ornaments-" Blake started listing off casually as she continued to read, only to have a pillow be thrown in her direction from above, somehow missing her and landing smack dab onto Zwei, who was napping in the middle of the room.

The poor dog yelped and jumped forward before running under Weiss' bed. "Sorry boy!" Yang called out apologetically before leaning back over and glaring at Blake. "I mean mistletoe! What else would help them get together?"

Ruby's eyes grew big and started sparkling as she got excited. "Oh oh oh, like in those stories where people meet under a mistletoe without realizing it and have to kiss and end up realizing they were in love with each other?" She asked and bounced up and down, grinning wildly as Yang nodded as seriously as she could manage.

"Yes dear sister, just like that! There is just one problem..." Yang trailed off, looking between the three others to ensure she had their attention before continuing, "Blake needs to set it up."

A moment of silence passed.

"Excuse me?" Blake asked in what almost sounded like indignation, sitting up and closing her book before leaning over the side of the bed to glare at her partner.

"Come on, you are the sneaky one! Ren could probably set it up quietly but you know he won't unless Nora asks and she can't keep anything quiet!" Blake had to give Yang that, JNPR's resident basket case was even less subtle than Jaune, and it wasn't because her primary weapon was a hammer that turned into a grenade launcher.

"Wait, where would you get mistletoe? Most of the shops in Vale are closed due to the snow." Weiss pointed out to the window where it was snowing steadily, easily two feet were already on the ground and it was only growing.

Yang grinned and jumped down from the bunk bed before going to her dresser, pulling out a small box. She opened it up and proudly displayed a batch of mistletoe, which only raised more questions.

"I'll take back that question and rephrase it, where did you get mistletoe?" Weiss asked wearily, rubbing her temples slowly as she already felt the onset of a headache coming on. Yang shrugged casually and covered the box, tossing it to Blake's bed.

"I asked around." She answered vaguely before turning to the black haired girl. "So, you wanna help me out partner?" Yang grinned innocently. Blake sighed and shook her head.

"Why are you getting involved in the first place Yang? Pyrrha has been handling it her way up until now." Blake tried to deflect, even if everyone here knew Pyrrha's way of "handling" her infatuation with her leader was less than successful even after all this time.

Yang narrowed her eyes and folded her arms obstinately. "Blake, you and I both know that Pyrrha isn't going to do anything, and we both know damn well that Jaune doesn't know his sword from Crescent Rose when it comes to romance. It was fun at first to needle Pyrrha about it and watching the two of them but now it's gone beyond that into annoying." The rest of the team had to agree, they were tired of the dance the two of them had been doing, Jaune unwittingly taking part in it.

After he encouraged Neptune to go after Weiss (that hadn't worked out as well as the two had hoped), he had moved on and become slightly more...oblivious, if that was even possible. So it was somewhat logical to want to push him towards a potential partner, namely one who was completely enamored with him, even if there were other candidates. Indeed, ever since Pyrrha had taken up training Jaune, he had started to slowly change, very very subtly at first but it was clear some change was occurring. He had become less socially inept, though he was still completely awkward, and was a challenge for some low tier first years to take down in combat training.

And he was still oblivious to when other girls were interested in him.

No, not just Pyrrha, though that would make life very easy. Instead, the girls consisted of Ruby, Blake's own leader and while the faunus was positive she was crushing on Jaune, the red reaper was almost certainly unaware of it due to her own lack of social skills, surprisingly Velvet Scarlatina, a second year rabbit faunus that had grown to be friends with RWBY and JNPR, and...Blake herself.

Blake hung her head in mock exasperation as she used her raven hair to hide her very faint blush as the thought crossed her mind. She wasn't going to lie to herself, she was very interested in the Arc boy; there was something to be said about a person who approached the differences between human and faunus and acted like they were the same in this age. Sure, it could be easily explained that he was a dunce and lived with an extremely simplified mindset, but it lent him a certain charm that Blake found attractive.

It wasn't just that he didn't care about faunus and human differences, he was a genuinely nice and sweet guy when he wasn't trying to flirt (badly) with you, or wasn't stumbling over his sentences and making himself look like an idiot. He enjoyed reading, though it was predominately X-ray and Vav, she had seen him reading some very good books and enjoying them, which pleased her even if it wasn't Ninja's of Love (no it's not smut, it's artistic literature).

So while Blake was honestly not interested in following through with Yang's plan out of annoyance and exhaustion, she deep down didn't want to help Pyrrha get Jaune, even if by rights she should. Were there even rights and rules to this sort of thing? Why wasn't this like a book, it would be so much easier…

With a resigned sigh, Blake shut her eyes tightly as, in her mind's eye, she saw a little chibi Blake looking on at an equally chibi Jaune with teary eyes as a heart broke in the background. "Fine, what's the plan?"

She tried to put as much boredom into her voice as possible and it seemed to have work as Yang fist pumped and yelled. "Yes! Operation Sneaky-toe is online!" This earned a deadpan look from the other three girls, even from Zwei who popped his head out from under the bed to stare at the buxom blonde. "What, are you not amused?"

'Why am I helping her?' The question ran through Blake's mind like a rampaging Ursa Major, and it wasn't even clear who she meant by 'her'. Was Blake talking about Yang and her stupid plan of using, of all things, mistletoe, or Pyrrha who was stubbornly refusing to make a move on Jaune, thus forcing Yang, and by extension Blake, to this action? The cat girl grit her teeth as she tried to pin the mistletoe to the door frame, the rest of her team was out hunting for a wild JNPR that was somewhere in the academy. "Stupid damn thumbtack!" Blake swore under her breath as she tried harder to jam it against frame, but either the thumbtack was incredibly dull or the wood was incredibly strong, all Blake earned for her efforts was an indentation in her palm and a stinging pain that would go away in a moment. She bite back a curse and closed her eyes, forcing herself to calm down with slow, deep breaths. This wasn't the time for her to lose her seemingly infinite cool.

She narrowed her eyes and pressed the tack into the frame, slowly twisting it into the wooden frame and gave a mental cheer as she felt the tack give and start entering, pinning the mistletoe into place. Blake sighed as she thought up the rest of Yang's plan, resting her forearms on the door. 'Find JNPR, try and get Pyrrha into the room before Jaune, hope he'll be off somewhere, and when he knocks, Pyrrha will answer, they kiss and we get to forget our own little emotions in this situation.' She thought to herself bitterly. She couldn't help it; while she wasn't one hundred percent in love with Jaune Arc, she still felt for him and the thought of another woman, even one who she had agreed to step aside for, left a horrible feeling in her gut, like she was doing something she was going to regret.

Blake sighed and got down from the stepladder she was on (where did Yang get a stepladder from?). "If it makes him happy, who am I to argue though?" It wasn't like he could do better than Pyrrha, the Mistral Champion, cereal box celebrity, and a girl who already devoted every moment of free time she could to him willingly, even without the promise of any sort of return from average, every day kind of guy Jaune.

She was shook from her thoughts as a knock sounded from the door, which almost startled her enough to drop the stepladder. She regained her composure and set it aside before opening the door without thinking to check who it was as she looked towards the stepladder to make sure it didn't fall over. "Oh, hi Blake!" That voice. Blake's golden eyes grew to the size of saucers as she swiftly turned her head to the source, only to be met with the grinning face of one blonde, doofus knight. "I forgot my Scroll in the library and I overheard Yang talking to the others about some party that was happening in your room. Was she just pulling my leg again?" He asked innocently. It was just like him to do something like that too-oh.

'Oh. Fuck.' She mentally swore as the situation just occurred to her. She shot her gaze up to the mistletoe as the facts processed through her brain. Raising an eyebrow, Jaune did the same, which only made him more confused.

"Um. Is that mistletoe?" Jaune asked dumbly before he blushed as fiercely as he did when Yang teased him about trying to cope a feel on Pyrrha.

Blake suddenly found the ground very interesting as she chewed on her lower lip, the possibilities running through her head. 'If I kiss him now, I can at least say I had his first kiss. But what if he doesn't want to? I don't want to force him. If he does, maybe he's interested. Is he interested? Damn you Arc!' Blake mentally shouted as Jaune blinked slowly, the pieces falling into place in his mind. Blake fidgeted in front of him, refusing to meet his eyes. "I-I, um, w-we don't have to. I-I won't be mad or anything-" Her stuttering was brought to a hush as he tilted her head up and covered her lips with his. She stiffened instinctively, her eyes doubling in size again before they slowly closed and she leaned in to the kiss, clutching the front of his hoodie. They broke apart after a few seconds and stared at each other, neither saying a word before Jaune gave his signature lopsided smile.

"Blake, would you-would you go out with me?" His voice was meek and nervous, though she supposed it was only natural after having a girl like Weiss refuse him so often and so vehemently. Blake's brain stopped as she tried to figure her way out of this.

'He asked me out. Should I accept? What about Pyrrha? She'll likely hate me and I really don't want to be like that girl that snatches away someone's man in those stories. But she's not here, and we just kissed.' Blake's ever-thinking mind got to work, even as she replayed the kiss over and over in her head. It wasn't forced, at first it was if only out of surprise on her end, but other than that it was, dare she say...perfect? There was no intimacy involved in the kiss, but there wasn't any needed. Did he feel the same way? Or was he simply wanting to kiss a hot girl and then throw her to the side? Monty Oum, she hoped that wasn't the case.

"Blake?" Jaune's voice was hesitant and called her out of her thoughts. "We don't have to...I just thought-" He was cut off as Blake shook her head and pressed against him.

"I would Jaune." She whispered, though Jaune heard her clearly and he grinned widely before wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Really? You'll go out with me?" Blake had to laugh a little at his happiness, even if it was kind of to be expected. The dunce was so easily pleased it was adorable.

"Yes, now shut up and kiss me, idiot." She lifted her head up and pushed her lips onto his, only for him to receive her with great eagerness. She slowly brought her arms around his neck and flicked her ears as they settled into the kiss happily. How long they would have stayed kissing would forever remain a mystery as they were interrupted unceremoniously.

"Jaune? What are you-Blake?!" Yang's stunned voice caused the two of them to break apart and look to the source, only to see the rest of their teams standing in the hall a little bit away from Jaune. All present, save for Ren who only had a raised eyebrow, had stunned looks decorating their faces.

Jaune, once again oblivious, gave them a stupid grin. "Hey guys, what took you so long?" Blake, however, stayed quiet and immediately locked eyes with Pyrrha. Blake internally winced as she saw the hurt and anger in the champion's eyes, her fists clenched at her sides.

"What are you two doing?!" Weiss' shrill shriek knocked everyone to their senses as she glared murderously at the blonde knight.

"We were-" Jaune got caught off by Nora who tilted her head with a stupefied look.

"Are you two together-together?" Blake mentally face-palmed, leave it to Nora to get straight to the point. She nodded as they let go of each other reluctantly and faced their teams.

"Yes...we just now started." Blake answered in a quiet voice, bowing her head as reality set in. 'Pyrrha is going to hate me.' She shot Jaune a sideways glance as the members of her team started drilling him about what happened and smiled slightly. 'But, as long as he's with me, I think everything will be fine.'

So, what do you guys think? Good, bad? Love it, hate it? Drop a review if you guys want, let me know. And if you want to see me do more RWBY fics, shoot me a PM and give me an idea of what you want to see. I will work on it but I cannot promise stable updates, just stable quality, which I feel is a better decision so I don't sacrifice the story for faster updates.

Hope you guys enjoyed regardless! Take care and have a great holiday season, whatever you may celebrate!