Setting Dusk
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To my fiancé, Owen and my lovely, adorable, bundle of joy, Nathanael Logan Smith. I love you with all my heart!
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"I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love." – Leo Tolstoy
"Love is immortal. Love knows no death. Meditation leads you within yourself to eternity." –Osho
"Love, it never dies. It never goes away; it never fades, so long as you hang onto it. Love can make you immortal." –Gayle Forman
"Life is eternal and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight." –Rossier Worthington Raymond
PREFACE
Death.
It's inevitable.
We see it all around us and I'm currently witnessing it before my eyes. A blink can render me breathless in a second.
It's cliché. Sacrificing yourself for someone you love because of the stupid mistake you made. What's the point of life if everyone keeps repeating the same ole' mistakes, over and over and over again?
It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.
It's funny.
You know when you think you know someone? More than anybody in the world? You know you know them because you've seen them, but then you reach out and suddenly they're just gone! You thought you belonged together. You thought they were yours but they're not. You want to protect them but you can't because it's too late…
Advice: Never set limits when loving someone. Love is such a tremendous force of feeling. When you can't stop loving, you simply can't.
God!
It pains me. It's agonizingly painful!
These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too strong, just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.
It's the weird thing at the back of my head this very moment. Everyone we have ever loved with our minds and eyes will perish the moment we lose our sight but those whom we've loved with our hearts will certainly be rendered immortal.
But all of that doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't make sense but I know it doesn't matter anymore.
Sometimes you just gotta be your own little hero and save your own little heart and mind and soul because sometimes, the people you can't even bear to live without can actually live without you.
But sometimes, you've got to be a little more selfless and not care about whatever goes on and just go for it. It's just like the Immortal Technique "The purpose of life is a life with a purpose; so I'd rather die for a cause than live a life that is worthless." At least save a life and leave knowing you did well.
It's time to go now.
You did well.