James Madison had discovered over the years that he utterly detested crime shows. They were predictable, boring, and had far more unnecessary drama than should've been legal.

And yet, he couldn't stop watching them.

The particular episode of a certain drama he was immersed in involved the murder of a wealthy senator's illegitimate son. The young man had been poisoned with the venom of some nearly extinct snake that only lived on some vague island in the Caribbean (James had already figured out that it was the senator's wife).

The show's detective, a "spunky young redhead with a thirst for justice" was currently hiding in the walk-in closet of one of the suspects, the senator's daughter. Said senator's daughter was in the middle of a tryst with her girlfriend, when the detective very stupidly sneezed, and right as the closet door was flung open, an earsplitting scream shattered the tranquility of James' apartment, sending him three feet in the air.

He hastily picked himself and a fallen bowl of popcorn off the floor before scrambling for the kitchen.

One could only imagine his surprise when he saw his boyfriend, Thomas, standing on top of the kitchen table. James had to stop and take in the scene before him.

Thomas was clad in a magenta bathrobe (with matching fuzzy slippers), his eyes wild, hair unkempt, both hands clutching a frying pan.

"Thomas," James said calmly. "What are you doing?"

Thomas blinked, and seemed to realize the position he was in. "There's a spider," he spat. "A giant, hairy spider, and it was right over there!" He pointed at a bubbling pot of macaroni-and-cheese on the stove. James went over, inspecting the offending pot and all around it.

"I don't see anything."

"Well, it was there!" Thomas insisted.

"Um-"

"THERE!"

James jumped about a foot into the air.

"On the oven door!" Thomas shouted, nearly hysterical.

James peered down to see a small furry thing with eight legs perched on the oven door.

Swiftly, he trapped the spider in a dish towel and took it outside, releasing it onto the balcony.

When he came back inside, Thomas acted like nothing had happened.

"Thomas-"

"Not one word."

James chuckled. "I was just going to say 'love you'" he said innocently, pressing a kiss to Thomas' cheek and walking back into the living room to finish his crime drama.

When Thomas entered the living room to watch as well, bowl of mac-and-cheese in hand, neither of them said anything about the spider.

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