The One Where Bellas Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot)
Authors notes: Chloe and Beca Where Neighbors for years and they were best friends until their school years after that Chloe comes to Georgia to attend Barden university where she met Aubrey and other Bellas. Beca is younger than chloe and didn't attend Barden University.
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, All the Bellas except Chloe are there.]
Aubrey: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Fat Amy: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Jessica: All right Amy, be nice.
Stacie: So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Flo: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Flo: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Aubrey: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Stacie: Sounds like a date to me.
[Time Lapse]
Flo: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the desert, and I realize I am totally alone.
Lily (mummers audibly): Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Flo: Then I look down, and I realize there's a chicken... there.
Ashley & Jessica: Instead of...?
Flo: That's right.
Emily: Never had that dream.
Cynthia: No.
Flo: All of a sudden, the tree starts to walk. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Aubrey: you just said you were alone?!
Flo: Finally, I figure I'd better running, and it turns out it's faster than me, which is very-very weird, because- I'm number one runner from wherever I came from!
Emily: From where you came, again?
Flo: No, that's the secrete which dies with me.
[Time Lapse, Chloe has entered.]
Chloe: (mortified) Hi.
Stacie: That wasn't a nice hi.
Aubrey: Are you okay, sweetie?
Chloe: I just feel like some wolf reached down my throat, grabbed my vocal chords, pulled it out of my throat and tied it around my neck...
Lily: Cookie?
Aubrey: (explaining to the others) She have nodes.
Ashley: Ohh.
Aubrey: (to Chloe) Let me get you some coffee.
Chloe: Thanks.
Fat Amy: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to rub her hands and brushed to chloe's arms.)
Chloe: No, no don't! I don't want your Confidence! No, just leave me alone, okay?
Fat Amy: Fine! Be 'un-confident'!
Chloe: I'll be fine, alright? I just have to remove them.
Emily: Really?
Chloe: No. I'm living with nodes. But I am a survivor. I just have to pull back, because I am limited. Because I have nodes.
Jessica: Chloe, this is horrible.
Fat Amy: At least it's not herpes. Or do you that as well...
Chloe: I can do it guys. I took it pretty well.
Aubrey: Oh really, so that hysterical cry I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never sing again, I'll never sing again." was what? A Nightmare?
Chloe: Sorry.
Stacie: Alright Chlo, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Chloe gestures her consent.)
Stacie: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Let's get laid for one night. You'll forget all pain you have.
Chloe: I don't want one night stand, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be in relationship with someone who really loves me! I don't care its boy or girl. Just there should be a connection, you know like made for each other.
(Beca enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Fat Amy: And I just want a million dollars! (She extends his hand hopefully.)
Chloe: Beca?!
Beca: Oh God Chloe hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Chloe: (pointing at Beca) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Beca, my Ex-neighbor. (to Beca) This is Bellas, this is Fat Amy, and Flo, and Lily, and Jessica, and Ashley, and Emily, and Cynthia, and Stacie, and- you remember my Friend Aubrey?
Beca: yeah, sure! (with Fake Smile)
Aubrey: Hi. (with death glare)
(A moment of silence follows as Beca sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Chloe: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Beca: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this my old headphones. These are really precious beatbox headphones. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this headphones than by Jessie! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much I like Music. Y'know, I mean, I always wanted to be a music producer, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Chloe) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Chloe: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Beca: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
[Scene: Bella's Residency, everyone is there and watching a German Singing Group performing on TV and are trying to figure out what are their weakness.]
Chloe: Now I'm guessing that she bought her the big pipe mouth organ, and he's really not happy about it. Why they all are so serious?
Lily: like they killed somebody and hide his body onto one of those cars.
Fat Amy: (in a deep voice) hmmm… that's make sense because those cars are moving without any drivers.
Beca: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The performance has over and one man starts to interview them.)
Stacie: If I change my hair color to ginger would you guys think I can attract more boys.
Fat Amy: Ooh, don't do that being ginger is enough punishment for our chloe.
Emily: I say push her down the stage.
Beca: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Jessica: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Beca: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Chloe.
Chloe: Well, I guess we've established where she's going to stay...
Beca: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait! Wait, I said maybe!
[Time Lapse, Beca is breating into a paper bag.]
Chloe: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...
Emily: (sings) when tomorrow comes, I'll be on my own, feeling frightened of, the things I don't know (Chloe and Beca turn to look at her.) when tomorrow comes, tomorrow comes... dhis tu dhish tuw tew...(she plays her air guitar). Further part is not completed yet so...
Beca: I'm all better now.
Emily: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to others.) I helped!
Chloe: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.
Stacie: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Stacie. Me and Cynthia live at First floor. And she's out of room a lot.
Chloe: Stacie, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Stacie: What, like there's a rule or something?
(The door buzzer sounds and Aubrey gets it.)
Chloe: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
unicycle: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Uni.
Aubrey: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!
Cynthia: Who's Uni?
Ashley: Uni the Treble, Unicycle?
Aubrey: Maybe.
Chloe: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Unicycle the Treblemaker?
Fat Amy: He finally asked you out?
Aubrey: Yes!
Chloe: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Aubrey: (to Chloe) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
Chloe: (choked voice) That'd be good...
Aubrey: (horrified) Really?
Chloe: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Unicycle the Treblemaker!
Flo: What does that mean? Does he Create trouble, gets into trouble, or just a trouble? ( No one knows.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Uni.)
Aubrey: Hi, come in! Uni, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Uni.
All: Hey! Uni! Hi! TheTreblemaker! Hey!
Beca: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Unique, was it?
Aubrey: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just-I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...
Chloe: A wandering?
Aubrey: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Uni in) Two seconds.
Lily: I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
(Aubrey goes to change.)
Stacie: Hey, Uni!
Uni: Yeah?
Stacie: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Aubrey: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Stacie!
Chloe: So Beca, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
Beca: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!
Chloe: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, so you wanna watch movie with us. Its movie night.
Emily: (overly excited) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
Beca: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Chloe: Okay, sure.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Aubrey and Uni are eating.]
Aubrey: Oh my God!
Uni: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Aubrey: How did you get through it?
Uni: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Aubrey: -leg?
Uni: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Aubrey: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.
Uni: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Aubrey: That's right.
[Scene: Bellas Residency, Beca is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Beca: Jessie, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your CD Player on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Jessie Swason, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The machine cuts her off again and she redials.)
[Scene: Bellas Residency at Hall; Bellas watching movie.]
Jessica & Ashley: ohh he loved her So much that it hurts!
Cynthia: Shut up, you love birds!
Chloe: You must stop! You are ruining the moment
Lily: He is going to die soon.
(Everyone looks at her)
Emily: Look, guys They are KISSING….
Cynthia: Yo girl Calm Down. You are hurting my ears.
Chloe: You know what I want to meet my only one...
Stacie: What are you talking about? 'Only One'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Chlo. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
Fat Amy: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Stacie: Stay out of my freezer!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Aubrey and Uni are still eating.]
Uni: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Aubrey: What?... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
Uni: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Aubrey: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Uni: Isn't there?
Aubrey: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?
Uni: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Aubrey takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Aubrey: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...
Uni: It's okay...
Aubrey: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Uni: Two years.
Aubrey: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
Uni: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Aubrey: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[Scene: Bellas Residency, Beca joins everyone in living room.]
Stacie: Great movie! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea-Andrew-Adams... Oh boy, (looks to Chloe)
Chloe: Andrew's the tall, Andams has beard.
Stacie: Right. Thanks. It's James. I'm outta here. (Exits.)
Chloe: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if we didn't find our 'only one' I am glad I have you guys.
Jessica & Ashley: Awesss….
[Beca stares to the group with great admiration.]
Next Day
[Scene: Bellas Residency, Beca is making coffee for Stacie and Fat Amy.]
Beca: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Stacie: That is amazing.
Fat Amy: Congratulations.
Beca: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Lily: I once invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Emily: I bet she can do whatever she wants.
Fat Amy: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Pancakes or something... (Stacie and Fat Amy taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Aubrey: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Hunter and Midget are here.
All: Morning. Good morning.
Uni: (entering from Aubrey's room) Morning.
Chloe: Morning, Uni.
Stacie: Hello, Uni.
Beca: Hi, Unique, is it?
(Aubrey and Uni walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move their chairs closer to the door so that they can.)
Uni: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Aubrey: Stop!
Uni: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus ICCA Championship.
Aubrey: We'll talk later.
Uni: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Fat Amy: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Aubrey: Shut up, and put your chairs back.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Cynthia: All right, kidos, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Beca: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Chloe: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.
Stacie: Yeah, I'm an actress.
Beca: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
Stacie: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Fat Amy: (scoffs) Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to watch pornos.
Stacie: Look, it was one time thing, I need money all right?
Fat Amy: You should watch it, it seems like one dingo is wrestling with crocodile.
Stacie: You should all know, that she's a dead woman. Oh, Amy? (Starts after Fat Amy.)
Chloe: (to Beca) So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Jessie? (to Aubrey)Why are you smiling.
Aubrey: I Can't Stop Smiling.
Beca: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Aubrey just glared at Beca.
Chloe: Oh, yeah.
Aubrey: Well You Know, he's my crush. Now Converted into feelings.
Chloe: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Aubrey: Big time!
Beca: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
Aubrey: NO. Okay. Okay. I am j(ust going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work. (Exits)
Chloe: Ohh.. I gotta go too.
Beca: Oh, look, wish me luck!
Chloe: What for?
Beca: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.
(Chloe exits.)
[Scene: Fallen Leaves, Aubrey is working as Barb enters.]
Barb: Hey, Aubrey!
Aubrey: Hey Barb, welcome back! How was Florida?
Barb: You had sex, didn't you?
Aubrey: How do you do that?
Barb: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Aubrey: You know Uni?
Barb: Unicycle the Treblemaker? Oh yeah, I know Uni.
Aubrey: You mean you know Uni like I know Uni?
Barb: Are you kidding? I take credit for Uni. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, everyone but Beca is there.]
Stacie: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Aubrey: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Chloe: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Aubrey: I hate men! I hate men!
Fat Amy: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe. You know lots of gayness.
Aubrey: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Chloe: All right, c'mere, gimme your back. (She starts massaging her back.)
Aubrey: I just thought he was nice, y'know?
Stacie: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
(Aubrey pushes her off of the sofa as Beca enters with a Guitar.)
Beca: Guess what?
Chloe: You got a job?
Beca: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
Emily: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Beca: You would be too if you found Niall Horon's Guitar on sale, fifty percent off!
Aubrey: Oh, how well you know me...
Beca: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got Niall's Guitar!
Fat Amy: How'd you pay for them?
Beca: Uh, credit card.
Chole: And who pays for that?
Beca: Um... my... father.
[Scene: Bellas Residency, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Beca's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Beca: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Aubrey: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
Beca: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Flo: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Beca: Thank you.
Flo: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
(Pause)
Fat Amy: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Chloe: All right, you ready?
Beca: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Bec! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!
Chloe: You can, I know you can!
Beca: I don't think so.
Emily: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything!
(Fat Amy slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Stacie poured their coffee into it.)
Emily: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
Beca: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Chloe: Beca! That was a library card!
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
Lily: (as Beca is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Chloe: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
[Time Lapse, everyone are watching a TV.]
Stacie: Well, that's it I'm tired, gonna crash on the bed?
Jessica & Ashley: Me too.
Aubrey: Yes, I gotta go work early tomorrow.
Chloe: You be okay?
Aubrey: Yeah.
Fat Amy: Hey Aub, look what I just found on the floor. (Aubrey smiles.) What?
Aubrey: That's Uni's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Everyone: Goodnight. (All begins to scatter their way to rooms)
(Aubrey stomps on Uni's watch and goes into her room.)
[Scene: Pitch Perfect Cafe, everyone is there.]
Stacie: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Emily: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Cynthia: What? I-I said you had a-
Emily: (sings) What I said you had...
Cynthia: (to Emily) Would you stop?
Emily: Oh, was I doing it again?
All: Yes!
Cynthia: I said that you had a nice boobs, it's just not a great boobs.
Stacie: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Emily: Whatever Fat Amy you have lovely vigina.
Aubrey: There's an image.
Beca: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Fat Amy: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Beca: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Flo: Guys, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Beca sits down to hear Flo's dream.)
Customer: (To Beca) Ahh, miss? More coffee?
Beca: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
Flo: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm -
END