A/N: Whew I have no idea where that came from.
This is sort of 'Sunsets and Conversations' Part 2. If you've read that, you can sort of see the connections. Plus, I wanted to see how my writing abilities have developed from that one-shot about 3 years or so ago.
Robin seems to be slightly OOC...you'll see why. Although I feel like the reaction would be pretty accurate.
Anyways, let me know what you think! Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Rated T; Un-Beta'd
Warnings: Mentions of death, violence, and profanity.
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans nor Danny Phantom *sighs*
'Hope Prevails'
-Sephora
It was all so wrong.
Had he been given foresight, he would have done anything to change what happened.
But he didn't, and so he couldn't.
He was supposed to be a hero. He failed to do the very thing he worked every single day to be. The irony of it wasn't lost on him.
Oh how he tried so hard to be perfect. It was all a part of the job description right? Push just a little harder, be just a little faster. He spent hours upon hours perfecting his movements in training to prevent mistakes.
They couldn't afford to make those. They were too costly.
And albeit every effort they put into protecting their city, in the end it didn't matter. A life had been lost, and there was nothing they could do.
Robin looked down at his un-gloved hands as they trembled. The shot glass beside him lay empty as he braced himself against the edge of the roof on the Tower. The ocean breeze coming in from the bay did nothing to calm the battle of his emotions raging inside him. Nor did the methodical sound of the crashing waves against their island. With a grimace he filled his glass once more with the clear liquid and raised it to his lips, downing it in one sip. He welcomed the burning sensation as it traveled down his throat. It was a distraction.
Everyone had their own coping mechanisms. His was to get thoroughly and inexplicably drunk.
"Figured I'd find you here." Robin looked up through maskless, shocking blue eyes to the voice, finding his teammate looking down at him. He tried to read the expression on his face but his vision was already starting to blur.
"You know that's not going to help." Danny continued even as he sat down beside him. Robin rolled his eyes and swayed just a little to the side to pick up the bottle of Gin that was now half empty. He poured another shot, not bothering to offer any to the halfa beside him, already knowing that he would refuse. Any other time he knew Danny might have been tempted to share a drink or two, but not now.
"Did you come here just to lecture me? Because I don't want to hear it." He snapped at the teen with a slight edge in his voice. He wasn't surprised to see that Danny wasn't deterred. Instead he just sighed,
"It was out of our control Robin."
Robin's eyes narrowed, piercing his team member with his glare.
"It shouldn't have been." He nearly growled and his hands clenched, turning his knuckles white as they held tightly onto the edge. The grit of the roof dug into his palms but he didn't care. He wanted to focus on the pain.
"No one could have predicted Cinderblock to slam that boulder into the building, or that it would collapse." Danny's voice urged him to see reason.
Robin didn't answer.
It was supposed to be a standard get-in get-out mission. His team was prepared, they were focused, and Cinderblock was nothing they couldn't handle. No one was ready when the stone hit the building. No one would have thought that its structure was weakened, and that it would collapse. No one knew there was someone still inside.
"He was nearly our age." He finally whispered, his voice thick with tears he wouldn't indulge in, not yet. He sensed Danny move beside him, releasing a shuddering breath before moving to let his legs dangle over the roof.
The sound of the mother's piercing scream would forever be etched in his mind.
"How can we call ourselves heroes?" Robin pondered aloud, not meeting Danny's intense stare, "We can't even protect people from our own battles." He looked downward, watching as a wave crashed harshly against the rocks.
"We failed." He finished and closed his eyes tightly.
"Stop." Danny told him sharply causing Robin to look back up at him quickly. The jarring act made his head spin slightly and he felt a little dizzy. It was hard to focus on the teen in front of him.
"There was nothing we could do. It's just something that happened." Danny's voice hitched before trudging on, "It's not our fault."
Robin was already shaking his head, from disapproval of Danny's words or from regret of his nearly drunken state he wasn't sure. He knew that no amount of alcohol would take away the growing ache in his chest. An innocent had died at the expense of their own battle. How could he justify that what they were fighting for was right if someone had to die?
Robin leaned over to watch the waves crashing below him. He wondered how long it would take for his grappling hook to catch him if he jumped. 5, maybe 6 seconds tops?
"You need to remember that you're our leader Robin. Your team needs you to be there for them, they're hurting just as much as you are." Danny's voice cut through the air, interrupting his thoughts once more. Robin turned his head to the side, scowling. He took a hold of the shot glass and turned it over in his hand. He couldn't read the words on the side anymore, it was blurry.
"I'm no leader."
He clenched his fingers around the glass. He hadn't felt this helpless since… His attention turned back to the abrupt sound of breaking glass. His fingers were now covered in blood. Robin just stared, feeling numb. Good, he didn't want to feel anything.
"Dammit Robin." Danny cursed beside him before gingerly taking out the broken pieces lodged in his palm. Robin remained silent, watching in wonder as the blood continued to trickle down, dripping when it hit the asphalt, turning a dark crimson color.
"You're a horrible drunk." He heard the teen add under his breath beside him, though Robin suddenly didn't care. Instead, he eyed the bottle next to him. It was still had about a quarter of liquor left. Maybe he could still finish it off…
"That's enough Richard. You can't drink away what happened." Danny frustratingly stole the bottle out of his still bleeding hand, leaning back when Robin growled, swiping to retrieve it rather clumsily,
"Fuck you Danny. You don't understand what I've been through."
Robin nearly missed the sharp intake of breath as Danny leaned backwards, almost as if he had been physically slapped. Guilt immediately poured over him in waves (which is exactly what he'd been avoiding, given his drunken state), and he shook his head sorrowfully.
"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I didn't mean that. It's just, I don't...I don't know how to deal with this." He choked down a sob. He'd been taught first-hand by the most unemotional vigilante he'd ever known - it was imperative to keep your feelings in check.
He was a leader, he wasn't supposed to break down. He was supposed to be strong, for his city, for his team. His job was to exert stability, to be calm, confident, and collected. It was his task to stand as a safe haven.
Then why was it so hard?
Danny sighed, sitting back down, setting the alcohol on the other side of him. It didn't go unnoticed by Robin that he could no longer reach it. He watched Danny rake a shaky hand through his hair. Even through his alcohol-glazed irises, Robin could easily see that he was hurting, his observational skills were exemplary. Bruce had made sure of that. Although, it was still exceedingly difficult to get a read on the teen - Danny always had a tendency to shut down, while simultaneously shutting everyone out.
"It's okay." Danny told him with a half attempt at a smile, though Robin wasn't anywhere near able to return it. It wasn't okay, what he said nor what happened. It never would be.
"It never gets easier." Robin told him, his voice now very thick with tears. He swallowed them back, he would mourn at a later time.
He remembered the deaths of his own parents.
In his dreams, they were falling. Always falling. His own hand reaching out desperately, he watched catching their crazed, panicked eyes. Tears he hadn't even bothered to wipe away, were already streaming down his face, as his mother's mouth moved, forming words he would never get to hear. The sickening crunch resonated throughout the circus as their bodies hit the ground below them from a height that no human could survive. The deathening silence as everyone looked on was broken from his own piercing scream as he ran hopelessly to reach them. He remembered his head shaking in disbelief and he stood shock still over them before finally falling to his knees as their lives were viciously ripped right from under their feet.
Robin shuddered, a tear escaping to run down his cheek.
"No." Danny agreed, his voice unknowingly tearing Robin from his memory, and he blinked hard, before realizing that he was shaking. Robin turned, a look of anguish covering his features, only to see the similar despair in Danny's eyes, tears he refused to let fall. He shut them tight, clenching his fists creating crescent moon imprints in his palms.
It was enough for Robin to react, reaching out with his non-bleeding hand, trying to give some form of comfort, by placing it on Danny's shoulder. His role as a leader overrode his senses and he shoved his own feelings aside as he realized his teammate was silently drowning in his own torments from today's events, with memories that had been squashed down in his subconsciousness, never meant to resurface.
He breathed out a sigh, his emotions clashing and intermingling, creating an indistinguishable knot curled tight around his gut. Danny allowed the touch, and relished in the small comfort his leader was attempting to provide.
For awhile they sat in silence, drawing the strength they needed from each other.
Eventually Danny moved to stand stretching out limbs that went numb for sitting in the same position too long. The aching gap in his chest, although not gone, had ebbed slightly and was no longer overwhelming, allowing them to begin the process of healing. Danny leaned down, holding out his hand while giving him a wry grin.
"Come on Boy Blunder."
Robin in turn looked at him with a questioning gaze as Danny stooped down to pick up the discarded mask Robin had thrown haphazardly across the roof in his pained anger.
"Where are we going?" He asked, not moving from his spot on the roof. He wasn't sure if he was ready to leave yet, he couldn't face his team, not right now.
"To the med bay dumbass, to bandage your hand. You probably haven't even noticed it's still bleeding because you're completely hammered."
Oh. Robin looked down at his hand, wincing. He guess he deserved the name calling. He would put up with it, for not acting as he should.
Standing was hard, Robin noted as Danny practically heaved him up, wrapping a strong arm around his waist. They walked together, Robin slightly stumbling as Danny had to carry most of his weight. This wasn't the first time Danny had to help Robin into the Tower. He was human after all, and humans were not infallible.
"I'm sorry." Robin suddenly told him, and Danny looked over, and sighed, using one hand to push the elevator button, while the other helped Robin lean against the wall.
Robin wasn't just apologizing for the trouble he caused. He was also apologizing because he felt that he had failed as a leader.
"You know what makes you different from everyone else? You never stop hoping Robin. You're convinced that there's always a way. You give us hope. Our team, we can't function without you. You can't lose sight of who you are for dwelling on something that was out of your control. We need you, just as much as you need us, and you are a leader Robin." Danny emphasized as he helped him into the elevator, solemn blue eyes willing Robin to meet his steady, firm gaze.
Robin nodded slowly, reminded of everything that he stood for as a hero. Danny gave him a curt nod before turning his gaze on the changing floors on the elevator while Robin stood dazed, the pain finally beginning to register in his hand. Later he would curse himself for ever deciding to drink, but now he would focus on the one ideal that had always kept him moving forward.
Hope.