Thank you Fafsernir again for correcting me until the very last day of 2016 :'(
And this is a gift for PrincessAna, because- well for no reason, just happy new year everyone and hope you'll enjoy this! :D

Wrong number

Sanji looked at his phone, sitting on his bed, thoughtful.

Should he call Nami? Should he tell her what was currently happening? He knew she had said she wouldn't mind a phone call from him, as long as it wasn't for flirting. Of course, the latter would always fail Sanji did call her – using tons of excuses, by the way. Just hearing Nami-swan's voice was so great and such an honour for him! But... right now, he wouldn't call for that.

He'd been thinking about it for weeks, even months.

Things weren't getting better with Conis, and he couldn't let this relationship fade away just like this, without even trying to fix it. But talking about personal problems to Nami? Bothering her? Taking her time and patience for insignificant relationship issues? No, it wasn't that important. Plus, Conis and him weren't even in a relationship. Or were they? He didn't know. They'd been dating for a while, yes, but were they together? As a couple?

Maybe he was overthinking it. Conis, in love with him? Damn, she was a true angel, no way he could deserve her! But that would be Heaven if she actually felt something for him)... but that wasn't what he needed to talk about. Was it? No need to talk to Nami about it. Actually, that would be a wrong path, as Nami was a Saint and a woman, and he, was only a man. For that, he needed to talk to another man, who had experience with women. Not that women were hard to understand or anything, not at all. Onthe contrary, they were flawless – actually, Sanji needed help for himself.

That was it. He couldn't bother Nami. Luffy wasn't even an option, he knew his answer would be something about meat or going on an adventure and then everything would be okay. Last option was Usopp. After all, Usopp was in relationship with Kaya, and everything seemed to go perfectly well.

Yes, he should definitely call Usopp for this kind of matter.

The young cook reached his phone, and dialed Usopp's number. When he heard his friend answering his call, he just couldn't help but express his feelings immediately.

"Hey Usopp, it's- well you know it's me. And before you ask-"

"I-"

"-Before you ask," he repeated nervously, "yes, I need your help. Well, not exactly your help, but your opinion- about something. Alright, this is about Conis-chan and I. I know that between you and Kaya-san, everything's going fine and I am glad for you – Kaya-san deserves everything in the world and you know it. Every women deserve the world. That's also what I want for Conis-chan. I've..."

"Hm-"

"I've noticed Conis-chan was being quite distant lately. Of course, this is not her fault. As you know, we've been on several dates for weeks, I cooked for her, I sang for her, I offered her flowers, serenades on the balcony – the perfect scene of Romeo and Juliet, even Shakespeare would have been jealous! I'm trying to be the gentleman she needs every single day. I've been in love the moment I met her. I'm only a man, and she's an angel, fallen from Heaven...! Usopp, I need your advice, now. Wh- What should I do to please her?"

After this long speech, Sanji paused for a moment, waiting for his friend's answer.

"Have you tried talking to her about this, in the first place?"

The young man's heart froze, and he opened his mouth, and closed it very slowly.

"Who are you?"

"Oh so you noticed?"

"You're not Usopp," he whispered.

The stranger – as it appeared, he was absolutely not Usopp, his voice was far too deep.

"Yeah, you probably got the wrong number dude, sorry."

Speechless. He was speechless. Had he- had he talked about his whole sentimental life to this man? Oh, merde.

"Fuck, I'm- damn, I didn't know, I'm really sorry, you should have said so-"

"No worries, it's okay. I was bored anyway."

Bored? Sanji frowned. He had put his feelings down here, that wasn't supposed to be an entertaining discussion for some 'bored' guy, but a very important and serious one! Was he- was he mocking him?

"Anyway, I'm gonna leave you now," he declared drily, slightly vexed.

"Wait," the voice said calmly. "Before you hang up, what are you going to do?"

Curious, uh? Even though Sanji wanted to hang up right away with all his heart, his manners prevented him from doing so. This man – whoever he was – had listened to him. And he could have hanged up in the middle of his monologue, but he hadn't. Maybe it was to avoid boredom for some time, yes, but still. He had said he needed someone's opinion. Even from a stranger. Conis was worth it, he could forget his pride for this time.

"What should I do?"

He instantly regretted his question.

"What about you start considering women as they are and not as you think they are?"

Damn, yes. He regretted his question so bad now. This guy was a jerk, and Sanji wouldn't mind kicking his ass for being so rude.

"That's actually what I do," he still replied, patient.

"That's actually not what you're doing. Not right now."

That was it. This man was pissing him off.

"I know you're messing with me just to kill your boredom man, but if you actually knew me, you'd know I treat women better than anyone and would die for them any day, any time."

"No need to know you, mate. You certainly see yourself as a gentleman... but from what you said? You've only depicted aesthetics, romantic stuff nobody cares about, superficial stuff. Basically, you're not loving your girlfriend for who she is, but what she looks like."

"The fuck makes you believe this?!"

"Do you even know her?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"You didn't talk about her personality or feelings, not even once. You just said 'I' all along, on a genuine 'me, myself and I' novel."

"Not true!" Sanji spat out. "What about everything I've done to make her happy, to please her?!"

"Oh, you mean the 'I cooked her something', 'I gave her flowers' and all that crap?"

"That's not crap. I'm a cook."

Unimportant information, but nevermind. One couldn't just say 'cooking' and 'crap' in the same sentence, especially if that was about him.

"That's what you like to do to women, Dom Juan," the man continued. "I might be wrong, but have you ever had a real discussion with her, deep and profound, not about one those stupid subjects like the weather or a dress, but more like a debate?"

A debate? With Conis-chan? Not really. Hell yeah he discussed stuff with her, but did you have to have a debate for someone to prove that you loved them?

"Your vision of love completely sucks," he let out.

Surprisingly, the other genuinely laughed on the other end of the phone.

"I'll kick your ass, shithead!"

"Well bring it on. Maybe then you'll realize how much of a jerk you are."

Jerk ? He was the jerk ? Consumed by raged, and completely vexed, Sanji pressed the red button of his phone and hung up. In a gesture as simple as this. He then threw his phone on the mattress, and stared into the void.

What was this man taking him for? Why the fuck had he even asked for his opinion? He didn't need his opinion. Conis was worth more than a stupid stranger's advice. He could deal with his situation himself. He didn't even know if Conis and he were a couple. Were they? Were they a couple? They didn't talk about it. They had dates, yes. Several, even. But were they dates, too? He personally considered them as dates. What about her? He never thought about that.

Damn. That was it.

The stupid wrong-number man was right. And now that he did think about it, Nami had talked about this "problem" of his too. How had that stranger pictured him so easily?

Fuck. He hated him.

His phone vibrated twice for a new text, startling him.

"Keep going like this and you will ruin your relationship, ero-cook."

What was the guy thinking about to send him a text ? They were friends now? What was he, a psychologist? A very bored man?

He hesitated two seconds before replying. But damn, he couldn't let him have the last word. Childish, maybe, but he couldn't resist the urge.

"It will not."

"Oh well, we shall see."

"I'll prove you wrong."

"Will you?How?"

Sanji looked at this conversation, thinking carefully about what he should say to this guy. This discussion was nonsense. Where was this going? Putain ! He couldn't help it. The man was challenging him, and he couldn't run away from it.

"In one week, it'll get better. You're bored? How about we get a drink so you'll see by yourself?"

… And so he could see the face of incarnated stupidity to kick his ass? He honestly had nothing to lose.

Ten seconds later, the answer arrived:

"Deal on."

If you liked the chapter, please do leave a comment that's really important for us, authors!
Also, I don't really know for now but I think this fic will end in one or two chapters.
PS: I tried my best not to write anything ooc, but this was hard.

Happy new year again! Wish you the best *heart*