Disclaimer: The Hobbit, all characters, places, and related terms are the sole property of J. R. R. Tolkien's estate, and Warner Brothers, New Line Cinema, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, and WingNut Films.

Author's Note: In honor of Graham McTavish's birthday.

(Almost) The Best Birthday Ever

"They aren't going to bite, burglar."

*Yelp*

"Pardon?"

*Smirk*

"The gifts. You were staring as though you expected them to transform into fearsome giants any moment."

"No, no, no! Nothing of the sort! I meant no offense. It is just…"

"What, lass?"

"Those are your gifts, given for your birthday?"

"Aye."

"Fascinating."

…

"Don't hobbits receive gifts on their birthday?"

"Actually, no as a matter of fact."

*Blink*

"That is, we do have birthday celebrations. But the hobbit whose birthday it is gives presents to the guests rather than receive any."

"…Why?"

"I don't know. 'Tis a hobbit custom."

"So then what you are trying to say is…I ought to give you a present for my birthday."

*Nervous laugh*

"Gracious! I did not mean to imply… Not at all. I should be the one offering a gift – you're a dwarf, and this is your quest after all. Only I didn't know it was your birthday. And I fear I have nothing to give…rations are terribly low; you have no use for flowers, don't you. You seem to have gotten everything you could want from the others."

*Hand is offered*

"Fine: I'll give you a gift."

*Stare*

"Master Dwalin?!"

"Come now."

"It-it-it truly is not necessary I assure you! No need at all. I have my impromptu handkerchief, wooden buttons, jacket mended. Who could ask for anything more? You have much bigger things to be concerned about than a little gift. Like the dragon waiting for us, helping your cousin, cuddling your brother, fighting orcs—"

*Hug*

"You talk too much."

"I'll have you know,Master—mmph!"

…

"W-what was that?"

"Your gift."

*Blush*

"Dear me!"

"Did you like it?"

"Uh-huh."

"You are too adorable, you know."

"Well, you are pretty irresistible yourself."

*Melt*

"This is almost the best birthday ever."

"Why almost?"

"I don't care for being called Master Dwalin."

*Pause*

"Dwalin."

"Bilbo."

*Kiss*

THE END