I'm an emotional wreck after "The Lying Detective" and this ficlet came out so effortlessly. I hope you'll like it~

English isn't my native language and this is unbeta'd, so there might be some mistakes.

I own nothing but my FEELS.

His heart shatters like glass at the sight of John's tears.

A few years ago, before John Watson came into his life, he would have found this open display of emotions annoying, offensive even. Or, perhaps, now that he thinks about it, his reaction would be exactly that even now if it were someone else crying in front of him, spilling their hot tears on his carpet.

He stands up, worried that his knees will not hold him as he sees John in such a vulnerable state. He reaches out, afraid that he will be rejected, pushed away, that John will be angry with him for being so presumptuous.

And yet, John lets him hold him. He leans in, burying himself in Sherlock's embrace. Sherlock wraps his arms around the shorter man as if he can protect him from all the pain, all the darkness of this world.

And he's worried again. Worried that he won't be enough, worried that he can't comfort John because he has never done that before, worried that he won't be able to save him. He promised, he made a vow, that he would keep them safe; but Mary is already gone because of him. What if he loses John next?

The part of him that is still a machine tells him that he should hate John for making him feel, for making him human. Because of John, he can now experience pain that is not physical.

However, he doesn't blame him. No, he is actually grateful because he doesn't only feel sadness. He aches and he loves. Life isn't just about the game anymore.

John told him moments ago that he needs a romantic relationship for his life to be complete, that he needs to make a move now before it is too late. But he can't, not at this moment. This moment is about John, about John confessing and sharing his darkest secrets with him, about John letting it all out and reaching catharsis. And so, Sherlock remains silent. He doesn't say what his texts with Irene are really about, he doesn't say how he feels.

So, he holds on to the weeping man, one shaking hand on his neck, the other stroking his arm. It pains him that John doesn't understand, that John cries, that John doesn't return his hug; but he holds on because this is what John needs at the moment.

"It's okay," he tells him. It's okay to cry, it's okay to blame him for Mary's death, it's okay to beat him to a pulp. It's okay as long as John is here.

He faked his death to save John.

He faced his death to save John.

And he is willing to do it again and again. He doesn't want to die, he knows that now. Not because he values his life, no; but because his life belongs to John Watson. Just like his heart.

It is what it is.

"It is what it is,

says love."

Erich Fried

Feedback is love xxx