Thank you everyone for your support!

Your feedback means everything to me! I completely understand that this story is not everyone's cup of tea. If it was difficult to get through the first two chapters, then this one will be a hard pill to swallow. Just a heads-up in case you decide this story is not for you.

As always, I hope you enjoy.

"You say he loves you more than me

So I will set you free

Go with him."

-The Beatles, "Anna (Go to Him)"

Every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, at a quarter to four in the morning, one Sota Surawa arrives at the large cemetery of Konohagakure to perform his daily duties as a maintenance worker. In his fifteen years of polishing plaques, raking dead leaves, and disposing withered bouquets, he has never been late, never missed a day, never failed in his duty to care for the home of Konoha's fallen.

But it was a dull job.

And certainly not a memorable one.

And so it went without saying, that when Sota Surawa saw with his own eyes an image that would be forever branded into his mind as the most astonishing, groundbreaking thing he had ever witnessed—he had quite the story to tell.

He hums as he works.

A tuneless, nameless little hymn he can't get out of his head. For once, his office doesn't seem so small, so suffocating. He basks in the warm glow of the noon sun surging through the wide windows, the beauty of another day. With a pause, he glances at his locked left-hand drawer, thinks of the papers stashed inside. He's not as good as Shikamaru in drafting up legal documents, but, at this point of his career, he's pretty close. Soon, they'll be ready. Soon, he can show her and then…

With a deep, rumbling sigh, he leans back in his chair and swivels around to face the windows, looking up at the sun.

Everything is still so uncertain.

But he is happy. Happier than he has been in a long, long time. Just as he is finishing a review on the village's weapons inventory, his door is thrown open, slamming against the wall with a loud thud. He yelps, jumping back in his chair, and dropping the papers he was holding. "Granny?!" He barks at the sight of her familiar amber eyes and blond pigtails. He sighs, both in relief and agitation.

So much for a peaceful day.

Tsunade barges through the door, a hard scowl etched on her face, and she surges towards him. "Is it true?" Her voice is low and threatening, deep and with enough of a hiss to raise his guard.

He stills before immediately relaxing and straightening his papers. "Is what true?"

"Don't play dumb. Where were you three nights ago at four in the morning?" Tsunade demands with piercing eyes, and Naruto only stares in completely bewilderment. His mouth dries, like he's swallowed sand, and he struggles to breathe through a tightened throat.

Shit.

"Answer me." Tsunade's fists are clenched firmly, drawn to her sides as she stares him down. There is no way he can answer her. Not unless he lies. The realization feels like he's been submerged in an ice bath.

He is not a liar. He is not.

But he needs to protect her. He promised he would protect her.

Snapping out of it, he swallows back his panic and looks up at his mentor. "How the hell should I know? Home, I guess? Why are you asking me this?"

Tsunade stares at him and then snaps her head to the side, to the corner where his disguised ANBU are posted. "Leave us."

Naruto and Tsunade are silent as they wait for the room to clear, and Tsunade begins to activate the seals that are used for S-rank mission debriefings. He stands from his seat and runs a hand through his hair exasperatedly, soundly ignored as Tsunade weaves through her seals with a tense jaw.

"Are the seals really necessary?"

Naruto's head whips to the door, where Kakashi leans against the frame, eyes tired and unconvinced. Tsunade's silence answers his question, and he steps into the room with a sigh. His dark shinobi gear contrasts starkly to Naruto's bright orange jacket and Tsunade's own brilliant green cloak. At the sight of his tired-looking teacher, of the man who never wanted to become Hokage, Naruto withdraws slightly but looks to him expectedly.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto calls to him. "What the hell's going on?"

The silver-haired man turns to face the Hokage with those mirthless eyes of his. His stare lasts for a second too long and Naruto's panic skyrockets. "Nothing, I hope." He finally answers. Without another word, he drops to one of the chairs in front of the desk and Naruto is even further alarmed when he doesn't pull out his 'Icha Icha' book. Tsunade finishes the final seal and goes to Kakashi's side.

"Have a seat." Her tone is sharp enough to have him immediately sitting down without question. He forces himself to remain calm under the scrutiny of his predecessors. "You said you don't remember where you were three nights ago. Is that correct?" He blinks in response. "Well? Where were you then?"

"Um…"

Tsunade cuts him off. "Answers, Naruto. And fast."

His brow furrows at the tone she takes with him. "Listen. The both of you." He glances between them. "Unless you tell me what the hell is going on, I'm not saying anything. I'm not your student anymore and neither of you are the Hokage anymore. I am." He pauses, to let that sink in. "Now. What's going on?"

With a purse of her lips, Tsunade glances at Kakashi. "There's a rumor going around."

He allows himself to smile in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me."

At his scoff, she turns to him with narrowed eyes. "Rumors don't come out of nowhere, Naruto."

"I don't have time for gossip."

"Naruto, this is serious. It's spreading like wildfire out there!"

"Graannyy." Naruto drawls. "I'm sure it's nothing. Just give it—"

"Naruto." Kakashi finally cuts in and the other Hokages in the room still. Hesitantly, Naruto looks over at the stern Rokudaime. His eyes are sharp. Focused. Unwavering and completely knowing. "Were you or were you not at the Konoha Cemetery with Hinata Hamasaki three nights ago at four in the morning?"

There is an odd silence after this.

And Naruto recalls how, just a few minutes earlier, he felt like he could walk on air.

Now, there is an anchor in his stomach, dropping further and further and dragging everything down with it. He looks away, stares at the space between them. Remembers exactly who he is dealing with and how he won't be able to talk himself out of this one. And stalling will not make his situation any better. His gaze lowers to his desk. For a split second, he glances at that left-hand drawer. He thinks of his promise. The one he made to her. And the one he made to his village.

He swallows.

I'm sorry.

"Yes."

With that word, a deathly stillness envelopes them all. The calm before the storm, he realizes.

Kakashi's eyes fall shut just as Tsunade's narrow, and Naruto keeps his face at a neutral mask. He doesn't want to feel guilty. He doesn't want to feel ashamed. But he does. And maybe that is why Kakashi only sits and stares at him while Tsunade is too angered to keep still. She jumps out of her seat, curses with a hiss, and then lunges to a bookcase, groping through the shelves.

Naruto isn't surprised when she pulls out a bottle of sake from behind a book, where she had cleverly hidden it and takes a long swig. Recapping the bottle, she breathes heavily, her back to him. It takes several long seconds before she finally turns to him. "You lied to me."

"I…" He begins, at a loss for words.

"I asked you where you were and you said you didn't remember." Tsunade storms over to the desk and slams her bottle down, staring him straight in the eye until he looks away. "I don't care how many times you've saved the village. I don't care if you're the Hokage now. I don't care if you're a thousand times stronger than me." And when her voice lowers, he returns her stare and his eyes widen at the sight of her glassy eyes. And he realizes that Tsunade disparages him now, not as a former Hokage, but as the maternal figure that had always looked out for his wellbeing. "Don't ever lie to my face again."

He backs off, his eyes dropping, and Kakashi stands slowly. "Tsunade," He says gently. "We need to get started on damage control."

She tears her eyes away from the blonde and turns to the silver-haired man with a huff. "You're not going to say anything to him? You trained him. He is your successor."

"He is not a child. Naruto knows what he did was wrong and he is going to fix this."

Tsunade shakes her head. "And after I specifically told you to stay away, to let it go…you just ignored everything I said."

"Granny—"

"And for what? A stroll down memory lane?! Is that what you risked it all for?" Tsunade looks so angry and confused that he has no choice but to keep silent and wait for her to calm down. "I can't believe you. I can't believe you would do something so stupid." She reaches for the Hokage's hat on his desk and snatches it up, holding it at their eye level. "This means something, Naruto. It means you can't be selfish anymore! It means you have a responsibility to the village first. You know that. The village relies on you! You can't just drop everything for your personal feelings! Why would you risk everything you have ever dreamed of just for…just for…" Her voice breaks off, pressing her lips together tightly, and turning away from him. There is silence for a long moment.

Naruto wets his lips, finding his voice. "How...?"

"Like we said. A rumor." Kakashi drawls. "It's been circling around the village for the last three days." He sighs and sits again. "We need to come up with a plan." His fingers drum on his lap,

"Agreed." Tsunade sighs. Then, she lifts her fingers in a familiar seal and an ANBU materializes before her. "Bring me Hinata Hamasaki."

"No." Naruto immediately snaps and the ANBU doesn't move an inch.

Tsunade turns to him again, her anger returning. "Naruto."

"Leave her out of this."

"She knew what she was doing." Tsunade says firmly. "If she tells anybody—"

"She won't say anything." Naruto says lowly. And he knows it's the truth. That what had happened in the cemetery was not something she would ever repeat to anybody else. Whether it was out of shame or respect…Naruto doesn't want to think about it.

The Godaime studies him and dismisses the ANBU with a flick of her wrist. "Fine."

Kakashi leans back in his chair. "Naruto. Send out a few clones on a patrol, just like you always do. We need to make sure we keep up appearances. And while you're at it…keep an ear out for anymore gossip."

Naruto nods and does what he's told, watching his clones glance at him apprehensively before leaping out the window.

Tsunade draws up a chair and folds her hands under her chin. "Now. Tell us exactly what happened."

He was used to being stared at.

It wasn't anything new. People always stared and people always whispered when he was around.

He walks through the village now, his cloak swaying behind him, his head held high, and his features set in a cool, confident mask. It's been a long time since he felt the way he did when he was a six-year-old. Confused and angry and hurt and embarrassed. But he remembers now, seeing his citizens gasp and mumble to each other in hushed voices, how awful it was.

He goes about his business as he normally does, stopping by the merchants' stalls to check up on the market and ignoring their gawks as he approaches them. Casually, he flips through their logs, not paying any attention to it as he sends a pulse of chakra to his vestibular nerves to pick up on the whispers that are flying at high-speed around him.

In a way, it almost amuses him.

The way a simple act can be twisted into something from another world.

Some of them aren't too far off.

"…The Nanadaime and the Hyūga heiress! Yes, the one who married out of the family!"

"Kissing?! That can't be right…"

"…Alone together for who knows how long!"

"I've heard they're going to elope!"

"No, they're already secretly engaged. They've been seeing each other for years—they just got caught this time."

And others…

Well, even Naruto's vivid imagination cowers from this.

"…Desecrating a grave for crying out loud!"

"In a cemetery?! I think the Hokage can afford a motel room!"

"Ravaging each other in the middle of the night, in public!"

But there were a few that made his blood run cold.

"Well, the Hokage could get any woman he wanted. But I never thought a Hyūga would ever do something like this. She buys my radishes, you know? She had always seemed like such a respectable woman too…"

"Shameful. Each of 'em married with children and they do something like this."

"Come to think of it, I've seen them talking a few times. Just the two of them. Walking around like a couple."

"…his poor wife…"

"…her husband's gonna flip…"

"I thought Hokages were supposed to be honest and trust-worthy."

"Shinobi. They're masters of deception. What did you expect?"

He hears this all and closes his eyes to calm himself.

Rumors. Just rumors.

It's not like any of them know the truth.

They think they know everything but they don't.

All they know is the kiss.

But no one mentions how Hinata had broken away from him with a sob right after.

How she pushed away from him, choking with tears, so guilty and hateful of herself that she wept into her hands.

How he had held her to his chest and begged her not to cry.

Don't cry. I'm sorry. Please don't cry.

He thinks of her face, of her dewy eyelashes, the defeat in her eyes as she looked up at him. The leftover tingling sensations in his lips, his pounding heartbeat, the white haze of his mind that he was still emerging from. And how, when reality had finally caught up to him, two conflicting weights dropped in his chest—the unbelievable trance of romance, pure and physical love—and the numbing dread at what he had just done. The further dread at his careless impulse to do it again.

But when she stepped away, he let her. When she told him that she needed to get back home before her daughter woke up, he understood. And when she whispered a good-bye to him, he told her firmly that he'd see her again soon. He promised.

He wonders if she knows. If she's heard the rumors, or if the villagers are treating her different—

His fist curls.

Naruto paces through the streets, heading from one errand to another and repeating to himself endlessly that it would soon be over. That no one would actually believe this and it would fade into nothing just like all the other rumors did. Nothing would stick. It'll go away, and then they can quietly continue. It might take a little more time to prepare the public, with this rumor fresh in their minds, but…eventually, it would be okay. It had to be okay.

If only…

If only they had been able to keep it a secret a little while longer. Just until he had time to cushion the blow. Just until he had everything finalized. Just until—

He does a double-take at the streak of indigo in a crowd and he immediately heads towards it, his better judgement pushed to the back of his mind. He feels for her chakra, scans the periphery for the color of her hair, the pale glow of her skin, the lavender of her sweater, anything to find her and go to her.

He needs to see her. He needs to make sure she is okay. He needs to make sure nothing has changed.

It takes him a few seconds to realize that she is not here.

But her daughter is.

Himawari Hamasaki clutches the hand of a stoic-looking Shino Aburame, both walking slowly through the crowds, who instantly part for them and stare as they pass by. He freezes and watches as well.

Himawari looks so confused and timid and stricken that his chest aches, and he realizes he needs to leave the scene before anybody spots him and points him out, but she turns and sees him. The little girl pauses and stares, her eyes widening in recognition.

He remembers the first and only time they met and spoke. At the cemetery. How she had looked so shy and cute and wondrous at getting to know the man her mother had spoken of often. Of the illustrious Hokage. The revered hero of the Fourth Great Shinobi War. The trusted comrade of her dear uncle. The childhood friend of her mother.

The way she looks at him now assures him she does not see any of that right now. She sees the man who kissed her mother. A man who is not her father.

He swallows uncomfortably, eyes shifting away from her obtrusive stare. Her confused, widened eyes.

He looks up to see a set of dark visors fixed on him. As always, Shino's expression is unreadable. But Naruto doesn't need to see his eyes to know that he is angry.

Shino tugs at Himawari's hand and leads her away. She spares the Hokage a final glance before complying, walking away without turning back. And Naruto does the same, heading the other direction, and shoving down the panic crawling up his throat. He doesn't understand any of it. Himawari was always with her parents. If not with one, then with the other. Always. Then why…why was Shino—and what about Hamasaki? What about her?

Hamasaki's threat pounds in his brain and he reminds himself constantly that they wouldn't leave the village without their daughter but he can't help his panic and he feels so stupid for letting three whole days pass without seeking her out, without finding her and securing her.

Where are you?

Be okay.

Shikamaru goes through a whole pack of cigarettes by the time Naruto is finished.

Kakashi lounges on the couch, listening silently, as Tsunade paces the room.

Naruto's office is in lockdown, with Konohamaru posted at the door to wave away visitors.

"It was only a kiss then?" Shikamaru reiterates, staring pointedly at him, eyes sharp and narrowed, the gears whirring in his head.

Naruto nods. "Yeah. Just a kiss." His pride chips away at this, but he has no choice. It was just a kiss. That was the truth.

But that one kiss meant more to him than years of marriage. But nobody else has to know that. He keeps silent as Shikamaru ponders over this, the barrage of questions over.

How long has this been going on?

How many times?

Did she ask you to?

Who else knows?

Did you tell anyone?

Does your family know?

Does her family know?

Why now? Why did you have to do this now?

Tsunade sighs deeply through her nose. "The rumor had to have come from somewhere. Someone spotted them at the cemetery. We need to find out who it was and—"

"And what?" Kakashi supplies. "Threaten them into silence?"

Tsunade locks eyes with Naruto. "Talk. That's your specialty, isn't it?"

He leans back in his chair and his eyes fall shut. He's never felt like such an incompetent idiot. How could he not have felt somebody else's presence? Sensed their chakra? He is the Hokage for fuck's sake. How could something like this slip past him?

Because he had been distracted. The answer is simple enough, but he wishes it weren't true.

"Let's send in a few plants." Shikamaru drawls as he puffs weakly at another cigarette. "It might take a few days, but if we send in multiple, we can trace back each rumor source by source."

"He-said-she-said, huh?" Tsunade sighs. "A crude method, but it might work."

"In the meantime," Kakashi says decisively. "We need to find a way to preserve Naruto's public image."

"I could make a speech." Naruto chips in. He hasn't talked much throughout the entire meeting, but he knows a thing or two about boosting morale. For now, he's only grateful that his mentors and his advisor are treating this like a battle strategy and not an emotional intervention. The fact that his actions are to blame for their predicament is not acknowledged.

"Aa. We could also accept an invitation from one of those talk-show hosts."

"Too risky. They might ask him a question about all of this."

"Well, what about—"

A knock sounds at the door and all four pause and glance between each other.

The knock sounds again and Kakashi stands and goes to the door to see who would dare interrupt during a sealed discussion between the Hokage.

The door cracks open and the silver-haired Rokudaime peeks through. He softens at seeing who it is. "We're in the middle of a meeting. Can this wait until later?"

"I'm afraid not."

Naruto perks up at the familiar voice. Kakashi steps aside, letting in one stern Kurenai Sarutobi. Shikamaru straightens and stares at her cautiously, as Tsunade leans against the desk and studies her. "Kurenai-sensei…" Naruto mumbles uncertainly.

The dark-haired woman turns to regard him with piercing scarlet eyes. "Sota Surawa." She says firmly. "Works the graveyard shift. Literally."

A collective breath is drawn in by every other person in the room. "He—?"

"He is the one who saw you three nights ago and spread the original rumor." She does not wait to be asked for details. "In my own experience visiting the cemetery at…odd hours of the day…the only ones you tend to run into are the maintenance crew. I did a little digging, put two and two together, and took it upon myself to confirm my theory."

"Kurenai—" Shikamaru begins and Kurenai immediately cuts him off.

"The rumors will be put to rest soon."

Naruto can only stare in shock and silence, while Tsunade immediately finds her voice. "He is a civilian. What exactly did you do?"

Kurenai meets her stare head-on. "I extracted the memory and replaced it with a foggy illusion sequenced like a daydream." Her brilliant eyes sharpen, and they are all reminded of her visual prowess. "His own marriage has been strained lately, and he has taken to the bottle to remedy it. Jealous of the Hokage's perfect marriage, he spread the rumor and did not expect it to become so wide-spread." She pauses. "At least, that is what he will be telling his friends and neighbors tomorrow morning."

There is a silence in the room until Kakashi clears his throat. "No matter the circumstances…it's been done. We'll continue monitoring the situation in the meanwhile."

Kurenai nods. "I'll take my leave then." She bows and turns to the door.

"Kurenai-sensei…" Naruto watches as she tenses and slowly glances back at him. "Thank you."

Her eyes narrow. "I didn't do it for you." Without another word, she steps out the threshold and leaves the others in silence, each glancing at the Nanadaime and averting their eyes. He feels their stares.

"No more lectures." Naruto says firmly. "I get it. Alright? I get it."

"Do you?" Tsunade scrutinizes him with crossed arms. "Another blunder like this and you won't get out of it so easily."

"I know. It won't happen again."

"For all our sakes…" Kakashi shrugs on his jacket. "I hope so. I'm calling it a night. We'll reconvene tomorrow if necessary." He heads to the exit, with Tsunade following close behind.

The door closes with a near silent click and Naruto sighs, leaning back in his seat. His office dims darker and darker with the passing sunset and he almost forgets that Shikamaru is still in there, both disregarding each other's presence despite it being Naruto's personal office. He knows by now, though, that Shikamaru has something to say.

He is proven right when the advisor steps to the front of the desk and lowers to a chair, regarding the Hokage with cool, narrowed eyes. "Right now…right now, I'm not coming to you as your advisor and I am not asking you as the Hokage. Speak with me as your friend." He requests lowly. "Why did you do it?"

Naruto shoots him a look of disbelief. "Do I really have to answer that? Isn't it obvious by now?"

"No. It's not. From over here, all I can see is a guilty man trying to redeem himself." Naruto doesn't reply. Shikamaru wouldn't understand. He has his wife and his son, and Naruto knows that Shikamaru could not fathom a reality where they were taken from him. But Naruto does.

When Shikamaru was wronged, he went out and set it right. He took matters into his own hands.

That was all Naruto was trying to do.

But they would never understand.

At his silence, the Nara sighs. "You know…this is why we all encouraged her to invite you to her wedding." Naruto looks up at him with crinkled eyes. "You skipped out." More silence. "It was nice. Small and intimate." Naruto's eyes fall shut. He can barely stomach the idea of Hinata and her husband. He had no desire before to see them in such a way, and that aversion has multiplied since then.

A happy wedding.

A proud groom.

A beautiful bride.

Cake and in-laws and wedding gifts and photos and blushing cheeks and a warm hand to hold on to and a kiss to seal it all.

It makes him sick to his stomach.

Shikamaru sighs heavily, put off by the silence. "Look. I'm not trying to lecture you. I couldn't care less what happens between you and Hinata." His eyes sharpen. "But you're a shinobi."

Naruto glances up at him. "Shikamaru…"

"I don't have to explain to you that the rest of the village looks up to you. You're the example we set for future generations. The shinobi of this day aspire to become you. Make sure that person is someone worth following after."

Blue eyes soften and lower.

The chair scrapes back and Shikamaru stands. "Go home, Nanadaime. I'll see you tomorrow." He trails out of the office and closes the door behind him.

His house is dark and silent as he creeps to his bedroom. Until now, he hadn't thought much of what might have been happening within the walls of his own home. Now, as his hand grips the doorknob, a dread fills him. Whatever is on the other side of this door…he doesn't want to face it.

Quietly, he steps in and closes the door behind him.

Had it not been for the moonlight streaming in the window, he might not have seen her.

His wife crouches on the bed and stares at him openly.

Naruto looks at her for a few seconds before turning to his dresser and pulling out a t-shirt.

"Is it true?"

He pauses. Doesn't turn to look at her as he answers, "They were just rumors. It's being taken care of. Don't worry about it." He shrugs on his shirt, pulls on his sweats, and goes to his side of the bed, pushing back the dread coursing through him, pulling up the blankets and adjusting his pillows while ignoring her stare.

They don't speak as he tucks the blankets around himself and screws his eyes shut.

He forgot that she could be quiet when she wanted to be, because she softly murmurs, "Do you know that nobody calls me by my name?" His eyes snap open but he doesn't turn to her. She is silent for a few more seconds before continuing. "They don't. I don't have a name here." Naruto turns around at this, and sees a bottle of wine on her nightstand, uncapped. He cringes before turning to her.

"You're not thinking straight. Go to sleep."

She laughs softly. "No. I'm going to say my piece. And you're going to listen." She regards him with those dark eyes of hers and he doesn't move an inch. "I tried, you know?" Naruto glances once at her before pulling the sheet up and rolling back to face the wall. She doesn't flinch. "I put up with it all because I had hope. I'm not perfect. I know that. But I tried. I tried and it never mattered. I tried to understand you. I met your friends. I tried to learn as much as I could about the people you were closest with. Even if it was different, even though everything was so different from what I was used to...I wanted to know you. But you didn't want to know me. You never tried to get to know me.

"Naruto Uzumaki is the hero of the village. Naruto Uzumaki is the savior of the world. Naruto Uzumaki can do no wrong and I'm lucky that he even gave me the time of day." Her voice is so bitter and spiteful that he doesn't need to turn around to know what she looks like right now. "But no one told me how…obsessive you could be. That's what you do. Obsess. Once you get an idea in your head, there's nothing in the world that will change your mind about it.

"That's what happened with Sasuke. You got the idea in your head that you needed to save him, no matter the cost. You ignored everybody. You only focused on him. On reaching your goal. Everybody else was shoved out of the way, and if they couldn't help you bring him back, then they fell off the wagon." She scoffs. "And now you have this idea in your head that your life is ruined. That I ruined your life." Her voice drops to a whisper. "That—that she has something I don't—that she's the one…and…and no matter what I do, what anybody else does…you're never going to let go. You're never going to give up."

He can feel her cold stare on him. He hears her fumbling, the bottle swiped off the nightstand, and her gulp. "I'm lucky, I guess. Because even after you decided that I wasn't good enough, that you changed your mind about me…you couldn't get rid of me that easily. I just didn't know that you were still trying. Even after all these years. Even after Boruto…I still don't matter to you." There is a tense silence. His body feels heavy, unmoving, dead. He vaguely wonders why she isn't crying and yelling like she normally does when she wants his attention.

Some silence passes. He still has not moved, or breathed, and she reclines quietly on her pillow. The tension is thick. When she speaks again, he can tell she had been using that time to clean herself up. Blink back her tears and swallow the knot in her throat. "I wondered what my place was. Obviously, I'm your wife. I'm the mother of your son. The First Lady of the Hokage. That's who I am.

"But I'm also the bitch. I'm the jealous wife. You're fantasizing about a married woman, and somehow I'm the homewrecker." Her anger is ripe, thick in her voice. "I'm the reason why you can't just do whatever the hell you want. And I'm glad I am.

"You know the awful part about it? I knew it. I saw it happening. I remember the exact moment I realized what you are. When you first brought me to the village. I remember seeing how much everyone loves you. How perfect you are to them. How you waved and smiled and walked past them and you never even noticed the woman standing there, watching you with tears in her eyes." There is bitterness in her voice, anger, resentment, and the slightest undertone of pity that makes his chest ache. "Or maybe you did notice her. Maybe you just looked away." He can hear her grin.

They are silent again for a long few minutes, in which neither moved or even breathed too loudly. She is too angry and he is too ashamed. "I was such a fool. To think you'd actually come around, and stop looking at me like a stranger. I always knew you were far away from me. I laid down next to you every night and you were always somewhere else. And you'd use me. Like I was no one. Like I didn't matter." Her voice cracks. "Like I was somebody else."

Now she cries. She sniffles and whimpers and he hates that he still wishes he were somewhere else. "I was so stupid." She gasps. "I thought—those times when you would take us out to eat, or ask me how my day went, or-or just look at me—I thought everything would be okay. I thought—at least, he respects me. At least he cares about me. At least, he's still here."

She stares at him, her eyes burning and angry. "You're a piece of shit, Naruto. You're trash and a fake and I hope that someday everyone else will see that too."

When he finally speaks, his voice is low and throaty, a knot lodged in his throat. "Will you leave?" And it's strange, how easily he had promised he would leave her, but now, seeing her anguish and realizing how long she had been suffering…his heart hung heavily in his chest. Because he does love her. He cares for her, and wants the best for her, and he knows that is not him. Was never supposed to be him. He wishes she understood that.

There is a tense moment of silence before she bursts out laughing; guttural and bitter and so hateful, that he swallows. "Why? So you can run off with your whore? Get your happily ever after while I'm left behind?" She scoffs. "I'm not going anywhere. Not in this lifetime." She tucks her arms around her and pants through her nose, struggling to relax in her fit of anger. "Don't do it." She says lowly and he stills. "Whatever you were planning to do…don't do it."

He sucks in a shaky breath. "…I can't live the rest of my life like this."

She scoffs. "You're such a fucking child."

His suppressed rage bubbles. "Stop acting like you didn't ask for this. You're the one that started this. You-you tricked me. From the very beginning. I was fucking naïve and I should have seen it coming a mile away, but you're the one that wanted this. You wanted to be the hero's fling. You wanted to be the Hokage's wife. You wanted this. I didn't."

Her lips curls and her hands tense with her instinct to start swinging, something she has learned at this point is useless against him. "Asshole." She grits her teeth. "You're such a fucking asshole." Yeah. Maybe he is. But he doesn't care anymore. Not when she is threatening to take everything from him. "You think you're so much better than me. Don't act like you were so innocent! Don't act like you weren't using me too! You wanted to be with a woman, and guess what, dumbass?! You didn't think about her. You didn't go to her."

He breathes shallowly at the insult. Of course he didn't go to her. He didn't know jack shit about love and that wasn't what he was looking for when he went on his tour. He shakes his head with narrowed eyes, heated at her accusation.

She continues with a scoff, ignoring his pointed sighs. "You're delusional. You always have been. You live in this fantasy world where everything's perfect and happy and…" She breaks off. "You're lying to yourself, Naruto."

His eyes scrunch shut. He's so tired of the lectures, of being told how stupid and slow he is. He knows. He already fucking knows. And she's the last person he needs to hear this from. "You don't know anything."

He can feel her turn to him. "Tell me. Does your fantasy world include me? Am I anywhere to be found?" She doesn't even pause for his answer. "And Boruto?" Her voice cracks. "Your son? Is he a mistake too? Just like I am?"

"Shut the fuck up." Rarely has he ever directly cursed at her, threatened her with his glare alone to keep her mouth shut, but this is one of those moments. She does not return his stare but she does not—will never—hold her tongue with him.

"You think he'll accept this? He won't. He'll hate you. Even more than he already does! Nothing will ever change the fact that he is my son—mine and yours." She pauses. "Not hers. Never hers." Her breathing becomes harsh and shallow with her rage. "And what about her kid? What, are you going to be her new daddy? Is that what you honestly think?!" His mind takes him back to earlier today, of Himawari and her knowing eyes and the dread he had pushed back charges in again. She kneels on the bed, now staring at him dead-on. He doesn't answer her, knowing he is angry enough to spit nothing but curses her way.

The sheets ruffle as she lifts herself from the bed. "Fine then. You're so smart, and you know everything, then do whatever the fuck you want." She drags her pillow with her to the door and pauses, her back to him. "If…" She swallows. "If you won't do it for me…" A sniff. "Then do it for Boruto." She closes the door behind her.

The next morning is tense and silent.

Naruto sits at the table, smearing a slab of butter across his bread while the rest of his family move around the kitchen, preparing for the day.

"Dad."

Naruto glances at Boruto, raising an eyebrow in response. "What is it, son?"

His matching vivid blue eyes are lowered, unseeing as he slowly packs his lunch in his bag. "It's just…I heard something really weird yesterday…"

He wears another face as he crosses through the village.

There is no staring. No whispers. No acknowledgement. He is just another ordinary villager.

In the safety of his henge, he stands quietly in the middle of the congested road and stares up a familiar apartment building. He sees the silky, olive curtains, drawn closed, with the candle perched on the sill, unlit. A quiet, quaint, comfortable little home that she made her own.

He allows himself to stare and wills her to come to her window, to poke her head out and wave to him, like she has on so many other occasions. To assure him with a smile she would see him soon.

She does not come.

Naruto turns and heads towards the apothecary, ducking out of the way of villagers who don't bother to step out of the way for him. When he gets to the small, modest shop, he pauses at the door, his hand hesitant on the doorknob, spying through the glass panes.

Hamasaki stands at the counter, trimming a potted leafy plant, a green apron wrapped around him. His head is bowed, concentrated on his work. His hands are steady. His stance is firm.

But his eyes are dull, and heavy, and unseeing. And, every few seconds, he pauses from his work, breathes in deeply, and returns to his trimming.

Naruto sighs.

He pushes the door open, and steps inside the small shop, instantly greeted with the earthy aroma of herbs and soil. Hamasaki looks up from his plant, a mirthful gleam returned to his eyes at the sight of a customer. "Ah, I'll be with you in just a moment." He snips once more at his leaves as Naruto stares and then places the scissors to the side. He slips on his gray gloves and shelves the plant behind him before turning back to him, his eyes wide and welcoming, unsuspecting as he unknowingly greets the man who tried to steal his wife. There is a faint smile on his lips, the corners turned up, and Naruto notices for the first time that the man has dimples. And he can't help staring at him in dread, wondering if this happy, smiling man with warm eyes and dark wavy hair is what Hinata sees when she looks at him. "How can I help you?"

Naruto does not respond right away, as he glances around the shop, anywhere but at this man's face that looks nothing like the dismal, selfish bastard that came to his office a few days ago. Unintentionally, his observing eyes graze over a pair of worn, lavender gardening gloves resting on the counter. A creamy beige apron folded underneath.

A knot lodges in his throat and he tears his eyes away to settle back on Hamasaki, while dropping his transformation.

Hamasaki's smile flattens as his eyes widen and then narrow.

Then, through gritted teeth, Hamasaki speaks. "Get out."

The Hokage does not move or soften his stare. He steps closer, crossing his arms over his chest. "Where is she?"

"That's none of your business."

He sucks in a breath through his nose. "I…understand that you are upset but—"

"You don't know anything." The shopkeeper mumbles.

"Look, nothing happened." Naruto lies easily. "It was just a rumor. It's being taken care of."

Hamasaki scoffs, a bitter smile stretches his lips. "She already told me everything. You don't need to save face." At that, Naruto pauses. Hinata…she told him? He doesn't want to believe it, that she would recount such a private moment between them to somebody else.

He swallows. "Don't blame her. It wasn't her fault."

"Wasn't her fault…" He repeats with a grim smile. "Nobody forced her to…do that to you." Hamasaki murmurs. "She told me the truth. I don't need to hear it again." He pauses, setting his hands down on the counter and bowing his head. "You could have had anybody you wanted." He says lowly. "You have a wife and plenty of other women fawning over you. You're the Hokage. You have your family. You have everything. Why did you have to take mine too?" He isn't expecting an answer, Naruto realizes. He is saying what he has wanted to say forever, what he wanted to say to him all those days ago when Naruto had dismissed his every word as nonsense. "You were right." Hamasaki continues in a low voice, eyes dropped the countertop. His anger has simmered. "Everything you said…you were right. I know that now."

Naruto doesn't know what to say. He watches the defeated man carefully. "I…"

"Please…just go."

He bites at his lip. Swallows. Acknowledges that the man is hurt and has every right to feel so. Because he is not a slab of mud. He is a man who has been wronged. "It shouldn't have happened. And I—" He pauses briefly, decides he will not apologize, and then continues. "She's a good woman. It was…a mistake." He does not meet Hamasaki's eyes as he turns and heads to the door, pulling on that unfamiliar face, and leaves without another word.

A week passes in silence.

Well, it wasn't all that silent. There was a lot of screaming and even more crying. There were questions, and interrogations, and demands. There were sighs. There were accusations. There were pleads.

But there was also silence.

A silence that went unaddressed, unacknowledged. But, as the days passed and he had yet to hear from her…he couldn't help but worry.

She no longer stands and smiles at him from the merchant stalls. Or waves at him from the entrance of the academy, Himawari in hand. There is no one to watch for when he rounds about the village, gaze trained ahead, the public eye reminding him who he is and what he cannot do.

There is no more Hinata. No more of her gentle grins. No more of her embarrassed blushes. No more quiet encouragement. No more lilting laughter, and crinkling eyebrows, and pale, widened eyes. No more groceries to hold, or lame jokes to crack, or covert staring.

The village is still peaceful.

The ramen at Ichiraku's is still the best in the world.

The grass is still green.

The sky is still blue.

But Hinata is not there and he is afraid everything will go back to the way it used to be.

When he was alone.

Alone, and yet surrounded by people. Alone, and smothered with the weight of an entire village. Of the world.

Alone and knowing what it truly means to belong.

He has family, a wife and a son. He has friends, comrades he trusts his life to. Mentors and teachers that taught him what was important. He has so many bonds now, he can't keep track of them. So many people dear to his heart, precious to him and worth every grueling moment spent locked up in his office.

He thinks of his son. A spoiled, annoying brat that made him want to tear his hair out, but meant everything to him. He's never loved anyone the way he loves Boruto. And out of every beating heart in the world, there is none he treasures more than his son's.

He loves his son. He loves his wife. He loves his friends, and his family, and his teachers, and the cups of instant ramen stashed in his desk that help him get through a day. He loves his village, and the high of a battle, and taking care of his plants. He loves being the Hokage, and the acknowledgment that he has accomplished his life-long dream, along with many other goals.

But there is a love he held once in his arms, gripped in his hand, and he is afraid he will never know it again. And he asks himself, pleads with himself, begs himself to realize how many bonds he has, how much love he has, how he should never feel alone again.

He sighs and stares up ahead.

The moon is still there, he reminds himself. Still beautiful. Still within reach, if he only knew how to get to it. He imagines himself flying. And then falling.

His eyes lower. Drawing himself up, he stares down into the village. The Hokage Monument has always been his favorite escape. A good place to stand and watch over, from high above, where no one bothered to look. Where he could be alone and he could sigh and stress and pull at his hair without any watching eyes.

Without meaning to, he thinks of the swing.

Sometimes….sometimes, he misses that swing.

Sometimes, he feels he is still on it.

A sudden prickle at the back of his neck forces him to pause, tense and alert, and he realizes a second too late that he is being watched. He turns around and can't help his sharp intake of breath. There is a moment of complete shock; his heart stops, his body locks into place. And then the flood of emotions he always had trouble sifting through slams into him with a fresh intensity: panic, and desperation and wonder and fear and relief—but above it all, happiness. Peace. Finally.

"Hinata…" He says her name so softly, that it's a murmur.

She stands there, at the base of his father's stone face, and he watches without breathing as she walks up the slope, pausing as she stands before him. Her hand, curled into her chest, slowly drops to her side as she steps towards him. He does not move from his perch, legs hanging over the verge of his father's spike of hair, afraid to breathe, afraid to move too quickly, afraid of the impending moment where reality will set in again.

She pulls her eyes away from his to take in the view of the village. "I see why you like it here so much." Her voice is the same; low and soft and the most comforting sound he's heard in what feels like a lifetime. She glances back at him with a small smile and then lowers herself, methodically bending her ankles behind her, before deciding against it and letting her legs dangle over the edge like his.

They are silent again, and at this point, both have torn their gazes away from each other to stare over the village. Blinking lights. Tree tops. Windows. Homes. The Hokage tower. Roads and people and flocks of birds and all the reasons why they cannot be together.

"Where were you?" He doesn't realize he has said it out loud until she answers him.

"With my family." She says quietly. "The Hyūga compound."

"Oh." He doesn't know what answer he was expecting—lockdown, house arrest, solitary confinement, quarantine. In the heat of his panic, it had all seemed so plausible. "So…this whole time…that's where you were?"

She nods. "Yes. For the most part." They are quiet for a few seconds, as Naruto tries to comprehend what she's told him. He knows she hasn't been on the best terms with the Hyūgas for some time now, since she married out of the family. He hopes…he hopes he didn't get her into trouble with them too. From the corner of his eye, he watches Hinata's sandaled foot swing leisurely through the air, tenderly and distractedly. "They just…wanted to clear my name." She says softly. "'Preserve the image of the Hyūga,'" She quotes quietly.

He swallows uncomfortably. "I…well, we stopped the rumors. So…so nobody's talking about it anymore."

She nods solemnly, and the corner of her lips turn up in a small forced smile. "I see." Breaking off with a subtle frown, she glances down at her hands in her lap. Her voice comes out in a murmur. "Who saw us?"

A graveyard worker, he thinks bitterly. One man was the reason for all the shit he was in now. But that wasn't the whole truth, was it? "The village." He decides. "The village saw." Hinata accepts it easily, nodding solemnly.

"H-how…how did your wife take it?" She asks quietly. His hands still.

"We fought." He says simply. She doesn't need to hear the details, the agony of the woman he's betrayed. "What about…him?"

She doesn't flinch. "I hurt him." She responds under her breath. He is startled by the look in her eyes, recognizing the emptiness he once saw in the eyes of her husband. The man she betrayed. He knows Hinata, and he knows the acknowledgement that she has caused grief to him is nearly physically painful for her. He can see it in her eyes. He can feel it inside his heart, the regret he feels towards his own wife. Two innocent people who got hurt, the casualties in their pursuit of happiness.

Naruto watches her and struggles. He doesn't know how to say it. Has thought of this moment for days, but never actually prepared for this. He clears his throat. "Hinata, I…I didn't…" He pauses and clenches his fists, his eyes scrunching shut. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

He can feel Hinata turn to him, sense her gaze on him. "But it did." She says softly.

He does not turn to look at her.

Naruto is many things. He is brash and impulsive and thick-headed. He can be clueless. He has been known to be dense.

But he's not stupid. He knows what is happening. Has known it was coming for quite some time now. "Hinata…" He sighs. "Why did you come here?" He knows that this time, Hinata is the one that sought him out. That looked for him and found him and came to him. A small part of him is overjoyed; no…every part of him, every cell in his body, every fiber of his being pounds in excitement. Hinata is here again. Hinata is looking at him again and thinking of him again and she's so close now that he can feel her warmth, and he knows how easily he can take her hand again. He can take her hand and it can be the same as it was all those other times. He could touch her again. He could hold her again. He could kiss her again, with nobody but the moon to see them.

But he's not stupid.

She turns to look at him, her gaze soft and patient, but with a sense of purpose that sends his nerves into overdrive. He knows that look. She lowers her eyes and stares back into the village. "What I did was wrong."

Yeah. Yeah, he knew that. As he goes to nod his agreement, he suddenly pauses at the realization of what she has just said. "It…it was me, too, Hinata. I was wrong too. It wasn't just you, it was the both of us."

"No. It was me."

"No. If anything, it was me. I…" He worries the hem of his cloak in his hand. "I did this."

There is a moment of silence, in which the two stared into their hands or laps, pointedly avoiding the other's eyes. Hinata is the first to speak. "When I was younger, my father once told me that I was set up for failure."

His knuckles flex and he clenches his hands into fists. "That's—"

"He was right." She says softly. Her eyes are wide and unwavering, as she stares into the sky. "Everything I did…I failed in. In being a daughter, a sister, an heiress…I was worthless." She presses her lips together, her head dipping down enough so that her bangs fell into her eyes. Naruto watches with bated breath, waiting for the right moment to stop her and tell her she was being too hard on herself. "And…when I became a shinobi…I had hoped that, maybe, I'd find my purpose. But…I wasn't too good at that either. And…and I was starting to understand that maybe it was just my lot in life. Some people are born to be great." She glances at him from the corner of her eye and he holds her meaningful stare before she looks back into her open palms. "And some people just aren't."

"Stop talking like that." He snaps coldly and she recoils.

"I…I just—"

"I'm not going to sit here and listen to this." He says firmly and decidedly. "I've told you alre—"

"For once in your life," Her low mumble cracks out, rough and deep with resentment and he instantly freezes up. Hands curling into fists, she whirls on him so fast her hair flies around her, her eyes hard and narrowed. "For once in your life, this is not about you!" Naruto flinches, eyes widening at her horrible accusation. "This isn't about you." She whispers, eyes still locked onto his. She takes a breath and he presses his lips together tightly before his outraged righteousness can speak for him again. "Not this time. Okay? Not this time."

Scrunching his eyes shut, he forces his hands to unclench and settles them on his sides. "Okay," He says with a tremble.

Some time passes again in silence, and he tries to relax, ignoring the ominous tension in the air. "I'm sorry." Hinata murmurs quietly. "I just…I've been…thinking a lot these past few days." He swallows. Nods. "And…I think I need to tell you why." She pauses, taking a shaky breath. "Why I can't be with you. Why I was never going to be with you."

Naruto pants through his nose, hyperaware of the frantic thrashing in his chest, of the stinging of his eyes, the burn of his dry throat as he takes quick, shallow breaths—danger. Run. Danger. Fight. Danger. Don't let her do this. "O-Okay." He chokes out, forcing himself to remain calm.

Hinata glances at him, eyes widening in what he can only assume is the look on his face. He vaguely wonders if he looks as dreadful as he feels. She doesn't. She's calm and collected and careful and gentle and everything he wants to drown himself in.

And then she speaks.

"One time, when I was eight, and Neji was beating me in every spar, and Hanabi was getting stronger, and father was getting angrier every day—I was being bullied by a few boys." Her fingers clutch at themselves. "And I cried, because that was the only thing I was good at, and I waited for it to pass so I could pick myself up and go home.

"But then you came. You came and you yelled at them and told them to leave me alone and it was the first time anybody had ever stood up for me." Her eyes stare across the sky, seeing something he can barely remember, as hard as he tries to. "You were this little boy with dirty clothes and a loud voice and the nicest smile I had ever seen.

"I'd see you around the village and I noticed that a lot of people didn't like you. They'd yell at you and call you names but you never cried or gave up. Not like I did. You were strong. I wanted to be strong too. I wanted to be like you." A bird flies past them and they both stare after it. He wants to tell her he did cry. That, when he was alone in his apartment and he could see the moon from his window, that he would cry and choke on his own snot and wake up with a mess on his shirt. That he would give up just as many times as he would stand and fight. But she is talking and he will not interrupt. "I would think of you when I wanted to cry. I would think of you when my body would hurt and my legs shook so much, I could barely stand on them. I would think of you when my clan would whisper about me and I was waiting for the day I would be put in a different cage. I would think of you when Ko told me that some flowers take longer to bloom than others."

Naruto's eyes scrunch shut. He wishes she would stop. It hurts.

"My father once told me that I was set up for failure." She repeats softly. "It was because I was afraid of trying." She pauses and sighs. "But everything I tried at, I failed. And if there was one thing I didn't want to fail, one thing I didn't want to ruin for myself…it was you. I didn't want you to see me and see what everyone else saw. I was afraid that you wouldn't like me…because I really liked you.

"But I still ended up failing you. Because you needed a friend, and I couldn't be that person for you. I'd see you on that swing and I'd think to myself that, one day, I would go to you and offer to push you high enough that you could see the Hokage monument.

"I never did. And I'm so sorry for that." She pauses and takes a deep breath. "I wanted to change myself. I desperately, desperately wanted to change. I wanted to be a completely different person. Someone worth looking at. Someone worth fighting for. Someone worth walking besides. You showed me, the day of the preliminary rounds of the Chūnin exams, that change starts from within. And if I really wanted to change, I just needed to try and I could do it." The corner of her lips pull up. "It's kind of funny. I still failed that day. But I tried and I was so happy, even when Shino told me how foolish I had been. I don't know. I guess I didn't care. I was still a failure, but for the first time, I stood tall and proud. And it was because of you. It was always because of you." She paused after that, reclining somewhat as she looked up into the sky, the moon mirroring her own soft gaze. Quietly, still looking up and away from his stare, she continued.

"As time went by, I felt like I really was changing. I was able to encourage you and talk to you—really talk to you, the way I always wanted to. I asked Neji to train me, and I was learning how to take my taijutsu to the next level. I was a better teammate to my squad. My father told me I needed improvement, but I knew I would get there someday.

"So much has changed since then. I've said and done things I never thought I would ever be capable of. I felt like I had caught up. I was worthy. I was there, walking besides you, holding your hand, and I planned on staying there. I was going to be the person I always wanted to be.

"And then I realized I failed." Now her gaze lowered. "Naruto-kun…I was hurt. M-More than that, I..." Her whispery voice softened. "I was devastated." Her fingers still, relaxing from their tight grip on her sweater. "It…destroyed me. And…and even though I had grown so much, and fought so hard…it was like I had never changed. I was that hopeless little girl again. The one who failed in everything."

Naruto shrinks into himself, his legs drawing up to tuck into his torso, clutching at his sleeves. He knows this. He's always known this. That he, of all people, had been the one to wound her. Hinata, who never succumbed, never strayed, no matter how many times she had been pushed to the brink…he had been the one to break her.

But he has never heard this said aloud. Has never heard it straight from the lips of the woman he cherishes so the depths of what he has done to her. And if what he feels inside, the wrenching immensity in his chest, is anything like what Hinata felt all those years of silence and negligence…then he will accept this pain a thousand-fold. He stays silent, keeps the burdens of his soul, his pleads for redemption, locked inside, away from her.

But it's hard. He can't keep his hands from shaking, or suppress the short breathless pants from his nose. It feels like he's being choked.

"I'm sorry." He looks up, sees Hinata watching him carefully with sympathetic eyes, seeing how her words were hurting him. And she repeats herself. "I'm sorry, Naruto-kun."

A rush of emotion slams into him at hearing this, an apology he does not deserve and rages at receiving. Eyes stinging with the sudden burn of angry, frustrated, suppressed tears, he can't help his shouts. "Stop it. Stop saying that! Stop apologizing to me! What are you—do you even realize—why do you always have to be like this, Hinata?!" He grips onto his hair, pulling and growling through clenched teeth. He's so angry. He's so fucking angry, and he rages and curses and he hates himself so much—why does he always have to be like this? Why is he such a screw-up?! Why did he always have to fuck everything up?! Why couldn't he have saved her and protected her like he saved everyone else?! And why—why did it have to be like this?!

Naruto's seething is cut short as his hand is taken and gently held.

Hinata stares ahead serenely, unflinching in the wake of his rage and agony, running her thumb over his knuckles as if she were stroking him to sleep. Naruto takes in deep breaths through his nose, calming himself down and unknowingly grips tightly onto her fingers. His trembles still, and he waits.

Hinata does not turn to him. And though she holds his hand, dutifully and devotedly, he can feel her reluctance—her instinct to pull away from him. But he does not have the strength to let go. His fingers curl around hers. "But you—you said…I thought you forgave me." He murmurs, thinking back to that night in the forest—his apology and her accepting smile. Her reassurance that she still looked at him the same way.

Her eyes lower to her feet, the color of her gaze washed out by the heaviness of her expression. "I thought so too." She says quietly. "I really did."

"Then…then all this time…" He trails off breathlessly, reexamining every instant he has shared with her since that fateful day, every smile he took, every moment he cherished…had she resented him? Looked at him and smiled and crumbled with the effort? And…for what? So she wouldn't hurt his feelings? It baffles him. "All this time…you hated me?" And, in the same breath, told him she loved him. He doesn't understand.

She looks up slowly. "I don't know." A brief pause. "I don't think so. I-I could never hate you, Naruto-kun, but…but it isn't the same. It's not the same as before."

Before he ruined her.

Naruto swallows through a dry cracked throat. "Then why…" Why did you let me in? Why did you say everything was okay? Why did you smile for me and ask me to rest more and laugh at my jokes and blush when I looked at you too long? Why did you tell me you loved me? "Why did you let me kiss you?"

Pink dusts at her cheeks, heats even the tip of her nose, as she lowers her eyes and briefly presses her lips together. "Be-because…because I wanted it."

At her quiet confession, he slowly pulls his head back up from its droop and turns to look at her. "I don't understand." He presses. She does not respond or even turn to look at him. "Hinata, please, I…I'm trying. This is hard for me."

After a long moment of silence, Hinata regards him from the corner of her eye and then turns to face him. "Do you know what love is?" She asks softly, and his eyes widen. "Do you?"

It's a question he's never tried to answer—not even in his thoughts—and he doesn't even know where to begin. Mentally, he grasps at straws, racing to find a suitable answer, find the words he knows she wants to hear. "Y-Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course. It's like…"

He pauses. For once…he doesn't know how to answer. It's an idea so large and multifaceted, he knows there are so many sides to it. Sides he learned long ago, and a side that dawned on him like a quiet sunrise.

What to say to a person like her, who has always grasped such an impossible concept with an unbelievable simplicity. A frightening ease.

"When I look at you, I get this intense feeling in my heart."

Naruto absent-mindedly runs his hand over his chest, his thoughts stumbling over that sudden memory. That. Yes, that.

"It's when…"

"That's why I'm not afraid to die, if it means I can protect you!"

Sacrifice. Sacrifice and courage and the most unbelievable words he has ever heard. A recollection of quietly asking Iruka-sensei, at the Sandaime's funeral, why someone would give up their life for another. A haunting answer in her challenging eyes and powerful voice.

He understands more than she will ever know.

"My heart instantly connected with the Kyuubi's will…"

Hatred. And pain. So much pain. So much rage. An unparalleled need for vengeance. Even that. He knows what caused the darkest moment of his life.

"It's all in your eyes."

He pauses, looking up into her eyes that once burned with such ferocity that he can hardly believe how softly they could shimmer for him too.

If there is an answer, one that cannot be put into words, that is where he can see it.

"My life was never just mine!"

He's connected with so many people. Different ties that linked their lives together: friendship, and family, and experiences, and dreams, and values, and comradery, and—

And a red thread that he never noticed weaving into his soul, his heart—the tie that binds him to Hinata.

And it's fraying.

"It's all thanks to you standing by my side…"

And the truth of that statement, that declaration he shouted to the world while holding her in his tight grip…the weight of it is almost frightening. He needs her there, in a way he has never understood but has always accepted. Always.

"Yes." He says. "I do." Her eyes soften, lowering and glancing over to the bright lights of the village. "You don't believe me." He mumbles, seeing the far-away expression in her eyes, the disbelief in her brow that tells him she was not expecting his immediate answer. He swallows the knot in his throat. "I meant what I said." He says decisively, and he knows she too is thinking of his words at the cemetery. His kiss. His promise.

Some time passes in contemplative silence, as he watches Hinata avoid his stare and think quietly to herself before glancing once over at him. "Sorry, I…I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

Her brow furrows. "I just…" She pauses, breathing out a quiet sigh. "The first time he ever told me that he loved me…I didn't believe him." Naruto unknowingly clenches his fingers, in momentary disbelief and irritation at the callous mention of her husband—in such a private and tender moment between them—but he quickly waves it away, reminding himself this is not about him. This is about Hinata. So he stays quiet. "You see, no one…h-had ever said that to me before. A-And it's not that I doubt that anybody cares for me, because I have a very loving family and many caring friends—" He almost smiles at her panicked explanation, glad to see a glimpse of the teenage girl he remembers that was always quick to cushion any heavy words with a lengthy, often unnecessary clarification. "…but I had to change before anybody ever even looked my way.

"Deciding to change, to stand up for myself and became a stronger person…it's still the best decision I made in my life. I'm proud of the way that I've grown." She assures with a firm smile. "But I didn't have to change for him. I can't even say that for my family. My clansmen, my grandfather, my father, my sister, even…even Neji-niisan." Her eyes lower briefly before lifting back up. "I didn't have to change for him. He…he loved me the way that I was. And that means everything to me."

Naruto is deathly silent as he stares into the dark night sky. There is nothing to say. How can he possibly refute this when he knows exactly how she feels? What she really means, the underlying words in her speech, goes unsaid, but their reluctance to acknowledge it doesn't make it any less true. Hinata wanted to change for many reasons…and Naruto was one of them. And it had taken years. Years before he finally realized it.

Years before he looked at her and saw what had been there the entire time, what she had always struggled to show him. Saw that, behind the strong, unbreakable woman he grew up with, was a girl who wanted to be loved just as much as he did.

And somebody else had seen her first.

"Hinata," He murmurs. "If…if I had known—"

"That's not the point." She cuts in, shaking her head softly. "Naruto-kun…really, I get it." She wets her lips and forces a grin under his dubious stare. "I-It's not like you did it on purpose. I…came to understand that. And I would never hold it against you." She punctuates that with a meaningful shake of her head. "…but it doesn't change what happened." She finally says what he has known in his heart but didn't want to accept. That, this time, he can't fix it. That she did not want him to.

"…I see." He forces himself to say when she doesn't continue.

"Th-that's the problem." Hinata says softly. "I don't think you do."

At this, he stills and then turns to face her. Insensitive and tactless as he may be, this feels like the final nail in the coffin—one he doesn't deserve. "Hinata. I get it. Okay? I fucked up. I get it."

Her brow scrunches briefly in irritation. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I just…I want you to understand."

"I understand just fine. You're not gonna leave him. I get it. I don't want to hear anymore." He can't help biting back gruffly. He doesn't want to hear it. Whatever else she has to say to him…he can go the rest of his life without hearing it.

"You're angry with me."

He pauses at her quiet revelation, ready to deny it, before realizing that…yes. He is angry. He's angry and he feels betrayed and he hates that she's comparing him to that bastard because it's not fucking fair and he's starting to regret ever telling her how deeply he feels for her if this is how it is going to end and—

"I was angrier." Hinata replies. Naruto's thoughts slam to a complete stop, startled by her cold expression. "I felt left behind and forgotten and lied to and like… a complete fool." Her eyes close. "And everyone…everyone felt sorry for me. They looked at me with pity in their eyes, and they would hug me and tell me that it would pass and that you were just an idiot and not to blame you because you didn't know any better—and I was so angry." He watches from the corner of his eye as she clenches her hands. "I was hurt and miserable and so lost and I had never been so angry in my entire life." The weight of such a bold claim isn't lost on him. "But I wasn't angry with you. Not entirely, at least. I was angry with myself, and I hated what I had become, and what I was doing, and what I let happen to me. I couldn't believe how foolish I was. How stupid I was, believing that anybody would ever love me the way that I loved you…" She pauses, breathing heavily through her nose. "And you didn't even care. I couldn't even leave my room, and you were introducing her to all our friends and buying flowers for her and getting ready for the birth of your son…and I couldn't even leave my room."

Naruto sits and lets this soak in—because it is true and he knows and remembers every moment…but it is also a complete lie. And he understands now why saying so doesn't make it any better. Telling her that he thought of her often doesn't make it hurt less. Telling her that she was the reason he couldn't sleep at night doesn't give her back the nights she spent lying awake. Telling her that he wanted nothing more than to run away with her doesn't make it so.

"And then he came. He went to the compound, and tried to bribe the guards, and threw flowers over the gates, and would come back even when everyone told him to stay away—and for the first time in such a long time…I felt worthy again." She trails off with a sweet smile and his treacherous heart breaks at his confirmation that it is not because of him. "Being with him…it changed my life. Because I realized that life doesn't end with you. Life breathes and changes and gives and takes and…and it can start over too. It can become something better, something I never knew I needed." She pauses and he takes the silent moment to reflect on her heavy words, her lingering smile—like what she is telling him isn't supposed to completely shatter him. "It took me a long… long time to accept that. But he was there with me the entire way." She sniffs and then clears her throat, stammering as she decides to tactfully change the topic, clearly weary of the hard, emotionless mask Naruto has plastered on. "A-Anyways, uh, I decided a few weeks after we started dating that I didn't want to hide anymore. I went on missions again, and made time to see my friends. I knew I would see you eventually and I wondered if I was ready to…act normally around you.

"But I didn't really see you. And…I thought, at first, it was probably my imagination, until I realized it wasn't. I'd sense your chakra, or see you from the corner of my eye, but when I'd turn around, you were never there." She ignores his subtle wince, as his own memories surface. "And then it came to the point where I would see you first, from a distance, and when you saw me coming…you would just…leave." There is a tense pause, an accusation hidden in the silence. Naruto doesn't deny it. He remembers very clearly the measures he took to steer clear from Hinata. But, in his eyes, it had always been about protecting her. Making sure his wife never caught wind of her and bad-mouthed her like she did to all his other friends. He was protecting her. Wasn't he?

Hinata sighs and kneads at her sleeves. "It was humiliating." She admits quietly. "Knowing that I made you uncomfortable…" She swallows. "That I made things awkward between us…that you were embarrassed of me… I wondered if we were ever friends to begin with."

"No." Naruto's eyes fall shut as he resolutely shakes his head. "I…I was just a coward, Hinata." He pauses, the sick feeling returning to his gut. That uncomfortable ache, he had felt it then too, when he would catch the sight of her in the distance, make out her dark hair and slender frame, and high-tail it out of there without a second thought, often leaving behind a sputtering wide-eyed companion yelling after him. "…I knew that I changed. And I didn't want you to see. To see me like that." He hesitates slightly before continuing. He doesn't want to say it out loud, but he knows that he must, this is the only time he will ever be able to. "And you changed too. I knew that. And I didn't want to see that either."

Hinata turns to him, taken aback by his confession. "Wh-what do you mean?"

He turns away from her. "You got married. You…had a child with him." He vaguely recalls the many instances he spotted her during those years, watching with a knot in his throat at the swaddle in her arms as she chatted with their friends. The very few moments he had not been able to duck out of the way in time and their gazes would meet for a split second before he immediately looked away. "I just couldn't believe it. I…didn't want to believe it." His eyes narrow slightly. "I kept saying to myself—in my head—I thought that it wasn't right. It…it was wrong. It had to be wrong. Something…something got messed up somewhere and I…I just couldn't understand what was happening to me."

Hinata's eyes are fixed to her lap and they do not shift away, even when she whispers, "You were married." A shallow breath. "Wh-why…why was it so wrong that I…that maybe I wanted the same? Why was it only okay for you to do what you wanted but not me?"

He is taken aback at that, turning towards her with startled eyes. "That's…that's not true."

She closes her eyes, shifting away from him until she is facing the moon again. "It's like…nobody expected me to move on. Nobody ever thought I could actually …. find somebody. It was like I was never supposed to. Like I was supposed to chase after you for the rest of my life." He thinks back to his own words at the cemetery, his…his demand that she return to his side. Where she belonged. The thought strikes him cold.

"I…I didn't mean it like that." He murmurs softly.

"Then what did you mean?" She demands in turn. "Why did you say that to me?" And he can hear it in her tone, the distress and the disbelief.

His breath begins to catch in his throat again, the truth bubbling in his stomach, rushing to brim over, to acknowledge the thoughts that kept him awake at night. "Because…because the Naruto that you love…the Naruto that never stopped fighting, never stopped dreaming, never stopped chasing what he wanted…I haven't been him in so long." He is dimly aware of the budding moisture washing over his lowered eyes. He pauses, taking a shaky breath.

Hinata watches him with startled eyes, her lips parting in concern. "Naruto-kun…" She says under her breath.

He swallows thickly. It's painful. It hurts. He wants to stop, wants to pretend this never happened, but the words and the confession and her warm, understanding eyes spur him on and the truth flows out of him like unstoppable rushing water. "And it kills me, 'cuz I know that if I was that Naruto…it wouldn't be like this. Everything would be different. I…I'd be a different person. A better person. A better Hokage. A better father. A better man." This time, he turns to stare her in the eye. "And you'd be mine."

She stares back, unflinchingly so, and ultimately, he is the one to shift his stare away. "You don't know that." His head snaps back to her in surprise, his brow already furrowing. "I just…maybe it…maybe it wouldn't have been so perfect." She says quietly, her eyes lowered, hands clasped on her lap. "Maybe…it wouldn't have worked out."

"That's impossible." He snaps. She glances up at him and he holds her stare purposely. That kind of logic just doesn't make sense. There's no way. A universe where they are not meant for each other just doesn't exist. Why can't she see that?

"Things change." She whispers. He is taken aback by that, startled by the frigid undertone, and he can't help the furrow of his brow at the way she tries to brush this off—this, that is so true and real to him. "People change." She takes a breath and looks away from him.

"Some things can never change." He responds quietly but with a fierceness that has her chance a glance at him.

"Maybe they should." Hinata says under her breath and he lowers his eyes.

"Hinata…do you wish that I never came back for you?"

She does not respond for a few long seconds, staring down into her clasped hands. "Yes. And no." There is a pause. "It was hard. It was really, really hard and…and I felt so many things and I didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. I…I was prepared to live the rest of my life without you." She continues. "And then you walked back in like you never left." They both stare across the sky, thinking of a day long ago that changed everything. Never-ending snapshots that were ingrained in him. A sunny sky. A marble memorial. A vase of sunflowers. A bittersweet taste of the life he could have had with her. A push to get closer.

He is silent for a long while. He is supposed to apologize again. Of that, he is aware. But…he has to make sure. "I just…couldn't stay away anymore." He explains. "And it's selfish—I know I had no right—but I just…I wanted to make sure you were okay." He pauses, noticing the way she is watching him from the corner of her eye. "And if you weren't okay, then I had to do something about it." He looks at her meaningfully. "I have to, Hinata."

She absentmindedly pulls at her sleeves, looking down at her knees. "…he loves me, Naruto-kun."

He sighs through his nose. "That's not enough for me. Look, it's not enough that he can just say he loves you and that makes it okay for him to try to control you. It just doesn't work that way. Hinata. You're strong. You're strong and you don't need anybody. Including him." His fingers clench. "Including me."

He can feel her stare on him and he doesn't meet her gaze. He is very aware that she does not need him. Not anymore. And maybe it's out of line to openly question her marriage, to reveal his doubts to her, but he simply cannot sit back and allow anybody else to hurt Hinata. Even if that person is her husband.

"I'm not leaving."

He does a double-take at that. "What?"

She turns to him. "I'm not leaving the village."

"He said so?"

"I said so."

He can't help looking amazed. "Really?"

She nods in confirmation. "After…everything…we had a long talk. It took a few days, and I had to ask my former team-members to help me look after Himawari, but…things are better. We just needed to talk. See things from each other's perspectives." She pauses, biting at her lower lip briefly. "It's not perfect, but…" She trails off. "Naruto-kun…your wife…will you be okay?"

He can do little more than try to force a grin. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." When she looks at him in concern, he sighs. "Ninja are those who endure." She softens at that, nodding in understanding. "'Sides, I've got Boruto, so…"

There is a stretch of silence as thoughts of their children weigh down on them. Ultimately, it is Hinata who breaks the tension. "You don't have to worry. Okay? I'll be alright."

He presses his lips together, swallowing his disagreement down. "Hinata, I…." He pauses. "I just want you to be happy." And even more than that…he wants to be the one. The one that makes her happy. Because he is really good at it. Because that is a part of him that will never go away. Because that is who he is. He knows he is.

He watches as Hinata drags her sleeve across her eyes, wiping away any residue that might have spilled over her lashes. She sniffles once and swallows heavily, letting one harsh breath escape before quickly composing herself. There is a gentle smile on her lips, one that makes his heart flutter, because it's real and finally it's because of him. She looks up at him, studying him the way he likes to study her—in the open. With nothing to hide. Where she holds his gaze, and lets him in, and he can see and feel what's written in her eyes.

Heartbreak.

Regret.

And love. The kind that never goes away.

"Okay. I will." She accepts, her smile warm and grateful and so honest he can't help the shaky corners of his mouth from lifting as well. "...but Naruto-kun needs to be happy too. Okay?" His smile falters and he looks away from her pleading stare. "Promise me. Please." He presses his lips together and closes his eyes, shaking his head. The sanctity of a promise—the weight of a vow between them—is not lost to him; he understands her meaning and the intent behind such a request.

"I can't." He says as Hinata watches him with heavy eyes. And he really can't. He can't make a promise like that. He can't swear to her that he can walk away from this and never look back. It's just never going to happen.

"You can." She says firmly. "You're strong, Naruto-kun."

He almost laughs. A cruel smile twists on his lips. "I'm not like you, Hinata." He just isn't strong enough. He's never learned how to let go. Never even wanted to. If he could help it, why would he ever want to? As a child, maybe it was easier to stay so stubborn. To refuse and happily accept being called a fool. "I don't want to be alone again." He admits quietly. "And now you're going to leave me forever."

Hinata stares at him silently and she shifts close enough that their thighs touch. He glances once between them and then back up at her. "You're not alone. You'll never be alone." Yes. Yes, of course. Yes, he has his friends and his family and his son, but that's not the same. That love, that need just isn't the same, doesn't even come close. "Naruto-kun," She presses in a shaky voice and he turns to her unwillingly. "I will always be with you. Always. That's never going to change." He feels himself soften at her words, his eyes tingling with the rush of emotion. "Even if you feel like you're alone, or that no one understands you…" The iridescence of her irises holds him captive, watching the glimmer of tears as they slowly brim over her dark lash-line. "I will always be there for you. A-a-and I h-hope—" Her voice cracks and she powers through with a shuddery breath. "—th-that you'll be there for me too…" She doesn't even bother wiping away her tears as she stares pleadingly at him. Seeing Hinata bare herself to him—the raw emotion in her voice and the naked unbridled truth in her words—it paralyzes him the same way it always has before and he can do little more than stare at her. "P-Please, Naruto-kun. N-Not again. Don't run away from me again."

The very idea of ever doing that again—of avoiding her, of staying away, of letting her suffer because of his weakness, of not being there when she needs him—it repulses him. He shakes his head frantically, muttering out choked 'no's and 'I won't's that are barely coherent enough to understand until they both lapse into silence, waiting for an answer he does not want to give.

His eyes sting as they stare into the dark abyss in front of him.

He wants to tell her so many things.

Everything that she has taught him. About life. About love. About pain and suffering and why even smiles can hurt. And what it means to be a man.

That there is nothing more precious in the world as being understood, and he has always understood her.

That, because of her, he understands now why wars have been fought over something as simple as one woman. Because he would fight a thousand wars, a thousand monsters, a thousand evils, for a chance to make it right.

That he understands why a person would die for another—and also live for another.

He wants to tell her so many things.

He decides on only one. "I promise."

And she breathes. Lowers her head and closes her eyes and finally breathes.

The next few seconds are lost to him. He doesn't register it when Hinata lifts herself up, wobbling on shaky knees, and he follows her. He doesn't allow himself to reach for her when she looks up at him and lowers her eyes self-consciously. Doesn't even respond when she questions the time off-handedly.

But then she steps towards him, and the gleam in her eyes brings backs so many memories that his mind is a whirlpool that comes to a crashing halt when Hinata tucks her arms around him, and she holds him in an embrace so warm that he crouches and wraps his arms around her instinctively, bowing his head and pulling her close.

He allows himself this final moment. To feel her. To hold her. To breathe her in and memorize the way their hearts are beating together.

"Thank you." She whispers against his chest. And though it hurts, though he feels he is not worth her gratitude, it is the one thing he is glad for tonight. She has closure now. She can move on and he will learn to be happy with that.

Closing his eyes, he holds her tighter and presses his nose into her soft sweet-smelling hair. "…I'll miss you."

In response, she presses herself into his chest and nods in agreement. With a sniffle, she turns to the side, glancing up at him and cracking a small smile. "I won't let you miss me."

He can't help his large flashy grin—even if there are tears prickling his eyes. "Are you gonna stalk me again?"

She laughs at that, pressing her forehead against his chest to muffle herself. "My days hiding behind trees are over…" She says softly. "But…I'll be there. Always."

A warmth spreads in him. A beam of light glows through the dark abyss, like the first rays of sunshine through rainclouds. Like moonlight glowing through his windows and reflecting off her eyes.

"Me too." He says back just as softly. "Even when you get sick of me." And then his voice drops, just low enough so that she can hear it as he buries himself deeper into her hair, angle his forehead against her temple. "…I promise."

Her eyes fall shut, her lips curling up in a sweet smile. And, inevitably, their embrace must come to an end. They draw away slowly from each other, and while he stands and watches her, she turns the way she came. "See you later, Naruto-kun."

He allows himself a small grin. "See you…Hinata." She returns the smile and with a final knowing look, heads down the mountain path, not turning even once to look back at him until she is out of sight.

There is a long stretch of silence in which Naruto can do nothing but stare after her, not bothering to fight back the slam of emotion that nearly buckles his knees. Instead, he drags himself to the ledge of the monument and does nothing but stare.

In another life, things would be different.

In another life, there would be explosions and fireworks and he would soar through the air—not falling, but flying. And the whole world would know that he loved her.

In another life, he would agonize over first dates and reach for her hand when she looked timid and ask her to marry him way too soon but mean it all the same.

In another life, Himawari is his and Boruto would protect her from anything.

In another life, she laughs at all his dumb jokes and nods supportively when he tells her he won't be home in time for dinner.

Naruto pauses, squinting his eyes as he stares below him. And there is Hinata, halfway down the mountain, staring up at him. And then she lifts an arm and waves cheerfully, and though he is too far to see it, he knows which smile she is giving him now. The smile of promise. The smile that she gave him through every hardship and would help him get through this one. He waves back with all his might, smiling so brightly that she won't need her gifted eyes to see it.

In another life, everything is so different.

But they have each other in this lifetime too. They will always have each other.

Naruto sighs softly to himself, his eyes falling shut, the moonlight washing over him, a happy, genuine smile on his peaceful face.

He cannot ask for anything more.

THE END.

"Just look over your shoulder

…I'll be there

Always."

-Phil Collins, "You'll Be in My Heart"

I know, I'm evil! :(

Trust me, it was really hard writing this and I completely get it if you hate me. I'd hate me too. But, when I first thought of this story, I aways had this ending planned out and it got harder and harder to keep to my goal the more I wrote, but I knew I couldn't waver.

This story is not a story of true-love-conquers-all. This is a story about mistakes and consequences. Of living with your choices. Of the depths of relationships and the impact it has on others.

Even if it doesn't seem like it, this isn't a Naruto-bashing story. Trust me. I love the guy and I wish there was some way that he could have stayed with Hinata and not betrayed everything they stand for in this story.

Anyways, if you want to flame me, go on ahead. Can't say I blame you. Just remember: this is an AU. Canon is amazing and it's what always reassures me when I read a crushing fanfic.

Thank you for reading this story and putting up with my two OC's. I hate OC's to be honest. But nobody could fulfill the roles Hamasaki and Naruto's wife (who still remains nameless) bring to the story.

Well, since I got this heartbreaker out of the way, I am planning two more stories to bring to the table. One is a NaruHina (with a happy ending, I promise!) and the other is...SasuHina. Yikes.

Stick around!

Until next time.

-Gen.