Chapter 22 - Too Close to This

"Andy!" Sharon repeated much more loudly than the middle of the night in a quiet bedroom probably called for. She lifted her head off his chest, where apparently it had slid down to in her sleep, so quickly that a sharp pang of pain jolted through her injured shoulder, but she barely acknowledged it.

He suddenly stiffened, but only for a brief moment, before his breath hitched again and she realized what was really going on.

"Andy," she repeated again, much more quietly, much more softly this time, pulling herself up and reaching a hand up to his face. "Hey," she said, her own breath getting caught in her throat now.

In response, he only wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down again, burying his face in her hair.

She wrapped her own arms around him and buried her face in his neck, only one thought occupying her mind just then. He wasn't having a heart attack. Another labored breath went through him, shaking both him and her. He was crying, quietly fighting back the sobs that seemed to be trying to choke him.

"Andy," she mumbled, shifting slightly to press her cheek against his. "It's okay," she whispered, running her hand gently up and down his side. "Everything's okay," she reiterated.

At that, what little control he still had over his emotions vanished and his sobs finally started pouring out of him. With each breath one sob. He managed to tighten his hold on her even more, probably oblivious to the fact that it was tugging on her shoulder (not that she was too aware of it at the moment either) and continued taking long, ragged breaths as he kept losing his fight with his tears.

She shifted again, despite his tight grip, and placed her head on his chest, never ceasing her soothing ministrations against his side.

"It's okay," she kept repeating, quietly on barely a whisper, almost chanting the words. "I'm here," she would add in between at times, trying to keep her own threatening tears at bay.

Whether they stayed like that for just a few minutes or an hour, neither one of them could tell but finally, slowly, Andy started taking steadier breaths, his painful sobs replaced by sniffling, until he seemed to have let it all out.

"It's okay," Sharon repeated one last time as she felt him loosen his hold on her. She pulled herself up, sitting down on her bent legs to look at him. She put a hand on his chest, then reached over him to turn on the light on the nightstand on his side of the bed. "Hey," she told him gently when she met his eyes, red rimmed.

He still remained quiet and just looked at her sadly, swallowing every now and then, so she leaned down, putting a hand on each side of his face, running her thumbs over his tear-stained cheeks, and kissed him. "Hey," she repeated again when she pulled back, not letting go of his face.

He took another breath, the steadiest one in what seemed like forever. "They kept telling me I was too close to this," he finally said, putting a hand over one of hers. There was a much more gravely quality to the low, quiet voice he spoke in than usually.

She smiled, briefly, barely noticeably. "You were," she told him gently. She did not say it in admonishment for having been part of the search for her. It was merely fact. As her then-fiance, he was simply too close to the case.

His look only got more intense and he shook his head. "No," he disagreed, rather forcefully, as he laced their fingers together and squeezed her hand tightly.

"Andy," she started but he only shook his head again so she promptly closed her mouth.

He lifted their joined hands, reached for her ring finger with his other hand and started turning around the ring he had placed there only a few hours ago, shaking his head again. It was a simple ring, a mix of white and yellow gold, a faint curved line stretching over the length of it. They only had their first names engraved into them along with the date of their wedding day.

When he just remained quiet, she tried again. "Andy."

He looked at her again, again shaking his head, but not letting go of either her hand or her finger. She swallowed back a painful lump in her throat when she realized his eyes had glazed over with tears again and that he was silent because he didn't trust himself to speak right now. He was trying to compose himself.

She had never seen him cry before. She swallowed again, realizing that she was the reason why he suddenly was. She tried again, but this time, she couldn't get his name past her lips, not even past her throat as it painfully closed again, forcing her to swallow once more and take a ragged breath instead. The growing pressure in her chest didn't help either.

"Do you know just how this week could have ended?" he finally said, blinking a few times, probably to clear his tear-clouded vision.

The sob she was so desperately trying to hold back, finally escaped and with it, her dam burst.

He made no move to try to console her, or even to touch her beyond keeping his hold on her hand. Instead he kept his gaze on her hand for a couple of minutes, until finally he looked at her again and, thickly, told her, "I am so sorry, Sharon."

She gave him an incredulous, teary-eyed look. The words even managed to slow down her tears somewhat. "What, in the name of God, for, Andy?" she managed to ask in a high, shocked voice.

"I had no idea, Sharon," he added, the words making absolutely no sense to her, but his inflection letting her know that, whatever it was, he now actually had much more than just an idea about it.

"No idea?" she repeated, her confusion now having put a stop to her tears altogether. "About what?" she asked, rubbing away the tears on her cheeks with her free hand.

He turned his head and looked at the poorly illuminated ceiling. "I could have died, too," he said, so quietly that she wasn't sure she had heard him right.

But then it clicked and she knew she hadn't misheard him. His 'dust up with the car'. His blood clot. His heart attack. Her kidnapping. Her fainting.

"No, don't go there," she said firmly, pulling her hand out of his grasp to clasp his face again. She shook her head when he met her gaze. "No," she repeated, louder this time. "We both could have, Andy, but we didn't," she told him, pinning him with a hard, determined look. "You're here. I'm here," she told him. "We're married now, for crying out loud!" she told him, her voice thinning as if she was both elated and absolutely stunned by the fact.

He finally smiled, a small, but warm, genuine smile. "They were wrong," he told her, again throwing her for a loop.

"Who?" she asked, completely incapable of following his train of thought at the moment.

"I'm not too close to this," he told her in answer, shrugging suddenly, and there was a slight airy quality to his words as if they had surprised him.

"Andy, what are you talking about?" she asked him, sitting back and resting her hands on top of her thighs to give him a resigned, almost exasperated, look. She could usually easily pick up on his thoughts but right now she really had no clue what could possibly be on his mind.

"I'm not," he repeated, sounding defensive now and she couldn't tell if he was defending himself against her or against somebody or something entirely different. It was as if he was having a private argument with someone in his head, and she was only privy to his side of it.

She sighed but stayed quiet, deciding to just let him come to the point at his own pace. Whatever he was talking about, clearly he was still trying to wrap his head around it, so she just waited it out.

Finally, he turned and got up to mirror her position on the bed. He put his hands over hers and looked at her, shaking his head again. "I'm not too close to you," he told her confidently, smiling slightly more brightly now. "Sharon," he told her, and the way he said her name made her swallow again, as if to brace herself for whatever was coming next, "I don't think I can get close enough to you!"

He sounded so honest, innocent even, like a child in wonder, that all she could do was keep looking at him in silence for a few more moments. Then, suddenly, without knowing what came over her, she burst out laughing. She just let her head fall down, the uncontrolled laughter bubbling to the surface.

"Oh, Andy," she said in a high-pitched voice, her laughter not dissipating in the least.

"It's true though," he said on a high defensive note, but finally started laughing, too, leaning his head against hers and letting his own laughter rumble through him.

"Oh, God," she said, finally managing to pull herself together. "We'll wake up the entire house," she said, lifting her head to shake it.

That suddenly put a smirk on his face. "It is our wedding night," he told her over a scalding look full of innuendo.

She put her face in her hands and shook her head again, laughing a little more. "You're terrible," she mumbled into her hands.

He reached for them to pry them off her face and looked at her. He had grown serious again, she realized as she met his gaze.

"I'm sorry," he told her.

She could tell what he was talking about this time around and she finally sobered again, giving him a concerned look. If sacrificing a bit of her sleep was what it took to lift some of the heavy weight she was sure he was carrying around these past few days, he really had absolutely nothing to apologize for. Especially not when she had kept him awake as well, and probably more times than she even knew she had.

"Do you feel better now?" she gently inquired.

He shrugged and put his hands over her upper arms, pulling her down onto her side with him as he lay down on his own side. She followed willingly, even though she finally registered the slight pain in her shoulder.

"I don't know," he said, a note of wonder to his words. "I couldn't fall asleep." He pinned her with a guilty and concerned look. "I didn't dare falling asleep," he said, sounding terrified all of a sudden and she briefly closed her eyes, hating that she worried him that much. "And then it all started replaying in my head again and it just came over me," he said lamely. "And when it did, I didn't know how to make it stop," he added quietly. "The idea of you..." he trailed off on a heavy sigh, giving her a scared, pained look as he shook his head as if trying to shake off the entire idea.

She smiled somewhat ruefully. "I know the feeling," she told him. She had faced the same idea more than once.

He chuckled bitterly. "Yeah, I figured that out, too," he said, sounding almost regretful now. "I meant what I said, you know," he went on, "I can't let go of you."

"I know," Sharon only just managed to say before Andy continued talking.

"I was so scared," he told her. "I'm still terrified." He swallowed before going on. "Terrified that something will happen, Sharon, and that you'll be gone again."

When his voice broke over those last few words, shelet out something between a gasp and a choked back sob. She could barely make his face out through the tears that glazed over her eyes, but she knew his were teary again as well. "Me, too," she told him, the words leaving her barely above a whisper as she tried to pull herself together. "When you collapsed in the murde-"

"I know, I know," he interrupted heatedly, and as she blinked her tears away she realized he was offering her a watery smile. "No wonder you were hovering that much," he told her on a slightly lighter note.

It got a faint chuckle out of her. "We're even now, aren't we?" she asked, smiling now, too.

Andy shook his head and leaned in closer to her to kiss her. "You can hover as much as you want," he told her when he pulled back. "Just," he pinned her with a hard look, "don't go," he added thickly.

"I've got nowhere else to be," Sharon told him in response before giving him a quick kiss herself.

It drew the desired chuckle from him, and Sharon had to smile when she realized the tears in his eyes were now gone, too. He nodded. "Good, neither do I," he told her.

She traced her fingers over his cheek, suddenly feeling oddly relaxed as she let her head sink into her pillow while she watched him do the same. "I know what you mean though," she told him.

At his puzzled look she had to smirk slightly.

"I can't get close enough to you either," she finally said, deciding to let him in on her thoughts much sooner than he had let her in on his a few moments ago.

He took a deep breath, as if chasing the heaviness of it all away somehow, and smiled. "It's okay though," he told her, nodding as he repeated her earlier words. "We're going to be okay," he said, more confidently now, scooting closer to her and reaching for the covers.

She smiled, too. "We are," she agreed, letting him tuck them in.

He pressed his lips to her forehead for an impossibly long moment and started pulling her closer to himself, apparently ready to give sleep another try. Unfortunately, at the movement, Sharon let out an involuntary hiss of pain and he instantly stopped to pull back, his left hand resting only lightly on her right arm now.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly.

Sharon let out a chuckle, despite the discomfort in her shoulder. "We really should ease up on the hugging," she told him, carefully trying to shrug her injured shoulder, testing the level of pain in it. It was manageable, she decided.

"Oh, God, I forgot, I'm sorry," Andy said. "Oh, God, do I need to get you to a doctor?" he asked, sounding positively alarmed now as he started pulling his hands completely away, probably ready to jump out of bed and to his feet, too.

"No," Sharon quickly told him, reaching for his hand to calm him down. "It's throbbing a bit," she admitted, putting his hand over her side. "I just need to stop moving so much and it'll pass, I'm sure."

Andy stiffened and gave her a long, slightly narrow-eyed look. She half-expected him to ask if she was sure. However, he just nodded and said, "Okay, let's try to sleep again."

When she quietly agreed with his suggestion, he turned off the lamp and gently and much more carefully this time scooted closer to her again. She hummed quietly, enjoying the added, comforting warmth when he wormed his arm between her side and the mattress.

Once settled in, he spoke again, much more relaxed now and sounding absolutely content. "I love you, Sharon Flynn," he told her, closing his eyes.

Her new name planted a silly smile on her face, but she just tucked her head in under his chin, resting her cheek on her palm before draping her other arm over his and pulling him even closer. When she felt his hands folding behind her back, effectively locking her in his embrace, her smile only grew wider.

She closed her eyes as well and, when she finally replied, her words left her on a thick whisper. "I love you, too, Andrew Flynn."

That she still might have nightmares or that he still might have sleepless nights was by now a given.

But yes, together, close like this, they would be okay.

In time.

THE END

So, I felt like it was time for Andy to have a little breakdown of sorts. I considered making an argument out of it, you know, in typical temperamental Andy fashion before coming to the crux of the matter. And I even wrote it, with a different ending to the previous chapter, too, but it just turned out to go against what I imagine Shandy to be like. Miscommunication leading to yelling at each other? That just doesn't fit the bill in my book. [Although that did make me wonder what an argument between them might look like.] That's why I, ultimately, opted for a more mellow approach. I'm not too sure I did a good job of it, but I guess I liked it enough to post it. *shrugs*

Anyways, this also seemed like a good place to end. Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, following and liking this story! Your response, as always, has been amazing and it certainly made writing even more fun than it already was. (Who knew writing angst could be so much fun? haha)

Oh, and to sundishine2, sorry about the lack of a honeymoon. I hope I didn't disappoint though.

I'd also like to apologize for any mistakes I may have made. Like I've already said in my earlier stories, English is not my native tongue, so I'm sure you can find plenty of them, so, sorry about those! Btw, if there's some blatant error that annoyed you or I kept repeating all the time, please tell me! I'm always eager to learn and improve! XD

And, uhm, I don't know if I'll post anything new until season 5b airs (when I'll definitely continue my episode add-ons), but if inspiration hits me again or you have some ideas (and I have time) maybe I do pop in with another story (or one-shot) in the meantime.

Either way, see you around! Ta-ta! :)