"So, what are we gonna do with him?" Harley asked, looming over the groggy figure of Gotham's most eligible bachelor. She'd never seen him in person before. His body rolled on the ground of the van.

"We aren't going to do a thing." He flashed a snarky grin at her. "A little birdie told me that Bruce-y Boy's company is who supplied the Bat with his toys. I'm going to find out if that's true or not."

"What'll that do?"

"What'll it do?" The Joker asked, outraged. "It gives us everything! I could shut the lunatic down, if I wanted! No more batarang production? No more repairs on the Batmobile? Ha! Life would be so easy."

She raised a finger and said, "You could also find out who Bats is?"

With a calm growl, he muttered, "I don't want to know who he is."

Bruce Wayne sputtered, a little bit of bubbly blood jumping from his lips. He was laughing. "Hey!" Harley's foot jumped out and kicked him in the ribs. "What are you laughing at?"

"You think I, the most influential man in Gotham… Would help support that crazy person? I'm a friend of this cities, not a foe." Joker watched his spiel with a raised eyebrow. He bent onto one knee and raised Wayne's head with a single finger beneath the chin. That chin…

"I'm sure our local government really appreciates all the parties and the trail of semen you leave behind you." He patted his head and Bruce scowled, not meeting the clown's piercing gaze. "What are you hiding, little Bruce?"

"You're a psychopath."

The Joker stopped, looked at Harley with a funny look and then back down at Wayne. "You say that as if I don't already know it," He said kindly, grabbing Bruce by the jaw and pinching his cheeks like a baby. The car lurched around a corner and Joker let go of Bruce to lean against the wall, his thin, tall frame looming over him menacingly.

Harley sat down beside him, crossing her legs and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. She was studying his face closely, narrowing her big eyes. Bruce glared at her, wiping the blood from his mouth slowly. He seemed uncomfortable, not wanting her eyes on him for too long. "Ya know, buddy," she said thoughtfully, "You're cuter on TV."

Joker scowled at her and she squeaked, blushing. But then he rested his hands on his knees and peered down at Bruce curiously. "Actually, I think you may be right, Pooh! Ha! Something about the hair… Or maybe the cheek bones."

"His jaw is nice."

"Sharp enough to cut a man," Joker said with a laugh.

"It'd be fun to watch it break," Harley said, her lips curling up into a grin. Bruce scowled at her.

Joker doubled over in laughter. "That's my girl!" The van started to ease to a stop, and Joker began to compose himself, though still smiling. "Looks like we're home," The Joker muttered to himself. He tossed a dirty rag to Harley. "Blindfold him and bring him inside, Harley girl. I've got a metal hanger and a gas stove waiting for him…" Harley nodded and began to tie it around Bruce's head, humming a little as she did so. The Joker opened the doors and hopped out onto the pavement, water splashing up from a puddle he'd landed in. Harley coaxed Bruce up and lead him to the exit where two goons were waiting to escort him.

Once they were inside and their victim was tied to a metal folding chair, Joker came back in the room, sans coat and rubbed his hands together. "So! Here's the dealio, Brucey. All I need is cooperation, and answers."

"What is your plan?" Bruce demanded, still blindfolded. "Even if I were to admit to this ridiculous accusation, what would you do? How would this benefit you?"

Joker pursed his lips and glanced at Harley, his goons, and then back at Bruce. "It'll be fun." Then he laughed. "Imagine…" His arm fell around Bruce's shoulders and he used his other hand to gesture off into the distance. "Every time the Bat goes to get a new toy or upgrade, BAM! A bomb explodes. Or it falls apart in his hand. Or… A whoopie cushion is in his seat. The possibilities are endless."

"And you think he wouldn't have a back-up plan?"

"Of course he does," Joker sneered. "What fun would it be if he didn't? There'd be no challenge."

"The Batman could still kick your ass without any help."

Joker dug his nails into Bruce's neck and growled into his ear, "You shouldn't underestimate what crazy can be capable of."

"Maybe you're not crazy," Bruce snapped, jerking away from the Joker's hold. "Maybe you just like the attention." A harsh back hand flew into Bruce's cheek, making his head turn sharply to the side. He chuckled. "That hit a nerve, I suppose."

"

I want access to all your information on the Batman," He hissed down at Wayne. "I want to know everyone who sees, builds, and knows about this entire operation. Do you understand?" His voice dropped to a low octave that made Harley shiver from across the room.

"I can take whatever you throw at me, Joker."

"I'll believe it when I see it." The Joker left the room with a jerky stride, leaving Bruce, Harley and two of their clowns to stare each other down. Bruce glared at Harley as she studied him. There was still something about that face that made her uneasy. She wasn't sure if it was just the knowledge that she was meeting the most famous man in Gotham (other than her Puddin', of course), or if there was something else she wasn't picking up on. Either way, she didn't trust the pretty boy and she didn't want to turn her back on him.

Bruce didn't look at her as he said, "Why are you so certain Batman won't come for me?" He seemed amused.

She shrugged her shoulders and pursed her red lips together. "He probably will. But it ain't like he knows where you are. We have time on our side. Plus Bats isn't the brightest tool in the shed." She pointed to her temple with a silly smile.

"The brightest tool in the shed, huh?" He chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Her voice raised in pitch, almost too shrill, and Bruce cringed.

"It's the sharpest tool in the shed."

Harley rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, right. Most of the tools in the shed aren't even sharp. Hammers, wrenches…" Bruce decided not to argue with her. While Quinn had a very high intellect when it came to her patients in Arkham, she'd degressed back to a child once the Joker sunk his claws into her. Sometimes he wondered if her ditziness was an act. After all, the Joker didn't like to feel inferior. Bruce knew that all too well.

"What happened to you, Harleen?" He knew he shouldn't have called her that.

"Don't fucking call me that," She hissed as she walked towards him. Both of the clowns in the room watched with wide eyes. Not many things set Harley off, but her old name was definitely one of her triggers. Lifting her red and white baseball bat over her head, she swung it down, giving Bruce no time to prepare before it slammed into his stomach. He coughed loudly and his body lurched forward, caving in over his abdomen. Wiping the hair from her forehead, she sniffed haughtily and trotted after her boyfriend.

In the connecting room, Joker was busy tossing various objects over his shoulders as he scrounged through the hideout. He wasn't sure where to start. There was always a good old fashioned crowbar, but… That seemed so overused after the Black Dahlia Robin. Heh. Funny. When he heard Harley stomping into the room, blabbering about something, his shoulders shot up to his ears in irritation. "— hear what he said to me?! Agh!"

Joker closed his eyes and breathed in slowly through his nose. Putting on his most concerned face, he turned to her and pouted. "Aw, baby, what did big, bad Brucey do to you?"

"He's bein' a condescending prick, that's what he's doin'!"

"I'm gonna need more specifics than that, baby," He told her dryly, turning back to his scavenger hunt.

"First, he insulted my intelligence and then he called me Harleen." Joker's long, green eyebrow raised on his forehead. That was curious. It seemed a little too personal for him. Only the Bat called her Harleen… And occasionally the Joker, when he really wanted to piss Harley off.

Which was most of the time.

"A little cocky, ain't he? As if he knows you… Knew you." He wasn't paying too much attention to her but he was intrigued by their captive. He must be close to Batman if he was acting that familiar with the Gotham Rogues.

"I hit him with my bat."

Joker grinned. "Thatta girl. Go keep yourself busy, pumpkin. Daddy's about to get to work." With that, he lifted a handful of custom purple and green darts.

Hi guys! Thanks for the reviews I've gotten so far; I'm having a lot of fun writing this story. My hope is that you guys have as much fun reading it!