So guys. Eye Of The Storm is complete and I'm still a little sad but it's time to crack on with this story. I'm still in two minds over who Tara will end up with in this story, so if you're looking for a Jax/Tara HEA, I can't guarantee it this time.

Thank you all for your sweet messages over the course of my pregnancy. They have meant everything to me. I am now on maternity leave so expect some more chapters soon.

As ever, I hope you enjoy this angst filled chapter.

To her eternal surprise, Jax doesn't follow her home and it's only now that she is alone that she finally allows herself to break. All of the heartache and the fear and the guilt choke her until she can barely take a breath. And so Tara cries for hours, curled up in the middle of her kitchen floor, shedding tears for Jax, for her ruined family, but for mostly herself. Just this one time, Tara embraces the self pity curling around her.

Every time she closes her eyes all she can see is each and every betrayal. He's a terrible man, she's never been under the misapprehension that he is anything other than what he is. But it doesn't matter. She loves him despite it all, still, but it's slowly killing her.

The love that they share is poison, and she's not willing to let herself die this slow agonizing death anymore.

It's true that she has changed over the last five years. Being part of this life has made her a killer and a liar, but it's also made her stronger than she ever thought herself capable of being. All of the pain and the suffering, it's what gives her the strength to finally admit it.

They're over.

For good.

She can live without him, she's almost sure of it.

Maybe she can even be happy.

And so despite her aching heart, Tara wipes her tears and stands.

Gemma comes to drop the kids off the same night, and though Tara can see that the other woman is dying to stick her nose in she wisely chooses not to. She offers to help put the boys to bed but Tara declines with a forced smile. She wants to be alone with her boys and figure out what to do next, and so surprisingly Gemma leaves with a sad smile. She pauses just as she passes Tara, her hand reaching out to squeeze her shoulder gently. "It's the only way he knows," Gemma says quietly. "He loves you, it's always been you. None of the others matter. You're the one he comes home to, has two beautiful boys with."

If she had any fight left in her, Tara would tell Gemma to shove her 'Old Lady Lessons' up her ass. She hasn't needed her advice in months, and she really doesn't need to hear about how it's her duty to turn the other cheek. Instead Tara coldly says, "Don't make excuses for him. Love isn't enough anymore."

Gemma's eyes flash. "So you're willing to rip your family apart over a quick fuck?" she sneers.

Tara leans in closer to her mother in law and hisses, "This is on Jax, not me. He has known from the start that I won't put up with this shit. Jax ruined this, and anything that has happened since is on him."

All pretense of being the concerned mother in law disappears, Gemma snarls and opens her mouth to reply but Thomas starts crying. Both women pause. With one last pointed look at Gemma, Tara goes to see to Thomas and by the time she returns Gemma is long gone.

For three weeks she hears nothing from him, but every night she hears the engine of his bike driving passed the house to check on them, and every night it brings a new wave of tears. She begs Neeta to work more hours and throws herself into work. Surgery is the only thing that takes her mind off of her failing marriage and her broken family, and though she loves her boys more than anything, seeing their curious faces and fielding Abel's questions about where Daddy is is slowly breaking her heart. Being in his house makes her want to burn it to the ground and right now the hospital is the only place she feels sane.

Still, when she spots Jax waiting outside the door of her office she's tempted to pull on her old trusty running shoes and take off, but he catches her eye and from the hard clench of his jaw, she knows that the second she runs he will be chasing after her despite their current location.

So, Tara takes a calming breath and forces herself to go and talk to her husband.

He looks rough, she notices with spiteful glee. The last few weeks haven't been easy for him. He clearly hasn't slept in days and though she can tell that he's currently sober, he's definitely been drowning himself in whiskey since they last saw one another.

He says nothing as Tara pulls out her keys and steps aside to let him into her office. He's way too close, and any clarity she has gained in the last few weeks threatens to crumble as he passes her and his familiar scent hits her. Tara swallows and takes a moment to collect herself as she follows him inside.

Jax stands stiffly, his entire being radiating his nerves and discomfort. Tara waits him out, he was the one to seek her out after all. Eventually Jax huffs out a breath. "You going to leave me?" he demands bluntly, his body tensing even more at finally voicing those dreaded words.

Tara considers her answer carefully, and though every cell in her body is begging her to say no and that all is forgiven, she can't. She can't do it to herself anymore. But it's not just about her anymore. Her boys worship their father, but she will be damned if she lets them end up anything like him.

Tara curls her hands into fists and forces herself to say, "All I know is that I don't want to be around you anymore."

Jax shakes his head, his predatory eyes watching her every move. "That's a bullshit answer Tara."

"It's the only answer I have," Tara says simply. Jax doesn't reply, he just watches her, those blue eyes taking every inch of her in. She hasn't slept in days and she hasn't eaten a proper meal in weeks, but Tara meets his gaze unflinchingly until Jax sighs.

"This shit with Opie," he says slowly, his voice taut with tension, "it's got my head fucked up."

"Don't use Opie's death as an excuse," Tara snaps, her eyes narrowing at his audacity.

"It's not an excuse," Jax says quietly. "Seeing that - how he died, it broke me Tara."

"Then talk to me," Tara says, her voice breaking. She steps closer to him, her heart breaking at the utter despair that crosses his face. "I'm you're wife! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It means everything to me," Jax says, almost looking bewildered at the thought of her even thinking anything different. "You, Abel, Thomas. You're my world."

"Why? Why did you do this - you hurt me again! You've ruined this, and for what?" Tara demands. "The opportunity to fuck someone new? You knew that I would never stick around if you fucked around on me-"

"Pope threatened you."

For a long moment Tara's entire world shifts. "What?"

Jax runs a hand across his face, his expression completely and utterly hopeless. "Pope.. He threatened you. He had pictures of you and of the kids - he had pictures of Abel in school Tara." Jax swallows, tears springing to his eyes as he begs her to understand.

"He was coming after all of us Tara. This guy wasn't like anything we've been up against in the past. I won't let anyone hurt you, Tara, ever. What you walked in on, it was all arranged. I - Jesus. I didn't want to do it, but I had to push you away. There weren't any other women. I just wanted you to think that, because it's the only way I knew how to get you to leave me."

Tara stares at him, her thoughts and emotions a complete mess. She doesn't know how long she's been crying for but the wetness on her cheeks jolts her into action.

"Jesus Christ Jax." Tara wipes away her tears impatiently. Her hands tremble slightly, and Jax's keen eyes catch it. "Did you not learn anything with Ima?" Tara hisses, the woman's name burning her tongue.

Looking ashamed of himself Jax quietly says, "It worked before didn't it?"

"Things are different. We're married, Jax! You don't get to try to manipulate me, and you most certainly don't get to take my choices away from me," Tara snapped, embracing the seething anger pooling in the pit of her belly. "Jesus Jax, why didn't you just talk to me?"

Jax clenches his jaw, and she knows that she's not going to like this answer one bit. "The second you thought that the boys were in danger, you would have left and you never would have come back." And it's true, regardless of her love for him. She would have taken the boys and damned the consequences, and a part of her hates Jax for not giving her the choice. How could he even consider putting their children in danger for the sake of their relationship?

"But you thought that if you cheated, you might stand a chance of getting me back?"

Jax nods, ashamed of himself. "Even if you didn't forgive me, at least you would have stayed in Charming with the boys." Jax's eyes turn pleading. "I'm so sorry Tara."

She wants to hit him, beat her fists against him until her hands are a ruined mess and she has nothing left to give. Tara shakes her head and looks at him in disgust. "When did you become so selfish?" she hisses. "I slept with another man - you made me into a cheater Jax!" He flinches, his face tightening in anger and Tara's glad for it. Knowing that pain and heartbreak, of believing that he's not enough for her - he deserves every bit of those devastating emotions. "All of this pain, it's all because you couldn't talk to me." She pauses, her shrewd eyes narrowing in thought. "I don't get it. What's changed? Why are you telling me this now?"

Those blue eyes of his turn hard. "Pope's dead," Jax says, his cold voice sending a shiver down her spine.

She wonders what it says about her that she feels nothing but relief that her husband has killed a man.

"Good," she says softly, her anger slowly fading as she watches him.

Jax steps closer to her, his eyes pleading as he says softly, "Tell me how to fix this."

Tara swallows against her dry throat, her eyes burning. She knows what she should say. There is no fixing this.

But she just can't help herself as she steps closer to him until there's only inches between them. She looks up at him, his agonized gaze unflinching as she places her hand on his cheek, her thumb running over his lips. "You say that we're your world," Tara says softly, her fingertips trembling when Jax places his hand over hers. "Then let's go. Right now. We pack our shit and leave this town. We can start over, Jax, just you and me."

Jax closes his eyes, his body going rigid at her words. And she knows before he even opens his mouth what the answer is, what the answer will always be, but it doesn't hurt any less as he utters the words that breaks them.

"I can't do that, Tara."

He opens his eyes, and she can see the turmoil that he's in but it doesn't matter - none of it matters anymore. He's still talking, but all of his words of how the club needs him and how he can't leave right now, she has heard it all before. Tara purses her lips to stop them from trembling and pulls her hand away. Jax stops mid sentence.

"Then we have nothing left to talk about," Tara breathes, her eyes stinging. She steps back, ignoring Jax's hand as he tries to reach for her.

Jax looks at her as though she's slapped him. "Don't leave me," he begs. "Please babe. I can't do this alone."

"I can't be with you," Tara cries, her voice breaking. "Not in this town. You're changing, I'm changing, and it will kill us Jax, I know it." She shakes her head. "We have two kids Jax. I'm not going anywhere." Jax steps closer to her but Tara stops him with a raised hand. "I won't leave Charming. I won't take the kids from you, I'm not that cruel. But as for us? I can't be with you anymore, Jax."

Jax stares her down, his eyes tightening. as he demands, "Are you still seeing him?"

"What? No!" Tara hisses, horrified that he even considered it. Jax just watches her, those shrewd eyes burning with an anger that terrifies her. Jax may not know the name of the man who had slept with his wife, but there was always a chance that he could find out if he put his mind on it.

She thinks of Nero, of his kind words and his wicked smile, but more than anything, he made her feel free and beautiful -

She won't let Jax take out his anger on Nero. She can't.

"Promise me," Tara says quietly. "Promise me you won't go after him."

"No," Jax snaps.

Tara stands tall and looks her husband square in the eye. Narrowing her tear filled eyes, Tara snarls, "So help me God Jax, I will disappear and I will take our kids with me. I'm done with this shit. Promise me."

Jax clenches his jaw so tightly that she's surprised that it doesn't crack. But he nods all the same, and it's enough.

It has to be.