A/N: This show left me in ruins last fall. Mentally, spiritually, physically… everything-ally. And it still hurts, knowing that the ending was changed into such a bad one. I had to write this, hopefully to get it out of my system, but also because I adore the So x Soo couple so much. I felt the need to explore them in writing, and I hope I did them justice. I've never written fanfiction for a K-drama before, so please be advised that this is new territory for me.
I hope you'll enjoy this little tidbit of closure.
WHEN STARS COLLIDE
The days seem to blend together. She swears she sees the sun rise and set in one quick succession on repeat. Lost, she tries to grasp the day and make something out of it – but it slips from her fingers every time.
Like your hand in mine, everything slips away…
Gasping, she rises from her bed. Heart beating inside the prison of her ribs, she pants as images from her dream begins to circulate within her mind. She sees the palace; people clad in royal robes; she sees a hairpin and faces she misses and loves; and lastly, she sees those eyes that haunt her constantly. Eyes that initially look at her with love and warmth; and then, as if the moon eclipses the sun, they turn sorrowful and accusing.
Why? Why did you leave me alone? Why?
She shakes her head, tears dribbling down her cheeks as she wills the pain in her heart to go away.
But it doesn't. It never does.
"Miss, are you here again?"
She nods quietly, almost shyly.
The elder woman laughs heartily. "Oh you mustn't be embarrassed! It's just so nice to see the youth take interest in our country's rich history, that's all. Tell me dear, why do you come here everyday?"
Long hair swishes over her shoulders as the woman looks around her, eyes trailing the familiar landscape of the museum she's visited numerous times. Her eyes spot the sign of her favorite department.
"I… suppose I am very fond of our history, and… the people that created it."
"Ah," the woman nods slowly, following her line of sight. "You always seem to be drawn towards the Goryeo Dynasty department. Wouldn't it be nice to see some of the artifacts we have from the Joseon era? We ha-"
"Goryeo…" The young woman interrupts, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, "Feels like home."
I used to wait for my escape from Goryeo. I used to pray that I'd find my way back to the future. But now that I'm here, all I want to do is go back to the past…
The click of her heels echo off the floors, the acoustic of the big room making the sound bounce between the walls. There are not a lot of people at the museum of this time of day – luckily for her, that's what she prefers. As she walks the familiar hallway, her eyes trace lovingly over the paintings of people and scenery.
Images only she's privy to appear in her mind, from a long lost time. She sees the scenery on the painting become alive and lush; she hears the cicadas buzz noisily in the background as the maids of the palace scurry past her – as if the painting is real and alive.
As she passes the picture of the palace gardens, she hears the soft notes of the Daejaeng being played as guards roam the area.
With every passing painting and artifact, her heart tightens in anticipation. She can feel it coming; her body hums with both excitement and dread.
It's her favorite painting.
It makes her smile.
It makes her unravel into tiny pieces.
And she loves it endlessly.
Her feet halt. There it is, the biggest painting from the Goryeo collection, stretching proudly and widely over the allotted space. Her eyes are immediately drawn to it, not because of the colors used or the evidence of the artist's skills displayed in the frame, but because of the person that is portrayed.
Amber eyes filled with strength and wisdom. Mouth set in a thin line with determination. Shoulders squared proudly.
The fourth king of Goryeo.
Gwangjong, the bloody monarch.
The eyes of her dreams haunt her again as she stands in front of the painting.
"So…"
It's just a broken quiver coming from her lips. It's lost between seconds in the big room housing the Goryeo collection.
"Oh, So…"
Her heart trembles as she sobs. She keeps telling herself that if she comes here often enough, the pain will lessen. If she witnesses his painting and the date stamped on it, she will surely come to understand and accept that he is no longer a part of her world. She tries to convince herself that one day she will be able to overcome the earth-shattering heartache that's consuming her whole.
"I'm so sorry, so sorry…"
But the pain never lessens. She still isn't able to grasp the fact that he isn't here anymore.
And she doesn't think she will ever be able to overcome this heartache.
"So cruel…" She whispers, staring into those familiar eyes, which are immortalized on the canvas. "I didn't understand why I was brought to Goryeo. I fought everyday until I learned to adjust, but still there was a part of me that wondered why I'd been sent there. And then I met you and loved you. And in that short time I was with you, I forgot about my troubles and worries. I decided that no matter what, I would stay there with you. But then…" She sobbed, angrily wiping her tears. "How… How could fate bring ustogether and then tear us apart like this? I am so lost here… So lost in the future knowing what I left behind in the past. And now… Now I'll never get to see you or hold you again. Tell me, how is this fair?"
She could almost hear his voice in her head.
"Soo-yah… Don't cry, it's all right. I'm here with you. I'll always protect you. Soo-yah…"
She clenches her eyes shut as she feels the ghost of his hands linger over her scalp.
"In every lifetime, I will find you. No matter where you are in the world, I will find you, Soo-yah…"
It's too much. The painting and his voice. The onslaught of memories that assault her feeble mind and body.
It's too much.
"Where are you!? Why haven't you found me yet!?" She screams.
The security guards escort her out. She's too numb to protest or say anything, her body limply following them out.
It'll be a while before they'll grant her access to the museum again, she's sure. The knowledge makes a rare ache form in her chest; it's like an addiction – she can't help herself from going back and seeing his face, knowing that the canvas in front of her was once in the presence of him, all those years ago.
Of course, there's always the internet – an invention she's grateful to have back in her life, here in the future. She can look up pictures from Goryeo and paintings of him – there aren't many, but they suffice on the days where she misses him the most. There are even historical dramas portraying him available, but none of them do him justice and she pauses them before the actor playing him even has the chance to speak.
She can't ruin her memory of him. Her memory that she fears will fade under the hands of time.
Her phone buzzes on the night table. Dejectedly, she grasps it and reads the message.
'Go Ha Jin, where were you today? I know you've been having a tough time lately, but skipping work without telling anyone where you are is not okay. Call me!'
She's lucky – she knows that. She has friends and family that cares for her wellbeing and worry about her. She's grateful for them.
But they can never mend the wound that is eating up her heart, and they will never understand why she is deteriorating from grief. Even if they wanted to understand, they can never know the true extent of her feelings and the time she spent in ancient Goryeo.
She wants to visit his grave, but it is trapped on the other side of the Korean peninsula. In fact, all the places that they once walked together are far from her reach, and even if she tried, she could never go there.
Hell, climbing the top of Mount Everest seems easier than the simple act of visiting his final resting place.
Knowing that his remains are so far away only adds to the separation. Although she knows he breathed and lived and loved centuries ago, there's a part of her that can still feel him. As if he is here, somewhere, on the very same earth as her under the same stars.
But she hasn't found him yet. And despite her eager heart, she's beginning to lose hope.
She sighs, knowing that this will be another sleepless night.
The stars shimmer outside her window as she restlessly chases her dreams of his face.
The moon is so bright.
As she drives her car, she can't help but be drawn to the shimmering moon as it lights up the blackened ocean by the beach. Before she can reconsider, she pulls over and parks near the beach, her bare feet drenched in soft sand within minutes.
A light breeze caresses her skin; gentle and soft, inviting her to the beautiful scenery surrounding her. It's the last month of summer, and she can feel it in the air and in everything around her.
It makes her miss the days in Goryeo; without cars and pollution; without endless noise of trains and trucks and people going back and forth between places. She misses the clear air and the decadent silence of a simple stroll by her favorite lake; the buzz of cicadas and the smell of freshly brewed tea.
She's an ancient high-ranking lady of the Goryeo dynasty, trapped in the body of a modern day woman's body.
Ha Jin opens her eyes and gazes at the stars above her. They crowd the mesmerizing full moon that towers above the ocean, drawing her in. For a moment of time, she feels as though she's back in Goryeo, stargazing with her lover.
The redness of one star alerts her; it's a satellite blinking lonely in space, and not a ball of gas that she's so fond of. It's yet another reminder of the contrasts between her life in the past and her life in the present; the stars were the same back then, but the sky was different. Now there are people traveling in airplanes and men walking the moon – a thousand years ago there were only stars dominating the sky.
She chuckles as she imagines explaining airplanes and satellites to So. In known fashion, he'd pretend to understand what she was explaining, only to lean in closer so he could hear her talk next to his ear and steal a kiss. And when she laughed at him, he'd swear that he would try to understand from now on, only to repeat his little game of mouse and cat.
Tears blur her vision, scattering the light emanating from the moon; the scenery around her becomes muddled and unclear – much like her heart and mind these days.
She'll never get to do that with him again. Stargaze. Hold hands. Snuggle. Kiss.
All those normal and trivial things she took for granted… It's gone forever.
Like him.
She can still see the constellations she once pointed out to him; they are still there, roaming the skies where they belong in perfect formation. They are the only things that didn't change between the old world she lived in and the new world she lives in.
Cassiopeia, Aquarius, Pisces, Andromeda, Aries…
"Pe…sus…?"
She blinks briefly, unable to discern the difference between present time and locked away memories.
"…Pesus?"
It can't be. It can't be. It can't be.
She turns, her white dress flaring from the sudden movement, long locks of mahogany spilling over her shoulders.
And there he is.
The fourth prince. Gwangjong. King of Goryeo.
So.
He smiles at her, shrugging his shoulders.
"I always struggled with the constellations. Recognizing them is one thing, but pronouncing them…"
Her eyes widen as she takes every detail in; he is the same in every way, but his hair is short, more appropriate for a modern day style. He's dressed in dress pants and a shirt, a black jacket covering his shoulders while his hands remain tucked into his pockets.
Is it really you? Do you remember? Do you remember me? Please, let it be…
There's so much she wants to say, but the words won't come out. She can only gape at him in a daze as he smiles warmly.
"I told you I would find you again," he says, eyes softening as his voice lowers gently.
"Hae Soo…"
She gasps, slapping a hand over her mouth as the sobbing begins. She never was a girl who cried much, but when you meet the love of your life after traveling back in time, only to die and never see him again, you tend to become an emotional wreck.
"Soo-yah…" He says in that familiar voice, filled with love and warmth. "Come here."
He doesn't have to say anything else; her legs are running before she knows it. Like a comet, she crashes into his welcoming arms, burying her face in his chest as she soaks up the familiar scent.
So hugs her back with all his might, as if he can't believe it's real either.
"So long… I went so long without remembering you, knowing you, and then one day…" She sobs against his chest. "One day I remembered everything, and I couldn't… I couldn't believe that you were gone and that… I'd never get to see you again."
So kisses the top of her head, refusing to let her go from his arms.
"I spent my life searching endlessly. For what, I don't know, but I'd have these dreams that were so vivid I believed they were from another lifetime. I kept seeing this girl, with big brown eyes and a brilliant smile; sometimes she'd chastise me for being such a mean prince, and sometimes she'd teach me about the stars in the sky while she avoided my searching mouth…" He chuckled lightly as Hae Soo smiled. "I was always searching until one day I found the answers. I was searching for you, Hae Soo, because I knew I needed to find you."
"After all this time…" She whispered, breaking their embrace so she could look at him. Her hands cradled his face gently, feeling the contours of his cheeks and jawbone. "You came back for me. I can't believe this is real…"
"It's real," he said, stroking her cheek like he always did before.
"You were so angry with me, when I left…" Tears sailed down her wet cheeks. "And then, I had our child… A baby girl. She was so beautiful, and I wanted to badly to show her to you and... I got sick. I got so sick, So… And I wanted to see you so badly…"
He hugged her again, stroking the back of her head reassuringly, his fingers filtering through her soft locks. "I know… I'm so sorry for letting you down, Soo-yah… It was my mistake. I spent the rest of my life regretting my errors and wishing I could take it all back… Our daughter, she grew into such a loveable young woman. I adored her much like I adored you; she had your fire and your spirit, despite the short time she had with you."
Hae Soo sobbed into his chest, overwhelmed with sadness and joy.
"Everything happened for a reason," he reminded gently, pulling back so he could wipe her tears. "What matters most is that we're here now, together."
She smiled through her tears, unable to fully believe that he is more than a vision. Her hand finds his heart, feeling it beat beneath the fabric of his shirt, steady and easy, just like all those years ago.
"So…" She sighs with relief.
"I am right here," he whispers gently, tipping her chin up and looking into her eyes. "And I am not going anywhere. I told you I would find you again, and now that I have, I will never let you go."
Unable to stop the onslaught of emotions, Hae Soo cries with overwhelming relief, tears spilling down her cheeks and wetting her skin.
So wipes her tears patiently away, giving her the time she needs.
"So," she sobs as his thumbs gently stroke her cheeks.
His eyes crinkle at the corners as his blinding smiles makes a reappearance on his face.
"Crybaby," he teases.
"Stupid fourth prince," she laughs through her tears, relieved to hear that he is just as teasing as he always was.
He laughs, such a gentle sound, and flicks her nose before pulling her closer. She steps into his arms again with ease, loving the feel of them around her as her body hums with pleasure at being reunited with him.
"I may not be able to see the stars that only rise in Goryeo anymore…" He whispers, tipping her chin up, his lips nearly touching hers. "But the stars above us are more than enough to me, as long as you are by my side, Soo-yah."
Fire spreads through her veins as his lips finally caresses hers. It's like she is being resuscitated from an endless coma; brought to life by the simple touch of his lips upon hers, reminding her of what they have and how real it is, defying time and space.
The stars shimmer above them as they kiss, but she doesn't really pay them any attention. The stars could collide and turn the sky into an inferno of galactic flames, yet she wouldn't mind.
She's in his arms again, after a thousand years.
And that, in the midst of all her lives on this earth, is the only thing that matters.
THE END.