Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is not mine. Which is most of it, because I doubt I'll use any OCs.

"Jason can't sing."

"Can to."

"Can't."

"Can to."

"Prove it."

"No."

"Then you can't."

"Can to."

"Can't."

"Can to."

"Prove it."

"No."

"Then you can't."

"Can."

"Can't."

"Totally can."

"Prove it."

"Fine." Jason glared at his brother and cleared his throat. "Life's a long and twisting road, weighing down, it's a heavy load…" he jumped into the middle of the song and sang that line, and only that.

"Maybe he can sing." Steph looked surprised, perking at the noise from looking at her Snapchat. She took a picture of Jason.

"Wait- did you just Snapchat that?" Tim blinked up from his book.

"Sure did."

"STEPHANIE!" Jason screeched.

"I can sing…" Dick ventured.

"WE DON'T CARE!" Jason seethed.

"Well, I can try. Um… 'Never run and never hide, never back down show your pride. We are warriors we strong, we sing well our battle song!*2'"

"Grayson, your voice is acceptable." Damien tsked, sharpening a knife in "his" corner.

"Thanks, Dami!" Dick beamed. "So… Jason…"

"I AM NOT GOING TO KAREOKE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

"Gee, the team's so bad at singing though…"

"I want to be… an elephant."

"Why do you want to be an elephant?" Jason stared at Stephanie. She considered.

"You're right, I want to be Black Canary."

"NO! You have to be an animal, Brown!" Damien growled.

"Black Canary is a Canary that's…"

"Disalbino." Dick offered, thinking.

"That makes no sense." Tim raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I already explained aster to you, so 'dis' makes opposite, so it'd be disalbino. Or iralbino. Or…"

"We get the point!" Tim sighed, exasperated. Why did Dick have to mutilate the English language so?!

"Anyway, D is right, Black Canary is the opposite of an albino canary." Stephanie clicked.

"And let me guess, Dick's going to be a Robin, Tim's going to want to be a robin to, so he'll say, 'There are three types of robins… blah, blah, blah… so I'm the European and he's the American. And then Damien will want to be a cat, and I will want to be a vampire bat, and then Cass will just shrug but we'll all know that she either wants to be a bat or a unicorn, and there. But then I'll say, technically, isn't Dick's robin the European one? Because, like, Tim's 100% American, but you're half Romany, and then you guys'll be like, 'Oh yeah, right, that makes sense.'"

Everyone exchanged looks and shrugged, nodding in resignation at Jason's spot on inference. "Ok, so let's play."

"I want my name to be Dinah!" Stephanie yipped.

"Oh, yeah, you're definitely not a fangirl." Steph spit her tongue at Jason, who'd made the snide comment.

"Uh… Bird Wonder!" Dick grinned.

"I want to be Red." Tim reflected on this, probably thinking about how clever he was.

Cass shrugged, Dick deeming her, "Stardust!" (for it was decided she be a unicorn).

Damien glared but said: "I shall be called Hufflepuff. After my cat." He hadn't read Harry Potter, so didn't understand his siblings' joy when he named his white kitten that two months before.

Jason thought a moment before grinning devilishly. "I am Batbat!"

"Batbat?" Dick raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, like Batman, but I'm a bat. Batbat."

"Actually, more correct would be Batbob." Tim said, not intending to sound smart-aleck but doing just that.

"Batbob." Jason said incredulously.

"Yes, male vampire bats are called bobs, whereas females are called bobbettes. The babies are called pups, and unisex is simply vampire bats."

"Neeerd." Jason groaned. "I don't want to be Batbob, that sounds like Sponge Bob took time to go bat!"

"Well, that's the correct-"

"I don't give a crap!"

"ANYWAAAAYYY…" Dick snapped them back to the present. "I am a European Robin, which is fluffier than an American, named Bird Wonder. Tim's an American robin named Red. Cass is a unicorn named Stardust, Steph's a black canary named Dinah, Damien is a white cat named Hufflepuff, and Jason is a vampire bat named Batbob. We can call him Bob."

"What a minute, if we're getting all technical here, if Cass or I were going to be a dog, and a Bat one, wouldn't that make us a Bat…?" Jason burst out laughing as Dick interrupted her before she could finish the sentence.

"So if you guys just call me Bob, and their Bat-" Dick coughed, interrupting Jason, who of which rolled his eyes, "So… would we just call them-"

"OKAY! Jason, that is enough, we all know you do not refer to the same word as Steph does, or the meaning of it, so… technically yes, Steph. It would be Bat... that." Dick sighed at his brother, but who could blame him? He practically grew up on the streets of Gotham until a while ago, the f-word was like saying crap to a normal person on those streets.

"Oh- ok." She nodded. "But I still want to be Dinah."

So the Batkids spent the rest of the day playing animals.

Author Notes: Ok, so this is my place to dump all my Batfam one-shots. They can range anywhere from six lines to 2,000 words. I have no update schedule, just when I have something new. Most of these focus on what it's like to live as a Batfamily member, the truth of it. Good and Bad, funny and sad. Although most are funny. Anyway, so hoped you enjoyed!

Review, Please!

~Universe