"It's not bad to dream. But you also have to consider what's realistic."~Boku no Hero Academia

.40

He watched her for a moment longer. A long suffering sigh sitting at his lips, trying hard not to escape from them. He supposed that this was his fault. Tenzo had never been the most emotionally capable human.

Of course it wasn't mostly his choice. But that wasn't something he even wished to think about. So maybe volunteering to keep observation on his student was insensitive or whatever.

Tenzo didn't really care. Mitomi could hate him if she wished, but this was the only way he could save her now.

Protect her now.

After everything she's gone and done. Opening the jar. All he could do was sigh. He wished she wouldn't be so stubborn. So withheld. Tenzo didn't want her to end up like him when she had a chance to make a better choice.

When she could make better choices. While she still had the chance to change.

"She's going to be ok." There's a cigarette being held out to him, he accepts it. Making no motion to lite or use it. Tenzo eyes the other jonin warily. He wasn't even going to ask how Asuma had pinpointed his hiding spot.

"She's not like everyone else. She doesn't handle basic human emotions well. I suppose I'm partly to blame." He admits knows that the Sarutobi heir actually cared about his student. That he was one of the few.

If Asuma heard the guilty admittance he pretended otherwise. "I don't know. I think everyone is capable of complexity. Some people are just harder to understand, but someone still tries." His eyes wonder as he speaks focusing on something below them. A quirk to his lips that seems vaguely unsettling the former ROOT jonin.

His eyes follow the line of sight, and finally he sighs.

It seemed his student had finally made room in her being for another.

…

When Ino told him about what had happened after he'd accidently bumped into her and Sakura on his way back from lunch with Choji he wanted to scream. Mainly because he didn't particularly understand why he always had to be the one to find Mitomi. He didn't really get why everyone tiptoed around her.

Treated her like a frail doll or small child. She was a capable shinobi, sure she had some issues but at the end of the day they all did.

"Come one Shikamaru, obviously she likes you. More than she likes any of us. Can't you just do this for me?" Ino had whined, and he'd almost told her to clean up her own mess. But then he remembered, the look on Mitomi's face right after Temari had slapped her and he just knew that he was going to be the only one to do anything for her now.

Because she trusted him. Because he'd earned her trust. So if she was hurt, no matter physical or emotional he'd be the only one able to do anything for her. And if he were being completely honest with himself the fact that he knew just how valuable he was to her brought him a weird sense of happiness. Of pride.

Kami this was pathetic. Shikamaru ran his hands over his face, sighing deeply and pushing all honest thoughts away. He needed to sort his own feelings out at a later time. They'd only cause issues now. Instead he headed in the direction of her jonin apartment.

Her apartment on the complete other side of the damned village. At least he liked her, it made all the effort somewhat worth it. Shikamaru wasn't going to think too hard on that last train of thought..

What an absolute fucking drag.

…

I wasn't having a great day. That much was painfully obvious. Everything kept getting to me. I wasn't usually this irrational with my emotions. Pointless feelings never did me any good. I shouldn't be this bothered by mindless girls.

By their rude comments. I was used to such things at this point. No one would ever accept me as anything other than a monster. And when people viewed you as a monster, they tended to treat you like one. No matter how human I actually was. No matter that despite what they thought I was still a person with feelings.

Kami I was spiralling. How absolutely pathetic. And to think I'd let someone see me cry. Shit. What am I doing with my life?

I need to pull myself together and quickly. Fuck these stupid feelings. I sat up on the bed, crossed my legs and drew in a deep breath. I needed to clear my head.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Repeat.

Knock.

Knock.

The sudden raps at the door startled my breathing exercise. I uncurled from my spot, standing slowly. I didn't bother checking for a chakra signature, I'm sure it was probably Ino coming to make face or something.

I open the door with the intent to tell her off, but the harsh words die on my tongue as I lock eyes with Shikamaru. He holds up what appears to be a shoji board and one of my sealing scrolls. "We didn't finish our game earlier, and you left this at the house again." He tells me plainly.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You'd already won that game, but thanks for returning my scroll." He hands me the scroll, and there's a part of me that wants to slam the door in his face and go about my self indulgence.

"No problem, want to play again?" He asks, shrugging off my thanks. Rude.

He always seemed to do that.

"You just want to pick my brain but sure. I'll put on some tea." I make a motion for him to follow despite not really having the energy. But there was just something soothing about his presence. And that one tinsy little part of my soul that just wanted to be seen, it's what interrupts all points of reason.

Because isn't that what we all wanted in the end?

To be seen.

To be heard.

For someone out there just to understand you.

Besides… I still needed pawns in my corner too, and Shikamaru was such a willing player. I casted my own humanities aside, I had to if I wanted to achieve my goal. Deep down I knew that there was a part of me that could love Shikamaru, that wanted to let go of everything that I'd been working towards and just be happy, be complacent with what I had found. But I knew that it wouldn't be true happiness.

I could never achieve such a lofty idea until all my planning, all my hard work, all my effort amounted to something. I couldn't afford to let my guard down and be truly happy with anyone until I saw that man dead. So for now, I settled for nothing more than a good friend. A trusted ally. That's all. Nothing more. This would do for now.

Delusions of happiness.

A lie.

XOXOX

So… I can't say that I'm personally surprised by the revelations in this chapter. And I'll just say that Shikamaru and Mitomi are in fact end goals, but I can't promise it's going to be a nice flowery road that gets us there. I can't even promise that there will be a road…

Mitomi, my lovely little sociopath doesn't do emotions so well…. But we all knew that.

Anyway thank you for reading. I hope that you like it! Please stay tuned for more.

I hope you all have a wonderful evening!

Sincerely,

La'Rae