Yeesh, this was a long time coming... Seriously, I've had this bad boy kickin' around in my hard drive for like... four? Five years? Eh.

I guess all I really needed was some sort of excuse to finish it, so... Happy Valentines Day? I guess? (Shrug?)

The Mime

If all the problems of all the peoples of all the world could be counted, summed up, and tallied into neat, comprehensive little lines and then studied by experts searching for the secret to world peace, I guarantee that the most common denominator for all the sorrows of humanity would come down to one simple, common, five-letter word…

Women.

Don't worry; this isn't meant as the misogynistic rant of a pathetic sexist reject looking to pawn the blame for his mistakes off on an entire gender. Yet as I sit here, breath fogging up the glass, body trembling from malnourishment, conscious of the fact that I haven't bathed in days and am coated in a veritable glaze of my own sweat and filth, I begin to realize just how appealing such thoughts could be.

Why did I do this? Why did I let the nonsensical eccentricities of societal norms and the female populace turn my life on its head it such a ludicrous fashion? Is this even real life? Do things like this happen to other people? Does my innate desire to undergo such horrors as this demonstrate my unyielding dedication to my significant other, or is this the sign of some deep, underlining psychosis that I should probably get checked out before I wind up in a mental hospital?

You see? There it is again. All of my problems can be chalked up to that one, simple word. How is it that females can get you to question your sanity on such a regular basis?

Don't get me wrong, I love Kairi to death. Ever since that girl waltzed into my life, every day has been filled with glitter, sunshine, and rainbows. On more than one occasion I've been forced to stop and ask myself when reality became such a squicky Disney movie and why my manly pride seems to be ok with it, but then I'll say something to make her giggle 'til she snorts or she'll wink at me conspiratorially when I catch her stealing Riku's food from the fridge and I remember: this woman completes me.

However, I'm nothing if not realistic, and even the most 'perfect' of relationships has its moments that make you want to stick your head between the separate griddles of a waffle iron and commit suicide via continental breakfast, because there's no happier way to go. Sometimes it's her fault. Usually it's yours. But then there are those other moments… the moments where it's really nobody's fault, and the universe just seems to be conspiring against you, and you're confused and desperate and stressed and don't know what you're doing with your sad, miserable life or how you're supposed to make it better, and you just feel like you're… like you're…

Like you're trapped in a glass elevator with a mime.

Now, I know what you're all probably thinking. What sort of sick, twisted metaphor is that supposed to be? Unfortunately, it's not a metaphor. I am, quite literally, trapped in a glass elevator… with a mime…

"Welcome, one and all, to the opening of the Sunset Shopping Center! Thank you for joining us here for this momentous occasion!"

The first thought through my head was, 'Wow. This guy should work for the circus.' Dude had some serious pipes.

I tuned out the rest of his speech though, well-rehearsed as I'm sure it was. I knew all the particulars already. Sunset Shopping Center was the newest mall built in downtown Twilight Town, and for some inexplicable reason, the owner (billionaire megalomaniac Scrooge McDuck) had decided to host a publicity stunt to celebrate its grand opening; an endurance test of sorts, kinda like what radio stations do. Y'know, where they give away a free truck but to win it you have to compete with other people to see how long you can stay inside it without leaving? It was the same concept, only instead of a car, it was a glass elevator, and instead of winning the elevator, the mall was giving away a five-thousand munny gift card, good for any of the stores in the mall. Why a glass elevator? Because apparently, the mall had glass elevators. I don't know why; I don't build malls.

That's why I was there, though. Not to build malls, I mean the contest. Nine lucky contestants were chosen, drawn randomly out of a pool of money-hungry, greedy applicants. Nine, out of possible hundreds. Guess who has two thumbs and got the lucky draw? That's right. This guy. But then… you knew that already.

Five-thousand munny is probably more than a little excessive, but this is Scrooge McDuck we're talking about here. The guy's seriously richer than he knows what to do about it, hence why he's throwing away his cash to poor schmucks like me. But hey, if that's how he gets his jimmies, you don't hear me complaining about it.

Even though I'd received the phone call confirming that I'd been chosen as a contestant a couple of days ago, apparently the event organizers were playing up the naming of the contestants as a big to-do for publicity and whatnot. This was opening day, after all; the crowds in the mall were pretty big. I didn't mind that much, not really, but something about the idea of a public contest of wills in the middle of a crowded mall had me antsy. I wanted them to hurry up and let us in the blasted elevator already; something was tickling the hairs at the back of my neck, like a black cat was walking over my grave (is that how the expression goes? I can never remember…). Any moment now, Kairi was going to come wandering through the crowd and see me, and the gig would be up.

Which reminds me- I didn't tell Kairi about what was going on here today. Sure, I could have let her know about the contest without mentioning anything about what I was planning on using the money for, but I was never very good at lying to her, even if that lie was just by omission, and I was worried she'd sense I was trying to keep something from her and she'd start to think I was having financial troubles or that I'd gotten myself into crippling debt or something. Instead, I told her I was going to be doing some overtime for the next couple of days, and may not be able to see her. Ok, so that was an even bigger lie, but I told it through text like a coward so she couldn't sense my insecurities and call my bluff, so we're all good.

It was ok as long as I'm lying because I love her, right?

"Alright, folks! Let's meet our contestants! First up, we have…" The announcer hesitated, squinting down at the paper as if the letters there were written in Chinese. "Lar… Larks-eenie Gray?"

"It's Larxene!" An all-too familiar voice snapped, suddenly venomous, and cold dread wormed its way down my back as applause erupted from the small gathering around us. No… Not her… Sweet Walt on high, anyone but her…

The announcer nodded in an understanding sort of way, clearly not listening, and I found myself groaning in poorly suppressed despair as the familiar blonde figure of Axel's emotionally unstable girlfriend stomped over to wait by the elevator, her blue-eyed scowl piercing the crowd like bolts of lightning.

"And next we have… Nee-koo Sakuraba!"

An apathetic red-haired guy with a visor and oversized 'Beats by Dre' headphones stepped forward.

"It's Neku."

"Of course, of course." The announcer replied, dismissing him just as easily as he'd dismissed Larxene. "Next up is… Shiki Misaki!"

And that's pretty much how the contestants were named. What surprised me more than anything was how I knew most of these people. Or, well, knew of them. I'd seen them at school or around town, or else knew that they were the friend of a friend of a friend. Hayner Cowden, for example, was a good friend of Roxas's from High School. Demyx O'Donohue worked at the same bar Axel did, and he'd brought a small ukulele with him. I even sort-of knew Seifer Friedle, a wanna-be rapper who'd crop up occasionally in Roxas and Axel's childhood anecdotes. Both Shiki Misaki and Neku Sakuraba had had classes with me in college. We were mostly around the same age, which wasn't that big of a surprise; minors weren't allowed in the game, and people my age tend to be financially destitute. The only outlier was an odd-looking fellow named Pete; a heavy-set middle aged man with stubby facial hair and an unfortunate problem with his body odor.

Overall, however, I wasn't that concerned; no one here looked like they were in this for anything other than sport. My own pure, romantic desires were enough to trump anything these posers tried to throw at me. This contest was as good as mine.

I was the penultimate contestant listed, and as I trudged up to the group, exchanging nervous smiles with Hayner and Demyx and, fervently avoiding Larxene's blood-thirsty snarl, I almost missed the last contestant get announced.

"And last but not least… Uh…" The announcer hesitated again, squinting down at the paper just as he had earlier. Clearly they'd picked the wrong guy for this. Poor guy couldn't even read. "Jack? Jack… quez… Mark… ew?"

Neku leaned over, giving the paper a discrete glance over the announcer's shoulder. He cleared his throat and muttered, deadpan, "That says 'Jacques Marceau'."

"Ah. Yes, of course, I see that now. Jacques Marceau!" His pronunciation of the French name wasn't half as good as Neku's had been.

The crowd parted as the final contestant approached, and I found myself gaping in surprise.

Jacques Marceau was a mime.

No, it was really a mime. Like, an actual mime. The most clichéd mime in existence, even. Black bowler hat, white face paint with black around the eyes and red lipstick, a black and white striped shirt, overalls and gloves. Jacques Marceau was a literal mime.

He stepped forward and shook the announcer's hand with exaggerated glee, a brilliant smile on his face, before turning and performing a perfect bow to the other contestants, whipping off his hat with a flourish. I was staring, I realized, which was rude, but then… well, everyone else was staring too. Did that make it ok? Probably not. He didn't seem to mind. He did this for a living.

"Alright." The announcer seemed to have regained his senses faster than the rest of us had. "Well. You all know the rules, but I'll say them once more! Once you enter the elevator, you are not allowed to leave. To exit for any reason, any reason at all, is to forfeit your chance for the prize. No one is allowed to bring you anything. There will be only two bathroom breaks per day; once at dawn, and once at dusk. You'd better hope you brought food with you, for you will not be given leave to go and get any. Finally, violence or any other type of hostility is grounds to get you disqualified, and we reserve the right to disqualify anyone for any reason should we see fit. Any questions? No? Good! Go ahead and enter the elevator!"

We shuffled in like inmates at the local correctional facility to the sound of smattering applause, avoiding each other's gaze and immediately claiming spots on the floor for ourselves. The elevator was bigger inside than I had thought it would be, but not by much. We were all forced to squish awkwardly together, me between Demyx and Seifer, which actually wasn't all that bad considering Larxene and Pete were on the table. For the most part we were all quiet, except for Shiki who was chattering on in what I assumed was her traditional fashion, though her friend Neku didn't seem to be paying any attention to her.

For the most part, everyone just sort of settled awkwardly down on the floor and tried to ignore one another, like super-awkward kindergarteners. The elevator had been set up on a raised platform right in the middle of the mall's atrium, directly in between the food court and the movie theatre. A steady stream of people wandered past on their way from one side of the mall to the other, all of them goggling at us like we were oversized goldfish. In that moment, I think all of us felt a little self-concious.

All save for the mime. He stooped over quickly before stepping into the elevator to place his bowler hat on the floor outside, then entered like it was the stage for a grand performance. He smiled and waved to the watching crowd, his eyes wide and bright with childlike wonder, his smile only emphasized by his face paint. His expression was so sweet and happy it was making me nauseous.

The crowd outside lingered on for a few minutes, mildly interested, but it quickly became apparent that this wasn't a spectator sport. It would likely be hours before any of us gave up and left, maybe even days. I was in this for the long-haul, however. I was going to win that gift card, no matter what. The crowd dispersed, off to explore the rest of the building, leaving us to our thoughts.

The glass floor was uncomfortable, but I made do. I'd brought along a jacket and made myself a makeshift cushion. Seifer was not-so-subtly checking out the females both inside the elevator and out, though the only one who seemed to have noticed was Larxene. I secretly hoped he'd be fool enough to make a move; Larxene was known to violently assault any idiot stupid enough to flirt with her, and in doing so they'd both probably get kicked out, placing me that much closer to victory.

Taking off my backpack, I quickly sorted through my piles of granola bars and bottles of water until I found my iPod. Plugging the headphones into my ears and shutting my eyes, I attempted to let the music carry me through the afternoon as I considered who the first one to leave was likely to be. My money was on Pete. A big guy like that couldn't hack a grueling psychological endurance test like this. Then Shiki; she'd go mad from boredom. Neku could probably last a while though, and that mime… the mime was the wild card. I'd need to watch out for him.

My phone buzzed unexpectedly in my pocket. Pulling it out, I glanced at the screen and blanched when I saw a text from Kairi.

'Hey. I know you said you'd be busy, but any chance we could meet up for dinner? My treat!'

I considered coming up with some excuse for why I couldn't, but ultimately decided to ignore the text. Just the thought of texting her right now had butterflies dancing in my stomach, and not in a good way. I could just tell her later that I'd been too busy at the time to respond.

With that troubling thought to soothe me, I settled in for an uncomfortable nap.

One week ago found me crashing on the couch in my apartment with my roommates slash best friends, Riku Gallagher and Lea 'Axel' Flynn. The two older males had been engaged in their traditional weekend activity- Mortal Kombat.

The tradition stretched back to high school; I can't remember the 'why' of their fascination with this game, but I know that, for whatever reason, the two only play as the female characters. Absolutely no male characters allowed. Xion liked to say the two were 'endorsing negative female stereotypes' and 'furthering the objectification of women in the media', but I honestly think the two just secretly want to be female and were living out their dreams.

Riku was lounging back in a broken old recliner we'd picked up off the side of the road one day. It sported more than a few questionable stains and the footrest had been suspiciously torn off, but none of the guys really minded; a chair is a chair. Riku sat sprawled, one leg propped up on the armrest, the other sitting on the coffee table, his tongue secured between his teeth as he dedicated every ounce of his focus to the battle he was waging on the screen.

Riku had been my best friend since we were children living back in the Destiny Islands. After years of roughhousing, blitzball and an epic bromance that troubadours would compose epics about for ages to come, we'd decided to attend college together at TTU- Twilight Town University. Four years and a degree apiece later, we were still best buds. It was only natural that the two of us move in together once our scholarships would no longer allow us free room and board on campus because we'd graduated.

Riku was the tall, dark, mysterious type. In spite of his admittedly feminine countenance (or perhaps because of it), Riku sported a dark, brooding personality. Long, luxurious silver hair and sparkling sea green eyes weren't enough to hide the raging emo inside during high school. He'd since leveled out a bit; gotten a haircut and allowed some of my own innate cheerful disposition to rub off on him, but he was far and away the most mature and level-headed in the group… at least among the guys.

Axel was another story. The oldest by a couple years, Axel, whose real name was Lea, was the best friend of my cousin Roxas. Sporting a wild, party-crazy personality and a penchant for setting important things on fire, the red-headed older male was the dictionary definition of immaturity. He had been graciously accepting of Riku and I moving in with him and Roxas after graduation, surprisingly enough, though I would later learn that Axel was the king of mooching and considered having two extra tenants in the house a boon because it meant there would be more food for him to steal. In spite of his laziness and obvious negative quirks, he more than made up for it with his good humor, adventurous spirit, and complete and utter dedication to his friends. The man was a legend in the group; only Axel could get himself kicked out of college for sending his chemistry professor's midterm exam up in flames as a way of formal protest against 'the machine that was the public education system'.

Axel sat in an old metal folding chair that he'd pulled from the kitchen, the chair facing backwards so he could rest his arms on the backrest while he duked it out with Riku. His long legs splayed out in front of him like a frog. He still bore his trademark brown and yellow checkered neckerchief; the one and only thing he swore to never set on fire. When he wasn't lounging about the house, he worked at a bar in order to afford his portion of the rent.

Oh, and I should probably explain who I am, as this is somewhat important to the tale I'm telling. Running a bit behind on that, aren't I? My bad. My name is Sora Osment, twenty-three-year-old aspiring journalist working for the sports column of one of the local newspapers. I'm a fairly normal guy; into blitzball and video games and hanging out with my friends whenever chance permits. I have ludicrously spikey hair and an omnipresent smile that's so cheesy, it's been said that one flash of my trademark grin could cause spontaneous lactose intolerance to innocent passers-by and even send some to the hospital with severe gastrointestinal issues. That's right- my smile gives people diarrhea.

But enough about my super powers, as jealous as I know you no doubt are. As my friends battled it out on the old 90's television set in front of me, I lay dejectedly on the wilting sofa behind them, one arm tucked behind my head, the other idly scrolling down the screen of my laptop that I had carefully angled so that the others couldn't see what I was doing. Now now, you filthy minded savages; no, I wasn't looking at porn. I was actually doing some research into something infinitely stranger…

Engagement rings.

That's a major plot-point there, so pay attention.

Why was I secretively moogling overly expensive lady trappings? The blame for this, and in fact my entire ludicrous situation, falls squarely on the shoulders of the guy who walked through the door just as Sheeva dealt Kitana a powerful uppercut and sent her flying across the stage.

"Heya guys!"

"Ha! Suck it, Axel!"

"Yeah yeah, yuck it up, kid. We'll see who's laughing when I tear your head off your manly shoulders."

"They are manly, aren't they?"

"Manlier than your real ones."

"What's up, Sora?" Roxas tried again, apparently deciding that he wasn't going to get a greeting from the rest of the room and focusing on his beloved cousin instead. "Working or looking at porn?"

And they said Roxas was the innocent one…

"Uh… Working." I replied quickly, minimizing the screen and pulling up a text document. Smooth.

He rolled his eyes in a 'suuuure you are' kinda way before plopping down on the couch beside me and letting out a loud groan.

"Man… today was the worst."

"Oh yeah? How so?" I replied, faux-casually. Please don't let him have seen what I was looking at, please don't let him have seen what I was looking at…

"Namine had me spend the whole morning searching for the right paint for our kitchen… Do you know how many different shades of white there are?"

"Uh… one?" I offered, not really paying attention.

He let out a derisive snort. "Oh, if only… There's white, there's ivory, there's pearl, there's snow, daisy, porcelain, rice, chiffon-"

"Gesundheit?"

"-and she insisted on comparing all of the samples individually. I swear, we were at Home Depot for like, five hours, and the only thing we managed to accomplish was buying the paint. I took off work today to paint the kitchen- not to think about painting the kitchen and then waste all my time getting set up and not actually do it."

I pressed a few keys on my keyboard to make it look like I was working. Have you ever noticed how strange the ' ' symbol looks? Well, now you have.

"So why aren't you painting your kitchen right now?" I asked lightly, secretly hoping he'd be filled with the urge to race back to his new house and get to work, thereby leaving me alone to continue pondering my miserable existence.

"Nam's got a date with the girls this afternoon. She's getting ready and told me not to get started until she gets back. I don't think she trusts me to paint by myself, like I'll mess up and paint the carpet in the den by mistake."

"Women, man." Axel chimed in from in front of them. "They exist solely to suck out every ounce of individuality and pride that a man possesses and enslave him under their cruel, sick will…"

"We're talking about women in general, Axel, not just Larxene." Riku muttered as Cassie Cage smacked Sareena's jaw off and proceeded to take a selfie.

Axel shrugged, as if conceding the fact that he had nothing to say in Larxene's defense, and the two withdrew from the conversation once more as they began selecting characters for their next match.

"So I figured I'd come over and see what you all were up to, since I'm free for the next couple of hours. I should've known you'd be doing a whole lot of nothing."

"We were gonna go shoot some hoops later." I answered, mindlessly tapping keys and producing streams of gibberish on my laptop. "Did you wanna come?"

He shrugged. "I guess. Beats sitting around doing nothing."

Right. Doing nothing. Because that's exactly what I was doing.

Little did Roxas know, he was the sole reason behind my angsting as of late. Seeing as the rest of you are still confused as to what exactly I'm whining about, I'll go ahead and tell you, but sit back and get comfortable, because it's a bit of a story.

I have a girlfriend. Her name is Kairi Panettiere, the little red-headed minx who stole my juice box when we were children and in doing so stole my heart. She, Riku, and I have been the best of friends since literally forever; we grew up together out on Destiny Islands, and when we were in high school Kairi and I started dating. It was basically heaven for little sixteen-year-old me, and as the years went past the two of us have stayed strong. She's my rock, my sun, my reason for being, and every moment that I spend with her, even the bad ones, are moments that I wouldn't trade away for the world.

But I already told you all this, you say? It's true. I waxed philosophical on my deep, abiding love for my girlfriend early on. Why mention this again? Just wait, it'll make sense.

When high school ended and Riku and I decided to attend the same college here in Twilight Town, Kairi of course tagged along. How could she not? The three of us were a team, an inseparable team, one that time and space and the very immutable forces of the universe itself could never hope to divide. But something a little unexpected happened when we got here… We made some new friends.

Now, new friends are a good thing- they broadened our horizons, they helped us to grow, and they sometimes shelled out for pizza when the rest of us were broke. You've already met some of them; my own cousin Roxas and his best friend Axel. There's also Namine and Xion and a few other outliers who come and go at will. Our group of friends is tight-knit, full of great people I'd gladly take a bullet for, but as much as I love them, sometimes new people introduce new ideas that can inspire change, and sometimes, change is scary.

I'm talking about Roxas and his at-the-time girlfriend, Namine. Now, Namine's a great girl; she's slow to open up and perhaps more introverted than the rest of the group, but she's sweet and patient and took on the 'team mom' mantle with surprising gusto back when our clique first solidified. I love her to death and consider her my sister, but by the love of all that's good in this world, why did Roxas have to propose to her?!

That was uncalled for. I apologize. I don't regret their union, and I don't want any misfortune to befall them, but when you're in your twenties and that first group of friends gets engaged, suddenly all eyes are pointed at the other couples and people start asking when you're going to man up and pop the question yourself.

It's a lot of pressure, and it comes at a fairly unfortunate part of your life, one in which you're typically poor and find yourself surviving almost solely based on what crumbs you can find in the cushions of your couch and under your coffee table. It's the sort of pressure that people tell you you're supposed to ignore, but you can't really, because everywhere you look suddenly all you see are weddings and engagements and rings and giant cakes and little girls carrying flower baskets and her father's threatening face and you start to spiral down into a nervous panic and you wonder if it wouldn't simply be better to elope rather than go through all the stress and dealing with the cost of the wedding and…

Notice how I suggested eloping and not simply not getting married? That's because, in spite of all the negativity you hear exploding from my mouth, I actually do want to marry Kairi.

We've been together for eight years just about, and literally nothing in this world would make me happier than to spend the rest of my life by her side. So why don't I man up and pop the question already? Well…

Alright, I'm going to explain, but bear with me. You're all going to think I'm pathetic, but at least try to understand where I'm coming from. Y'see… Kairi's a nurse. And I love that, I love that she saves lives and takes care of people every day, even if her hours annoy me at times. That's not it. See, there's this thing about nurses, about the profession, that's not true for many other jobs that a fresh-outta-college twenty-five-ish year old person can obtain, particularly the junior sports columnist… She's basically financially stable. It helps, of course, that her father was the mayor of our city back on Destiny Islands, and, being loaded, was able to pay her entire college tuition meaning she has no debt unlike the rest of us, but she's still in a much better position, financially speaking, than any other person in our group.

Are you still missing the problem? Not surprising. I mean, I guess it's not even technically a problem, not a real one at least, but… Try to look at things from my perspective.

Kairi has a condo. I share a rundown apartment with two other guys.

She drives a Mini Cooper. I have a bicycle I named Dullahan.

Once, for my birthday, she paid to fly us back to Destiny Islands to go diving in the coral reefs. I… wrote her a song once. I used Roxas's guitar.

I guess, if I'm being honest, I may be feeling just a wee bit inadequate… maybe… a little… It's not that I think that I, as a man, should make more than a female, and it's not jealousy, but rather it's that I feel like Kairi deserves more than I'm capable of giving her. At least at the moment. I firmly believe that one day, once I've worked hard enough and proven my skills that my writing career will take off and I'll be fully capable of supporting not only myself (because at the moment that's a pipe dream) but also her and any other little half-Sora half-Kairi's we make along the way (and since I see no reason for her to quit her job either, we'll be totally loaded, and life will be good… at least in my fantasies). But that doesn't change the fact that here and now, Kairi deserves the best, and unfortunately, the best is more than I can give.

I don't even know that she knows that I feel this way. And it's not like I obsess about this constantly; for the most part, I'm too wrapped up in loving who we are together to consider the individuals who make up the whole. But there are moments when she'll ask why I haven't moved in with her yet, and I'll make up some excuse about the guys because I don't want to tell her that it's because I'd feel like a leech taking advantage of her because I've nothing to bring to the table myself, and though I'll smile and change the subject I can see the doubt in her eyes, the wondering if my excuse is legit or if there's something wrong, and I just know that she's thinking that the problem lies with her…

Basically, I'm a scumbag. A scumbag who needs to wake up and realize that it's ok if I don't make as much as Kairi, as long as we love each other and I'm doing all I can to not be dead weight. Right? Right.

So…

Right now, you're probably staring at me thinking, 'Ok… So if you've realized all this and had your little epiphany, why haven't you proposed yet?'

And that's fair. See, I decided that, even if I can't do a whole lot for Kairi, I want to do one thing right: I want to get her a nice ring. I want to be able to show her in that moment how much she means to me. And I know that in the end the ring doesn't really matter, and I honestly don't think Kairi cares all that much about it anyway, the vows ultimately being the important part, but getting Kairi a nice ring has sort of become my measuring post. Like, if I can save up enough to get her a decent ring, I'll have proven, to myself, that I'm capable of doing this whole 'wedding' thing, that I won't just be dragging Kairi down.

Rings, however, are expensive, and I… I'm poor. Like, dirt poor. I've taken to having to save up bit by bit, forgoing lunch most days to scrounge up what little cash I can. I've saved a couple hundred dollars, but it's not enough. The only issue is, I don't know how long this will take me, and every day I wait the more pronounced the look of worry grows in Kairi's eye…

Ok, so… We all caught up here? Just to recap: I want to marry Kairi, she's way better than me, I want to get her a nice ring to prove to myself that I'm capable, but I'm dirt poor… Fairly standard stuff. Well, let's jump back into the story now, since I know I'm boring you, and since I know you're all just dying to know what's going to happen with that mime from earlier. Keeping you in suspense… I'm such a jerk.

Anyway, to make a long story short (although we're more than just a little too late for that one), it was around this time that Roxas mentioned the mall.

"You mean that new one they're building up near Sunset Terrace? Isn't Scrooge McDuck behind that?"

"Yup." Roxas replied, popping his 'p' unnecessarily like he does sometimes. It drives me insane and he knows it. "Apparently he's goin' all out, too. They're throwing some sort of publicity stunt on opening day. Nam was telling me about it. Something like, see how long you can stay trapped inside an elevator with a bunch of strangers. The winner gets a gift card, good for any store in the building. Can you imagine?"

"I think I've seen things like that on TV…" Riku muttered, clearly still paying more attention to the screen. "Like, truck giveaways and stuff. People sitting on billboards for radio tickets. It's pretty common."

Axel scoffed. "Man, what kind of sad sack would go through all that humility and embarrassment for something as lame as a gift card? I mean if it was for a car then maybe, but a gift card? How pathetic can you get? I bet it's only worth like fifty bucks."

You've probably noticed that I haven't said anything in a while. I wasn't actually paying attention at this stage of the conversation, instead content to while away my time typing the lyrics to the chorus of 'Hey Jude' over and over again, which I tend to do when I'm bored. I snapped to attention real quick when Roxas opened his mouth next, however:

"Actually, the gift cards is supposed to be worth five big ones."

"Five munny?" Axel replied incredulously.

"No, you idiot. Five-thousand munny."

Take a sad song, and make it- "What?!"

That loud exclamation came from me. Thankfully, nobody seemed to notice the look of fervid desperation that had suddenly painted itself across my face.

"I know, right?" Roxas laughed. "Seems a bit exorbitant, but then I guess McDuck always does go big. I can just see it now; some whiney emo teenager is going to win and blow all of it at Hot Topic on edgy t-shirts and wristlets."

"Or expensive coffee." Riku chimed in, smirking to himself.

"Actually, I could use some new clothes." Axel muttered absently as he flailed away at the buttons on his controller, desperate to fend of Riku who was pressing his attack with gusto. "Maybe I should consider signing up…"

The others laughed at him, carrying on the conversation to new, unexplored territories, but I had long-since zoned out. My fingers flew across the keyboard, pulling a quick Moogle search for the mall's website and pulling it up in my browser. There was the link for the contest. You could sign up online. And there, below it, a list of stores that would be opening their doors in the brand-new Sunset Terrace Shopping Center…

There was a jewelry store.

I submitted my application without a second thought.

To be fair, I hadn't expected to get picked. Actually, up until they called me, I'd forgotten all about it. But when they did call, when I finally realized I actually had a shot at this, I couldn't believe it. It was like the clouds had parted, the heavens had opened up, and the great Walt Disney himself had looked down upon me and said, "Here's your chance, kid. Don't screw it up."

'Screwing it up', however, was something I knew I was particularly good at doing. If I was going to make a serious attempt at this, I had to play my cards right. I took vacation days off work (Mickey wasn't exactly thrilled, but he let it slide since he liked me so much), confessed to my roommates what I was doing, and after a good bit of ribbing and laughing (oh, who am I kidding? There was no 'after'. There probably won't ever be an 'after'. They're going to make fun of me for doing this until the day I die.), they helped me throw together a pack full of useful things to help me survive in this grueling endurance test.

I had granola bars and water, which I already mentioned, my phone, my iPod, some external battery packs, a towel (because one should always have a towel), a deck of cards, some gum, and deodorant (I can't shower, so I figured I'd use my limited bathroom trips to try and spruce myself up a little bit, otherwise we'd all reek after just a few hours). Before I knew it, I had everything done and I was ready to face my trial like the great Hercules of old.

What I had not done… was tell Kairi.

That's not exactly true; I told her I was probably going to be busy with work for the next couple days and we might not be able to see each other. She hadn't seemed too terribly phased by it; she had a hectic work schedule, and it's not like we spend every waking moment together anyway, but some of you are probably wondering why I didn't tell her the truth. I mean, it's not like I had to say it was so I could afford to buy her an engagement ring; five-thousand munny is reason enough to do just about anything, she would have bought it no problem. But this whole 'contest to get the munny to buy her an engagement ring' thing kinda had me more than a little nervous, so… I decided to avoid her. Knowing me, I'd do something stupid like let slip why I was actually here. Still, I should have come up with a more plausible alibi; she had a tendency to worry about me when I fell of the radar.

Which became immediately apparent when I got a text message from Riku not even a couple hours into the contest.

It went a little something like this;

'Dude. Why is Kairi texting me asking where you are?'

I winced. I could practically see his stern, demanding expression in my head. He wasn't asking what it was Kairi wanted and why she was bothering him about it; he was really asking why it was Kairi was asking around after me at all, when she ought to know that I was currently incarcerated in a glass elevator with a gaggle of strangers.

I had two options before me; I could try to come up with some sort of feasible excuse for why I'd neglected to share this mildly-important information with my girlfriend, or… well, I could tell Riku the truth. The latter seemed unappealing for various reasons, not the least of which being that that's not the sort of information that you tell your best friend through text message, however… I knew he was never going to buy my previous excuse. Or, well, he might believe it- but it wouldn't stop him from telling Kairi where I was. There was only one thing I could do. I told him the truth.

I'm sure most of you have had the harrowing experience of sending a long, complicated confession through text-message (even though you know this is the sort of thing you're supposed to do in person) and having to sit there with your muscles tense and your insides writhing while you wait for a response without knowing what it will be. I'll spare you the gory details of what I said and how I said it, but I'm sure you can imagine my intense discomfort and how it only grew as the minutes ticked past and Riku didn't answer.

Finally, after an eternity of agonizing over how Riku was reacting and whether he was going to tell Kairi or not, my phone buzzed. I had a new message.

'Don't worry. We got this.'

'We got this'? Well what in the name of the light was that supposed to mean?! How was that in any way an adequate response?!

I sent him several questioning texts afterwards, begging for clarification, but he didn't respond, and I was left to stew in my pot of anxiety and doubt. Only for a little while, however; the true meaning behind his text became very clear not too long afterward.

The afternoon faded into evening, we were allowed our first bathroom break, and the crowds around the mall continued to shuffle past like schools of fish in an aquarium. The mime would stand up every once in a while to perform for the people outside, much to the delight of the passers-by and the discomfort of those of us in the elevator who already had precious little room to share.

He did all the classic mime tricks; climbing the rope, that thing where it looked like he was following a rod. The invisible wall was a crowd favorite; I assume it's because he became a mime trapped in a glass box inside of a glass box. It was deep, in a meta… mime-y sort of way. He could make it look like he had broken an arm, or that his shoes suddenly weighed a tremendous amount. The people outside would clap and laugh before tossing money into the hat he'd left outside the elevator. I couldn't help the rueful grin that crept across my face when I realized what he'd done. Whether he won the contest or not, the mime was going to make a killing here. He'd basically given himself a stage upon which to perform, and to ensure that all eyes were on him. Clever.

When he wasn't doing his act, he remained sitting in the corner of the elevator, either lost in thought or else pretending to play an invisible accordion. Whenever he did this, Seifer would pause occasionally in his relentless attempts to flirt with Shiki to stare at him in fascination, almost as if he could actually hear the accordion being played. I'll be honest, it looked highly convincing; he even moved his fingers as though he were pressing down on the keys. I wouldn't be surprised if the guy really could play the accordion.

He wasn't the only one who'd brought along an instrument, however (though he was the only one to bring along an imaginary one…); Demyx, Axel's friend from the bar, had decided to bring a ukulele, which he strummed occasionally, singing in an only slightly off-key voice to the rapidly growing annoyance of everyone else in the immediate vicinity. Other than the mime, of course; whenever Demyx started up, he'd just play his little accordion right along with him. It made me wonder if there were any great ukulele/accordion duets in the world, and what exactly I'd have to go through in order to avoid every actually hearing one.

Anyway, the inevitable boredom that comes with being trapped in the same place for a long period of time was beginning to set in when a pair of familiar blondes broke through the crowd and made their way over toward the elevator. I recognized them immediately as Roxas and Namine.

What on earth were they doing there? And why… why did Namine look so… happy?

There was no denying it; the moment her wide blue eyes landed on me, her expression lit up like a New Year's firework and she practically floored it over toward me, all but dragging Roxas along behind her by the hand. Her eyes were two times larger than they normally were, her cheeks were practically dyed pink, and her grin had grown so large and manic that I was certain she'd been possessed by the spirit of Mark Hamill's 'Joker'. For the normally reserved Namine, this level of exultation was basically unheard of. In fact, I hadn't seen her this happy since her wedding. There could only be one explanation…

Riku had told.

That lousy piece of…! Wait, how many people had he blabbed to?! If Namine knew, then… did Kairi know too?! They were best friends, after all, it only made sense! Was my secret already out of the bag?! How could he do this to me?!

Before I could demand an explanation, my cousin's attention was stolen away by a handful of my fellow inmates.

"Yo, Roxas! What's goin' on, brah?!"

"Roxas, my man!"

"Well well well, if it isn't little Roxie and the shrew?"

Roxas, my oh-so-popular cousin, returned Demyx and Hayner's greetings with a congenial grin and flashed Larxene a pained, uncomfortable smile. He'd never exactly gotten along with Axel's girlfriend, who had always seemed to have it out for Namine for reasons unknown. Namine, however, hadn't reacted at all to Larxene's insulting greeting and continued grinning down at me like we were grade schoolers and she knew a secret that I didn't know. Truth be told, it was… kinda starting to freak me out.

"Hayner, I didn't know you were in here too. Figures you and Sora would both jump at something stupid like this."

"Heh, guilty as charged." Hayner laughed, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. Across the elevator, Seifer sneered; clearly, he'd heard Roxas indirectly call everyone else in the elevator stupid as well.

"Does Olette know about this?"

"Of course. What kind of idiot wouldn't tell his girlfriend if he was going to be stuck in an elevator for who knows how long?"

Roxas shot me a pointed look, and I wilted. Oh yeah. Riku had told alright. I was so going to murder him.

Desperate to change the subject and find out exactly what Riku was saying and who he was saying it to, I opened my mouth and demanded to know why Roxas was there.

He shrugged as if he himself didn't know. "Ah, y'know. Came to get some more stuff for the new apartment. Figured we'd come and check on you, see if you hadn't managed to kill yourself from boredom yet. What, do you just sit here and stare at each other until someone cracks?"

While Hayner explained about his handheld gaming system he'd brought along, I watched Roxas's face. He was listening to Hayner, but his eyes were slowly scanning the other contestants in the elevator, studying them, memorizing their faces. His eyebrows lifted at the sight of the mime, who met his gaze with calm acknowledgment, before flickering on to the next person. What was he doing? What was his real reason for being here? Sure, he could have actually just stopped by to say hi or make a spectacle of me; it certainly wasn't out of character. But Riku's odd text and Namine's spastic grin had me on edge. There was more to this visit that Roxas was letting on.

Roxas's brows had furrowed as he stared at Demyx; it was his signature 'pensive' look, the one Namine claimed made him look astute and the rest of us thought made him look constipated. In a flash, his eyes lit up, and a twisted, mischievous grin slanted crookedly across his face. I knew that look; it had haunted me in my childhood.

"Hey Demyx," Roxas called out, a little too loudly, getting the attention of everyone in the elevator, "that's a pretty cool ukulele. Axel was just telling me the other day how you have a killer cover of 'Tiptoe Through the Tulips'."

From the way Demyx's face lit up, you'd have thought Roxas had just declared his undying love for the guy.

"R-really?" He whispered, cradling his ukulele to his chest like it was his lover, not noticing the way Larxene stiffened in terror behind him, "But… That's not what Axel told me. He said it was the most perfect example of auditory torture known to man and that it'd be outlawed if the Geneva Convention ever got ahold of it-"

"And he was right." Larxene cut in, looking murderous. "That song is an insult to music. There was blood literally dripping from my ears the last time you played it for us. Just the thought of it makes me want to toss my lunch all over you."

"Don't listen to her, Demyx." Roxas chided, sounding uncharacteristically supportive. "There's always gonna be critics, but a real artist needs to learn not to let the haters get him down. Isn't that right, Nam?"

"Roxas, I swear-" Larxene began, turning her piercing glare on the blond beyond the glass, but it would seem that Roxas's words of encouragement had caused newfound passion and confidence to bloom inside the previously wilting Demyx.

Leaping to his feet with a loud cry of, "You're right! I just have to be me!", Demyx brought his ukulele to bear and began playing what was truly the most horrifying musical number I've ever had the misfortune of hearing.

Anyone who's ever heard Tiny Tim's 'Tiptoe Through the Tulips' already has a pretty good idea of how terrible it is, but at least Tim could hit those notes. Demyx could not. In his attempts to hit his falsetto, he sounded like a cat in a washing machine that had been pushed down a flight of stairs. Also, I don't think the ukulele was meant to be played so… frenetically. I can honestly say that this was one performance that would undoubtedly scar me for life.

As a look of abject horror flashed across the faces of… well, pretty much everyone (the mime included), I couldn't help but wonder what it was I had done to Roxas that would encourage him to unleash this ungodly punishment upon my head. A moment later, I had my answer.

Larxene was up and on her feet before Demyx had even managed to get through 'Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight', her face literally seething with indescribable rage, and it was with purely homicidal intent that she pounced on the unsuspecting musician.

"Having a wonderful- HURK!"

She'd ripped the ukulele from his arms, twisted her arm back, and bashed him straight across the face with it. The tiny wooden instrument exploded in a shower of splinters, and Demyx went flying into the window, blood now dripping from his newly ruined nose.

Before anyone else had time to react, a voice sounded out over the loudspeaker.

"Larxene Gray and Demyx O'Donohue are disqualified!"

Axel's psychotic girlfriend barely had time to screech out an indignant "What?!" before a duo of portly mall security guards bustled in, seizing her and Demyx and dragging them out into the central plaza to a smattering of applause and hoots of delighted laughter from the previously gathered crowd.

Everyone else in the elevator was grinning at their sudden stroke of good fortune, even Neku. Two contestants disqualified already? That was incredible! I, however, could only gape in shock. Had… Had Roxas instigated that scene, knowing that Demyx's horrible performance would set Larxene off and get them both kicked out of the game? Was he… helping me…?

I turned my astounded and, admittedly, touched gaze onto my friends and found Namine practically bouncing on her toes, her grin even wider than ever, her eyes practically sparkling with poorly-contained mirth and excitement. Roxas was staring nervously over towards Larxene and Demyx, who were busy arguing with the security guards, but he too was struggling to fight down a triumphant grin. Finally, he turned his gaze back to me.

"We should probably get out of here before she remembers we're here." Roxas supplied, having the grace to look at least a little abashed. He flashed me a conspiratorial wink as he tugged on his wife's hand, slowly backing away from the elevator. "I just put my life on the line for you, so don't be expecting a wedding present. But you better win this thing."

"Good luck, Sora!" Namine chimed in, looking like she was about to wet herself from excitement, and together the two blondes vanished into the crowd.

I could only shake my head in awe. Well, at the very least, I had Roxas and Namine's approval. Here's hoping she could control herself and not spill the beans to Kairi before I had the chance to propose. Judging by her appearance just then, I had some serious doubts.

Before long the afternoon faded to dusk, and the crowd in the mall thinned down to more reasonable levels. I spent most of this time listening to music and ignoring the other contestants. Demyx and Larxene's surprise ejection had freed up enough space that we were no longer jammed side-by-side, which I considered to be a bigger boon than having two less people to compete with. I didn't exactly have time to dwell on this, however, or on how to outwit the others in the elevator.

Kairi had sent me three texts that afternoon, asking where I was, acknowledging that I said I'd be busy but demanding to know why I wasn't at least answering her. I had yet to respond, because honestly… I wasn't really sure what to say, and I didn't know what Riku or the others had told her. She'd even called, but I'd been too chicken to answer. I hadn't even checked the voicemail yet. I just kept praying that, even though she was undoubtedly upset with me for ignoring her, she would hopefully understand once this was all over and would forgive me.

Hopefully.

While I silently angsted over my girlfriend's increasingly irate text messages, the others in the elevator passed the time in their own little ways. Pete tore through the stock of food he'd brought along with him with tremendous gusto, explaining his tremendous belly rather obviously. Hayner played his video game. The mime… mimed. Crowds outside continued to pile loose change and small bills into his hat whenever he performed, and when he wasn't performing, he sat quietly in his corner playing his silent accordion. Whenever this happened, Seifer kept his gaze riveted on the performer's hands, an odd, heavy scowl on his face.

Thankfully, at some point in the afternoon, Seifer had gotten bored of hitting on Shiki, and Shiki had gotten bored of chatting incessantly with Neku, and silence reigned in the elevator.

Just when I was beginning to pull myself out of my head and try to focus on how to best go about whittling down the competition, I got another text message.

Thankfully, it wasn't from Kairi. Instead, it was from Riku.

'Look up.'

I did, looking straight up at the ceiling of the elevator, seeing nothing above me but blurry outlines of the museum's skylights.

My phone buzzed again.

'Not that far up, idiot. Look over at the food court.'

I did, sitting up slightly to get a better view. It was tough, what with a constant stream of passers-by constantly getting in the way, but eventually, after scanning the row of distant tables I was able to make out his trademark head of silver hair waving over at me. Sitting across from him was a rather familiar, bright-eyed brunette.

I grinned. Sure, I could be a little slow on the uptake, but even I could tell what Riku's plan was. Here's hoping it wouldn't cause any problems, though.

"Hey Hayner."

He jumped, clearly not expecting to hear his name suddenly blurted out like that.

I pointed over his shoulder through the crowd.

"Isn't that your girlfriend over there?"

"Olette?" he asked dumbly, as if he had another girlfriend and needed clarification. Actually… Nah, Hayner wasn't like that… I think. Whatever. He put his game down and turned around, getting up on his knees and peering through the glass like a five-year-old, an eager smile on his face. When he finally spotted her, his smile turned into a full-on grin… that quickly devolved into a scowl.

"Wait… who's that sitting next to her?"

I knew the answer, of course, but I didn't say it aloud. Straight-up telling him it was my best friend, hanging out with his girlfriend, would immediately connect the situation to me and he might realize he was being played. See, while I might not have known Hayner all that well, I at least knew enough through Roxas to know that Hayner was tremendously jealous. How Olette put up with it, I'll never know, but it was certainly working to my advantage.

Thankfully, I didn't have to say anything. There was a third person in that elevator who knew all about Hayner and his jealousy issues, and he had no qualms about rubbing it in Hayner's face.

"Haha, check it!" Seifer crowed, "Your chick's hangin' with another guy behind your back!"

"Shut it, Seifer!" Hayner spat, clearly agitated. "Olette's not like that!"

"Looks like that's exactly what she's like." Seifer shot back. "Man, I always knew she was too good-looking to settle for a sad sack like you. You've only been gone for a few hours and she's already replaced you! How pathetic can you be?!"

For a moment, I thought Hayner was going to turn around and deck Seifer in the face, and we'd see another two-man disqualification due to violence. Surprisingly, however, that's not what happened. With a roar of frustration, Hayner stooped down, gathered up his things, and bolted out of the elevator, all but sprinting across the atrium in the direction of the food court and Olette.

"And Hayner Cowden is disqualified!" the announcer declared magnanimously to a crowd that wasn't paying attention.

Shiki let out a scandalized laugh and Pete's disbelieving chuckles caused his entire body to quake like that bowl full of jelly people are always comparing Santa Claus to. The mime pretended to wipe a tear from his eye, gazing after Hayner and Olette as though they were star-crossed lovers.

Seifer scoffed.

"Chickenwuss... That idiot couldn't even tell he was bein' played. No way he was gonna hack it in a competition like this."

Part of me wanted to say something to prick that bubble of self-importance that Seifer had constructed around himself, but I had to hand it to the guy; Hayner's disqualification really came down to both him and Riku. One to set the trap, and the other to goad him into it. He'd earned his right to boast.

Through the crowd, I could see the angry set of Hayner's shoulders begin to loosen as he conversed with Olette and Riku. Riku at least had the grace to look somewhat ashamed, but Olette's smile was nothing short of amused. Finally, Hayner's posture sagged completely as he accepted his defeat, and Riku turned to flash me a smirk from across the room.

Not long after they vanished, my phone buzzed again.

'You owe Hayner an apology after all this is done, but he says he gets it. Olette says good luck.'

I stared at the text, deciphering its hidden meaning. So Olette had known what Riku was on about, and had played along even though it meant her own boyfriend being disqualified… Riku must have told her, too. And they'd both had to have explained the situation to Hayner, otherwise he'd have never accepted it so easily.

So. Riku, Roxas, Namine, and now Hayner and Olette. I decided that Riku was too good of a friend to have spoiled this to Kairi, so that meant that she probably didn't know… Still, if he kept spilling the beans to everyone he ran into, she was going to find out sooner rather than later. Here was hoping that she'd somehow be kept in the dark until I managed to win this thing.

A little while later, the mall closed. The shoppers went home, the lights turned off, and the only people around other than those of us in the elevator were the mall security and one of the contest officiators who was playing flappy bird on his cellphone. Nothing was liable to happen overnight. I moved to curl up on my jacket, using the towel I'd brought along as a makeshift blanket, when I noticed the odd way Seifer was glowering at the mime as he slowly played his imaginary accordion.

He looked downright sinister in the darkness. The mime, that is, not Seifer.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

Dawn brought the sun and, with it, another much-needed bathroom break. When I got back, I ate a breakfast of granola bars and took a couple sips of water. My body felt stiff and sore from sleeping on the glass floor, and my compatriots looked to be sharing my pains. All except the mime. Impossibly, he looked as fresh as he had the day before. His face paint hadn't even smudged. He met my envious glower with a radiant smile. Freak.

A few hours later, the mall reopened, and the crowds resumed their endless dance beyond my glassy prison. The mime also got back to work, alternating between silent accordion playing and performing tricks for the masses. Even more money piled into his bowler hat.

Morning turned into afternoon with nothing of interest happening. Before long, I received my third visitor.

"Yo, Sora!" I knew the voice before I saw the face. Axel, my other roommate. I was wondering how long it would be until he showed up. He was carrying a soda cup from one of the nearby fast food restaurants in his hand. "My main man! How's life on the inside?"

"Pretty good!" I laughed, exchanging a fist-bump through the glass. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Eh. Larxene sent me to pick some stuff up for her. I don't think she wanted to risk the chance of one of you spotting her walking around in disgrace. Which reminds me- please, tell me one of you filmed her beating Demyx across the face with his own ukulele!"

When we all shook our heads, he let out an agonized groan.

"Aw man! That was half the reason I made the trip! Talk about a let-down… Ah well. There are worse things in life, I guess… Like being stuck in an elevator."

With a smirk that showed he was kidding, he brought his staw up to his lips and took a deep sip, causing his cup to rattle rather obnoxiously. I was reminded of how thirsty I was, but I wasn't the only person effected by Axel's antics.

Shiki, who'd been quiet for most of the morning, was currently scowling up at Axel as though he'd just insulted her mother. She was also rather pink in the face, wriggling somewhat back and forth on the ground like she had a bad case of hemorrhoids. Unfortunately for her, Axel noticed her odd behavior as well.

"What's her problem?" he asked, his tone flat, before taking another long sip from his soda.

Shiki's thighs were clamped tighter together than a vice. Her cheeks were almost as pink as her hair.

"N-nothing! I don't have a problem!"

"She has to pee." Neku supplied, deadpan.

"Neku! Don't just say stuff like that out loud!"

"What?" He asked, sounding annoyed. "We're not five-year-olds. If you have to pee, you have to pee. You might as well just go and do it."

"I can't just leave!" She exclaimed, sounding horrified. "I'll get kicked out of the competition!"

"So you're risking a bladder infection for some stupid contest? Man, this is lame…"

A sinister gleam had entered Axel's eye.

"Hey man, don't worry, I get it." He said, addressing Shiki and utilizing his 'kiss up' tone which everyone had always assured him made him sound like a pedophile. "You gotta stick to your guns. I admire your fortitude. But I gotta say, I don't envy you guys one bit. Being stuck in this glass box, with the hot sun shining down for hours… It makes a guy thirsty just thinking about it."

And with that, he stuck his straw back into his mouth and took another long, drawn out sip. The rattling sound issuing from within made it fairly evident that his soda was empty, but from the murderous glower on Shiki's face, it was doing the trick nonetheless.

Axel let out a loud, exaggerated sigh. "Man, I'll tell ya, this soda sure is refreshing… Hey, Sora, how long 'til they let you guys have a bathroom break?"

"Not 'til sundown." I replied, making no effort to hide my grin.

"Woof." Axel laughed with a fake wince. "That's not for hours! You guys have to have bladders of steel!"

'Bladders of steel' didn't really make sense, but the reminder of how long she had to wait until she could use the bathroom was having the intended negative affect on Shiki. Her face had grown even more red, and she was practically dancing on the spot, keeping her gaze pointed resolutely in any direction other than where Axel was standing.

It didn't matter. Wicked grins cropped up on Pete and Seifer's faces, and within moments both males were making hissing noises with their mouths, trying to set Shiki off. It was childish in the extreme, but I'll be honest, I joined in too. Hey, the stakes were high on this one, and I was willing to do just about anything to win. Even if it meant taunting some innocent girl because she had to pee.

With a wail, Shiki turned to Neku, a pleading look on her face.

"Neku! Make them stop!"

He sighed, letting his deadened eyes slide across the rest of us before turning back to Shiki and offering her a pathetic shrug.

"Hey. It's not their fault you drank so much this morning. If you have to go, then go."

She snarled at him and turned away, but found no refuge in the expressions of myself, Axel, Pete, or Seifer. Finally, in desperation, she turned to the mime, the one and only person in the elevator who would not and could not make noises to tease her or tell her to quit.

His face was completely stoic. He met her tearful, frustrated gaze with a solemn sort of peacefulness… and then with steady hands, he mimed pulling down his zipper. All at once a look of over-the-top euphoria crossed over his face as he pretended to relieve himself, his mouth gaping open with a silent sigh of satisfaction, his eyes rolling back into his head with pure ecstasy.

It was glorious.

Shiki couldn't take anymore.

With a wail, she bolted upright and all but sprinted out of the elevator, half-running, half-limping towards the nearest bathroom.

Everyone else erupted into peals of laughter as the announcer declared, "Shiki Misaki is disqualified!" Even the mime pretended to laugh, holding his belly and chortling with silent merriment.

The only person who didn't laugh was Neku. With a sigh and a small, affectionate smile, he gathered up his and Shiki's things and moved towards the door.

"Whoa, wait, you're leaving?!" I blurted out, utterly floored.

Neku shot me an odd look.

"What, you want me to stay?"

"Well no, but I mean…"

He understood my question without me having to ask.

"I only signed up for this thing because Shiki wanted me to. I never thought we'd both actually get picked. I've been waiting for her to give up this whole time."

He shrugged, securing his grip on both of their bags.

"I'm out. Good luck… I guess."

And with that, Neku Sakuraba forfeit.

I turned back to Axel, who looked as surprised as I was.

Stooping down lower, he mumbled, just barely loud enough to be heard through the glass, "If anyone asks, I totally planned that."

I laughed and agreed. Who was I to complain? I was down two more competitors! I would be out of here before I knew it! I couldn't believe things were going so well!

"Right, well…" Axel straightened up, turning to shoot his empty soda cup into a nearby trashcan and missing spectacularly. "I actually do have some things I need to buy for Larxene. I wasn't kidding about that. Darn woman runs me like a… Ah, never mind. Keep it up, Sora! You got this!"

And just like that, Axel sauntered off, vanishing into the crowd.

By the second night, things were getting pretty rough there in the elevator.

For one thing, I was just about out of battery in my phone. My iPod had long-since used up its juice, as had my backup batteries. I definitely should have brought more of them. I considered pulling out my cards, but… Well, I wasn't too interested in talking to Pete or Seifer more than I had to, and the mime… well, the mime couldn't speak anyway. That, and… well, he was kinda starting to creep me out.

Kairi had called and texted several more times, leaving voicemails I didn't answer and texts I felt too guilty to read. The few that I had seen all seemed rather serious; 'Where are you?', 'Why aren't you answering me?', 'Is something wrong?', 'Why do I feel like I'm going to wake up to find your body turned up in a ditch somewhere?', 'You're scaring me', 'Please just answer', etc.

Honestly I felt awful, but I didn't know what to do about it at this point. I sort of felt like the lie had gone on for too long now, and I was sort of lacking in sufficient battery power to give a full explanation. No, I was close enough to the finish that I just needed to ride it out and hope she'd talk to me long enough to explain it all in person. Preferably, with a ring hidden in my pocket that she'd accept and not toss down a drain in anger.

Why was it that the longer this went on, the more I became certain that this was a terrible idea?

The time in the elevator wasn't only made worse because of my lack of music or cellphone to distract me. Having so many people jammed up together in one enclosed space for so long, particularly one that was in direct sunlight during the greater part of the day, tended to have the unfortunate effect of trapping the stank of those people. Honestly, I'd gone mostly nose-blind at this point, but I'd catch a new whiff every once in a while, particularly whenever Pete moved, and it honestly made me want to curl up and die. Clearly, my deodorant and bathroom sink hand soap baths weren't doing the trick. It was a really good thing that Kairi couldn't see me right now, because I was absolutely certain that I looked and smelled awful.

The other problem was Pete. Or, well, rather- the other problem was that Pete was a pansy who clearly wasn't cut out for this 'endurance' stuff.

See, Pete had somehow managed to eat his way through his entire stock of provisions by about the time that Shiki and Neku had left the elevator, and had spent the last hour moaning about how hungry he was and how he didn't think he was going to make it. Seriously. This was a grown man. He'd even tried to barter some of my granola bars away from me. How pathetic could you get? And unfortunately, I no longer had my music to tune him out with. So I'd been subject to his whining ever since. I was seriously about to lose it.

Someone knocked on the glass behind me.

"Sora?"

The voice was high and female, and very familiar. Ice flooded through my system. Dread welling up inside me, insides turning to jelly, I slowly turned around…

It was Xion.

Oh sweet Walt on high… For a moment there I thought it was Kairi. The two definitely sounded alike sometimes… But wait a minute. Why was Xion here?

Maybe I should explain a little why I was so surprised, considering how I'd already had so many of my friends pop up unexpectedly to show me support. See, Xion is… well, she's definitely my friend, but she and I aren't exactly close. It's like… I dunno. There's always that one person in your group of friends who you're just not all that close with, and for me, that person is Xion.

Which isn't to say that I dislike her, or that she doesn't belong or anything. She's pretty much Roxas and Axel's Kairi. She was how Roxas and Namine first met. I'm pretty sure that she and Riku have some sort of… thing… going on behind the scenes that they're too 'cool' to put a label on. And she gets along with Kairi amazingly well; given how they look, you'd probably think they were sisters the first time you met them. For whatever reason, however, she and I have just always been sorta separated. I always kinda got the feeling that she liked Kairi more than she liked me. Which is probably the biggest reason why I was surprised to find her standing there outside the elevator. Given how Kairi was undoubtedly having kittens about why I wasn't answering her texts, even if Xion did know the truth about where I was I didn't think she'd feel any obligation to come out and see me.

Realizing that I still hadn't said anything yet, I straightened up and offered her a belated greeting, returning her somewhat plastic smile with an earnest one of my own. Hey, just because I don't think she's really big on me doesn't mean that I don't want to be closer, and she did come and see me after all. Roxas and Axel say that she's just slow to open up, and Riku says that I'm a little too loud for her, but hey. I'm clearly doing something right if she came out here to see me. Or maybe not… she was hard to read sometimes.

But she brought treats! In her hand was a large paper bag from one of the local restaurants. The same one Axel's soda had come from, as a matter of fact.

"So yeah, I heard about what you were up to. I couldn't believe it at first, but then again I could, because it was you."

I smiled a little awkwardly. See, this is what I was talking about; I can never tell if she's being mean, or if this is some higher level of sarcasm that I don't understand but is supposed to be funny. She also tends to avoid eye contact, which always makes me feel super awkward. Am I that ugly that you can't even look at me? Not exactly a great confidence booster.

"Larxene was going off about how awful it was, jammed up inside here with all these weirdos… Oh wow, there actually is a mime!"

An honest smile bloomed across her face for a moment, and she waved towards the incarcerated mime like he was an animal on display at a petting zoo. The mime showed no signs of being offended; rather, he returned the girl's smile with a radiant beam of his own, offering her a small seated bow.

"Cool… Oh, sorry, right. Um, so I was just with Axel and Riku, and we got to talking about you and I figured you must be hungry after being cooped up in here for so long, so…" She gestured with the bag in her hand again as if I hadn't seen it yet, "…I figured I'd bring you whatever we had left over."

My smile grew even more awkward. Oh light… Here she was, being all out of character and openly nice to me, and…

"Wow. Thanks, Xion, but… um…" I scratched the back of my head. All of a sudden, I was the one avoiding eye contact. "It's kinda against the rules to let anyone bring me anything from the outside. If I take it, I'll get disqualified."

I felt really bad about it too. Here's hoping she didn't spend too much on me… that bag did look pretty big though.

"Oh no." She replied, sounding totally unfazed, and I jerked my gaze back up in surprise. She didn't sound upset at all. Actually, she sounded like she'd totally been expecting that response. Wait, then… did she already know I couldn't take it? Had… she just been pretending like she wanted to help me out? Or was I reading into this too much?

"Whelp," she said a little louder, giving me the blandest look imaginable. Was I seeing things, or was there a subtle glint in her eyes? "I guess I'll just have to throw this away then."

A sharp intake of breath behind me was my only warning before Pete launched himself at the glass wall, his beady eyes fixated on Xion's bag with obvious longing.

"W-wait!" He cried, sounding very much like a man drowning at sea, "Hold on just a sec! There's no sense in throwin' out perfectly good food! I, uh… Why, why don't you just go on and let me have it then, since the pipsqueak here don't want it?"

I turned my surprised gaze over to Xion, who I fully expected to react with her trademark disgust at being spoken to so brusquely by some strange older man she didn't know, but rather than look cross or offended, she pulled a somewhat-convincing doubtful expression and frowned down at the bag in her hand as if she were mulling it over.

"Hmm… I dunno…" she mused softly, glancing between Pete's expression of ardent desperation and the slightly overfilled trashcan behind her. "Sora did say it was against the rules… I'd hate to get you in trouble…"

"Well, uh… Well…" From the look on Pete's face, you'd have thought this were a life-or-death decision he were making. I found myself wondering how long he had become used to going between meals. Judging from his tremendous girth, not very long at all. He probably thought he really was starving.

"Why don't you just leave it over by the door then! That way, I can reach out and grab it, and then nobody could say for sure that you brought it to me! I could just say that I found it there! Whaddya say?"

At this point, I could have mentioned how there was a judge sitting just behind her who could hear this entire conversation, and who was certainly not stupid enough to buy that excuse, but what was the point. The look of hope shining in his eyes as Xion thought his proposition over was so earnest, it was actually kinda sad.

"Nah."

And with that, Xion stalked away and dropped the bag into the trashcan. Without even pausing to look back, she threw her hand languidly in the air and let out a lazy, "Later, Sora!"

And just like that, she was gone.

I couldn't help but frown. That was it? Sure, maybe it was wrong of me to have expected miracle solutions from all of my friends to slowly take out my competition, but that… It's like she wasn't even trying. Then again, maybe she wasn't. Maybe she just wanted to give the impression of trying. Still, she didn't have to throw away all of that perfectly good food… Even if she didn't want it, I was sure Axel or Riku would've taken it. I would never understand that girl.

Pete was staring at the trashcan like it was the man who had murdered his parents come back to finish the job. His jaw clenched, his eyes bugging out, his face slowly growing more and more red. His limbs were trembling, though whether from his alleged starvation or rage at the sight of perfectly good food gone to waste, I didn't know. What I did know was that almost as soon as Xion's retreating figure vanished from view, Pete let out a loud, "D'ooohhhh!", and ran barreling out of the elevator.

I didn't even hear the judge declare his disqualification over the loudspeaker. I was too amazed by what I was seeing. Could a man seriously have that little self-control that he couldn't go a few hours without eating?

Pete didn't seem to mind his disqualification. Reaching the trashcan, he thrust his meaty arm inside, seized Xion's bag, yanked it out and tore it open, desperate for sustenance.

There was nothing inside.

As Pete began to howl with rage, I felt my phone vibrate again. My battery was just about dead, but I pulled the message up anyway. It was from Xion.

'Me and Axel and the others have been taking turns on 'stakeout' watching you guys. It's been fun, in a… creepy, stalkerish sort of way. Once I saw that fatty here had gone through his whole stash of food already, I figured he'd be easy to lure out with the promise of fast food. Looks like I was right.'

Before I could wrap my head around the concept of my friends spying on us and Xion's crazy plan to kick Pete out of the competition, a second text from Xion arrived.

'We're all rooting for you, Sora. Don't let us down.'

I couldn't help it; I grinned. Maybe I don't understand Xion as well as I should, but it seemed pretty clear that, even if she and I weren't as close as we could be, she still had my back.

Turning my phone off to conserve what little battery power remained, I settled back against the window, feeling oddly content. I'd nearly spent two whole days in this elevator, and there were still three people left in the running, but even if I lost, at least I'd come out of this knowing that I had some pretty amazing friends. And really, what more did a guy need?

Pete was still shouting behind me, but the sound washed over me like a soothing balm. I closed my eyes, and tried to sleep.

Later on that night, long after I'd fallen asleep, something slammed against the glass on the opposite side of the elevator, making me jerk awake in a panic. It was Seifer's backpack. The guy was standing in the middle of the elevator with his hands clamped over his ears, his eyes wild and manic, baring his teeth in a feral rictus as he loomed over the mime.

"Stop it!" he shrieked, spittle flying from his mouth. "Stop it! Make it stop! Make him stop!"

"Stop what?!" I blathered, still more than a little foggy from being woken up in the dead of night. I hastily climbed to my feet, clutching my bag to my middle protectively just in case he decided to lash out at me as I tried to blink through the darkness. The mime was staring up at the other male with a look of abject horror on his face, but his hands continued moving.

"The accordion! Make him stop playing the accordion!"

I stared, dumbfounded. He was joking, right?

"Um… Seifer, you realize that accordion isn't real-"

"Yes it is!" he roared, fingers tearing at his beanie, pulling up his hair. "Yes it is! I can hear it! I can hear it in my head! He's taunting me! Playing that same song, over and over! He won't stop! Why won't he stop?!"

Completely at a loss, I turned and caught the gaze of the portly supervisor outside who was watching the scene unfold before him with his jaw agape. When our eyes touched, he jumped as if he'd been given an electric shock before hastily waddling forward, looking both anxious and determined. By the time he got to the elevator door, Seifer was clawing at the sides of his face, screaming.

A moment later, Seifer was gone, carried off by the supervisor. A little voice in my head whispered mutinously, 'and then there were two…' Good riddance, too. Seriously, the dude was a jerk. Mental breakdowns are no fun, and I felt bad for the guy (sorta…), but hey, this was good news for me, right?

Slowly, I turned my gaze back to the mime and nearly leapt out of my skin when I found him staring at me. A slow smile wormed its way across his face. All the sudden, I wished Seifer were back. I didn't want to be left alone with this guy. His hands were still silently playing his invisible accordion. I returned to my position on the floor, but didn't lie down again until the supervisor had returned.

I considered pulling out my phone and sending a text to Kairi, as it might be my last chance, but then remembered I was out of battery.

I didn't sleep at all that night.

The sunlight overhead is fierce.

Above the glass elevator, four stories high, a skylight had been installed in the roof of the Sunset Terrace Shopping Center. Between the hours of ten and two, when the sun was at its highest, the light shone down directly upon our little glass prison, making the surroundings glow in an almost surreal manner while we were left to slowly baked to death. I have water, but I'm too afraid to drink; there would be no bathroom break until dusk. Dehydration and lack of sleep have left me dizzy and weak. The world seems to be spinning.

We're back in the present now, in case you haven't noticed by my highly stylistic change in verb tense. We've made it, we've come full circle from my accidentally misogynistic rant at the intro, through the perils of my sojourn into the elevator, all the way until now… The moment when my life ends…

Well, ok, I'm probably being a little melodramatic, but cut me some slack. It's terrible in here. I feel like an experiment in a display case; glass walls, a bright light overhead, strangers ogling at me…

This was the third day since entering the elevator. Only me and the mime remain. The cramped elevator reeks of body odor, and I can somehow still smell the Pete's highly offensive musk lingering on the air like an immortal miasma. Over in his corner, the mime sits, watching me, his beady little eyes weighing and measuring, but I keep my spine stiff. (Metaphorically; literally, I'm slumped over against the glass, trying not to moan like a wounded gazelle.)

I won't break, though. The others had been weak. The others had let my friends or else this mime and his freaky little mind games bore their way into their heads. Not me. I'm stronger than this. I'm too strong. Like the mighty Zac Efron before me, I've got my head in the game!

People outside had started gathering around again earlier this morning, kinda like they had at the start of the contest. I guess it's because now we're down to just two contestants. Maybe they could sense the tension in the air, the blood in the water, the relentless approach of ragnarok...

Or maybe they just liked watching people suffer. Sickos.

I'm in total agony. I ran out of granola bars this morning and my stomach is less-than-amused. The sun is literally baking me, but I don't want to use up what's left of my water. I really should have filled one of my bottles up in the bathroom this morning, but I wasn't thinking straight. Ugh. Maybe I wasn't thinking straight for this entire contest… No, Sora, don't think that way, you gotta stay strong…!

I'm all hunched over in the corner on my side of the elevator, my eyes closed, my face pressed up against the glass. I probably look a little silly to the people watching from outside, but screw them. The glass feels like it's at least two whole degrees cooler than the air around me. I need this to survive! When Bear Grylls was dying of dehydration, he drank his own urine! You ought to be grateful I haven't stooped that far! We can't all be like that blasted mime, all poised and calm and not showing any signs of fatigue or-

Ok, you know what? I've been thinking about this for a while now. The mime has an unfair advantage. He's on his home turf. Everyone knows that glass boxes like this are a mime's natural habitat. He shouldn't even be allowed in here! This entire contest is rigged!

A voice calls out to me from a distance, soft and muted and somewhat familiar, slicing through my internal monologue, and I wonder if this is just some sort of hallucination from heat stroke or if someone is calling to me from beyond the grave.

"Sora…?"

I open my eyes more than a little blearily. The glass in front of my face is fogged from my breath, but I can still see beyond the window. There's a figure standing there… a beautiful figure… a woman, bathed in radiant light, her hair wreathed about her head in a fiery halo… She looks like an angel…

Wait… Wait, is this it? Am I actually dying here? Oh man, this is just like Romeo and Juliet! Cut down in my prime, dying for love- Or, wait, no, I'm not committing suicide and I'm the only one dying here. Titanic then? The heat in the elevator makes for a nice parallel to Jack and the freezing ocean, but there still wasn't a mime in that story…

The angel smacks the glass in front of my face rather rudely, and I bolt upright, suddenly wide awake.

"Sora! Pay attention!"

The fumbled apology that tries to work its way out of my mouth of its own accord suddenly dries up as I get my first good look at the figure beyond the glass. It's an angel all right, but not the heavenly kind sent to carry me away to the pearly gates. This is an angle of death, of painful retribution, of condemnation. Of rage.

It's Kairi. She's in her scrubs; she must've just gotten off work. And she looks pissed.

Hold up, how did Kairi get here?! How did she know how to find me?!

Now that I'm seeing clearly again, I do the only thing that makes any sense and avoid her infuriated gaze like the sad, guilty puppy I am. My eyes nervously rake the crowd gathered on the other side of the elevator distractedly as I scour my more-than-slightly-muddled brain for some sort of plausible excuse for my behavior when all of a sudden, I recognize some of the figures in the crowd.

There's RIku, his sarcastic grin plastered across his face as he meets my gaze. 'You made your bed', I can practically hear him telling me through our powers of innate bro-telepathy, 'now you get to lay in it. And I get to watch.'

That sick freak…

Next to him are the rest of my friends. Xion, Roxas, Namine, Axel… wait, is that Larxene?! And over there, that's Hayner and Olette! And Neku and Shiki! And Pete?! Even Seifer is here with his gang. Littered throughout the crowd, my friends and fallen comrades have come to witness the end of my days. It's fitting. And more than slightly humiliating.

I should tell you something about Kairi. She doesn't like being ignored.

"Sora!" she snaps again, all but forcing my eyes to return to hers through the sheer force of her willpower, "Are you seriously going to keep ignoring me even when I'm right here in front of you?!"

Ah, and here comes that guilt again… Ok, ok, yes- I fully deserve this. But I was seriously hoping the universe would do me a solid and wait to make me have this conversation until after I'd hopefully already won the contest and could show her why this was so important to me that I blew her off for the last three days.

Wait… does that sound as bad out loud as it did in my head just now?

"Sora!"

And this time when she shouts my name, all full of indignation and righteous fury, I can hear the underlying note of hurt. I recall her texts over the last couple of days, growing steadily more and more panicked. I don't even want to begin thinking about what she must have thought was happening.

"K-Kairi," I manage to stammer out, the first words I've spoken to her since entering the elevator, "wait… Just… Let me explain…"

I half expect her not to let me, or to run me over with accusations, but she doesn't. Folding her arms across her chest defensively, protectively, she leans back and waits, her eyes guarded but graciously willing to let me speak in my own defense. I could kiss her.

I let out a sigh instead. This isn't going to be pretty… I decide to stand up, both so that we're at even ground and because my face has left a nasty sort of grease smear on the glass that was more than a little distracting. I also decide to take a quick swig of what little water I had remaining, because my mouth was too dry to make sounds properly. Kairi demonstrates remarkable patience as she waits for me to finish my preparations before I engage in what is sure to be a soul-crushing battle of wits. I wrack my brains for some sort of clever, believable excuse for my behavior over the last couple of days, and find nothing.

Great. Thanks brain.

"Where do you want me to start?" I offer instead. Wow. Way to be a flake and deflect impetus of the explanation off on her. I really am pathetic, aren't I? Well… cut me some slack, it's been a trying couple of days.

"Where do I want you to start?!" If the incredulous tone of her voice wasn't hint enough that I was officially in her bad books, then the volume of her voice definitely was. "Gee, I don't know! My boyfriend vanishes off the face of the planet for three days, ignoring my calls and my texts, our friends won't tell me where he is, and when I finally manage to track him down I find that he's spent all of this time holed up with some other man! Where do you think I want to start?!"

Whoa whoa whoa! Hold up now! Was she implying what I think she was implying?!

In spite of myself, I turn back to glance at the mime who's currently shooting Kairi a look of such abhorrent disgust that I'm actually a little offended. Throwing both hands up in front of himself, he mimes another invisible partition, expressing even louder than he could with words that there is a definite separation between he and me and that is just how it's going to stay.

"Kairi, I am not cheating on you with a mime." I blurt out quickly, my cheeks turning pink from the embarrassment of even having to say that, and my girlfriend tosses her head like a winded rhinoceros.

"Yes, Sora, I know you're not cheating on me with a mime." She snaps, and I bristle indignantly. Well if you know that, why'd you have to insinuate it?! Axel and Riku can hear every word you're saying and you can bet they'll never let me live this down!

"Well, then what do you want me to say?!" I snap back, letting some of my own frustration show through.

"Something! Anything! You haven't told me anything other than that you don't secretly have a mime fetish!"

Kairi, I swear, they're standing right behind you…!

"Ok, fine," I admit, eager to change the subject to less potentially reputation destroying topics, "you're right, but it's just… It's a lot, and I'm not really sure how to explain it."

I cringe on the inside. I sound like I'm trying to weasel my way out of having to explain this to her, which… Ok, I guess I am, but it's not for some scumbag reason. Only, how am I supposed to get her to see that my intentions are entirely pure even if my actions don't necessarily reflect that?

You could shatter steel from the intense cold emanating from Kairi's eyes right now. I expect her to either give me the silent treatment until I talk or else walk away and never speak to me again, and she does neither. Instead, she lets her expression fall as she buries her face in her hands, looking like she's struggling to take ahold of herself.

"Sora, just… Please don't lie to me."

There's the implication again. She's clearly worried that I've gotten myself involved in something terrible and am just too ashamed to tell her. I run my fingers through my hair and grimace at how oily it's become.

"Kairi, I'm not…" I start, then shake my head. No, denials aren't going to get me anywhere. I just need to reassure her of my intentions. "Look, I promise, there's a really, really good reason for why I'm in here and why I've been avoiding you, and I promise I'll tell you all about it when I get out-"

"Then why not just tell me now!" Oh light, her voice just cracked. The desperation in her tone is tearing me apart inside, and her eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. She was really messed up over this. I think I screwed up even more phenomenally that I realized.

"Just tell me, and I promise, if it's really a good reason like you say then I can walk away and let this all go, but I can't… I just can't…"

I can't stand seeing Kairi upset like this. She isn't broken down or anything, but she's close. Hurt and anger and disappointment and confusion, all wadded up together in her mind in a neat little bow. It's even worse when I know it's all my fault. Only this time, I know what's wrong and what I can do to fix it.

The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"It's because I want to marry you!"

Now, normally, in chick flicks and the like, when the guy tells the girl he wants to marry her, or that he's in love with her or y'know whatever, this is the moment where time seems to slow down. When we get the nice close-up description of her eyes filling with wonder, and then the stars all align and the dramatic music cues up in the background and then the two make out and live happily ever after. I'm convinced that the people who write these things have never actually been in these types of situations before. Or, well, at the very least… they haven't met Kairi.

Oh, her eyes grow wide alright, only not with wonder or joy or love. She kinda looks bemused, like I had just announced I was secretly a woman all along. Her cheeks flush pink, yes, but her mouth has this awkward set to it like she's just swallowed a lemon. I can see a thousand different responses flickering through her eyes, but none of them look good. Honestly, it was… not exactly the response I was looking for.

I also wasn't expecting her to react so quickly. Almost before I realize what I'd just said or that I'd single-handedly blown my cover like a total idiot, Kairi was already spluttering out her baffled response.

"So you decided that the best way to do that was to spend three days locked up with a mime?!"

I can't win with this woman, can I? I turn back to the mime again, this time with an exasperated, apologetic look at the ready, but he was already going at it with his rude, exclamatory hand gestures. Dude didn't even have to speak for me to understand exactly what it was he was trying to say. I get this message loud and clear.

I throw up my hands and make the universal sort of 'calm down, bro' sign, to which he responds by jerking his fist towards Kairi. Somehow, perhaps because I've spent so long living in his world, absorbing it through osmosis, I understand that what he was saying was not 'I want to punch your girlfriend' and was instead 'then tell your lady there to mind what she says!'

I offer up what I hope was a placating sort of shrug, complete with an awkward, uncomfortable smile, which I somehow knew translated into, 'Women, right?'

Kairi follows the entire exchange with a dumbfounded expression.

"What is this, some sort of secret mime lovers language?"

I hang my head and let out a groan as the mime flips out again. Clearly, there was no way to console both Kairi and the mime at the same time. I'll have to focus on one before the other.

"Ok, Kairi, listen-"

"I've been listening, Sora, but you haven't been explaining!" She fires back, one-hundred percent ginger fury. "Nothing you've been saying is making any sense-!"

"Alright, fine!" I shout back, finally feeling the stress of the situation spark my irritation. "I signed up for this stupid contest because I didn't have enough money to buy you an engagement ring! I've been wanting to propose to you since forever, but I just… I don't make that much money, and at the rate I'm going, it's going to take an eternity to afford the ring. So I figured… I dunno, if the chance existed to do it sooner rather than later, then… why not go for it?

"I didn't mean to ignore you." I add before she can jump in, because I can already see her desire to do so threatening to spill out of her. "I've just been so on edge about all of this… Worried that I'd mess up, or that I'd accidentally let slip what it was I was doing and ruin the surprise… And, I dunno, I guess I was worried that you'd think I was having financial issues, or that you'd guess what it was I really needed five thousand munny for, and… Whatever. It doesn't matter. I went about this all wrong, and I… I'm just… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry."

If I've learned anything from dating Kairi, it's that very rarely is one apology ever good enough. Typically she waits until I've demonstrated through actions that I've learned from my mistakes before she accepts my apology. The problem is, I don't have time for that now, and… well… I still really need to win this contest. And I wasn't sure how she was going to react this time. Would she be ok with it for now? Would she demand that I leave the elevator? And if she did, then… did that mean that she didn't want to marry me after all? That would be ten-thousand times worse than losing this competition after everything my friends had done for me.

An awkward, uncomfortable silence sort of balloons up between me and Kairi as the ensuing seconds trickle by and nobody makes a sound.

Finally, the angel of death speaks.

"…You were going to spend five thousand munny on a ring?"

I lift my gaze with no little trepidation. Was that… incredulity I was hearing in her tone?

"I, um… yes?" I definitely wince when I say that, unsure where this was going. Was she expecting that I pay more? Oh Walt, how much did she want me to spend?! "W-well, I know that, traditionally, I'm supposed to spend like three months of my salary or something, but I didn't really feel like pulling out a calculator, and I guess I just figured that they were more like 'guidelines' than actual rules and-"

"Sora."

I cut off at once, fully aware that I've been babbling. My face is probably bright red; not from embarrassment, but from the effort of saying so much, so quickly, without breathing. I think I'm hyperventilating. Oh light, the panic is setting in. What if she says no? What if she never wanted to marry me after all?

"Sora… It's just a stupid rock."

I open my mouth, realize I have no response to that, then close it. After a beat, I open it again.

"Ok, yes. Objectively, it is just a stupid rock, but-"

"We could seriously spend that money on so many better things. I mean, have you even thought about that? A new couch, or a TV, or something we'll actually use."

"Why do I feel like you're missing the point here?"

"Or Cinnabon! Sora, five thousand munny worth of Cinnabon!"

"Kairi-"

"And maybe I don't even want a ring!"

My eyes go wide, and she stops, waggling her hands frantically in front of her as she begins to backtrack.

"Well, wait, I mean… I do want a ring. I mean, a wedding ring, obviously, but I don't really care about the engagement ring. N-not that there's anything wrong with wanting a nice engagement ring!" she adds, turning around and shooting an apologetic look at Namine who's so busy bawling on Roxas's shoulder that she doesn't even notice, "But I mean it's not like I could even wear a giant rock on my finger at the hospital anyway, and… Ugh. The point is, I don't care, Sora. I don't need some big ring. I'd take anything you gave me. Even a mood ring, or a ring pop, or… I dunno. Whatever. So long as it was from you."

The trails off rather lamely, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. She'd been rambling too, she realizes. Maybe I'm not the only one out of my depth here.

But I'm too caught up in myself to realize that she just indirectly accepted my proposal.

"Ok, sure," I blurt out, my tone probably more condescending than it needs to be, "you say that. Women say that. But they don't really mean it. I mean, if I'd actually walked up to you with a plastic ring and proposed with it, you'd have laughed in my face!"

"Of course I would have!" She retorts hotly, and I blink in surprise.

Wait, I'm right?

"I would have thought you were kidding! Or worse, that you weren't taking us seriously!" She sounds angry again, but even more than that she sounds exasperated, like she's trying to explain a simple concept to a willfully ignorant child. "But buying me some expensive ring doesn't mean you're taking this seriously either! All I want is for you to show me that this matters to you!"

"Well," I exclaim far too loudly, suddenly realizing that I have no idea where this is going, "aren't I doing that?!"

"Yes!" she shouts back, throwing her hands up in the air as though she's demanding to know why the gods cursed her with such a thick-headed boyfriend, "But you didn't have to trap yourself in an elevator with a mime to do it! You could have just talked to me. You know me better than to think I'm superficial enough to care about some stupid piece of jewelry, Sora. I just want you."

I open my mouth, and then let it close again. Her words repeat themselves in my head. Oh Disney…

Maybe… Maybe the reason I cooked up this whole nonsense about a ring was because I was too nervous to actually ask the question and was looking for some excuse to push it off… Who knows. I can see the light now, though. I honestly can't believe that she has the patience to put up with me. She really is an angel.

I let out a self-deprecating chuckle and slump forward against wall of the elevator, letting my forehead rest against the glass.

"…I am an idiot, aren't I?" I ask, unable to stop myself from laughing.

"Yeah." She replies, stepping closer and leaning against the opposite side of the glass so she's looking right up into my eyes. "But I love you anyway."

"So…" I drawl awkwardly, feeling the corners of my mouth twitching, "You wanna marry me?"

She giggles, and finally I see those tears that movies always told me I was supposed to see when proposals go the way you want them to.

"I guess that depends." She says, somehow managing to sound coy through all the emotions battling across her face. "You gonna come out of that elevator so I can answer you properly?"

My smile comes full force this time, and I'm gathering up my backpack and supplies with such speed and excitement that Kairi starts laughing all over again. There's a feeling building up inside of me, white and warm and light, filling me up, threatening to burst. I feel like I never actually knew what happiness was until right this second. Nothing could make this moment any better. Nothing but hearing Kairi say yes.

But suddenly, the mime holds up his hand, stopping me before I can push open the door. I shoot him a befuddled look and, to my immense surprise, I can see tears welling up in his eyes too.

He's crying. The mime is actually crying.

Pulling out an imaginary handkerchief, he begins wiping his eyes with it, pretending to blow his nose in exaggerated fashion before wadding it up and handing me the invisible snot rag. Ew. Then, with his thumbs tucked behind his suspenders, he sends me and Kairi an endearing smile, offers me a bow, tips an imaginary hat at Kairi, and then walks out the door, leaving me alone in the elevator.

Wait…

I'm alone in the elevator. He just left me alone in the elevator. I'm the last one here. And that means…

"Jack… Jah-queez… Ah, whatever. The mime is disqualified! Our winner is… Sora Osment!"

The awaiting crowd lets out an explosive roar of cheers that's deafening even through the glass walls of my makeshift prison. Somewhere in the group I can make out my friends; Axel catcalling, Namine sobbing uncontrollably, Roxas and Xion holding hands and jumping up and down like little kids, and Riku, suave as ever, smirking at me with both pride and triumph shining in his eyes.

My eyes, however, slide past them all, ignoring the gleeful faces of strangers in the crowd as I search for my red-headed beauty, who a moment before had been standing on the opposite side of the glass but was now nowhere to be seen.

And there she is, pushing through the doors of the elevator, a smirk on her perfect lips and a certain knowing, unfathomable glint in her eyes. She regards me for a moment with a rueful shake of the head, her arms akimbo, hip cocked out to the side, and then a moment later she's stepping forward, seizing the front of my shirt, pulling me down to her and kissing me thoroughly.

For a moment there, I'm in heaven, and I forget all about the cheering crowd that's watching us or how tired and hungry and claustrophobic I've become. All that matters is Kairi, the softness of her skin, the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, and how completely and utterly right this all feels…

When we finally break apart, she stares up into my eyes for a moment, her brilliant cerulean irises sparkling with repressed emotion that I can't quite put a name to but can feel reflecting within myself. Suddenly, she wrinkles her nose prettily and says, blunt as ever, "Ew. Sora, you reek."

I can't help it. I let out a snort of laughter, unable to bring myself to stop grinning.

"So I take it that's a yes then?"

She rolls her eyes and I laugh again, wondering how I managed to put off doing this for so long.

"Come on, stinky." She says, grabbing my hand and tugging me towards the door. "Let's get you out of here and into a shower."

"And then?" I ask, inwardly marveling at the feel of fresh air as the elevator door opens and she leads me outside. The crowd is still cheering, but I don't pay them any mind.

"And then…" she parrots slowly, her cheeks glowing a faint shade of pink as she turns and flashes me a shy smile, "you and I have some shopping to do."

"You mean for Cinnabon, right?"

She turns and continues towing me through the crowd, her laughter almost lost in the roar of cheers, but I'm no longer paying attention. My heart is soaring, I can't stop grinning, and all my previous exhaustion seems to have melted away.

Maybe I don't have a lot of money. Maybe I don't have the best job in the world, and maybe I don't always have the brightest ideas. But I do have Kairi, my one and only, the sunlight in my otherwise dark and dreary world. And you know what?

She's all that I need.

Yuuuup... so there's that. I guess I can finally scratch 'finishing 'The Mime' off of my bucket list. So cool beans.

The plot for this story was based off of an episode of 'Boy Meets World', in which Shawn Spencer wants to win concert tickets from the radio and has to sit up on a billboard with a bunch of strangers; last one to leave gets the tickets. Only its in the middle of January, and one of the contestants is a eskimo. (or... Inuit? Whatever.) I reference that briefly in the story.

Also, I've technically written three versions of this story. This one, then two for a creative writing class (with different characters, obviously). In the first, the protagonist (Thais) loses to the mime when he tricks her into leaving by sucking her into a 'mime duel'. In the third, which has the same basic setup, the story delves into 'magical realism' territory when Thais pretends to shoot the mime with an imaginary gun and the mime actually dies. So there's some more fun facts for you.

I typically write for the Zelda fandom, but I wanted to offer up a bit of love to KH, since I enjoy it so thoroughly. I guess I could probably write for this fandom more. I guess I will if this gets a good response. Regardless, lemme know what you thought, or if you spotted any errors. And I hope you enjoyed it!

Keep it Zesty, my peeps.

ZC