Joffrey's Bizarre Adventure

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Or more correctly, Joseph Joestar found himself reincarnated into Joffrey "Baratheon". Lulz ensues.

Chapter 1 : Prologue

"Holy shit!" Joseh groaned as he tried to sat up, but he just found that he can't. He tried to open his eyes, but everything is black and dark, and everywhere seems to be tightly constricted by fleshy membranes while he lies in a crouching position. Speaking of which, as his senses returned alongside his consciousness, everything around him felt warm and wet too.

Joseph calmed himself, trying to control his breath but much to his surprise, everything around him felt like warm water, but at the same time he doesn't felt as if he is drowning in it, so, he wondered what happened, and for a while, he remembered that his last hazy memory is him going asleep in his house and he thinks he heard something.

As Joseph tried to use his ears, he heard people speaking somewhere else. Sounds like a woman spewing what felt like foreign swearwords while a man also speaking as if trying to calm said woman. And something felt around him as if he is... pushed... out of this... whatever place. He tried to make sense of this before he felt a constricting pain on his head and "OH MY GOOOOD!" shouted Joseph as he felt his head and body squeezed from a very tight place, and as he opened his eyes, he ends up looking upon a golden locks of hair and a smiling face of a giant woman, dressed in loose red cloth with a golden lion embroidery. And as he tried to look at the sides, he also looked upon a yellow banner with black stag, along with an old man, also a giant, and several gigantic servants moving around in a blur. All of them speak something, but the language seems foreign in his ears too.

It dawned on him now, he must missed something quite important here, as he felt himself handled with big hands and placed at the giant golden haired woman's bosom. Joseph tried to make sense of this as he involuntarily shuddered at the implication of it, and the following facts began to formed in his head.

1) It seems as if he was literally born again, and that means he must be already dead soon after his last recollection of memory.

2) His last memory are himself going to sleep as an old man, a ninety-two years old man, at that.

3) He didn't really believe in reincarnation, but everything here points out to this.

4) HE WAS DEAD AND BORN AGAIN.

Joseph ends up trying to think in silence, trying to contemplate his fate, but the surrounding giants seems to speaking in worried tone and before he could react, the bearded old man lifted him up high, feet first, and smacked his ass, HARD.

"OH FUCK! OH SHIT! OH FUCK! DAMMIT YOU FUCKING OLD MAN!" Joseph shouted and he ends up trying to mutter every curses he learned in his, now technically previous life, but what he heard is merely a babbled voice of baby cries, just like when he first handled Holy as a baby, or when he first found Shizuka at that matter. And at this point Joseph feels an irony in knowing firsthand, that baby's cries could be said baby swearing in curses over this situation.

He does felt himself end up handled back into said golden haired woman, who nuzzled him softly with her soft cheeks, and Joseph involuntarily wince, thinking that this must be his new mother. Now if some things such as the Joestar bloodline do end up in repetition of reincarnations turned to be true, perhaps...

His mother is definitely NOT his own great-granddaughter Jolyne, even if she color her hair completely golden, her face is really different. Maybe she is Josuke's wife or maybe even further down the line...

It was in the middle of that important line of thoughts that he noticed that he is definitely not in a hospital, and everything seems to be strangely medieval here. He'd have been tempted to crawl off and take a good look around him, but a wooden door opened and a black haired, yellow and black wearing giant of a man entered flanked by a golden haired giant of a man wearing a white cloak and medieval armor. Said black haired, blue eyed man lifted him high and kissed him off his cheek while roaring something.

'Must be my new father then.' Joseph mused while he heard booming laughs at the same time.

Damn, he feels really tired now, and he just want to get a good sleep.

"Joffrey" Joseph could hear his mother whispered, and the room goes in cheer.

So his new name seems to be Joffrey now...

Joffrey/Joseph I

287 AC

'Man, being an infant sucks, but being an infant stuck on a medieval world definitely take the cake.' thought Joseph/Joffrey while trying to make sense of himself left on top of a big bed, with several stuffed lion dolls and wooden swords cluttered around him. Oh yes, the servants definitely catered to his every whim, and his mother is a good, if overly doting one, but still, he is a ninety-something years old guy stuck in the body of a year old baby.

And medieval diapers definitely sucks, as Joffrey/Joseph experienced firsthand with having forced to sleep with wet feeling between his legs several times. He pitied the poor servants who end up changing his diapers everyday while his high and mighty Queen of a mother usually don't.

Oh yes, his recollection of his old life as Joseph Joestar is still going strong, but time to time, it made him feel uneasy. Sure, being a Joestar with a ton of adventure is good, but still, sucking on some women's boobs for milk never felt more awkward when he thinks himself as Joseph Joestar, a ninety-something man, and yes, when he meant 'some women' he really meant it, as apparently his mother felt her need to have sexy figures outweigh her duty of breastfeeding him, so there's the wet nurses. When he thinks himself as Joffrey Baratheon however, as a year old infant, it felt a bit less awkward doing his baby stuffs, but still...

Deep in his mind, his old Joseph Joestar mind, he wondered if this is the result of his hamon training, or his stand powers, that he end up not forgetting his old life at all. In fact, Joseph could imagine he does actually transit on some sort of afterlife, but somehow escaping the memory-erasing mechanism or spell or whatever by sheer dumb luck, and end up reborn either across time and space or in another universe altogether, with his memories intact. And to his luck, end up named JOffrey as well. He already imagined himself to be called 'JOJO' once again in the future, to be really fair.

At least he still remembered how to calm himself, so as he sat himself in a meditative position, controlled his breaths and focused his mind.

'Oh great, I could still access my Hamon training, but it seems that I couldn't summon my stand... yet...' thought Joffrey while he felt the familiar energy going around him. Well, there some reasons on why he tried his best to regain his access to his previous life's powers, first of all, is that he found himself actually being the firstborn Prince in some medieval Kingdom, and second, a big majority of people here seems not to be the trustworthy type, and yes, even his own mother, so... 'better be prepared than sorry'.

"Joffrey sweetheart, why aren't you sleep already?" purred his mother while lifting him up into her big, supple bosom (deep in his mind, the dirty mind of Joseph Joestar trying to supress the involuntary assessment of his own mother's assets to no avail, the red low cut dress didn't even help). "What are you doing, my little Lion?"

Joffrey/Joseph opened his eyes and trying to avert his eyes from his mother's cleavages (BAD JOSEPH! BAD JOSEPH!) as well as putting his most innocent face for his mother to see. She didn't seem to notice anything wrong aside of founding her baby sat in crosslegged position however, and as she slung Joffrey/Joseph and carried him outside. Joffrey/Joseph sighed while trying himself to will himself to sleep.

As his mother softly caressed his golden hair, Joseph tried to think himself more as Joffrey, but for some reasons, he felt a big sense of dread waiting, and this time this seems to be worse than when he faced the Pillar Men, or DIO, or the murderers at Morioh... but still.

Whatever...

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Author's Note : Next chapter would be a more-or-less direct timeskip to the more familiar time in ASOIAF-verse. Yeah, Joseph Joestar is now Joffrey 'Baratheon', and could still access his hamon AND stand powers. Yes, this is kinda overkill, but hey... WHITE WALKERS, DRAGONS, AND DIRTY POLITICS...