Author's note: So this was supposed to be a funny oneshot, sort of like a crackfic, but then somehow feelings snuck in, it got all a tad more emotional than I intended and yeah. This is the result. I have no idea what to think of it *winces*

Warnings: Itachi's pov; altered timeline; follows manga until right before Sasuke fights Itachi; some bits have humour I think; violence; implied slash

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto owns it.

I hope you'll like it, despite the weirdness!

Sasuke's Personal Cupid

"Who knew Sasori-san would end up being right?" Kisame mused, leaning back against a tree. His dark eyes were trained on the rain, which was pouring down heavily, filling the air with the scent of sharp freshness.

"Hm?" Itachi didn't bother moving from his perch on a large boulder, keeping as still as a statue; his eyes closed.

"About Deidara-san," his friend clarified. "Sasori-san always said he would die young and it happened. By the hands of your little brother even." A dark smile revealed his shark like teeth.

"Deidara-san was foolish to attack Sasuke," Itachi remarked flatly. "There was no point in doing that."

Zetsu had informed them a few days ago that Deidara had encountered Sasuke and ultimately had blown himself up in an attempt to kill the younger man. It hadn't worked; according to Zetsu, Sasuke had used a snake summon to keep him safe from the blast.

Well, my brother has never been stupid.

"You knew Deidara-san – guy couldn't stand Uchiha. Or more precise, couldn't stand the Sharingan," Kisame grinned, thoroughly amused. "Guess he thought he had a shot against your brother."

The dark haired man remained silent. Above him some birds chittered and leaves rustled.

"Means we're now down by four, though," Kisame sighed and crossed his arms. "First Sasori-san who gets defeated by those Konoha shinobi, then Kakuzu-san and Hidan. Again because of Konoha shinobi. And now Deidara-san by – well, can you still call your brother a Konoha shinobi?" He sounded sincerely perplexed, as if he really was trying to figure out which village Sasuke belonged to.

"That's right. Kakuzu-san was defeated by the team of Naruto-kun, right?" Itachi recalled. He remembered feeling impressed by the blond's victory. Kakuzu hadn't been an easy opponent to say the least; that the Jinchuuriki had managed to defeat him was remarkable and spoke of his progress.

"Yeah, I had expected more of the others," Kisame sighed and rolled his eyes. "Guess it's up to us now to pick up the slack. We still have some Jinchuuriki to capture after all. Like the Kyuubi."

Itachi didn't need to open his eyes to know that his partner was staring at him meaningfully; he could feel the dark eyes piercing the right side of his face.

"Naruto-kun is protected very well at the moment," he said after a short silence. "Best to wait until - "

He sensed various chakra approaching him – two of them which were quite familiar.

Ah, seems like my little brother found my trail after all.

"Itachi?" Kisame questioned.

Slowly Itachi opened his eyes; for now still black without a trace of his Sharingan. So Naruto was still chasing after Sasuke. How steadfast was his resolve? How far would he go for the one he called his best friend?

And Sasuke – he hadn't killed Naruto, despite the advice Itachi had given him. He hadn't acquired the Mangekyou Sharingan by killing his best friend – so how did his little brother think to defeat him with a regular Sharingan? Did he have a plan?

Did he want to live on? Or was he merely interested in extracting his vengeance, no matter the cost?

Itachi furrowed his eyebrows in consternation. Yes, he wanted Sasuke to defeat him. He wanted his brother to kill him and become the hero who had struck down a dangerous criminal. It was too late for Itachi's dream – but it wasn't too late for Sasuke.

As it stood now, though, Sasuke was at a disadvantage. Even with the sickness tearing more and more into him, Itachi had the Mangekyou Sharingan. They were still on different playing fields even after all those years.

He couldn't have that. The field had to be even, but in order to do that, Sasuke would have to acquire Mangekyou Sharingan. He had already proven that he didn't have it in him to kill his best friend. But it was imperative that his little brother survived their final confrontation.

So how …

A memory rose up in his mind of a moment three years ago when he had been in Konoha briefly. He had wanted to check up on Sasuke, see for himself how much the boy had progressed since he had left him in the streets of the Uchiha compound, surrounded by the dead bodies of their kin.

The meeting with three Konoha shinobi, one of whom had been Itachi's former supervisor in the ANBU Kakashi, had forced him to change his plans. Instead, after battling with the three shinobi, he and Kisame had left the village to find the Kyuubi.

He and Kisame had found the vessel of the Kyuubi, Uzumaki Naruto, in another town in a hotel room of all places. Itachi hadn't had any intentions of really kidnapping Naruto, but Kakashi or one of the other two present during the battle must have let something slip, because before Itachi could even reach out, Sasuke had been there, ready to take him on to defend his friend.

Sasuke had practically radiated fury and that had surprised Itachi. Not that Sasuke was furious at him – no, he had told Sasuke to hate him if he wanted a chance at defeating him – but the fact that his little brother had got furious over Naruto …

Well, that had been very interesting considering only a few years before Sasuke had complained about the blond, huffing that the boy only annoyed him. Somehow, somewhere, they had become friends however and the bond had been strong enough to have Sasuke attacking him blindly.

Was their bond still that strong? One could argue it was, considering Sasuke had left the Jinchuuriki alive instead of killing him in order to get stronger. But had the bond remained the same or had it changed in these past few years?

Was the bond between those two boys still strong enough to convince his little brother that he had to live on?

An idea slowly took form in his mind. It was beyond ridiculous to be honest, beneath his dignity even. It probably wouldn't even work as he intended it to work. But if it did work out …

He had to take that chance.

"Kisame, which date is it today?" he inquired calmly.

The rain was slowing down, no longer a downpour anymore.

"The twelfth of February," Kisame replied. "Why?"

"There's something I need to do before I meet Sasuke," Itachi murmured and rose up from the boulder, rotating his body in the direction of the large mass of chakra approaching slowly.

"I still want my fight with you before you meet up with your brother, you know," Kisame reminded him and he sounded close to sulking, which caused an amused smirk to grace Itachi's lips.

"Don't worry about it, I haven't forgotten," Itachi reassured him and jumped down from the large rock, landing soundlessly on the grass.

There was someone he needed to speak to before he could meet his brother for the last time.

"Now that we have settled this," Itachi said calmly, serenely ignoring how Naruto was coughing and retching, slamming a fist against his chest.

Blue eyes watered and they glared at him as the owner of them gasped for breath.

Maybe it hadn't been needed to put Shisui's eye in the blond man, but precautions never hurt. If his plan today failed, he'd at least have a back-up. He dearly hoped Shisui's eye would never have to be activated, but …

You never knew. Things could change at the blink of an eye. His own life was a prime example of that.

"Wa-was that really necessary? Damn it!" Naruto cursed and straightened up, glowering at the man in front of him.

"A question, Naruto-kun."

"What, another one? You sure are in a chatty mood."

"If there was a way for you to talk to my brother now, would you take it?"

Naruto blinked and scratched the back of his head; blue eyes narrowing. "I tried that already," he replied curtly. "Bastard just destroyed my clone before I could do something."

Itachi paused. Well, Sasuke's reaction wasn't a positive one, but that didn't have to mean anything necessarily. He was honing in on his older brother – he wouldn't appreciate any distractions, not even if they came from his best friend.

He'd leave it up to Naruto as he just told him. At this point Itachi doubted anyone but the Jinchuuriki in front of him could get through Sasuke. He just had to believe in Naruto.

"I plan on meeting with Sasuke in a nearby Uchiha hideout," Itachi explained and the mention of his little brother had the blond perking up again. "Given his position now, it'll take him two days to get there."

"Okay … Your point?" Naruto asked confused, cocking his head to the left.

"If I could give you a chance to talk to him without interruption, would you take it?"

Naruto squinted at him suspiciously. "This sounds too much like a trap to me," he snapped; body so tense it had to hurt.

"If I wanted to catch you, I would have done it already," Itachi stated patiently. "I have no interest in you at the moment. I do know, however, that you still have a chance of getting through to Sasuke. Or do you want to wait so long that he might attack Konoha?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not!" Naruto instantly protested and his eyes flashed with determination. "But you expect me to trust you?"

"I don't expect you to and you don't have to accept my offer," Itachi riposted quietly. "But if you want to reach Sasuke, you cannot wait too much longer."

"I know that!" Naruto spat and his face was contorted with worry and anger.

The seconds ticked by in silence as Itachi watched how Naruto struggled with making a decision, clearly uncertain whether he could trust the older Uchiha or not.

He shouldn't trust him. Naruto didn't really know him and thus couldn't make an informed decision as to whether or not Itachi could be trusted to lead him to Sasuke.

But it had become clear how much the Jinchuuriki cared about Sasuke and Itachi was counting on those feelings to have Naruto convince himself.

"Fine, I'll do it," Naruto muttered and he shifted his feet; uncertainty flashing across his face. "How are we going to do this?"

A small smile grace Itachi's lips. "Like this."

Before Naruto could react, Itachi's Mangekyou Sharingan flashed and the blond man stiffened, betrayal briefly flitting through, before he slumped forwards, caught in a deep sleep.

"My apologies, Naruto-kun," Itachi murmured as he approached the unconscious man. "But it was necessary."

When the rest of his team rushed to the clearing, Naruto and Itachi were already long gone.

"I don't understand you at all," Kisame said flatly, leaning heavily against his sword.

"I've been told that before," Itachi murmured and blinked slowly. His ocular powers were putting more and more a heavy strain on him; already his vision was wavering, causing double sight. It wouldn't be long anymore before he became completely blind.

Before that happened, though, he had to meet his brother one last time.

"Shouldn't you want your brother to be weaker than you?" the older man continued, frustration leaking through his voice.

"I have my reasons," Itachi replied calmly, taking a deep breath. The faint taste of copper coated his tongue.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Kisame grumbled, but his partner knew he wouldn't fight this anymore.

At long last their ways would part.

"Always," Itachi smiled faintly and turned around. He needed to reach the hideout before his little brother did. "Please inform Sasuke's team that they are not to disturb us."

Kisame sighed, swinging his sword onto his back again. "Yeah, yeah, got it. Good luck."

"Hm."

And then they split ways.

The stone throne offered him the perfect view on the only entrance of the room. His clone had been dispatched an hour ago and had delivered Sasuke his message. His little brother would arrive soon.

Sasuke had grown stronger since the last time they saw each other. His speed had surprised Itachi; the fierce determination in those burning eyes pleased him. It meant Sasuke was going to put up a serious fight and the incentive of his best friend might not be necessary.

If nothing else, Naruto would at least remind Sasuke that he wouldn't be alone in the world. Even with his family gone, Sasuke would still have at least one person he could count on to remain at his side and that reassured Itachi.

He had often wondered whether he could have done things differently. Perhaps if he hadn't kept Sasuke in the dark, the young boy might have been able to change the clan's ways. If he and Shisui had been quicker with their plan, maybe he wouldn't have been forced to kill the clan during that one awful night.

Maybe if he had –

Footsteps echoed through the long corridor and Itachi calmly opened his eyes. The next moment would decide everything.

A lone figure approached the entrance slowly, calmly. The shadows retreated, revealing his little brother standing in the door opening.

"Itachi."

"Sasuke," Itachi murmured in greeting. "I wonder – what do you see with the Sharingan?"

Sharingan eyes full of hatred stared back at him. "I see you dead," Sasuke answered; his calm tone belying the fury dancing in his eyes.

"Ah," Itachi smiled and the younger man narrowed his eyes. "Well, there is only one way to prove whether your eyes are right, hm?"

"Itachi, I - "

"Before we start, there is something you need to see." In a flash, Itachi stood behind Sasuke and the younger Uchiha stiffened, already whirling around with a kunai in his hand.

Itachi tsk'd. "Not so impatient, little brother," he chided gently and kicked Sasuke straight in his stomach, sending him flying through the air.

Before he slammed into the throne, Sasuke managed to land on the floor, one hand resting on the floor to keep him balanced as he coughed up some blood.

"Always be aware of your surroundings – did you forget that lesson, Sasuke?" Itachi scolded him. Honestly, even with the other one sleeping, that amount of chakra could hardly be missed. There was no excuse for his little brother to have missed something like that.

Sasuke straightened up, gritting his teeth audibly. "You bastard, what the fuck - "

A groan coming from the furthest corner on the left cut off Sasuke and the young man stiffened, spinning around with his hand already gripping his sword.

The blond man, who had been sleeping for the past two days, sat up slowly, blinking groggily as he grabbed his head. "Ugh, what the fuck?" Naruto muttered. "Where the fuck am I?" He looked around blearily, taking in his surroundings, until his gaze snapped to Sasuke and his eyes widened, mouth falling open in surprise. "Sasuke?"

"Naruto? What the hell are you doing here?" Sasuke snapped and realisation dawned upon him before his attention shot back to Itachi. "Itachi, what the fuck are you - "

If the older sibling concentrated, he thought he could detect a hint of panic in the younger man's voice. So Sasuke wasn't that unaffected by the blond – it seemed like he had been right after all.

Itachi smiled, amusement filling him out of the blue at the sight of a pissed off Sasuke and a confused Naruto who was gaping in shock at his best friend. This was unexpectedly fun to witness.

"Consider it an incentive to give it your all during our fight," he murmured. "If you win, Naruto-kun will be safe. If you lose, I take your eyes and the Kyuubi. I'll give you some time to talk, hm?"

"ITACHI!"

His little brother was fast – but not fast enough to reach the older man before he activated a barrier jutsu.

"Not to worry – we'll have our fight. Consider this my gift," Itachi smirked and calmly turned around, ignoring Sasuke's enraged scream.

"COME BACK HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

"Sa-Sasuke? What's going on here?" Naruto asked.

"None of your business! How the hell could you be so stupid to let yourself be - "

Sasuke's voice died out as Itachi walked deeper into the hideout. He wasn't planning on leaving the building; he was interested in how this particular encounter would go, but he could wait.

He wasn't in a rush to go anywhere.

From his place in the building, Itachi was able to pick up some sounds from the confrontation between the two best friends. There was a lot of yelling on both sides.

"SASUKE, DON'T BE SUCH A BASTARD! I CAN …"

"… NEVER UNDERSTAND! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP WHINING ABOUT …"

"… MY BEST FRIEND, YOU ARSEHOLE!"

And so it went on, the hours ticking by as yelling and explosions filled the hideout. There was the high pitched buzzing sound of Sasuke's Chidori and the whistling noise of Naruto's Rasengan. The building trembled and shook as their attacks missed their target; stone exploded and crashed down.

Really, couldn't they have a civil conversation with each other without resorting to violence? Itachi released a sigh, not even flinching when the ceiling crumbled, several pieces of it crashing right next to him on the floor. Had his little brother forgotten that he was supposed to fight him after this? How was he going to do that if he wasted all his chakra now?

The older Uchiha rolled his eyes; his little brother could be quite foolish.

"…ST GIVE UP!"

Another crash and the building groaned. Idly Itachi wondered whether the building would still be left standing after those two idiots were finally done trying to maim each other.

Then there was a change. The screaming stopped being so loud; the sounds of fighting continued, but none of it carried the noise of their signature attacks. The Uchiha hideout stopped trembling and shaking.

It became quiet.

Itachi stirred and concentrated; he could pick up their chakra, so they were still in the building. The flow of their chakra seemed constant, so it didn't appear as if they were fighting anymore. He quirked an eyebrow; had they finally started talking then?

He would give them a few more hours before he would go look. He sincerely doubted he would have his fight with Sasuke tomorrow. The young man had already sustained injuries from his fight with Deidara; his altercation with Naruto certainly hadn't helped his healing process.

For someone who claimed that Naruto was an idiot, his little brother had his stupid moments as well.

Well, he had thought before that the two of them made a good fit – even if they were polar opposites.

But maybe it was because of that, that they made a good pair.

Two hours later he decided that he had given them enough time to work out whatever issues they had between them and returned to the room with the throne. The corridor was filled with pieces of stone and deep cracks created random patterns in the wall. The day was dying, making way for the night and through the gaps and cracks, some sunlight filtered through, dying the walls and floor in red and orange as the sun set slowly.

The barrier had held up and his hands quickly went through the signs to lower it again. The room was …

Well, it appeared as if a hurricane had gone through it simply put. The majority of the ceiling was gone, revealing the sky which was turning purple, red and orange. The throne was shattered into several pieces and the steps to it cracked and split in two. One of their attacks had blasted apart the right wall, revealing an empty room behind it. The floor was littered with large pieces of rock, some of them scorched black from a fire related jutsu. Several deep holes had been made into the floor – perhaps the result of Naruto's Rasengan.

Right in the middle of the room, surrounded by pieces of ceiling and wall, laid the two men side by side. They were sleeping, having exhausted themselves. Cuts and bruises decorated their bodies, some blood seeping through their clothes. Sasuke's sword laid a few feet away from him and kunai and shuriken were strewn around them.

Their hands were what really attracted Itachi's attention. Whether it had been a conscious action of the two or not, Itachi couldn't guess, but Sasuke's hand practically covered Naruto's, shielding it from view.

And in spite of the many injuries they had acquired, their faces looked peaceful even in their sleep, as if they had finally got what they wanted.

"Best friends, hm?" Itachi mumbled, raising an eyebrow bemused.

He and Shisui had been close; he had considered the older man as his best friend, one of the very few people who had understood his dreams and goals. Yet, they had never held each other like Naruto and Sasuke were doing right now.

It didn't matter. If this – whatever this was between the two men – was going to convince Sasuke not to give up even after his fight with his brother, then that was good. His plan had worked out even better than he had expected.

"I'll see you soon, little brother," Itachi whispered, smiling and turned around; something akin to peace warming him.

Now he would wait, secure in the knowledge that his little brother would be okay.

AN2: Probably one of the strangest oneshots I've written so far *winces* I really don't know what to think of it *sighs* This was supposed to be funny, damn it!

Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.

I hope to see you all in my other stories! (Which are less weird than this one, I promise)

Cuddles

Melissa

P.S. For more information about my upcoming and posted stories, please visit my profile.