EPOV

I paced around the living room, pausing to glance out the window, even though I knew I would hear Alice's thoughts before I saw the two of them approaching. Irritated, I pinched the bridge of my nose, breathing deeply to control my frustration.

I was in no position to tell Alice to leave Bella alone, nor in any position to control who Bella spent her time with.

And yet…

I desperately wanted her to spend time with me, not with Alice. More than that, I wanted her to want to spend time with me, to want to spend time with us.

I wanted her back.

Edward, Esme's gentle mental voice broke through my musings, and I turned to meet the eyes of my surrogate mother, who was carefully tracking my movements with a kind but apologetic expression, you have to calm down.

"I can't." I responded aloud. "I can't relax not knowing what Alice will say to her," I explained quietly, starting up my pacing again.

Esme tilted her head, giving me and indulgent smile, though her eyes were sad. Edward, you can't police everything that's said to her. All of us deserve to have our say. To have our chance to apologize. You're not the only one who's missed her.

"I know that."

"Do you?" Esme prodded, getting to her feet and placing her hands on my shoulders. "Edward, I know that you're sorry, and that you want to fix this, but you're not the only one who has something to fix. And if you want to get back in Bella's good books…" she gently ran a hand through my dishevelled hair, "…maybe you should remember that Bella isn't as weak as you seem to think she is."

"I don't think Bella's weak," I interrupted, "I never thought that."

Esme smiled. "Of course you did. You saw yourself as the immortal protector to the fragile human. That doesn't mean you love her any less, Edward," she said quickly when I opened my mouth to interrupt, "but you grew up in different times. She doesn't need someone to track her every move, to watch over her…"

"I can't watch over her?" I demanded. "Carlisle looks out for you. Emmett for Rosalie, Jasper for Alice. I just want to take care of her."

Esme shook her head. "It's not about that, Edward. It's about being overbearing. You can't tell her what to do…who she can spend her time with…you have to let her be her own person."

I let out a huff of air. "You think I'm too controlling."

Esme pressed her lips together. "Edward…"

My shoulders drooped. "You do."

Esme pulled me into a hug. "Edward…you're from a different time…you grew up with different ideals. Girls in today's world are independent, Bella more than anyone."

"I know that!"

"In your mind, I'm sure." My mother acquiesced. "But knowing it and putting into practice are two different things, Edward. Before all this…we never – not for a second – doubted that you loved her. But in trying to protect her, you limit her."

"I don't limit her!"

"Edward," she said with a sad smile. "How many times did you tell her she couldn't do something? How many times did you did decide your opinion was more important than hers? I know you, Edward."

She did know me. And as hard as it was for me to accept it, I had told Bella no – under no uncertain terms – too many times to count. "I just wanted her to be safe."

Esme smiled gently and cupped my face with her small hands. "I never doubted that, Edward. But you've seen that even when you try to keep her safe…trouble finds her. You can't protect her from everything – you couldn't then, and you can't now. Bella needs the chance to find her own way."

I think it went okay, Edward, Alice thought loudly, her mental voice making itself heard long before I saw them break through the tree cover. I think she took the time to consider what I had to say.

And that was the thing, wasn't it?

I couldn't know for sure if Bella was considering what Alice had said, because her mind remained blank to me. I could watch, through my sister's memories, Bella's reactions to her words. I felt both appreciative and resentful of my sister for pushing my case so strongly – it was nice to know that even though I'd hurt Alice deeply, she still wanted hat was best for me, which she knew was Bella, but at the same time, I desperately wanted Bella to want me simply because she realized that she was my one, the only person I could ever want by my side for eternity. Already I had suffered over a year without her at my side, and it had been more terrible that my worst imaginings of hell.

I wanted to her to feel the same way about me. Without needed to be persuaded by my sister.

Watching Bella's involuntary reactions to Alice's words was a sweet sort of torture. In the months we'd spent together, I'd learned to read those expressions like words upon a page, her every thought inevitably making their way across her soft features. Thought her mind had always been closed to me, Bella's reactions could always be counted on to tell me how she felt.

I watched as her lips pressed together tightly when Alice mentioned me the first time, a sure sign of irritation and not exactly a welcome look to my desperate eyes. I noticed the unmistakeable annoyance twist the corners of her lips and make her nostrils flare slightly as Alice insisted on making her listen to the whole story, and heard the hard tone her voice had taken as she vehemently argued that she already had the whole story. The coldness she used to deliver her short, bitter tale made me wince.

I couldn't deny that she had the basics of the sad story down, but did she really understand the depth of our love? How intently we'd cared for each other, and how desperately we'd needed contact? I could tell her a million times how it had felt to touch my lips to hers for the first time after having spent the afternoon barring my soul to her in the meadow, but while I could describe how the flowers had looked that day to a tee, or recalled the exact shade of golden brown her irises had been as they'd reflected the rare sunshine in Forks, she would not recall the sensation.

She had no emotional connection to any of it.

I wasn't entirely sure how to handle that. How do you make someone who wants so little to do with you see how deeply you love them? Or how much they had once loved you? I'd been so naïve – it was painful to think of how wrong I'd been – to think that my age had made me wiser than her. Time and time again, it seemed, I proved how false this was.

My turbulent emotions brought me to my feet once more, away from where I'd been tensely sitting on the loveseat. My hand flew into my already tangled locks and I tugged on them as I tried to centre myself, to keep myself calm. She would be arriving any moment, and it wouldn't do to be a complete mess when she saw me.

She and Alice broke free from the cover of the trees only moments later, the weak sun only managing to give their skin the smallest amount of glow as thin but dark, threatening clouds rolled in front of it. My eyes locked onto her as soon as she was within view, taking in every inch of her greedily, like a man dying of thirst taking his first gulps. Her long, brown hair was wild – no doubt she cared little for it, spending most of her days outside – and her fitted jeans held a layer of dirt and dust from her work with jasper. Her gaze – not loving and warm as it had once been when she'd looked at me – was irritated, if not a little curious. My brother upstairs helpfully listed off the emotions he felt from her.

Curiosity. Irritation. Frustration. Curiosity again. Anger. Confusion.

Bella's mind seemed to be a jumble.

She must feel so lost, Esme thought sadly, unknowingly echoing my own thoughts.

"We're so pleased you're joining us once more, Bella," Carlisle said truthfully, smiling kindly as Bella entered our home, looking mildly uncomfortable. My pseudo-father had never stopped seeing Bella as a daughter, even when he'd believed she no longer wanted his company. He loved with a devotion that I could only barely understand, his heart open and generous. He had adopted her into his family, and regardless of how she saw herself, she would always find a home with us.

It was the same love he'd shown me when I'd strayed from his teachings, showing me nothing but love and kindness as I made all the wrong choices.

"Sure," Bella said with a quick nod, though I could see a spark of discomfort in her expression. "It was kind of you to invite me over again."

Esme smiled warmly. "You're always welcome here, Bella."

Bella smiled tightly and nodded her head.

Edward, Jasper prodded mentally. She's never felt this uncomfortable in our presence before. Whatever Alice said, I don't think she's taking it that well. I could hear the worry in his tone – Jasper was developing a friendship with Bella that he already deeply treasured – the two of them seemed to connect deeply in a way that Jasper had never connected with anyone, and he was concerned that his wife's tendency to be overly pushy when she wanted things a certain way would drive away his friend.

I could see now that Alice had been wrong. She'd thought that Bella had responded well to her points as they'd walked together, but while Bella may have been willing to listen to Alice, she seemed to be more uncomfortable with us now, as though Alice had pointed out some things that perhaps Bella hadn't wanted to think about.

"So, Bells," Emmett said with a grin, "what have you been up to since we left?"

I knew he was trying to defuse the tension – while Emmett's thoughts were a shallow pool, always resting on the surface of his mind, he wasn't as oblivious as he sometimes came across. He could see Bella's discomfort and had said the first thing he'd come up with in an effort to make her feel more at ease, but his choice had been one of the worst possible things to bring up.

Bella's eyes flashed with irritation. "I don't remember," she said drily. "And after my change, I spent my time trying to learn not to kill humans. Funny how it's the wolves who had to teach me, isn't it?" Her tone was exceptionally bitter, and Emmett at once realized his mistake, trying to think of a way to back track.

Esme placed a gentle hand on Emmett's arm, "don't mind him, Bella." She said quietly, seeing Bella's pent up frustration and wishing desperately she could help make things better.

Bella simply shook her head. "It doesn't matter." She said evenly, her features schooled once more. "I spent a few months in Portland with Jacob. We didn't want to risk anyone recognizing me around Forks, and I needed to practice being around humans and not slaughtering them," her lips twisted into a bitter grimace. "I was able to do some work and put away some money for future use."

Of course she'd worry about funds. I should have thought of that myself.

If Bella had planned to exist like many of the nomadic vampires that aimlessly travelled the world, she wouldn't have to worry about money; most simply made due with stealing clothing from their chosen meals, not having to worry about rent, electricity, water, or any of the things humans spent their money on. But living among humans was a different story, and meant putting money into the sorts of things regular humans would have to keep up the charade.

Charlie hadn't been a wealthy man, and though I'd understood that Bella had sold his small house, knowing that she could never live there again, the money she would have gotten from it would not have been sufficient to completely start again.

I had never been in that sort of situation – one where I needed to save money to keep up the illusion – from the time of my transformation, all the money that Carlisle had been saving for centuries had become available to me as well.

Still, I scolded myself for not taking more time to carefully consider the situation she was in.

"You don't have to worry about money, Bella." I reassured her. "What's ours is yours."

Tread carefully, Edward, Jasper warned mentally naming off the emotions he could feel from her – frustration, irritation – for my benefit.

Of course, I should have seen her reaction coming. I knew my Bella well enough to know that even in her human life, she'd despised charity.

Her eyes flashed and her gaze hardened as she looked at me, pressing her lips together. "That's really not necessary."

"Give us a chance to make things right, Bella," I pleaded. "This is the least we can do for you."

Bella's expression hardened. "If I weren't already giving you a chance to make things right, I wouldn't be here," she snapped. Her gaze lingered on me for several seconds, and then she looked over the rest of my family, all of whom wore expressions of shock at her outburst. "I don't want your money. Offering to pay me off won't fix this, Edward." She pursed her lips and let out a harsh sigh. "You've admitted to being in the wrong, and I appreciate that, but your offer of money is insulting. You're trying to buy my forgiveness, and I won't have that."

"That's not true!" Alice jumped to my defense, and I willed her to stand down. Since our return to Forks, Bella had calmly accepted our words, showing very little outward reaction to anything we said. This was the first time her true feelings had managed to escape the carefully sculpted blank expression she usually wore. "He's not offering to pay you off, he's just offering to make your life a little easier, Bella."

"Is is?" Bella whirled on Alice. "For all your explanations and rationalizations of your family's past actions, you have yet to offer any hint of plans to chance your ways. How would you feel if you were the one left behind, and instead of being offered proof at attempts to change the incredibly selfish way of thinking that led to the abandonment, all you received was an apology and funds to make your life easier?" She glared at each of us. "Stop rationalizing what you did, all of you. You messed up, and you know it. Instead of continuously trying to explain yourselves to me, prove to me that you can be trusted!" She stepped away from where my family now all stood around the furniture in our living room, heading towards the door and shaking her head. "Perhaps what's best for tonight is for me to return to my friends, and for you to sort out where you want to go from here, because I'm done listening to your explanations and your rationalizations. Tonight, everyone can clear their heads."

BPOV

Jacob waited for me at the border in his wolf form, his posture tense and his dark brown eyes concerned as he watched me. He huffed and let out a soft growl that rumbled deep within his chest.

"I'm fine, I promise," I said with a sigh. "It's just so frustrating, you know? All they seem to want to do is explain why they left, over and over and over again, like I'm too stupid to understand their reasons. I just want them to see that they messed up and realize that I need to have more say in my own life than them. They can't be in charge of me."

Jacob rolled his eyes and let out a sharp bark, his lupine version of a chuckle.

"Shut up, that's different and you know it." I said with a shake of my head. "The wolves never made decisions for me, and certainly never went behind my back to make a major choice in my best interest," I said dramatically, using airquotes to emphasize my point. "Besides, I know you agree with me. You said before how frightened you used to be, worried that they were manipulating me. You hate them for what they did to me."

He swung his head in an exaggerated nod, then looked over the forested land of the Quileute territory before returning his gaze to me, and I smiled. "I know I can stay here, and I really appreciate that. I just think it would make more sense for me to be with my own kind, you know? Instead of my natural enemies." I butted his shoulder with my much smaller one, and he barked out another laugh. "They're just so frustrating. Do you think - "

My sentence was interrupted by Paul's warning howl, which pierced through the night and broke through the trees, reaching all of us. Something had arrived on the northwestern bank, and it wasn't friendly.

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