Hey, I have a brand new fanfiction, and my first ever Homestuck fanfiction! When I first got into Homestuck last November, I didn't think I'd ever write fanfiction for it, and yet, here we are. I love Sadstuck, even if I hide that from my friends who also love Homestuck. This is JohnxDave, so if you don't like the pairing, you've been warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck, I'm just someone who got trapped in the fandom.

Trigger warnings brought to you by Kankri Vantas: Self-harm in detail, 6ullying, 6l99d, gay relationship (n9thing graphic), self hate, negative b9dy image, Transph9bia. Y9u have 6een warned.

Hope you enjoy!

April, the time of the year where most thirteen year-old were wearing their t-shirts. I, Dave Strider, chooses to continue wearing long sleeves. I told Bro it was for ironic purposes, but that was as much a lie as school was good. I decided to hang around the park near school, Bro probably wasn't home yet anyways. I pulled out my phone to see if John was on pesterchum. Sadly he wasn't on, and neither was Rose or Jade. Unfortunately, I was looking down at my phone long enough for some girls to come up to me.

"Hey Lizzie," The leader of the group called out, "What are you doing here"

"My name isn't Lizzie, it's Dave." I said casually, trying to keep my cool.

"Oh, but sweetie, that's a boy's name, and you're a girl." The rest of the group giggled at that comment.

"No, I'm a boy. Now leave me alone."

The leader of the group spoke up again. "Maybe it's a good thing you think you're a boy. You're way too ugly to be a girl."

"Lizzie's way too ugly to be a boy too." One of the other girls called out. It caused another round of laughter. Two of the girls pushed me to the ground, and a third one kicked me in the gut. Once they were finished beating me up, I had a bloody nose, and several bruises.

"Bye, Lizzie." They called out, voices like the poison of a viper, "See at school tomorrow, you freak."

I got up, and acted as if nothing had happened, apart from cleaning up my now blood covered face. Once all the girls were out of sight, I slowly headed home. I heard my phone vibrating in my Jean pocket. I turn on my pesterchum, ectoBiologist. I smile, when I seen that John was on. At least he doesn't think I'm a freak.

EB: Hey, Dave. Sorry I didn't answer you. Dad wanted me to test a new cake he made. Anyways, how are you doing?

TG: Pretty good. I just finished school, but for ironic reasons, choose not to go home right yet. So it's April, a week until your 13th b-day. Excited?

EB: I can't wait! I already got Jade and Rose's presents. They made sure that I wouldn't open them early. I'm still waiting on a present from my boyfriend.

TG: Yeah? I'm sure your boyfriend has an amazing present for you.

EB: Well I guess I'll just need to wait. :)

TG: How many days?

EB: Only two more. I can't believe Dad is letting me come visit you for two weeks! It will be the longest we've seen each other. I already have everything packed.

TG: Dude, I can't wait either. It will be good to see you again. Bro is even letting you sleep in my room, just maybe don't tell your dad.

EB: Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Man, your Bro is awesome!

TG: As much as I'd love to chat to the cutest boy in the world, I just got home. I'll talk to you in a bit.

EB: Okay. Bye Dave. Love you 3

TG: I love you too. 3

I put my phone on its charger when I went into my room. As usual, Bro wasn't home to greet me. He left a note taped to my door.

Dave,

Working late tonight

Probably will get home around 11pm

Pizza is in the freezer.

Bro.

I just crumpled up the piece of paper, and toss it into my garbage bin. Perfect, Bro won't be home for a while. I thought, walking over to my dresser. I opened the bottom drawer, and carefully take out the few things in it. Once everything is out, I lift up a thin sheet of wood. Underneath the wood, was three blades, two from a pencil sharpener, which I threw away years ago. The other was from an old packaging knife. I grabbed the larger of the two sharpener blades. Before leaving, I went to my closet, and grabbed the first aid kit, I made over time, by taking things from around the house, or asking for at school. I was able to get a few boxes of large bandages a while back from the superstore. I didn't look too suspicious. I only had about ten of the large ones left. I should probably get a new box soon. I thought as I headed towards the washroom.

I locked the door, even though no one was home. I felt comfort in no being able to react me. I took off the shirt, and looked in the mirror. I hate my body, and always have. I wish I was just born a boy, my life would have been a lot easier. I leave my binder on, even though Bro, and John tell me to take it off as soon as I get home. Most days I listen to them, John won't stop bugging me until I do. I trace over my scars. I have words written on my arms, 'worthless', 'freak', 'fake'. I began to cry.

"Why was I born like this? Why does the world hate me so much?" I laid my left hand on the cold counter top. With my other hand I took my blade, and began to shred my forearm.

I continued cutting, and after fifteen minutes, I switched to my legs. Tears fell onto my cuts, causing them to sting. After a few more minutes of cutting I put the blade under water to clean it. I wrapped all my cuts in toilet paper, and began the slow process of cleaning them. I held paper over them for a minute before washing, and drying them. By that time there's already blood coming out of the cuts again. I got rid of the blood, and quickly put a bandage over them before more blood could appear. Once I finished cleaning all my fresh cuts, I clean up all the bloody paper, and tossed it away.

I headed back to my room, as if nothing had happened. When I was cutting, I was thinking about John. Not in a bad way, but thinking of him, helps me not go too far. He helps me survive, even when he has no idea. I guess that's how love works, at least, it's what I tell myself. I put my blade back; I wouldn't want Bro to find it. I go down to get some food, seeing as it's already passed 7. The pizza didn't taste all that good, and it took my forever to actually eat. By the time I finished my homework, it was rather late. John is probably getting ready to go to sleep, seeing as he's two time zones ahead. I grab my phone. John had been trying to get a hold of me.

EB: Hey Dave, make sure to take off your binder. I don't need to have my boyfriend hurt when I come to visit.

EB: Dave? You around?

EB: It's getting late out here, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Make sure to get some sleep. I love you 3 Night Dave.

He sent that over an hour ago, so I knew he was already asleep. I answer him, to keep him from worrying.

TG: Yeah, talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams dude. I love you. Goodnight.

I didn't go to sleep, I stayed up all night crying. When Bro came home, I just put the sheets over me head, so he couldn't tell I was awake still. I thought about John, and was finally able to get an hour of sleep.