Whatever it is that's meant for me, I have to stop trying to figure it out. I have to let it stay unresolved for at least a little while. I have to stop trying to fast forward to the 'answer' scene in the movie of my life. I have to trust the present scene of 'no answer yet'. Allow the question itself space to breathe. I have to relax. To live in the now. Now being the 105/110 freeway in Los Angeles.

It's been 4 months since the incident with James, and it couldn't feel further away. Once I was physically healed and on the mend I did not hesitate in packing everything up and making the move to the U.S. I'd lived my whole life obsessed with American culture, the music, the movies of the 50's. I was half American as well, my Dad's family originating from Boston. That meant I had a dual nationality passport. I could go for as long as I wanted. It was somewhere I always knew I could make a life for myself. I just had to work out what part of America I was meant to end up in.

My parents had been fully supportive when I said I wanted to make the move, travelling around the country until I found somewhere to settle. They just wanted me to be happy, to move on from what had happened. If letting me go was going to do that then they were more than willing. I just had to make sure I kept in touch. That was their one condition.

As soon as I landed, I headed to a dealership and brought the best car I could afford with the money I had. Mum and Dad were taking control of the sale of my flat, so until that all went through I had to be careful with my money.

Once out on the open road I just drove, drove to wherever the wind took me. There was no rhyme or reason to the places I ended up. I was just searching, searching for something, for someone. I just didn't know what or who it was yet.

Good Morning, Good Morning

It's great to stay up late

Good Morning, Good Morning to you

Driving along the freeway as I headed into Los Angeles I was happily greeted by the melodic voice of Debbie Reynolds. The song from Singing In The Rain bursting through the speakers as I turned the radio on. It was almost as if I was being greeted to the city, welcomed. One of Hollywoods most famous musicals was beckoning me to come closer and I couldn't be more excited.

When the band began to play the stars were shining bright

Now the milkman's on his way and it's too late to say good night

So, Good Morning, Good Morning

Sun beams will soon smile through

Good Morning, Good Morning to you

Singing along to the upbeat tune I nearly missed my exit that would take me into the centre of the city, the Hollywood sign now visible off in the distance. It felt different, coming to L.A. Special. I had a feeling this wasn't going to be a fly in visit like so many other cities before it. This was going to be a longer stay, maybe permanent. I just had to figure out why.

For the first couple of days I booked into a motel whilst I looked for a rental near the city. I eventually settled on a small 1 bed apartment half way between Santa Monica and Hermosa Beach. It wasn't exactly a palace, but it was mine. For now at least.

Each day I would drive to a different part of the city, trying to find work as a singer and make myself a bit of money. Before long I had become just another statistic in L.A. Another person looking to make their name in the city of stars. It was never about being famous, not for me. I just wanted to sing songs, songs that put a smile on people's faces, brought them together. It didn't matter where it was or why it was. All that mattered was that it meant something, something to me.