Give a shout out to my mainman/beta Crowskull before we begin. Because of him, this story is hopefully a little less shit.

Chapter 1: The beginning of a shitshow

On a list of all the places that I expected to wake up, on the toilet wasn't very high on that list.

Granted, I had fallen asleep on the toilet before and I also used to sleepwalk, so waking up in weird places wasn't exactly new to me. The problem stemmed from the fact that, one: I hadn't slept walked in years, and two: I didn't wake up in my bathroom.

The bathroom I woke up in was pretty large whereas all the bathrooms in my house were pretty small. It was a pretty nice bathroom though though, lots of tiling, the toilet I woke up on and was currently sitting on was really comfy, there was a sink across from me with a granite top on it, there was a mahogany door with a brass knob to my left, and there was a nice warm breeze coming from the vent above me.

Along with my curious location, my state of dress was also strange.

I was no longer dress in what I remembered falling asleep in, only my underwear, and I was instead dressed in what I would consider my default outfit. I had on my favorite shirt, a gray t-shirt with Coca-Cola printed on it in red, I had on a pair of blue jeans, and I had a pair of crocs on my feet.

"Ok then," I said to myself, "The hell?"

I tried to remember how I had gotten myself into this situation but I truly had no clue. It didn't help that I didn't have my smartphone with me so I couldn't call anyone or use google maps to find out where I was.

As I sat there, there was a light knock at the door that cause me to jump a bit.

"Are you in there Mr. Castillo?" A female voice from the other side of the door asked, "You're about to go on."

'About to go on?' I questioned in my mind.

"Uh, yeah," I replied back unsurely, "Just a second."

I opened the door and was greeted by a 30's something caucasian brunette wearing a red business suit.

"Finally, you've been in there four over 15 minutes."

Next thing I know, she's grabbed my hand and started dragging me down a hallway.

"Hey wait!" I protested.

"There's no time. You go on in less than a minute"

Eventually, we came to a stop outside two double doors and the woman started adjusting my outfit and messing with my hair. Instead of stopping her, I just stood there awkwardly while she did her thing. When she finally finished, she opened the double doors and pushed me through.

The new place I found myself in looked like the set of one of those late night talk shows, the next thing I was the audience of 100 or so people, the final thing I saw was a man that looked a lot like Stephen Colbert.

"And now, give a warm welcome to our special guest, Jaydon Castillo!" someone announced which caused everyone in the audience to erupt into applause.

That went on for a few seconds before everyone quieted down and the Stephen Colbert lookalike asked me a question.

"So Jaydon, how are you doing tonight?"

"Uh, why and how am I here?" I asked.

"It's quite simple really," Colbert began, "You see, you were randomly chosen as a contestant for Dimension Jumpers, a reality show where we randomly choose someone from one universe and place them into another universe to see what will happen, and you were our randomly chosen contestant."

I still stood there, even more confused than I was before. I tried to say something, but the only sound that came out out of my mouth was,

"I-" before I was interrupted again.

"I know this is a lot to take in, so just take a minute to calm down."

I did as he said and I was finally able to voice my thoughts,

"So you're telling me, that I am in a reality show?"

"Yes."

"In another dimension."

"Yes."

"Um, ok then." I responded simply.

"That's it?" Colbert asked, "That's all you have to say?"

"I mean, this is either a dream or I've gone insane or something so it doesn't really matter"

"I can assure you that this is in fact 100% real, but I digress. Do you agree to be sent to another dimension?"

"I mean, sure, I guess."

"Excellent, now If you'll come over here we'll figure out which dimension you'll be sent too."

I walked over to his desk where he opened a drawer and pulled out a small clear container of fortune cookies.

"Pick one," he commanded me. I did as he said and pulled out a cookie which I proceeded to open.

"RWBY," I read off the small slip of paper inside before consuming the cookie.

"Ooh, good one," Colbert commented, "Now, since you're being sent to another dimension, the producer thought that it would be a good idea to allow you to change your appearance if you so choose."

He once again reached into his desk and this time he pulled out a black tablet and handed it to me.

On the tablet was a 3D image of a guy, 16 and ½ years of age with brown, almost black, hair with brown eyes, a small moustache, a thin beard, slightly overweight, and a scale next to the guy that said he was five feet and six inches tall. That guy was me and off to the side was a plethora of sliders, numbers, and buttons.

Out of curiosity, I pressed the one that said randomize and I watched as 3D me turned into an absolute freak with pink skin, green hair, disproportionated limbs, and the ruler on the side said the new model was four inches tall. I gave a quick snicker before pressing the button that said undo and watched as it turned back to normal.

I took a few seconds to figure out what buttons and sliders did what before I got to work.

To be honest, I really didn't change all that much. Firstly, I had a pretty bad acne problem on my back and shoulders so I removed all of that. Secondly, I was a little overweight so I made myself thinner but not by a huge amount. Thirdly, I gave myself two tattoos on my now clean back. The first tattoo was John Wick's tattoo of Fortis Fortuna Adiuvat, fortune favors the bold. The second tattoo (my profile picture) was a poorly drawn picture of shrek which took up almost the entirety of my back. The third and final modification I made to myself was that I gave myself a bigger dick (don't you fucking judge you'd do it too and you know it!).

Once I was happy with myself, I pressed the ok button and handed the tablet back to Colbert.

"Alright, you ready to go?" he asked.

"Yep," I responded.

He pushed a button on his desk and I started to gently float off the ground with a white light coming off of me.

"Oh, and before we begin," Colbert added, "I forgot to mention that since you have forward knowledge of the RWBY dimension, we'll be wiping that knowledge from your memory and we're also giving you one slight modification. Also, we'll also be removing all your memories of what happened here."

I didn't even have time to respond or ponder on this new information before my vision was filled with white and then drowned in black.

"Ugh," I groaned from my position on the cold, hard ground.

When I woke up, I expected it to be in my bed on Saturday sometime between 12:00 PM and 2:00 PM dressed in nothing but my underwear. Instead of my bed, I woke up on solid concrete in a dark and dirty alley dressed in my street clothes.

"The hell am I?" I asked myself and anyone else that might be listening. When I didn't get any sort of reply, I decided to find the answers myself and looked around.

There were a few trashcans in the alley with me and no way in hell was I looking through them. Then, I looked up to see the sky barely visible through the two buildings next to me. Next, I turned my attention back towards the ground and saw that one end of the alley ended in a chain link gate while the other led to a street. Finally, I turned my attention towards myself and looked myself over. I was fully clothed which was good and in my pockets I had my minecraft creeper wallet with around $80 in assorted bills and change along with my driver's license and in my other pocket was my smartphone.

I turned my phone on to see that I had a full battery but no connection to a cell tower or the internet. What was really strange was that the phone still displayed the time I had gone to bed at which meant that I had either somehow traveled from my bed to the alleyway instantly or my phone had been tampered with.

The question was, why?

I wasn't really that important of an individual, I was by no means famous, and my family wasn't exactly rich so kidnapping for ransom could be crossed off as an answer. Kidnapping itself was still an answer but it didn't really explain how or why I was here. The only other explanations there were without turning into a conspiracy theorist was that I was either in a dream or I was tripping balls on something but I had never done drugs before so tripping out was a stretch.

Since I was going nowhere, I decided to leave how I had gotten there for later and focus more and where I was and the best way for me to figure that out was to get up and explore so that is what I did.

I walked down the sidewalk of whatever city I was in with no particular destination in mind.

All I was really looking for was a store or any other place that was open but I was having no luck so far. At least I wasn't until I came up upon a place called From dust till dawn.

From the name alone, I had no clue as to what they sold and entering the place didn't help. There were a few display cases in the front which held large, brightly colored crystals and on the walls were large dispensing machines holding powder colored the same as the crystals. I wasn't actually there to buy anything though so what they sold didn't really matter all that much. All that mattered was if they had a phone.

"Welcome to Dust till dawn!" the old man at the checkout counter greeted me, "What can I help you with today?"

"Uh, do you have a phone I could use?" I asked him.

"Yes, I have one in the back."

"Thanks." I responded before going to look for the phone.

After walking past a girl wearing headphones and dressed almost completely in red, I had found what I was looking for.

It was a rotary pay phone, hadn't seen any of those in ages, but it would do.

I popped in a quarter from my wallet only to watch as it fell right through into that little change collection tray.

"The hell?" I muttered. I shrugged it off before trying again with a different coin and watched as the same thing happened again. I was so engrossed in my coin problem that I didn't even hear the guy approaching from behind me.

"Alright kid, hands where I can see 'em!" the guy commanded me.

I turned around slowly with my hands in the air to see a guy dressed in a black suit with a red tie, a black bowler hat, red sunglasses, and wielding a red machete.

If I wasn't being mugged, I would have actually admired the guys outfit.

"Alright man, just take it easy." I asked him.

Suddenly, a crash from the front of the store caused the mugger to take his attention off of me and I took the opportunity to kick him in between his legs as hard as I could.

I saw a look of confusion on his face as to what I had done, then a look of realization, then a quick flash of anger which was quickly replaced by pain. The machete slipped from his hands and landed on the floor with a slight slang. The guy then brought both of his hands to his crotch before he fell over, hit his head on the ground, and was out like a light. The entire thing happened in less than five seconds.

I looked at my foot, muttering a quick, "Damn," before grabbing his discarded weapon and sneaking towards the front of the store.

What awaited me at the front was not what I would have expected.

I was still in the store looking out through the broken front window into the street where the red girl -who actually looked a lot like red riding hood- I passed by less than five minutes ago was duking it out with some more of those bowler hat guys and a guy in a white coat who I assumed was the boss.

Normally, I probably would have tried to help the girl but the fight I was witnessing was unlike anything I had ever seen.

Firstly, the girl, who was shorter than me, had a giant red scythe that was bigger than her, and secondly, she was moving at speeds I didn't think were humanly possible and as she was moving she was leaving rose petals in her wake.

The whole thing was completely awesome and badass, if a little insane. 'You know, a drug fueled hallucination is looking pretty accurate right now, I kinda want to see how this plays out,' and that's just what I decided to do.

The fight was going well for scythe girl but then one of the thugs was about to sneak up on her while she was distracted so I actually had to get involved.

I ran up to the guy and swung the blunt edge of my machete at the back of his head. I used the blunt side because I really didn't want to take the risk of being slapped with a murder charge.

The guy didn't go down like I hoped he would. Instead, he let out a pained cry and turned around to notice the person who had just hit him.

"Oh, you're dead kid!" He yelled before hefting the red axe he was holding above his head.

He was about to bring it down on me but scythe girl had evidently heard our little scuffle as she had used her giant scythe to hit the guy and knock him to the ground.

I nodded in thanks before we both turned our attention to the last guys standing which was that one guy in the white coat.

"Well red," he said while looking at scythe girl before turning his attention to me, "and other guy, I think it can be said that it has been an eventful evening and as much as I'd like to stick around," he said while lifting his cane to point at us, "I'm afraid this is where we part ways."

Next, he shot a rocket thing out of his cane right at us.

We both jumped out of the way, me just barely, and when we turned back to where he just was he was gone. I was glad that it was finally over but then scythe girl spotted him climbing up a ladder on the side of a nearby building and gave chase right after asking the store owner if it was ok to do so. I didn't really want to be an asshole, plus she did save my ass, so I reluctantly followed her.

"Doing the right thing is a pain in the ass."

While I had to climb the ladder, scythe girl literally jumped up the entire height of the building.

"Yep it's definitely drugs," I concluded.

I climbed up the ladder to see that the madness had continued.

There was a new person, a blonde woman, and she was using some sort of purple magic to fight the white coat guy who was now in some sort of vtol. There was also someone else in the vtol who was launching fireballs at scythe girl and magic lady. After a large explosion on the top of the building, the vtol flew off and I approached the two females.

"You're a huntress," scythe girl said, "Can I have your autograph?!"

Things went from strange, to bad, to worse.

After the foiled robbery at the store, magic lady took both me and scythe girl to the police station. I thought that were going in to give a statement but when I arrived at the station I had my possessions confiscated and I was thrown in a holding cell. It had been half an hour since arriving and scythe girl wasn't with me so she had either been released, she was being questioned, or she was in a different cell.

On the bright side of the situation, I had the cell to myself. On the down side, I was freaking out, 'Why was I arrested? What was I charged with? Am I going to go to jail?! I don't want to go to jail! I like my asshole just the way it is, dick free!'

I was saved from my dark thoughts when an officer opened the cell door.

"Come on," the officer said, "There's someone who wants to see you."

The officer led me to an interrogation room where scythe girl, now scythe-less girl, was sitting at a table.

At least I figured out what happened to her.

I took a seat next to her and the magic lady who arrested us entered the room a few seconds later.

"I hope you both realise that your actions tonight will not be taken lightly," she chastised us while pacing around the table, "You both put yourself and others in great danger."

"They started it!" argued scythe-less girl. I just remained quiet.

"If it were up to me you both would be sent home with a pat on the back," magic lady said which caused scythe-less girl to grow a smile of relief which was then crushed when magic lady brought a small riding crop down on the table, "and a slap on the wrist!"

She took a second to compose herself before continuing, "But there is someone here who would like to meet both of you."

Then, in from the doorway, came another person. He was an older guy with gray hair. He was wearing lots of black with a little bit of green thrown in and he had a small pair of spectacles perched on his nose. In his hands was a large tray full of chocolate chip cookies.

"Ruby Rose-" 'Ok, so I finally have a name for scythe-less girl,' "-and Jaydon Castillo," he said, "You both have silver eyes."

'I do?' I wondered.

Glasses man then pulled out some sort of tablet which showed Ruby when she was kicking ass earlier.

"So, where did you learn to do this?"

"S-signal academy," Ruby responded meekly."They taught you how to use of of the most dangerous weapons ever designed?"

"Well, one teacher in particular."

"I see," glasses man then put the plate of cookies down on the table which Ruby immediately started to devour, 'Oh great, a cross between Red Riding Hood and the Grim Reaper with the appetite of the Cookie Monster,' I thought. I was only able to snatch one of the delicious, chocolatey bastards before they were all gone.

"It's just that I've only seen one other scythe wielder of that skill before. A dusty, old Crow."

Ruby tried to respond but it just came out as a garbled mess because her mouth was full of cookie. She then swallowed them all and was able to talk normally.

"Sorry, that's my uncle Qrow. He's a teacher at Signal. I was complete garbage before he took me under his wing," Ruby said, "And now I'm all like hwaaa, witchaaa, huaaa," she started doing karate poses.

"So I've noticed," said glasses man, "And what is an adorable girl such as yourself doing at a school designed to train warriors?"

"Well, I want to be a huntress."

"You want to slay monsters?"

'Wait, what about monsters?'

"Yeah! I only have two more years of training left at Signal and then I'm going to apply to Beacon. You see, my sister's starting there this year, and she's trying to become a huntress, and I'm trying to become a huntress cause I wanna help people," Ruby ranted, "My parents always taught us to help others, so I thought, "Hey, I might as well make a career out of it," I mean the police are alright but huntsman and huntresses are just so much more romantic and exciting and really, gosh, you know?!"

During the whole rant, I just sat there confused about the whole huntsman thing she just mentioned.

"Do you know who I am?" glasses man asked.

"You're professor Ozpin," Ruby answered.

'And I learn another name,' I thought, 'I am meeting a lot of new people today.'

"You're the headmaster of Beacon."

"Hello," said Ozpin

"Nice to meet you," responded Ruby.

"You want to come to my school?"

"More than anything."

"Well okay."

Ruby then jumped up and hugged Ozpin while saying thank you over and over. After maybe 13 thank yous, Ozpin got Ruby to sit back down.

"Ok then, you're free to go, and remember, first day is on Monday."

And with that Ruby ran out of the room. Now it was just me, magic lady, and Ozpin. "Now for you Mr. Castillo," he said to me.

"Look, I'm sure that this is just a big misunderstanding. Can't you just take me home since you dropped the charges on the other girl?" I pleaded.

"Well, I would call your parents and send you home, If I knew where you lived."

"What do you mean? Can't you just look up my information on the computer?"

"That's the thing, you do not have any information, Mr. Castillo."

"Huh?"

"We've run your information through every kingdom on Remnant and come back with nothing. What I want to know is how you came to be here."

'Kingdoms? Remnant?'

"Look, I don't know anything either," I responded, "I just woke up in an alley and walked around until I stumbled into that store that got robbed. I just want to know where I am and how I got here."

Next, Ozpin opened his tablet backup, pulled up a map, and put it on the table. There was one problem however, the map wasn't one of earth.

"Can you show me on the map where you are from?" Ozpin asked me.

"Uh, what kind of map is this?" I asked.

"It's a map of Remnant."

"Ok, where on Earth is Remnant?"

"Earth?" Ozpin questioned genuinely confused.

"Yes, you know, the planet we're on right now?"

"I have never heard of planet Earth before, the name of this planet is Remnant."

"What?"

I don't know how long I sat at that table, an hour, maybe two.

I just sat there and stared at a video playing on the tablet, a scroll according to Ozpin. The video was from a security camera and it showed what looked like the alleyway I first woke up in. Nothing happened for the first few seconds but then a bright light suddenly engulfed the alley. It lasted all for about two seconds and when it disappeared I was left lying on the ground.

Aside from the video, Ozpin also took me outside and showed me the moon. It was broken. The moon was fucking broken!

It was official, I was no longer on Earth.

After the reveal that I was no longer on Earth, we went back inside the building and I sat back down at the interrogation table to process everything.

I had many questions, such as: How did I get here? Am I here by random chance or was I taken and placed here? What would I do now that I am here? And would I ever get home?

The last question really made me think, home. I didn't have a home anymore. I was homeless, technically an orphan, and I had no possessions other than the clothes I was wearing, my phone, and my wallet full of useless green paper.

As I was lamenting, Ozpin entered the room carrying a glass of water. He offered it to me and I drank it graciously.

"What the hell am I gonna do?" I asked myself, voice full of sadness.

"I may have a suggestion," Ozpin butted in.

I looked up from the table and stared at Ozpin.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Mr. Castillo, what if I invited you to attend my school?" Ozpin offered.

"What kind of school?"

"A huntsman academy, a school that trains gifted young individuals to become protectors of humanity," Ozpin explained.

I didn't have to think the offer over for very long.

"Not like I have any other options," I sighed, "I guess."

Ozpin smiled at me and looked pleased at my choice.

"Excellent. School doesn't actually begin until monday and seeing as you don't have a place to stay, I'll book you a room at a nearby motel."

The cab ride to the motel was a lot like how I, and most people, would describe myself: quiet and boring, more the former than the latter. It was a quick ride at least.

After Ozpin invited me to Beacon, he asked me a bunch of question like my age and birthday. Once that was done, he called a cab to take me to the motel where I'd be staying until monday. I didn't know what day or month it was in Remnant but I'd figure it out later.

We eventually reached the motel, the cab tab was prepaid for by Ozpin, and I got my room key from the front desk. When I got to my room, I didn't even bother taking off my clothes before plopping onto the bed to trying to go to sleep.

Omake: I hate sand

I had only been walking for a few hours and I already wanted to die.

A few hours ago, I randomly woke up in a desert with no explanation. I was confused and would have questioned why I was there but I had more pressing matters to attend to, such as trying to survive.

According to the rule of threes, a human can survive up to three days without water. But, I was in an extremely hot desert and I was sweating my ass off so I had maybe 48 hours to find a source of water.

Two hours into my trek, the heat started getting to me so I took off my shirt and pants. Five hours in and I was starting to get tired out. Another hour in and I had just about collapsed. After two more hours, the sun had set. The night was cold, I was thirsty, and I was tired. The last thing I saw before drifting off to sleep in the sand was the broken moon hanging in the sky.

Off in another dimension, a copy of Stephen Colbert and one of the production managers were watching my progress on a small screen.

"Hey Jim?" Colbert asked.

"Yeah boss?" the production manager responded.

"Why is our contestant in the Vacuoian desert?" Colbert inquired.

"Well, you told me to place him somewhere random, so I did."

Colbert sighed in annoyance, "Bring him back, we have to start all over."

"Whatever you say boss."

"Oh, and Jim?"

"Yes boss?"

"You're fired."

A/N

Here we are, the first reposted chapter. Took however long enough. It's due to a number of things, besides my own laziness, that this took so long but I got there in the end and this time I've got a beta to tell me when I'm shit and when I'm the shit. Not a lot has changed this chapter, aside from mashing the first and second together, but the next ones are going to be changed around a bit. I'm also going to start doing some short omakes at the end of these from now on. That's all for this one, I'll give you a quick merry christmas because I'm probably not going to have another chapter out by then but maybe I will.