I started uploading a sequel to this fic titled "Dissembled."

A couple reviewers asked that I update this fic when I started uploading the sequel, so I am doing just that! The sequel is a continuation of the second ending (i.e. the "it's chou very bad!" ending) and is titled "Dissembled." It is currently being uploaded, so check it out if you're interested!

This chapter here is tidbits and thoughts related to Disparaged. I might eventually delete this chapter, but I wanted to share something other than just a "hey I started uploading a sequel!" message. Read/review only if you want, haha. I won't be offended if you don't.

Chapter 1: I began this fic back in summer of 2006. The story behind its conception is...weird. I was part of an online DP forum, and there was a challenge to write fics based on randomly generated pairings. Basically, all characters were assigned numbers, and you used the forum's number generator to get your pairing. My first number was four, which corresponded to Danny (I remember this because four is my favorite number and Danny is my favorite character). So I was like awesome! Danny and who?! :D

And then my second number corresponded to Maddie.

Not one to shy from a writing challenge even when it's highly controversial, I started planning how I would go about doing this and came up with a one-sided Danny/Maddie Oedipus complex fic (i.e. after so many failures with other girls, Danny develops an attraction to his mother but Maddie is oblivious and does not reciprocate). Danny was going to be eighteen and Jazz was going to be gone at college and Vlad was going to be in it and it was going to be...something. I still have my notes for the original plot, and it was going to be disturbing and fascinating and inappropriate.

Once I had the skeleton of the plot established, I started planning and writing the first scene since it's so much easier for me to continue once I at least have a starting point. What I wrote is basically the first third of what is published today, up until Danny cries, "Hear me out! I didn't mean to! It was an accident!" I then left it at that exact line for nearly ELEVEN YEARS. Yeah, it was just an unfinished document on my computer for over a decade. What was supposed to happen was Maddie would just continue to debase and humiliate Danny but not yell at him or come close to killing him. She would indeed be interrupted by the spider ghost returning and would turn away from Danny, giving him time to escape, but Danny was not supposed to be traumatized. Rather, he was supposed to be strangely kind of turned on by the whole incident although he could not understand what it was exactly he was feeling.

When I rediscovered this unfinished document years later, I was impressed by the set-up and knew there was something there worth finishing and publishing. Maddie forcing Danny into submission and holding him at gunpoint, such great angst, right? But I no longer wished to write a Danny/Maddie fic, so I reworked it to be a one-shot which I then later decided to continue. The irony is that it sort of turned into a one-sided Maddie/Phantom fic where Maddie sort of lusts after an oblivious and non-reciprocating Danny (but she doesn't really...it's more of an analogy than an actual sexual attraction, but then I kind of keep waffling on this, so...you know, I leave it up to you. You decide if you want it to be a real attraction or not, mmmkay?).

I only wish that I could've kept Danny close to eighteen to curb the uncomfortable tones of ephebophilia, but I wanted Jazz to be in the fic, so I made him the absolute oldest I could (end of sophomore year, about sixteen).

Chapter 2: I wrote this chapter blindly with no idea how the plot would unfold. I anticipated it being a short fic, about thirty thousand words. But then the painkiller B-story showed up and resulted in something far more complex. But while writing this chapter, I had no idea of the painkiller B-story yet to come and so originally made no reference to it here. I have since added a couple sentences that have Danny going to the kitchen before the rest of the family is there and grabbing some ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet.

Chapter 3: Pam telling Maddie about Danny possibly stealing her narcotics was not meant to be too important, like I just wanted something for Pam to spit out to justify her suspicions and hostility regarding Danny. But this one little thing added a layer of complexity that further reinforced one of the themes.

Chapter 4: I was still writing blindly at this point and had no certain idea of the plot's progression or ending. I fretted over the way I wrote Danny giving up his phone. I wrote it to be rather dramatic, which meant that I absolutely had to work in Maddie looking into his phone at some point. But I had no idea when it would or even could happen. And truthfully, I wasn't sure if there'd be a good opportunity to work it in. I knew it was a risk to include it, but I was concerned that if I did not that I'd regret it later. I figured it would be better to set up the moment and not use it and perhaps edit the scene later than not include it all and being completely unable to include Maddie looking through his phone as a plot point. I cannot even tell you how much I stressed over this. :b

Did I make the right choice? Mmm...kind of? It ended up not being super important or even well-incorporated but did nevertheless push the plot toward the climax.

Chapter 5: First chapter written entirely from Maddie's perspective. I originally wanted Maddie to see the injection on Danny's arm and NOT on his neck so that she couldn't possibly make any connections, but his sleeve was covering his arm. The site on his neck would not have been covered while he was sleeping. Oh well. It works okay.

I had to take liberties with Jack's character since his normal cartoon personality would have ruined the tone I was going for, plus I wanted Maddie to be able to talk seriously with her husband about their son. I tried to keep in as much of his playfulness and childlike nature as I could, though.

Chapter 6: I mention my interpretation of Danny's ghostly obsession, but it's not a prominent part of this fic. Rather, this was just meant to tie into my other fic, "The End of Danny."

And then I just described one of my own panic attacks. :b My main coping strategy for a panic attack is to try to put into words how I'm feeling right in the moment, which allows me to write about it in detail later.

Chapter 7: When Maddie tries to keep Danny home from school, Danny says he can't because he has homework to turn in. Originally, I had Maddie make a snide remark about what she perceives as a weak excuse, something like "oh yeah, now you care about homework, huh?" And Danny in turn responds angrily, and after some back and forth, says something like "yeah, okay, I get it, I'm a bad student and a bad son." And then he at last leaves the house in a storm. Maddie is saddened and hurt but also feels really bad for saying such a mean thing to him in the first place. Jack is angry and heads out after Danny to reprimand him for speaking so rudely to his mother, but Maddie stops him and explains to him what happened the night before.

I changed this to Maddie trying very hard to be only kind to Danny and Danny acting submissive and afraid. This better fit the themes I was going for.

It was important to me to emphasize Danny's deep love for his mother despite all she's done to him. He has been conditioned his whole life to honor and obey her, and it is difficult for him to abandon this role now. He's been her son far longer than he's been a ghost and has a greater attachment to that familial position.

Chapter 8: This chapter was pivotal in the remaining progression of the plot. I originally considered rewriting the initial incident from Maddie's perspective for the second chapter, but I scrapped the idea because I thought it wouldn't be a long or complicated fic and so would be unnecessary. But then I could see that the fic was quickly turning into something very complex with a very serious B-story of possible painkiller addiction and Maddie trying so hard to help her son, not realizing she's actually hurting him. But after chapter seven, I still didn't really know what was going to happen or how all this was going to end. So I decided to take a quick break and write out the initial incident while in Maddie's mind so that I could get an idea of what exactly is her problem, not just Danny's.

And, um...it was pretty horrifying, not gonna lie. If you have enjoyed the sexual undertones, even if you feel guilty about it, you have this chapter to thank for that!

Chapter 9: I remember a lot of reviewers expressing frustration that Danny wasn't able to tell Maddie that he's Phantom, but trust me, it would've been very unsatisfying. Such an ending would've made the fic seem incomplete.

Oh, and I referenced my first ever Danny/Maddie fic I wrote back in 2006, "Driving." Have I just always had this kind of unhealthy view of the Danny/Maddie relationship? I guess so.

Chapter 10: Big point of this chapter was explaining Danny's very fragile and toxic mindset. I wanted to make it clear exactly why he didn't want to tell Maddie the truth. We the readers understand that he definitely should, so this serves to show just how broken and traumatized Danny is.

And I of course wanted to start showing an escalation in Maddie's obsession with Phantom and further show why Danny is so terrified to tell her.

Chapter 11: I originally planned on ending the fic before Danny had a chance to go to therapy. But then a friend of mine expressed that she would love to read about Danny in therapy, so I thought okay, I could work it in to prepare Danny and Maddie psychologically for the climax.

But then I had to design a therapist original character. I considered a stereotypical therapist, all tweedy and condescending with glasses and a drawling voice. But then I instead decided to go online and look at profiles and photos of real therapists. And then I took into account that Maddie would be the one searching for therapists and choosing one, so I thought about her mindset and what she'd be looking for. Maddie at this point is also pretty touched in the head and majorly obsessing over Phantom. And while she may not actually be sexually attracted to Phantom (you can decide that for yourself), she does appreciate that he is attractive and masculine. So I figured she'd be more inclined, on a subconscious level, to choose a therapist that she also finds attractive and masculine.

So that's how Brandan came about. I gave him a "godly" physique because he's meant to be a bit of a parallel to Phantom. Maddie also thinks Phantom looks like a god (if you can recall her thinking so in chapter eight).

His name also seriously is spelled with that second 'a.' I named him after a friend of mine who spells his name that way.

Danny laughs really really really hard in this chapter. With all of the anguish and depression Danny had been suffering, I just thought I'd be nice and let him have a small moment to be happy before I broke him yet again.

Chapter 12: Very difficult chapter to write because I myself am not a therapist or a psychologist. So most everything here is based on research and my own life experiences.

This chapter got Danny to exactly the emotional level I needed him to be at, so it worked great. I only sort of regret that people liked Brandan so much because I didn't want them to be sad once they discovered his part would be short-lived.

Chapter 13: A Maddie-centric chapter that I was really nervous about uploading because it showed her as deranged and unhinged. This was also the first time I showed Jack as being a little jealous of Phantom, and I only wish I had thought of it sooner. I was having a conversation with a friend about how I might write a Jack version of this fic, and I mentioned that I definitely wouldn't want his obsession with Phantom to be like Maddie's but I wanted it to play off of Maddie's. And then the idea that Jack would be jealous of Phantom stealing his wife's attention came out of that. And so while Maddie wants to own Phantom, Jack wants to destroy him (i.e. rip him apart molecule by molecule!).

This is also the chapter where Maddie playfully asks Jazz if she has a crush on Phantom. I considered adding a scene referencing it the morning after.

*breakfast, it's painfully quiet considering all of the hard feelings the night before, the TV is on, a story about how Phantom has not been seen in a while*
Maddie: *trying to lift the mood* Oh, Jazz, look, it's your lover boy! :D
Danny: *nearly chokes on his food*
Jazz: MOM! Don't say things like that in front of Danny!
Maddie: Aw, you wouldn't tease your sister for that, would you, Danny?
Danny: ...no, I would...NOT do that, no.
*later, Danny and Jazz heading out to Jazz's car to go to school*
Danny: ...um, so, what was that about?
Jazz: That? *fuming* That was about an attempt to help you out totally backfiring on me. *stabs a finger into his chest* Last time I try sticking up for you, I swear.
Danny: Okay, so...you don't have a crush on me, right?
Jazz: NO!

But while this is a humorous follow-up idea, it would not have fit in with the tone of the fic overall, plus I don't think this is how Maddie and Danny would've actually been acting this morning considering the previous events. But I think this could be the premise for an amusing fic of its own, so if anyone wants to write it, that'd be neat. :3

I actually ended up including a variation of this idea in Disparaged's brother fic titled Condemned (in which it's Jack who holds Danny at gunpoint, not Maddie).

Chapter 14: Brandan's final appearance. This chapter was meant to get Maddie to an appropriate emotional level for the climax. It also shows that you do not want to get on Maddie's bad side. The moment you piss her off, you are her enemy. This is meant to parallel her dealings with Phantom, too. Even though Phantom's never actually done anything to her, he's pissed her off, and that's enough to make her want to put him in his place. And she does the same with Brandan here.

Chapter 15: This chapter served to make Maddie realize that a painkiller addiction was not the real problem after all, prompting her to investigate more later by looking at Danny's phone. So yeah, good thing I had her take it so dramatically, I guess?

I tried to further show that this is all more complicated than Danny just being too afraid to tell her the truth. They are mother and son, an almost sacred relationship. Danny will continue giving her all the chances in the world simply because she's his mother. Even when it doesn't make any sense and is completely toxic or abusive, this really is what a familial bond can do to people.

Chapter 16: Danny agonizes over having his blood analyzed. Jazz shoots down all of his ideas (mostly because she's trying to get him to just tell Maddie the truth). I had considered writing out Danny getting his blood work done. What he would've done was use the Fenton Ghost Catcher to split himself in half before the examination. What would've resulted was Danny acting even stranger, which would've confused Maddie and made her wonder if he was on drugs again. She would've been even more perplexed when the blood work turned out negative for any such substances.

What could've resulted from this? A couple things.

1. Just another clue that helps Maddie figure out Danny is Phantom. The revelation occurs before she is able to pursue any further medical investigation. But because such a clue is not really needed, this would've only stalled the plot (and I had already stalled it once with the therapy chapters).

2. Maddie is convinced the initial drug testing was not thorough enough and might've been prompted to surprise Danny later with more blood work at a different location when he'd have no opportunity to split himself. An analysis of his real blood would've shown ghostly properties. The conclusion would've probably been that Danny was being exposed to something harmful, not that he himself is a ghost. This, coupled with Brandan's reports, would've probably led to Maddie being charged with child abuse. This would've been very interesting but would've taken the plot in an entirely different direction and probably would've resulted in a very long fic, way longer than I wanted to write. I wanted to focus on the mother/son aspects, which is why I opted to have the revelation occur before real blood work could be done. But this would be a really interesting fic if anyone else wants to write it!

Chapter 17: Featuring another description of a real panic attack I had. I knew from the beginning that the fic had to end with another confrontation between Phantom and Maddie, but I had a hard time figuring out exactly how it would happen again. This set-up is what I finally came up with.

"I am not one of your research experiments!" — One of my favorite lines because it of course has more than one meaning for Danny.

Chapter 18: Ending from Danny's point of view. I really screwed up with this chapter when I originally uploaded it and so had to take it down for a few hours to fix it.

I really like the mirror of the beginning, how it is Maddie being brought to her knees instead. That was really important to me. I also like how Danny is still very unsure and does not feel entirely comfortable with her.

Also, I fretted over the use of the word "rape." Like I very seriously considered deleting it because I was concerned it was going too far. But I think it has the effect I wanted to achieve.

Chapter 19: Ending from Maddie's point of view. It was extremely crucial to me that Maddie recognize Danny while he was transformed all on her own. I didn't want Danny to change back. I didn't want him to tell her. I just wanted her to figure it out on her own. And I like that she doesn't recognize his physical features but rather his personality, his essence as her son.

Chapter 20: The not-so-happy alternate ending. This is the ending that the sequel I am uploading is continuing. If you are interested, go check out it out!

I really enjoyed playing up Danny's moodiness here. He's so obedient and submissive with his mother when he's in his human form, but in ghost form, he has such a delightful snark, especially now when he thinks he has nothing left to lose. I love it.

To clarify one point: Danny has not given up. He has lost. And he's using snark to try to save face in his defeat. It's his way of not giving up but continuing the fight even in this humiliating defeat. And that carries on into the sequel.

Thanks for reading! ^^