Of desires, dreams, and nightmares

by Jo Terry

A/N: I do not own Bleach and its characters. If I did, it would've ended like this.

Chapter Six

"See you in the evening," Ichigo says, lightly punching Rukia in the shoulder after Isshin's birthday lunch.

"Of course," she replies. "Can't pass up a chance to see you off."

"I was talking about my zazen session."

"Oh," Rukia winces as she replies. "You still need me to conduct the therapy for you?"

Ichigo furrows his brows, unsure as to why she has to put it that way. "Why not? It's Friday. We have kido therapy on Fridays, don't we?"

"Ah," she replies, nodding absentmindedly. "Sure. I'll see you then." With a lazy wave, she shunpo away from the Shiba estate to get some work done at her office.

As Rukia enters the Shiba property, she wonders if this would be her last time here performing the therapy for Ichigo. He's going back to the world of the living with his sisters after the zazen. He's going back to his human life.

It will be good for him, surely. He deserves the normalcy after having his life snatched away from him at such a young age. With Yhwach gone and Hueco Mundo under recuperation, Soul Society will not be needing him to continue his service as a Shinigami daiko. There are enough Shinigami in Karakura to purify souls. He can finally get back to being a normal student, a normal person who will eventually get a job, meet someone, get married, and have a family. She can just picture him being the doting father to several kids because of the way he is with his sisters. Ichigo is family guy.

When she arrives at his personal training ground, the orange-haired man is already seated Indian-style in just his hakama. His sword lies across his lap, held in his open palms. He has his eyes closed but Rukia can tell that he has not reached his inner world yet.

Quietly, she goes to sit behind him in a seiza. She places her zanpakutou on the ground beside her before hovering her palms over his shoulder. At her height, she has to stretch quite a bit so she pulls herself up into a kneeling position, slowly moving her palms an inch above his skin as she focuses the blue energy of the kido over his shoulders, down the rippling muscles that align with his spine, and heavy at the base just above the waistband of his pants. She repeats the routine over and over again like she usually does until the session ends. And even though Ichigo's back maintains a straight posture the entire time, his reiatsu is calm and well-rested.

"You've got another day off tomorrow, haven't you?" he asks, breaking the silence between them 30 minutes into the therapy.

Rukia's kido ceases for a moment as she is taken aback by his interruption. "We're not done yet. You shouldn't be talking," she reprimands in a low tone, getting back into the procedure.

Ichigo surprises her again when he turns around to face her. "I don't like what's going on," he asserts, gently pushing her airborne hands away so they fall to her sides.

She lands her backside on her heels with an agitated sigh. "What the hell are you talking about? Turn around. Let me finish this for the last time."

"The last time? What are you talking about now?" Ichigo crosses his arms, determined to get her to talk to him.

Rukia averts her gaze as her eyes are currently leveled with his bare chest. She hates being short sometimes. "I said turn around, Kurosaki. You don't want to be late."

Ichigo scoffs. "It's just a trip back to Karakura, Kuchiki. In case you haven't heard, I can go back any time. It doesn't have to be this evening."

"Your sisters and friends are going back this evening. You might as well take the same trip. Why would you want to go at another time?" she demands, glaring up at him. Kami, she hates how short she is. Compared to him, she really is dwarf.

Not one to back down, Ichigo glares back at her. "Because I can. There's no hurry. It's not like I have to apply for an annual leave from the soutaichou or something."

"Don't be stupid. The earlier you return to the world of the living, the faster you get to settle back down in your life. And of course, you don't have to apply for a leave. You're free to choose which life you want."

Ishida's words ring in Ichigo's head, reminding him that Rukia still does not know what his plans are. Even though he can guess she must've misconstrued that he's choosing to live as a human, it still hurts him to know that she thinks he would leave her. "Why are you so adamant about me going back to the real world? What if I want to stay here in Soul Society?"

"Because you're being a fool if you choose to stay here," she replies.

And he realises that both their silly assumptions of each other are hurting themselves more than anything because it is evident in their voices.

"Ichigo, you have your whole life waiting for you in the real world. It is only logical for you to have your life back now that everything is peaceful once again," she continues before he gets to say anything. "The war is over, there are no threats to the three worlds now, so you can focus on your studies, go to the university, get married, and have a family."

Ichigo furrows his brows and wonders why she can't see how unrealistic that sounds when 'normal' to him is being right here in Soul Society. "You would like that, won't you?"

"Why not? It's ideal. You're young and alive. You deserve to have a normal life after all that you've been through. After all that we've put you through," Rukia presses on, unknowingly pissing him off even more.

Ichigo decides to humour the small woman a little by throwing back at her with something sarcastic. "Yeah, why not, right? In fact, I'm sure I would have it easy because everything's in place for me back at the living world. By the time I get back, I'll be in time to enroll myself into medical school. Heck, I could even get married and have a kid with gentle eyes."

"That's right! You'll be marrying Inoue," Rukia states, getting up from her position on the floor because she suddenly feels even tinier than she already is.

Ichigo also stands up, now towering over her in an intimidating way. "Of course! That's a given. She confessed, you know? Last night at the izakaya."

"I know. I heard," she replies. As if shielding herself from something, she crosses her arms and backs away from him.

He tilts his head and smirks as he asks her accusatively, "You were spying on us?"

"No!" Rukia almost yells. "I was on my way back to the bar. That's when I overheard the two of you talking."

"Why haven't you said anything, then?" Ichigo demands, his hands planted on his hips. He didn't really mean it when he asked her if she was spying on them. He thought that maybe Inoue had mentioned something to her when they bunked in together last night.

"Why should I? It's none of my business. And besides, it is a good thing, isn't it? Your dream is finally coming true. What the hell were you so afraid of?" She chuckles, the bitterness felt by both of them as an after-taste. "Everything truly is falling into place for you. You'll marry Inoue and have an orange-haired son with her. I should congratulate you now. You're getting your heart's desire!"

"Of all people, you should know what my heart's desire is," Ichigo mutters through gritted teeth.

"I do. And like I said, it's coming through. I'm happy for you." Turning around, Rukia takes a couple of steps away from him. Her voice is starting to crack and she is afraid that she will break down if she keeps looking at his stupid, handsome face. She will surely miss the perpetual scowl, the smug look whenever he knows he is right, that tousled orange mane of his that flaunts the juvenile side of him that she has come to love so much.

"Are you?" Ichigo murmurs from behind her and she realises that he is almost touching his chest to her back.

"Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I be?" she asks, unable to control the stammer in her voice.

"Because you know that going back to the world of the living is definitely not what I want."

She doesn't know why but their voices seem to be getting lower and quieter. It could be because they are standing very close to each other now. He is inching closer to her. She is frozen in her spot and unable to move a muscle.

Dragging a long sigh, she tries to remain calm and ignore the pounding in her chest. "What the hell are you talking about? It is what you want. You said it yourself: Everything's in place for you there."

"That does not mean it's what I want," he says, placing his hands on her hips to turn her around to face him.

Rukia gasps, the sudden movement causes her to lose her balance and her hand shoots up to his chest to avoid falling against him. Having forgotten that he is shirtless, her hands grab at the skin on his pectorals instead.

Before she could back away from him once again, Ichigo pulls her into him, his arms encircle her waist possessively. "You know that's not what I want. Why do you keep pushing me away?"

Rukia's hands now grip his forearms, still determined to get away from him even though he keeps tightening his hold on her. "Because you deserve it. The normalcy," she tells him.

Ichigo's brows scrunch up in a tight knit. "I deserve it? After fighting for Soul Society, I deserve to go back to a mundane life in the world of the living? After fighting for us, I deserve to be separated from you again?" he questions, making sure to show that her words are slicing him into pieces.

"Ichigo..."

"I fucking love you, Rukia," he proclaims, surprising both of them. He never planned on saying that to her so soon. Heck, he does not even think he is capable of saying things like that although he knows his feelings for her are deep. It's a little too late to back out of it now and he doesn't want to, anyway. "I only want to be with you. After all that we've been through, I think what comes next is us being together with nothing to come between us. I told Yhwach that no one decides my future except me. I meant it. And my future has you in it, by my side, for all eternity."

Rukia heaves a shaky breath, her lips tugged between her teeth. She has stopped struggling against him while he was still talking and decides that she cannot ignore the sincerity in his eyes. "What if," she begins cautiously, "what if I don't want to be with you?"

The former ryoka arches a brow as he recognises the glint in her eyes. His devilish little actress. A very lousy little actress, he might add. "Have you forgotten that all your opinions are rejected?"

The girl makes an attempt to hit Ichigo on the head but her fist is captured midair before she feels his lips touch hers. Rukia's eyes widen at his unexpected action and she tries to chide him for catching her off-guard but he continues to press his lips against hers, increasing the pressure the more she protests until the only thing she can do is to retaliate by biting his lower lip.

The gesture elicits a moan from him. He does not draw back. Instead he intensifies the kiss, slipping his tongue into the crevice of her mouth. It is her turn to moan and she finds that she is no longer able to resist further. She gives in to his challenge and battles it out with him, her hands cupping his cheeks to bring his face down towards her while she pushes herself on the tip of her toes to make up for their height difference.

Desperately needing air a few moments later, the two part, completely breathless with their gazes drowned in each other's bright eyes. Their hearts beating in unison and their hands unwilling to leave the places they are holding on to. Ichigo notices that he has one arm around Rukia's waist, restraining her to himself while his other hand is buried in her black locks.

"You're sure you don't want to be with me?" he smirks, running his fingers through her hair which he has disheveled in his fervent need to articulate his feelings towards her. He decides he is going to get addicted to the softness of her tresses pretty soon.

Rukia searches his eyes for any hint of regret he might have. She finds none but her disbelief wants more confirmation even though Ichigo's voice was filled with conviction when he declared his feelings for her earlier on. At this rate, she knows he's going to get so annoyed with her doubt but she wants him to be certain of his choice.

"What about Inoue?" she asks.

Ichigo's hand halts its movement through her hair. "What about Inoue?"

"She'll be hurt. She loves you."

"It's an infatuation, Rukia. She knows that I don't feel the same for her. She even guessed correctly that it was you that..."

Rukia chokes, "Shit! No! This was last night? How is she taking it? Did you make her cry? Why didn't she say anything? I was sharing a room with her."

"Maybe she didn't want to make it awkward for you," Ichigo figures.

The fukutaichou tries to shove the freakishly tall Shinigami male away but he keeps both arms wrapped around her. He knows she has a habit of removing herself from people when she feels guilty about something.

"What kind of a friend am I?" she whispers as she rests her forehead on his chest.

Ichigo tilts her chin up so she would look him in the eye. "We can't help whom we love, Rukia. She knows this, too," he says, stammering over the 'L' word that he is not used to saying. It keeps giving him the odd heartbeats and fluttering feeling in his stomach. He still cannot believe that between the two of them, he is the first one to spout cheesy stuff.

"Was she okay, Ichigo?" Rukia asks in concern.

"Did she look okay today before she left with Renji?"

Rukia tries to recall all her time with Inoue since the night before until Renji took her to meet Rangiku for lunch. The young woman must've been pretty good at disguising her disappointment. She cannot imagine how she could appear 'okay' after being rejected by the man she's been in love with for years.

"Now that I think about it, there wasn't a trace of grief at all. Or maybe I was too insensitive around her. I really thought that the two of you would've gotten together after her confession last night," she admits, her cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment at her misconception.

Taking her hand, Ichigo guides her to a bench by the wall of his training ground. He sits down first before pulling her onto his lap. "I am the one who should be grieving because you don't seem to accept that I have feelings for you," he says, tugging the stray fringe between her eyes.

Rukia rolls her eyes, pushing herself off him. She still feels too shy about being encased in his arms; or even touching him. "Says the man who holds the heart of two women," she remarks.

Ichigo smirks, tightening his hold on her, practically pinning her to his lap. "Is that a confession from you?"

Blushing furiously, Rukia tries again to get out of his embrace.

"Stop squirming, Midget," he grunts. "After all that we've been through together and the bond that we share, can you honestly tell me that you didn't see this coming?"

Rukia sighs, surrendering to his embrace as she leans her head on his shoulder. "I guess I did but I feel bad for robbing you off your life, robbing you off your future, and now, robbing Inoue off the love she wants. I stepped into your life and dirtied it and now I'm taking you away from your family and friends. Do you have any idea how horrible I'm feeling right now?"

"Cut the crap, Rukia!" Ichigo snaps, holding her face with both hands to make sure she sees that he means what he is saying. "Where do you get off claiming that you've robbed anyone off anything? Ever since I've known you, you've only been giving and kami knows how much longer you've been doing that in the past. You're the one who awakened my Shinigami power and repeatedly returned it whenever I lost it so I could protect everyone. We've been partners at saving the world plenty of times over and there's no way I could've done any of that shit without you. So could you please stop putting yourself down because you're insulting me and my choice."

Rukia ponders silently the things she has just heard. It's amazing how this brash young boy whose life she crashed into at the age of 15 has matured over such short years. It feels like they've known each other for an entire lifetime because he has grown so much in every aspect.

Brushing the side of his face with her knuckles, she gives him a small smile that's packed with pride, honour, joy, and that 'L' word that he mentioned earlier. Should she tell him the same? That word feels so foreign to her because she has never really experienced much of it to know that what she's encountering right now is an elaboration of what it means.

Then again, the thumping in her chest, the churning within her stomach, and the heat she feels on her cheeks seem like all those things she read about in the shoujo manga she stole from Yuzu back when she was living in Karakura. Those signs of humans falling in love.

It's funny how the effects of her awakening his power do not just end with him being a Shinigami. It also makes her almost human. To be able to feel as one, think as one, and desire as one. To be able to have a goal as one as well, instead of just seeing her life as 'practically living to die saving souls'. Right now, after coming clean about their feelings, they are able to look forward to having a future with each other in it. It also gives them a purpose to fight to stay alive so they could be by each other's side for all eternity.

For all eternity, Rukia thinks. Sounds like so much to look forward to. It's definitely the future she'd pick anytime and she thanks Kami-sama that she and Ichigo share the same bond, the same desire.

"You're awfully wordy today. What gives?" she teases, ruffling his hair.

Ichigo harrumphs in agitation. After all that he has said, she chooses to make fun of him. "Because there's no way for me to get any point across to you unless I'm being direct. You're dense as hell."

Rukia snickers. "I may be dense. At least you could just knock some sense into me. You're cheesy, what with all that sappy shit you were spouting. There's no saving you, you poor hopeless romantic."

"Oi!" Ichigo pushes Rukia's back onto the bench they are sitting on, quite satisfied with the surprised yelp she lets out when he keeps her from going anywhere with just a huge hand planted on her flat abs. "You should be honoured to have a hopeless romantic for a boyfriend instead of some airhead," he says, his body now hovering over hers, their noses touching.

At the word 'boyfriend', Rukia blushes fiercely again as she tries to pry his hand off her. "When the hell did I agree for you to be my boyfriend?"

"Need I remind you that your opinions are rejected?" he snarls in mischief, capturing both her hands and pinning them to her chest with one hand.

Rukia groans, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. Despite the fact that she sees him as the reason for her to stay alive, he is going to be the death of her. "Whatever, Strawberry. We can argue about this some other time. You've got a group of tourists to take back to the real world."

Ichigo's lips tilted into a shit-eating grin as he pecks her on her lips. Getting off the bench, he pulls her up with him. "You're coming with me. There's no way I'm going to leave you here right after we just got together," he tells her, taking her hand and leading them out of his training ground.

"Baka! You don't get to tell me what to do."

"Oh yes, I do. Because before I even tell you, you already know it's what you want to do. We share the same dreams and desires, remember?"

Rukia smiles at that. It is true that their desires, dreams, and even nightmares are the same. And these are the things they will courageously face together for all eternity.

I sincerely hope all of you IchiRuki fans enjoyed this story. This was written and completed in December, and will be the only thing I have for the IR fandom for kami-knows-how-long. It has been a while since I've last come up with a good IR story idea. I've got quite a few incomplete ones in my Mac but I've been so uninspired to continue any of them because of the neverending crap Bleach has been getting. I had even stopped checking into tumblr and had just gotten back now in time for IRBB.

Stay strong, stay united, and keep the fics and arts coming, my fellow comrades! IchiRuki will always remain the tightest pairing ever.