Part Four: Inferno

Chapter Twenty

Breakfast was an odd affair for Katniss. The orderly lines, the strict amount of food allowed, the congregation of people all wearing the same grey jumpsuits. It was odd and once more she felt the cold calculated presence. While she sat with her friends and family, she could not shake off the feeling of anxiety.

"Everything's alright Katniss. Plutarch insisted Haymitch go finish sobering up now that you're awake," Prim reassured her, noticing her sister's searching eyes.

"It's not just that. This place feels off," Katniss grumbled, digging into the bland food presented to her for breakfast. She grimaced at the taste.

"Oh come on it can't be that bad kitten," Finnick rubbed her back attempting to sooth her. She was not as much of a morning person as he had once thought. His scowl at the taste of the bland creation those in District 13 designated as food was not one he could hide from the Everdeen's. "Alright maybe it is that bad. The food is at least."

"This is more than just about food Finn," she whispered eyeing the citizens of District 13 warily as they walked to and from seats in the cafeteria.

"Your intuition hasn't led you wrong yet. Just, give it a chance alright? For us?" he asked with a soft smile.

Katniss wanted to tell him he was being ridiculous. Who knew what these people thought, or how they operated? She knew the ways of the Capitol. She did not know the militaristic ways of District 13. Something was not quite right here in this hole in the ground. She was not going to let her guard down until she figured it out. The last time she had let down her guard Snow had threatened the lives of her friends and loved ones in the Quarter Quell. No, she would be playing her cards with this unknown entity close to the chest.

"Fine," she finally grumbled her eyes softening for a moment gazing at her two favorite people in the world.

Katniss did not particularly enjoy being escorted by an armed guard. Then again no sane person probably would. She and Finnick had been approached shortly after finishing their breakfast by a tall man, flanked by two others behind him. His name was Boggs and apparently he was to be her bodyguard. He was also to escort her personally to President Coin's war room to speak with her about urgent matters.

Katniss had demanded Finnick join her. Boggs stated the other two were to take Finnick back to the hospital floor and ensure the infection and fever were gone. He stepped aside and they both noticed the wheelchair. Finnick allowed himself to be wheeled away, promising he'd be waiting for her in their room. Now Katniss and Boggs were left alone. Thus he began leading her through the tunnels and corridor's of District 13.

"I'm going to need a map to keep from getting lost," She mused to herself.

"I'm sure that can be arranged. This is a very large complex," her bodyguard added.

"You know I've probably killed more people than you have," she raised a brow at him.

"Sadly I think that's true. But you fought in games, I've been trained for war," his response was quick.

Katniss' thoughts drifted to Snow's warnings. Her body shivered. "I don't like the fighting or killing," she admitted. She wanted to take it back immediately. To admit this truth, this weakness, to a man she neither knew nor trusted. She was not sure the consequences of such an admission, but considering the tight feeling in her gut she doubted they would be good.

The bodyguard – Boggs lent down a bit to whisper in her ear. "Neither do I. Hope the killing stops soon."

That he shared that knowledge with her made Katniss think that just maybe she could learn to like Boggs. Not all of District 13. But just as she liked Cinna at first he grew to be one of her trusted friends. Thoughts of Cinna stopped her dead in her tracks for a moment. Cinna, she felt the darkness returning and embraced the sorrow without Finnick or Prim to push it away. She followed after Boggs. The off putting feeling of District 13 and her own pain rendering her mute and subdued the rest of the trip to meet this President Coin.

President Alma Coin, in Katniss' opinion, was trying to hard to appear as if she was not trying to hard. Who had hair that straight? That neat? Effie would probably give up one of her wigs to know this woman's hair care secrets. No the grey of her hair and those neat little white strips lining her face was too stylized to be natural. Sure the woman wore the grey jumper everyone did, but somehow on her it seemed like she was trying to hard to fit in with those under her command. To be fair Katniss had no real idea what a President did other than terrorize children and send them to death. So Coin was as much an unknown entity to her as the rest of District 13. A niggling voice reminded her that President Snow too had style.

"So this is her?" the woman turns to Plutarch. "She doesn't look like much."

"She is still adjusting I think." Plutarch gives Katniss a look filled with meaning she does not understand. His jaw opens slightly when she does not respond to the obvious barb thrown her way by Coin. "I'm sure she'll be ready to get to work soon."

"You promised me fire, Heavensbee. A symbol. I don't see any of that," her tone is dry and filled with disapproval.

"Sorry to disappoint you," Katniss offers with a shrug. Biting the inside of her cheek to keep from lashing out. This woman held all the power in this cement tomb in the ground. Playing into her hand was not something Katniss thought would benefit her or her loved ones.

"I'm sorry for what has happened to you, truly I am. But perhaps you should have rescued the boy. He had more fire than she ever did."

"Gale's always been like that," Katniss mused, more to herself than the others, "though that usually blew up in his face when he let it out at the wrong time."

"The games broke her Heavensbee. This is not the girl that was promised!"

"Give her sometime to adjust she will come through."

"No, I think not. Her younger sister is more lively than thi-"

"You stay the hell away from my sister!"

The soft clink of Coins glass as she set it back onto the table is the only noise in the now too small room. Katniss sucked a breath in through her nose and kept her glare hard. Prim was always her easiest button to manipulate. She had just played one of her cards. She would need to be more careful in the future.

"There, that is the fire you wanted. It is still in there. Perhaps Katniss is just a little more wary of politics after going up against President Snow?" Plutarch was smiling so wide Katniss felt her own cheeks hurt.

"I would never dream of hurting your sister like he did. But what I need, the entire reason you, and you alone were Heavensbee's mission, was what you represent."

"District 12?" Playing dumb she learned would give her far more answers than playing into this woman's hand.

"Oh my dear, you are so much more than that. To the people of the Districts you are a symbol of hope, of a chance to rid themselves of the shackles of the Capitol."

"No, I'm a symbol of death. Those who followed my foolish tirade against Snow paid for that with their lives," her thoughts of Cinna once more coming to the fore. Of Mags, Blight, Wiress. All dead in that arena. Johanna, Cashmere, Gale. Dead, or sitting in cells being tortured by the Capitol.

"Perhaps, but without death there can not be new life. It is the cycle of things," the words are silky smooth, and Katniss very much wishes to end the cycle this president speaks of. She holds her tongue.

A cough from Plutarch turns her attention from President Coin. "I know there is much to go over, but those people out there. They need you. We got you out so you could help us save them."

"Then perhaps you should have tried a bit harder. I won't act against Snow while he has my friends held hostage. If you wanted a rebellion you should have made it your mission to get us all out."

"My dear we have a rebellion, what we need is a symbol," Coin's tone was soft by her eyes were hard. "The people of Panam made you into the Mockingjay."

"No, that was a team of stylist, Cinna, Effie, and Haymitch."

"So you won't do it?"

"Why should I bother to start a war. There's been enough death already to last me two lifetimes. If that's all you wanted I would like to go. Finnick should be done by now, and I want to make sure your doctors haven't killed him by mistake." The jab was clear. She did not trust these people with her loved one and she would not fight for their cause.

With a wave of her hand Coin let the girl go. Watching her walk out of the room she turned on Plutarch the moment the door hissed closed. "You told me she was it. You told me this girl would ignite the fire in the Districts. To lead the rebellion to overthrow the Capitol and Snow. What you brought me is a shell. Broken by the machinations of Snow and the Games."

"That fire is there madam president. You saw it yourself. She's in unknown territory, in a position of weakness."

"That did not stop her before. We all watched her fire, her passion, her rebellion."

"Look where that landed her. Some hole in the ground surrounded by people and things she neither knows nor trusts. The enemy of her enemy is not her friend. They are just another enemy. You need her trust before she'll be ready to spread her wings and stir up the rebellion. She can not do that hear. From what Haymitch has told me about her she either needs to see she has no choice, or feel comfortable enough to let her fire burn," Plutarch explained, his voice firm," Katniss Everdeen is not damaged goods."

"Then what do you suggest?" Coin picked up her glass of water and took a long sip.

"Let her see just what Snow did to her home. She lost control when she saw the black market of District 12 on fire. The people screaming in agony. Her best friend attached to a post and a Peacekeeper making mincemeat of his back. I banked on it. Send her to District 12, let her see what happened to it. When she sees the truth you will have your symbol."

"Fine. But I don't want an out of control inferno."

"Madam President, that may be our only option."

"Then make sure to direct it at Snow. If Katniss Everdeen gets out of line, it won't just be her on the line. All of you will be."

"Of course Madam President. I will send Boggs to inform her right away."

"Let her see her lover. He seems able to calm her fire."

"Yes, Madam President," Plutarch nodded but wondered for a moment if he had just traded one tyrant for another. Her words reminded him too much of Snow. He would have to watch her very close indeed.

Katniss can not describe the sight of District 12. Not to herself, not even if if could have saved her sister's life. What horrors she had thought seemed paltry in comparison. Child's play even. No even Peeta's descriptions failed to grasp the reality she was staring at. An inhumane atrocity had been committed here. She had seen the rubble and ruin of District 13 as they left the hanger. Seventy five years had done well to heal and hide the scars of its destruction. This felt personal. This felt more like a strike of anger, revenge, retribution, rather than an act of war.

Her stomach was sick as she carefully picked her way through the bodies, and rubble. Tears, bile, and screams tore at her from the inside. She wanted to let them out, but not here. It was not safe here. Her old home was now just a smoking crater. Definitely personal.

In her home she found a bouquet of white roses. Just like the ones sent to warn her of Gale and Prim's coming reaping. The falling domino that began this whole cascade that resulted in- Well she still had no words for it. She left the roses well enough alone now. Grabbing a bag the largest she owned she gathered everything that held meaning to her. Her father's hunting Jacket. Family photo's, medicine, Finnick's glass vase of seashells.

She grabbed two more bags. A stop over at Haymitch's she grabbed his special bottle of liquor. The one he saved for a 'Special' day. The blanket that looked older than her mother. One she assumed was a reminder of his family. The only photograph he owned. The one of his family. The ones Snow had murdered to make an example of. Her next stop was to Prim's gathering a few more of her mother and sister's things. To make the hole in the ground feel a bit more at home. Buttercup even allowed her to put her into the bag. The cat sitting in her sister's home in her sister's bed.

She grabbed one of her mother's old bags and took off on her last stop. This one pained her the most. Gale had been a constant in her life, longer than even Finnick. While she had never been in love with Gale she certainly loved him. They were best friends. Closer than that, they were family. So she gathered things for Rory, Vick, Posy, and Hazelle. Photographs, and knickknacks. Anything she could do to ease their pain.

Guilt ate at her soul like the fires that had ravaged her home. So much death, failure, responsibility. She felt the wait of it crushing her just as the weight of the bags she carried. A burden far easier to bear. Still, anything she could to to lessen her own burdens she would. She had little power to change the course their lives had taken. This much, she could do.

Peeta was the one to pull her aside later that day. She had made her rounds and delivered her offerings to her family. All save Haymitch who was still undergoing his rehabilitation and sobriety. She would have to save the bottle of liquor for another time. Finnick had indeed developed a minor infection and would need to stay under the care of the medical staff overnight.

"So you saw it then? The remains of District 12."

Katniss was at a loss for words. The reminder ripping wounds still fresh deeper. She could only manage a nod.

"I can tell from that look on your face its worse than I thought."

"How did it all go so wrong?"

Peeta sat down at the small table and motioned for her to join him. They were in her private rooms. She allowed herself to relax just a bit. Plucking a seashell from the vase on the table and running the pads of her finger over the surface. "I think there was always a chance to go wrong. Haymitch worried something like this would happen. That's why he told Darius and I to keep an eye on things. To make sure if the nightmare became real we could salvage something."

"He trusted you more than he did me."

"Oh, I think he trusted you the most. Trusted you would make the right choices without any of the information. The rest of us all hard our parts to play. It would have been nothing without you."

"Exactly. Without me there would still be a District 12!" Katniss slammed her fist onto the table. Her other hand still tracing the shell in her palm.

"Maybe. But then we'd all still be enslaved to the capitol. Still have to go through the Games every year. I'm not saying it's right. I don't even know if rebellion is the right answer. But it's the only answer we have right now."

Katniss gave a snort. "Rebellion would only mean more death."

"So would doing nothing. If we do nothing all those lives lost, both in 12 and in the Games, and seventy-five years of tyranny would be for nothing."

"So you think I should do it. Be the 'Symbol of the Rebellion' the 'Mockingjay'."

"I think you should do what you feel is best. Haymitch didn't give you orders for a reason. You know what move to make. You're just too scared to make it."

"How can you even say that you don't know-"

"Your favorite bread is the knotted ones my father baked. You get your sister the apple tart on the first and last day of every school year. On reaping day you buy two loaves of bread and tell my father to make sure it gets to the families whose children were reaped. You don't like people watching you and Finnick too closely because you think they'll find a weakness. Take him from you.

"You never let the bullies at school treat Madge differently because her father is the mayor. You can hit a squirrel right in the eye to save the meat, and you always bring one to my father. You act like you don't care about others, but I've seen you. You spent more money on things from the Hob after you won without even haggling. You care about the little guy. The people who can't care for themselves. Right now you're more afraid of taking action because the effect that action will have on them, than what it would mean for yourself."

Peeta takes a breath then reaches over and clasps her hand, the one with the seashell, grasping tightly. "I know who you are Katniss. I've known who you were the moment I saw you all those years ago. I know you think you owe me some debt for helping you. I'm just lucky enough to have gotten the chance to do it. You never owed me a thing."

Katniss could not respond. Peeta had shown her kindness at a time where she had been lost. She tried to pay him and his family back as best she could. She felt the tears threaten to spill. She choked back a sob. "What should I do?"

"I can't tell you what to do Katniss. But I do know you'll figure it all out."

"Thank you Peeta. For everything."

"You're welcome Katniss."

After speaking with Prim Katniss knew what she needed to do. Prim was right. She did have the power here. With Snow she was playing politics against a man who held most of the cards. Seems now she was the one holding most of the deck. Sure Coin might have known Prim was a weak spot, but she needed Katniss. No one could do this but her. So if Coin wanted her to get back into the game she had a few demands to make of her own.

Watching the broadcast with Ceaser Flickerman and Cashmere had hardened her resolve. The few angry voices calling her a traitor was drowned out by Gloss' laughter. It was fairly obvious Cashmere wanted to be there as much as she wanted to shove her face into a nest of tracker jackers. President Snow had little to combat Katniss' fire. With Gale or Johanna he had much the same as her if not worse. With Cashmere he had someone who knew how to play the game. How to say the words she was meant to say, but in a way that those looking for deeper meanings could find. Cashmere was the best option he had. In regards to 'faces' and their cause Coin certainly had the better option. If she was willing to pay the price.

Turns out Coin was in a much worse position than Katniss had assumed. She expected rejection and negotiation, but the woman crumbled when pressed. How this woman thought she could out maneuver President Snow Katniss had no idea. Perhaps she was wrong, Coin was not trying to hard to appear she was not trying to hard. No she was trying so hard because she had to. Plutarch even assured her he would try and contact his agents in the capitol. To rescue the captive Victors.

She had seen the horrific condition of her Prep Team. While it solidified her distrust of District 13, or more aptly Coin, she wondered about Plutarch and his goal in all this. His was an angle she could not discern. As soon as she pegged him he zagged when he should have zigged. Flipping her carefully constructed view on its head.

Katniss tried to shake her thoughts from her head. She was about to start filming the first of Plutarch's propos. She needed to focus.

"People of Panam we, um, we fight. To end this war for justice." She resisted the urge to face palm. These lines were abysmal. Who talked like this?

"What was that?"

Of course, the love of her life sat watching her with a smile on his face. Tying knots and trying not to burst out into laughter.

"Shut up, Odair."

"He has a point Katniss." The crackle of static accompanied Plutarch's voice from the booth he was seated in.

"She's just warming up." Effie offered with a smile. "Gotta get the feel for the lines first. Right Katniss."

"Of course Effie." Yeah, and maybe dull her mind with that bottle of liquor in her room.

"Go again." That was a phrase she was becoming intimately familiar with as time went on.

Katniss took a deep breath. "People of Panam! We fight we dare, to end this…" God this could not get any worse. As the next hour proved, it certainly could, would, and did.

"She sounds like she's reading from an instruction manual." And now Beetee's going to join in on ragging her performance.

'Great.'

"Hey I resent that. I've listened to her read stories to Prim that were more animated than this."

'Can you not make fun of your wife for ten minutes please?'

"You've just been in battle. I'm falling asleep here."

'Everyone's a critic.'

"We've been at this an hour." Effie, blessed Effie, attempts to make peace. She probably sees the tick in her eyebrow.

"It's one line. How hard can it be?"

"Do you want to stand up here and try it?" Katniss growled.

"There. Try it like that."

"People of Panam! We Fight! We dare! To end this hunger for Justice!"

"I think your sister could have done better."

"Oh no. I'm not going up there. Don't you bring me into this Finnick."

'Great. Now Prim's here too.'

"Everyone let us just try to calm down."

"Effie dear, we both know this isn't going to work. If this is the best you've got Plutarch you may as well kiss this revolution goodbye." Katniss is not sure whether she wants to hug Haymitch, or punch him in the jaw. She decides to reserve judgment for now.

"Alright, everyone take a break. Meet up back in the booth in ten minutes."

"Miss me sweetheart?"

"They let you out early for good behavior?"

"No they heard this horrid performance and rushed me out of that hole to save the rebellion."

"I missed you." Katniss wrapped her arms around her pseudo-father and held him tight.

"Hey! He makes fun of you and gets a hug. I give you a bit of constructive criticism, and you tell me to shut up."

"Jealous Fish boy?" Haymitch taunts, releasing Katniss and directing her to Effie who stands with a glass of warm tea and honey at the ready.

"It's Mr. Fish boy to you."

"Yeah, and since she's basically my little girl we haven't had that talk where I threaten bodily harm if you hurt her yet. So I'd count my blessings."

Finnick stops his complaining and wheels himself over to Katniss. Not wanting to piss off the sobering former drunk. His wife was the safer of the two to approach. "You know I was just trying to rile you up. You can't just be all feisty and rebellious on cue. I was trying to help."

Katniss sat herself on his lap and continued sipping her tea. "Yeah I know. Doesn't mean it made it suck any less."

"I don't know we were finally getting somewhere."

"The line is garbage."

"Well that isn't a judgment against you. Maybe you should tell him that." Finnick offered his hands twining her braid around his fingers.

"And tell Plutarch he isn't the wordsmith he thinks he is? No thank you."

"If you don't I will sweetheart."

"It's all yours."

"Don't you worry about a thing sweetheart. I got you."

Turns out, I got you, meant she was on a ship with a professional film crew on her way to District 8. Coin had not been happy about it, but she was vastly outnumbered. Haymitch had made far to many fair points. Katniss was and improviser. She was not some scripted lap dog. People resounded to her realness. What she came up with in the heat of the moment. You give her an idea and she would take it and run with it. You just had to try and fit what you got to the narrative you wanted.

Finnick was less than pleased with her decision to go. Even if Gloss had been approved to go with her. Apparently Finnick's psychological evaluation was not up to Coin's standard. Finnick would stay behind, while Gloss would keep an eye on her. Along with Boggs and a few members of his team.

"I don't give a shit if she says I can't go. I'm going with you damn it."

"Finnick I'll be fine. I promise."

"Yeah, you won't be reckless or careless at all."

"I mean, I'll have Boggs and his team. Gloss too."

"Yeah man, I'll watch over Kat and keep her safe."

"Stop calling her that."

"Oh come on Finn, it's a nick name."

"I don't like it."

"Dude, I've told you, I'm not interested. She's like my little sister."

"Stop trying to replace Cashmere with my wife damn it!"

"You son of a bit-"

"Enough! Finnick, I'm going with Gloss. You have to stay here. You had that infection for days because we didn't listen to the doctors." The flush to her cheeks evident she thought it was worth it. The guilt in her eyes though belayed how much it hurts her to cause him more pain. "Stay here and get better. And don't you dare ever speak with our friends like that again. Or so help me I'll bunk with Prim and mom. Or I'll tell your mother."

"You wouldn't."

"I just might if you don't even try while I'm gone."

"I don't know why you two aren't going to mandated therapy."

"Coin needs this propo yesterday, according to Haymitch. So I guess I get special treatment."

"Yeah and what about Gloss?"

"Mine said it would be good for me to get out and do something. Feel useful."

"Well I want to feel useful to!"

"You are! I'd have lost my will to live if I didn't have you Finn. Please just do this. For me?"

"Fine. But you promise me right here and now, nothing reckless or careless. You got that?"

"Alright. I promise."

"And Gloss. You make sure she sticks to it."

"Sure man. I'll make sure the wife comes home."

"Just go. Before I change my mind."

Katniss leaps into his arms and presses her lips to his. Frantically showing all her love into the action. Finnick's arms wrap around her and she feels his anger melt away to bare his fear and worry to her. She made sure with lips and teeth he knew the ferocity she held with in her to return to him. The way her hips pressed closer to him. The breathy moans he tore from her lips.

She would come back to him. There was no other option. She knew he was terrified not to have her within sight. He had panic attacks about it the last week. It was also the main reason why his therapy was so slow going. This was a test. One they both needed to pass. If she wanted Finnick at her side when the war finally came the both had to be better. She needed him beside her as much as he needed her.

Catching up to Gloss they made their way to the Hanger together. "You know he's sorry. He's just scared."

"I know Kat. If I didn't know what was going through his mind I'd have decked him."

"We'll get her back Gloss. We'll get them all back. Plutarch has his people working on it."

"Yeah well, I'll believe it when I see it."

The role of James Hail had changed Kat Northington's life dramatically over the last seven years. To be fair roles he had landed previously just had not been that large. Nothing was as large in the Capitol or the Districts as Game of Thorns. The producers had even made sure the show was aired in the evening on the District rest day. The only day of the week where they only had a mandatory half day of work. So the numbers rolled in, and so too did his fame.

As more and more of the cast were brutally murdered on screen his popularity grew. When Panam thought he had died people in the Capitol held a funeral for his character. He'd even layed in the open casket in full costume. The people loved Jon Hail almost as much as they loved their Victors from the Hunger Games.

The added fame had opened all sorts of doors for him. They had also unknowingly opened all sorts of doors for the Capitol's secret resistance. Plutarch's own version of Varic's little birds. If the famous gamemaker ever wanted a roll in Capitol T.V. well that would have been the best roll for him. Close to power but moving within the shadows to see it done. He'd even alligned himself with a foreign female leader like Danielle. The similarities were striking.

There had been no contact from Plutarch in weeks, but that was to be expected. His little birds knew what to do without his oversight. Keep watch, stoke the fires of rebellion, look for chances to change the tide. Thwart the government, and President Snow, as best they could.

He had been a busy little bird as of late. Enough so that his dinner with Snow's daughter and grandchildren revealed some very pertinent information. Of which he was sure to pass along. There was something he, and only he, as James Hail could do that other little birds could not. The fruit of his labor had him setting up an interview with Ceaser Flickerman about his new movie coming out. The press chomping at the bit for any news about Game of Thorns. So it was sure to be a large production. He had even suggested the venue.

The movie, and aptly timed drama piece about the very first Quarter Quell. Well were else would he have the interview take place but the 75th Quarter Quells Tribute Center. The current prison of the three victors house deep underneath the ground floor. His role was to be shock and awe. Give a few minor spoilers and keep the attention on him. While others went and helped the three escape and get them onto his private hovercraft. With no one the wiser.

All he had to do was keep the attention on him. Get the interview over with and once done he was off for his vacation before Thorns began filming later that year. Now the fact that his vacation desitnation happened to be District 13 with three captured victors. Well James Hail might know nothing, but Kat Northington did not. It was the perfect plan. Besides he had heard a rumor Katniss Everdeen was a big fan. That made two of them. Girl on Fire and the Boy of Ice. If she weren't married he would have been tempted. Still rescuing her three friends screwed over Snow and the corrupt government and it went a long way to help him make friends with the inspiring woman. He can not wait to see the look on her face. Or Finnick Odair. And most importantly, his mentor's.

AN: Alright so many of you are probably wondering where the hell I've been. Well the short answer is I've been busy. Long answer, well there are a few points.

First: The mod has taken up a lot of my time. We don't have many writers, and few that are trusted enough to work on the big stuff. I've been promoted to Assistant Lead Writer and I'm gunning for Co-Lead by mod's end. So that's been taking a lot of my time recently.

Second: I've been really lacking inspiration for this even if I have it all lined out. There is about 8-10 chapters left, after this one which isn't a lot in some ways. But it is in others. I write long chapters, so even if it's on the light end 8 5k+ chapters is still roughly 40k words, and that's a conservative guesstimate. So getting time to sit down and write while inspired is minimal. Half this chapter was written back in March, and we'll get to why it wasn't finished in a bit.

Third: I posted about this on my bio, but in short I had an encounter with the FF. Net police. And while I do not agree with the smut prohibition, I know it's a rule. I've broken it a few times. Heck most everybody has if we're honest. Still one of my oldest one shots on this site had smut in it. Horrible cringe worthy terribly written smut. From like a decade ago. I was put on some watch list, and informed if my fic wasn't taken down I was going to be reported.

I felt among a lot of things, it was bullying to threaten my for a Decade's old fic. One I had less than 3k hits on. Total for all it's time up. But I also did not want to attempt to rewrite or edit it as it was a decade old and that train of inspiration had long passed me by. My other options were to delete it, or risk being reported and losing everything. I had a hard choice to make. One I hated making.

Innocent Rebellion was the main fear. Losing this story above all the others was what I feared. Only surpassed by my other two completed fics. Because one was my first completed multi chapter story. The other because it had taken me so many years to complete. That and I endured what I am still convinced was a curse.

So there I was with an impossible choice, delete and go back on my own morals. Or risk everything over a principle I held. I chose deletion, and I'm not saying it was the wrong choice. I still think it was the right one in the grand scheme of things. Well, right as far as concerning me. Still it hurt. Badly. It felt like cutting away a part of me. And any inspiration to write went right along with it.

I knew I would finish Innocent Rebellion. I still intend to do so but I have had life to handle, as well as the mod so my pain over this issue was just tossed aside. I had made an A03 account months beforehand and began transferring all stories I wanted to keep over there. But I came to a decision while doing this. One I doubt many of you will like. But one I hope you can understand.

I'm not leaving FF. Net I've been a part of this site for over 15 years, half my life to be honest. My 30th birthday is in two days. So I mean half my life literally and figuratively. But I will be careful what stories now make it onto this site. A03 is, as I have found it, far more like FF. Net of old. It's warm, and kind. Perhaps it is even better than FF. Net was if I'm honest. I've found people I connect with there far more than I ever did here.

Fourth: Finniss while an amazing ship is also no longer my OTP. It is for this series, but I have found another I love far more. One I am more passionate about than this one. Perhaps it was because I found it during the time I was having a crisis of faith about all this. Or because I just resonate with it more. I'm not sure. But Reylo is my new and favorite OTP. It really truly is. So I doubt I will write much more Finniss in the future. I'm not saying I won't entirely, but I would definitely curb your expectations for more.

Fifth and Finally: Head space. The mod I'm working on is dark. It'll have it's moments of levity and fun, but at the stage we are in creating nine factions the characters and their backstories there isn't much innocence to go around. Most of it is tragic, or dark. Not the head space I need to be in to write this story. Innocent Rebellion is far from it's namesake, but it is leagues away from the darkness involved in the mod. So switching my head space between the two is going to be a bit of an issue.

I wanted to wait to update this until I had competed the whole thing. But I also wanted to let you all know what the hell was going on with me. So I came to a compromise. I've written this one chapter and decided to let you know what has been happening. But I will not update again until the fic is complete. It isn't beta'd so once it is done the updates should be fairly fast. I'm not sure when that will be. Could be in a few months. Could be longer. But I will finish this fic. After that if you want to keep up with what I'm writing check out A03. Same pen name. Though I do have a Psuedo-name. I might just post fics only for A03 on just that account. We'll see. Either way. I'm sorry for the long wait. I'm sorry still for the wait you all have left. Thank you all for your understanding. And know I love and appreciate every one of you.

Mizu Kai