FINALE (FRIDAY 8:55 PM)

Josh decided only moments before the broadcast that he was, after all, going to watch. He walked to where Donna sat at her desk, "I'm gonna... you know... watch the thing."

"You sure?" she asked.

"I don't know," he responded softly.

"You can watch it out here with me if you want," she offered.

"No. No, thanks. I'm just gonna, you know, watch it in there, okay?"

"You sure?" She asked again. She careful not to push him too much.

"Yeah. I guess," he said as he walked back to his office. He turned around before he reached the door, "I kinda want to do this alone, you know? Would you..." he made a vague gesture toward his door.

Most people wouldn't have understood what he meant, but Donna picked up on his gesture immediately. He wanted her to be his guard dog and keep people from knocking on his door.

"Sure," she responded, without question.

Alone in his office, he turned on the TV just in time for the title credits. Barbara Walters introduced the story.

There were quick video from Roslyn but it was all video Josh had seen before. They showed President Bartlet's photograph, followed by his own. The narrator spoke of their injuries. Josh chuckled when the narrator referred to them as "fully recovered."

The television now showed the West Virginia White Pride headquarters and the narration detailed some history of the hate group. Then there were photographs of the two young skin heads who had been shot and killed by the Secret Service detail seconds after they had opened fire. Next was a picture of Carl Leroy. The narrator explained how Leroy did not carry a gun that day, but admitted in court to being the gunmen's spotter on the ground.

"When we come back," said Barbara Walters, "Carl Leroy speaks for the first about the shooting in an exclusive interview..."

There was a knock on the door surprised him.

"Yeah?" he shouted and the door opened. It was President Bartlet.

Josh stood.

"Sit, sit," said the president with a dismissive wave, softly he asked, "Can I come in?"

"Of course, sir." Josh was surprised to see him.

In an uncharacteristically sheepish, yet sensitive tone, the president asked, "Do you mind if I join you?"

"No, no... Of course not, sir." Despite his early statement about wanting to watch alone, he was sure that Donna would not stop the president from knocking on his door. It was an unforeseen event, but Josh found that he honestly didn't mind. He took an odd comfort in knowing President Bartlet was here now.

"I wasn't going to watch this," said the president as he took a seat. "I told Leo I wasn't going to ... told Abby I wasn't going to. But then, I don't know... I just changed my mind."

"Me too." confided Josh.

"CJ told me Donna's your watch dog tonight," commented the President.

Josh wondered how CJ knew he had told Donna he wanted to be alone.

The president continued, "I snuck past. Told her that her shoes were untied and here I am. Oldest trick in the book," the president joked as the commercials played on.

Josh laughed and said, sarcastically, "yeah, 'cause I'm sure had she seen you try to come in here she would have been all up in your face."

The two men laughed at the image of Donna going toe-to-toe with The President of the United States in an attempt to keep him out of her bosses office.

"Well, actually, I slipped her a twenty and, you know," joked the president again.

"Yeah, I always knew she had a price."

A Pepsi commercial with a happy, dancing Brittany Spears.

A Ford Truck commercial.... Like a rock

"What made you decided to watch?" asked the president.

"I don't know."

"Me either."

A Pizza hut commercial.

The show returned with and exterior shot of the federal penitentiary where Carl Leroy was incarcerated. There was narration of his trial and sentence as shots of the interior halls and cells were shown in an attempt to set mood.

Then the view changed to the interior of a small room. The door opened and in walked a young man. Carl Leroy. He looked very different than what Josh had seen before. He was tall and lanky but actually looked younger and softer than Josh remembered. He no longer sported the bald head but, instead, he had sandy blond hair cut neatly above his ears. His features that had, in previously seen pictures, seemed sharp and harsh, were softened. He sported a pair of nondescript wire rimmed glasses on his hawk-like nose. His expression startled Josh. He looked sad. Not angry and hate filled, like Josh had expected. He just looked sad.

A few pleasantries were exchanged between the interviewer and Leroy before the questioning got underway.

"You didn't carry a gun that day, correct?"

"No, Ma'am" he answered, with a soft, southern drawl.

Josh and President Bartlet watched in silence.

"You were the spotter, on the ground."

"Yes, Ma'am."

His politeness was stunning.

The interview continued. He was questioned as to his motive and involvement in the hate group. He talked about the events leading up to the shooting, about the two gunmen who were killed. They were all very standard questions. The young man claimed he had renounced white supremacy in the two and a half years he had been incarcerated. He explained how he had idolized the boys who brought him into the organization and it made him feel like a man. He said that he's working on his GED and reads the bible.  

After a few minutes, the scene changed to the exterior of the Newseum. In the interest of good narration, the producers had seen fit to retell in detail the events of the shooting. The film was one that had been replayed over and over again. It had been shot by a local news affiliate and had been distributed throughout the nation.

There was the President at the rope line. There was Toby. There was CJ. There was Sam. There was Leo. "GUN!" Shots rang out the picture jarred as the camera man must have been shoved. More shots could be heard. The camera was on the ground. The camera was picked up. The presidential limonene was shown speeding away. People stood. There was Toby. Leo was pushed into a car and sped away. There was Sam. There was CJ with her hand to her head. All looked dazed and scarred.

Josh could never see himself in these videos.

He'd seen it several times while he was recovering. Josh thought about the early days of his recovery and how, in his waking hours, he flipped though the news channels in an attempt to try to gain some perspective on what had happened to himself. Visitors worried about this odd obsession, he knew, but only teased him about it.

The narrators voice continued,  "...but the charges against Carl Leroy could have been higher. Instead of facing 10-15 years for accessory to attempted  first degree murder, had Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman, the most critically injured, not survived..."

Josh had never understood why showing the injured and the broken contributed to the relevance of a news story. Did it make it easier for the viewing public to internalize the drama of the events? Was it for ratings? Josh had never seen the next clip. How could he have missed it in those hours he had spent scouring the networks for news of the shooting? He had never seen it until now.

"I need a doctor!" Toby's voice cut through the confusion and the frame spun around and focused on Toby. He was at a distance as, at that time, the press had been pushed back across the street. He saw Sam and CJ run up the stairs. He saw Toby crouch down just in time to catch a slouched over form in a gray suit. His form.

That was a nice suit, too- thought Josh as he watched the film.

Paramedics rushed up the stairs in seconds. Toby, CJ and Sam were shoved aside. They huddled together and watched. Toby had one arm around CJ and one around Sam. Their backs were to the camera. He couldn't see himself as he was surrounded by paramedics. A backboard disappeared into the huddle. The paramedics stood. There he was on the gurney. Paramedics adeptly rushed the gurney down the steps. Getting closer to the camera. There was his three friends. The gurney rushed by the camera. There he was for the briefest fraction of a second. Cervical Collar. Oxygen Mask. His hand reaching up for the mask. The gurney rushed by and was hoisted through and ambulance door. It was a chaos of inaudible shouts and motion.

That didn't look like me-

The scene cut back to Carl Leroy in the interview room where a small TV played the video.

The interviewer on the television asked, "Have you seen this video before?"

"No..." answered Josh, as if the interviewer on the other side of the screen had addressed the question to him instead of Leroy. Josh could see, out of the corner of his eye, the president turn to face him and examine his profile. Josh had not realized how fast his respiration had become while he watched the video or that his heart was beating so fast and hard. He was sure the president could count his pulse from where he sat. Knowing he was being scrutinized, he forced himself to relax his posture, unfurrow his brow and slow his breathing. If he knew how to slow his heartbeat, he would have done that, as well. He could feel the president's scrutiny, but did not turn to look at him.

"Yes. I saw it at my trial." Carl Leroy answered the question that had been intended for him instead of Josh.

"And," asked the interviewer, "how did you feel the first time you saw it?"

"I was happy. I thought it was a victory. I thought I was a hero." Leroy's words cut through Josh and elicited a disgusted snort from the president.

"And when you watch it now?" asked the interviewer.

There was a long pause. Carl Leroy's face hung squarely in the middle of the screen. His lips tightened and quivered. "I feel sorry."

That was not what either Josh or the president was expecting. Josh could see the president turn and face the television again.

"I feel very sorry. I'm glad they didn't die. I'm sorry I hurt them. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused. I did a very bad, horrible thing and I'm sorry. I don't know if they can ever forgive me but I hope they do 'cause I'm really, really, sorry for what I done." Leroy's words came with a thick drawl and inarticulate simplicity. His language usage spoke of the poorly educated. "I know they probably can't. I know I can't forgive myself but I'm sorry..."

Barbara Walters returned to the screen, "When we come back, we'll hear from Carl Leroy's parents...."

Josh found the remote on his desk and turned off the television. His breathing was regular and his heart was no longer threatening to escape his chest.

Josh and President Bartlet sat in silence for many minutes. Josh, once again, could see from the corner of his eye that the President was looking at him, but said nothing. He finally turned to the president and, in a soft, hesitant voice asked, "Do you?"

"Forgive him?" the president clarified his question.

"Yeah."

"I pity him. I pity his family. He was young. He walked down the wrong road and I believe he's sorry. But forgive? I don't know..."

They sat for a moment longer until Josh stood up. The president watched him. Josh put on his coat. He then took a few files from his desk. He stuffed the files into his backpack and slung the pack over his shoulder.

The president stood up as Josh crossed from behind his desk. Before he reached the door, President Bartlet stepped directly in front of him. The president examined the younger man's face. His brow was furrowed. As they stood face to face, Josh's expression changed under the scrutiny. He relaxed. He felt something deep within himself release and the slightest warmth creep into his chest. It was barley perceptible, but Josh felt it, nonetheless.

"What about you? Do you forgive him?"

Josh continued looking into the eyes of the president. He turned and looked at the blank television, then back at the president.

"I.." Josh hesitated.  Not quite yet,  he thought,  "I think I might, someday. Someday... I might."  He smiled a warm, honest smile. It was the first time he had ever thought about the shooting and smiled. It was an odd sensation but, now, it felt right.

The president reached up and gave Josh a tight squeeze on his arm. He returned the smile. "All right, then," he said and stepped aside.

Josh opened his door expecting to see his guard dog, Donna, sitting alone at her desk watching the interview. Donna was there, but also CJ and Toby, Charlie and Leo. They had all assembled in his bullpen. The interview with Carl Leroy's parents was playing on the televisions overhead, but everyone's attention turned to Josh. The president exited Josh's office behind him and everyone who wasn't already standing stood up.

Josh stood next to the president and regarded the assembled group. Donna took a step toward him with a concerned look on her face, but when she saw his slight smile and relaxed demeanor, she sheepishly smiled back, confused. CJ smiled slightly, understandingly. Charlie, who had always carried so much guilt about the shooting, shot Josh a wary look. Josh smiled and nodded at him and Charlie smiled back. Toby's stare could have drilled a whole through him with it's intensity but he gave Josh a slight nod. Josh looked toward Leo, who looked him up and down. He smiled widely at his deputy.

as long as I've got a job, you've got a job echoed in Josh's ear.

Josh looked at his friends for a moment longer.

"Okay, well...I'll see you guys Monday.  Call my cell if you need anything."

He turned and started to walk down the hall.

"Josh.." called Donna and started after him, but the gentle hand of President Bartlet on her arm stopped her.

"He'll be fine." President Bartlet told her. "He'll be fine."

Without turning around, Josh lifted one hand and gave a jaunty wave over his shoulder. His familiar, arrogant swagger carried him out of the West Wing. His friends watched him go. 

END