TO NEW READERS: THE STATUS OF EVERYTHING THAT I'M WORKING ON IS REGULARLY UPDATED ON MY PROFILE. LOOK THERE IF YOU'RE EVER WONDERING IF I'M WORKING ON WHAT YOU'RE READING AT THE MOMENT. I WORK ON ABOUT A MILLION THINGS AT ONCE, AND MY STORIES GO ON FREQUENT UNANNOUNCED HIATUS, SO IF UPDATES GO QUIET FOR A WHILE, IT'S PROBABLY WORTH CHECKING.

|| This is a stupid idea that I came up with off of the top of my head this morning. I'm going to write it. Oh boy. ||

SOCK SILKEN SEVERITY:

In the far northeastern corner of the Vocalo Kingdom was the Vocalo Kingdom capital city, Vocalo City. Smack dab in the middle of the Vocalo Kingdom capital city of Vocalo City was the royal castle of the Vocalo Kingdom, Vocalo Castle. Living in the Vocalo Castle in the Vocalo City in the Vocalo Kingdom was the Vocalo Kingdom royal council, the Vocalo Kingdom Royal Council. The Vocalo Kingdom Royal Council consisted of eight completely professional and one hundred percent qualified members: the Queen, the Prince, the Princess, the Countess, the Wizardess, the Sir Knight, the Lady Knight, and the Jester.

In the broad afternoon on a kind-of-okay suntumn day (so given the friendly nickname for its weather, in which the leaves turned and the winds picked up but the sun was still hot enough to roast you like a chicken), the Royal Vocalo Throne Room was occupied by a solid half of its Vocalo Kingdom Royal Council. They were discussing very important, completely mandatory top-secret matters.

The Queen sat aloof in her throne, slouched over and fingers tapping against the arms of her royal seat. Her Wizardess stood beside her, stature strict and tall woody staff clutched in her right hand. Before them were the two Royal Knights, who were presenting the aforementioned very important, completely mandatory top-secret matters.

"...and thus, the mighty warrior approached the mighty beast atop his mighty steed, sizing up the terrible, gruesome evil that stood before him."

As the Sir Knight recalled his epic tale of good versus evil, the Lady Knight accompanied him. Her expression flat and somewhat irritated, she held up a large plushy shaped like a Green Dragon, which had a long neck and a small red "tongue" poking out from its "mouth".

"The monster stood the height of a castle, its teeth the size and strength of a hundred men, its breath the foul odor of a dumpster." The Sir Knight waved his arms as he continued to emphasize both the dragon's massiveness and grossness. "The warrior, however, was unphased. He drew his mighty sword-" The Knight drew his mighty sword. "-and shouted at the monster... 'MONSTER!'"

The audience of two cringed, the Queen clenching her teeth and the Wizardess placing her free hand over one of her now ringing ears.

"'NO LONGER SHALL YOU BE A BANE ON THE KINGDOM OF OUR FAIREST QUEEN!'" The Knight aimed his sword threateningly at his plushy adversary. "'FOR I, SIR KAITO THE BLUE, HAVE ARRIVED TO PUT A PERMANENT END TO YOUR TYRANNY... PERMANENTLY!' And the monster responded with a deafening, ear-piercing roar in acceptance of the warrior's challenge!"

"Roar's not the only thing that's ear-piercing..." the Wizardess muttered, and the Queen suppressed a chuckle.

"Their epic battle raged on for no less than a fortnight!" The Sir Knight waggled his sword in the plushy's general direction, stepping back and forth in a failed attempt to recreate battle choreography. The Lady Knight narrowed her eyes at him, quite clearly wishing nothing more than for this to be over soon. "It was grueling, and tragically, it very nearly cost our hero his life. But! At the end of it all..."

There was a moment of silence.

The Sir Knight coughed.

"Uh, I said, at the end of it all..."

Nothing happened.

He grumbled.

"Meiko!"

"Huh? Oh, right."

The Lady Knight extended the plushy dragon forward, rattling it until some muffled, dying tape player sound squeaked out from it. The Sir Knight grinned, raising his sword dangerously over his head. "But, at the end of it all... the mighty hero raised his sword... and, in one fell swoop...!"

In a flash, the sword was slashed down, ripping clean through the stuffed animal's neck. Its cute, soft head plopped to the ground with a pathetic, barely audible thud.

"...the beast was slain."

The Sir Knight rested the point of his sword in the ground behind him as he took an overly-deep bow. "And thus ends the tale of brave Sir Kaito the Blue."

There was silence for another moment, until he glanced back up, waving to his companion. "Meiko...!" he whispered again.

"Uh..."

She gave the headless dragon another shake, and with a pop, colorful confetti exploded from its neck, floating down through the air to decorate the floor. The Sir Knight resumed his bow, even more exaggerated than the first time.

The Queen and Wizardess stared blankly at them, the Queen's expression one of exhaustion and uncertainty, the Wizard's one of condescending contempt. The Wizardess raised an eyebrow at her Queen expectantly. With a heavy sigh, the Queen adjusted herself so she was sitting up straight and put on a small, complete-definitely-absolutely genuine smile.

"Well, Sir Kaito, Lady Meiko..." she said gently, "it was certainly... um... something."

"What happened when the dragon's head grew back?" the Wizardess challenged suddenly.

Sir Kaito stood up from his bow with confusion on his face. "Why would its head grow back?" he questioned.

"It's a Green Dragon," the Wizardess elaborated dryly, using her staff to indicate the stuffed animal Lady Meiko held. "In substitution for its lack of a breath weapon, the species has dramatic self-regeneration capabilities. So again, I ask you..." She hunched over, brow lowering and free hand held in front of her in exasperation. "...what happened when the dragon's head grew back?"

Kaito blinked, then looked to Meiko for guidance. She only shrugged. "Uh... well, I mean..." Kaito scratched his chin thoughtfully. "It wasn't really a Green Dragon. We just... couldn't find any props in another color."

The Wizard's condescending glower deepened, and Kaito huffed.

"Well, nobody asked you anyway, Gumi!"

"I'm pretty sure it's my job description as the royal diviner to answer questions before they're asked," the Wizardess Gumi retorted.

"Now, now." The Queen waved her hand at the woman standing beside her, whose tension automatically eased with her highness's melodic tone. "Let's not be so rude. Sir Kaito has clearly put much effort into designing this rough draft for his show. We can forgive him if he misses some specifics."

Gumi scoffed, averting her gaze downwards. "Well, it's common dragon knowledge. Everybody knows that."

"Anyway, Kaito," the Queen continued, "I understand that you want to retell the story of how you were knighted to children in our Kingdom." Kaito nodded proudly. "And yes, we all know how much children love their dragon-slaying stories. But..." Kaito's confidence faltered. "Perhaps, while you're revising your script, you should consider making it a bit more... um..."

"Non-sleep-inducing," Gumi finished, and Kaito recoiled in shock.

"No!" the Queen yelped, waving her hands frantically. "No no no! Sir Kaito, I assure you, it's not that your story is boring..."

"Oh, it's boring," Gumi cut her off. "It's the most boring story I've ever heard. I didn't think it was possible before today for a story about a knight slaying a dragon to be so completely, incredibly, unbelievably boring. But you, Sir Kaito the Blue, have broadened my horizons." She took a ridiculous bow in mockery of Kaito's own. "For you, good sir, words truly can not express my gratitude."

"Gumi," the Queen chastised.

"What? Just telling it like it is."

Kaito whimpered like a puppy. "Well then, Wizardess," he said indignantly, "I think it's quite clear that you just can't recognize thoughtful and artistic storytelling when you see it. So, you have no business criticizing me."

"If killing the dragon is what got you knighted, then why did you announce yourself to it with the 'sir' title?"

"Seriously, does she have a mute button or something?"

While the Queen rubbed her forefingers against her temples and the Wizardess rolled her eyes, the sound of light footsteps echoed from above.

"If you really want to make it more interesting, you'll mention the Princess in your story!"

The four directed their eyes up to the ridiculously tall spiral staircase at the far back of the room to see the Princess standing on one of the higher steps. "You know, the Princess who convinced her stupid sister that your story wasn't a total hoax and you actually deserved to be knighted."

She trotted down the stairs until she was low enough to hop the railing, sticking the landing with precision.

"Did you just call your Queen stupid?!" Gumi challenged incredulously.

"Pfft. Nah." The Princess waved her hand dismissively, walking over to the throne and leaning against it casually. "I called my stupid sister stupid. Isn't that right, Miku?" She flicked the Queen's crown to the side and ruffled her hair, and the Queen grumbled in mild irritation.

*ZAP!*

The Princess retracted her hand with a start when a green bolt of magic was directed at her.

"Do not touch the highness!" Gumi growled, and the Princess eased away slightly, observing the smoke emanating from her staff.

"Gumi!" Queen Miku shrieked. "It's fine, she's just messing around!"

"She belittled your majesty!"

"Jeez, keep your guard dog on a leash, Miku!"

"Stop it, both of you!" Miku stood up, holding her arms out to the girls on either side of her. "This is extremely unprofessional! Jeez, really now. Rin, apologize."

"For what?" Princess Rin questioned. Miku narrowed her eyes, and Rin sighed. "Alright. I'm sorry your insulting you, your majesty." She lifted the sides of her gown and curtsied briefly.

Miku nodded curtly, then turned to Gumi. She didn't even have to say anything; the Wizardess was already grovelling at her feet. "My deepest and most sincere of apologies, your majesty." She spoke loudly so to be heard despite her dipped head. "I had no intentions of bringing harm to you or your bloodline. For my outburst, I can offer no greater remorse."

The Queen looked her over with a cocked eyebrow. "Uh... right." She gave the Wizardess a gentle pat on the head. "You're fine." Miku glanced back to the Royal Knights, who had just kind of been standing obediently throughout the gruesome exchange. Her gaze wandered to the confetti littering the ground. "Um... Why don't we get somebody to clean this up?" She clapped her hands twice. "Lady in Waiting! Could you come here for a moment please?"

"Yes your highness! I'll be there in just a moment!"

Gumi resumed her stance beside the throne, dusting off her robes and stretching her back. Kaito turned back to Meiko to discuss working Rin into his story. Miku sat back down, glanced to her younger sister and questioned, "Where's our brother?"

Rin shrugged. "I don't know, he was right behind me earlier."

*CRASH!*

The two flinched in surprise, eyes jumping to the stairs. Somebody was tumbling down them rather ungracefully, squealing as he did so. The girls' expressions scrunched as they watched the person fall, until, when he reached the bottom, his yelling slowed to a halt, and he landed on his side with his head rested on his hand rather than his face resting on the floor. "What did I miss?" the Prince queried.

Rin facepalmed.

"Kaito killed a stuffed animal," said Miku.

"Cool," replied the Prince.

"Len, what did you do?" Rin questioned.

"Tripped," Prince Len replied matter-of-factly, "over the rug at the top of the stairs. I told you we should nail that thing down."

Rin blinked. "Oh, yeah," she said, her tone one of realization, "I remember now." She smirked. "I set the thing up for you as a practical joke. I completely forgot."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Len stood up and shook his hair out, greeting Gumi pleasantly as he passed her to stand beside his sisters. Miku cupped a hand over her mouth, calling again,"Lady in Waiting! I'm waiting!"

"I'm coming!"

From a door in the side of the room burst the Countess, carrying a broom, bucket, and various other cleaning equipments. She stopped just short of the stairs leading up to the throne, bowing as much as she could with her arms full. "I'm sorry, your highness. I was somewhat preoccupied. Why have you summoned me?"

Miku lazily indicated the mess by the Royal Knights. The Countess gave an "Oh," then set everything down, some of it loudly falling over. Nervously, she brushed some of it aside so she could lift the broom, then went off to work.

"Okay," came Kaito, and the royals turned their attentions back to him, "here's what I'm thinking! How about the evil dragon..." He picked the dragon's decapitated head up off of the ground and held it over its body, which hung limp in a half-asleep Meiko's arms. "...kidnaps the beautiful and innocent Princess Rin, and that's why brave Sir Kaito must slay it?"

Len snickered the words "beautiful" and "innocent" under his breath.

"But that's not what happened," the Countess pointed out, whilst she swept confetti away from the scene.

Kaito shrugged. "So? Autobiographies always exaggerate the truth."

The Countess frowned. "Um, if you don't mind my pointing out... that's not exaggeration... That's blatant lying..."

"Meh, I don't really like that," Rin declared, and the Countess sighed. "If you really want to stay true to form, you shouldn't paint me as the damsel in distress. You see, while I am beautiful, I'm not innocent." She swept her shoulder-length hair to the side and put on a sparkling grin. "I'm bold! Resolute! I should leave an impression on the audience that no mere damsel could create." She tapped a finger against her chin, until a glimmer of conception came to her eyes. "I should be the one who sends you on your quest. Gives you the sword, 'it's dangerous to go alone' and all that. Then you'll really have the peoples' attention!"

Kaito cocked his head in consideration. "Huh... You know what? I think that'll work! What do you think, Meiko?" He glanced to his companion, who was now fully asleep. "Uh... Meiko?" He tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She fell over, responding to the impact with nothing but a snore. Kaito huffed.

"I'm pretty sure that's also blatant lying, Rin," said Len.

Rin shrugged. "So what? The citizens need to have a good impression of us, even if it means telling a few white lies. We're royalty, after all."

Len averted his gaze to the floor. "Don't remind me..."

"You know, maybe we should toss the stuffed animal," considered Kaito, observing the plush head he held, "and get a real dragon instead?" His eyes wandered to the WIzardess hopefully. "Kids like realism, don't they?"

"Kaito, I guarantee you," said Gumi flatly, "as the royal conjurer, I am not summoning a dragon for you. Not here, and certainly not down in a village."

"Aw..."

The Countess took the stuffed dragon body from Meiko's sleeping form and retrieved its head from Kaito. She free threw the two pieces into a garbage can at the back of the room, then dragged all of the cleaning equipment away to where she had originally entered from. Once finished, she returned to the throne room and started up the steps, tripping over one and only barely catching herself. Mentally scolding herself, she brushed off her dress and bowed to the Queen. "I've finished, your highness."

"Ah. Thank you, Luka," said Miku. "Now then... Looks like we're all here. What should we do, play poker or something?"

"Nah, Miku," Rin piped, "I'm pretty sure we're missing somebody."

Miku tilted her head. "Are we?" She counted everybody in the room, ending on herself. "Oh yeah, we are missing somebody. But who...?"

"SOCKS!"

The main doors crashed open, and everybody looked towards them in confusion. "The socks!" Kaito stepped aside as the Jester rocketed in, storming up to the throne.

"Oh, there he is," Miku muttered.

"Your highness, It's terrible!" the Jester exclaimed, kneeling on the steps and waving his arms. "Tearable even!" He reached down and gripped one of his stockings, ripping a tear in it for added effect. "You must hear what's happening!"

"What is it, Jester?" Kaito questioned, pulling his sword from the ground. "Can't you see that we're in the middle of discussing very important, completely mandatory top-secret matters?" He swung his sword around to return it to its sheath, accidentally slicing off his belt buckle in the process. His pants fell down, revealing a pair of dragon-spotted briefs. This resulted in various reactions, most notably another eye roll from the Wizardess and a single "Ha" from the Princess.

The Jester turned back for a moment to watch Kaito frantically attempt to pull his pants back up, and muttered, "Ooh, indecency."

"What's the matter, Gakupo?" Miku prompted. "What's all this about... " Her brow furrowed. "...socks?"

"Ah, yes!" said the Jester Gakupo with a couple of nods. "Queen Miku, your highness, it's absolutely tragic. Everywhere I turn it's just socks, socks, socks!"

"So, like," said Rin, "are you actually going to tell us what's going on, or are you just going to complain about socks all day?"

Gakupo shook himself. "Um, yes. Well, you see... Do you remember the sock incident from a couple months back, when all of the socks went missing in the villages by the Dark Woods borders?"

"The one that we wrote off as a dumb practical joke and I'm still not entirely convinced Rin wasn't responsible for?"

"Hey!" Rin exclaimed. "I'll have you know that I'm a professional practical joker. Socks are far below my level. Call me when people's underwear starts going missing."

"Right," said Miku flatly. "Anyway, continue."

"Yes, well, you see," Gakupo went on, "it's started happening again. The citizens are absolutely furious about their missing socks! They have to go out into the brisk suntumn air with bare feet! To this, they do not take kindly."

"Have you tried telling them to check their driers?"

Gakupo shook his head. "No, your majesty, you misunderstand. It's not just the villages on the border being affected anymore. It's spreading, further into the kingdom, in the direction of the capital!"

Miku blinked, and cast an uncertain glance to Gumi. The Wizardess only shrugged. "Maybe it's an underground practical joke circuit," Miku suggested.

"That's what I said," the Jester responded. "Well, not exactly. Something of a similar, likely less sockcastic caliber. However, the people seemed convinced that something sockspicious was going on."

Len chuckled, and Rin elbowed him in the ribs.

"Naturally I told them that it was nothing to worry about, as her majesty the Queen had already assured us that it was no serious problem. But then..." He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. "...they showed me... it."

With this, a low murmur broke out among the Council members. Rin and Len discussed whatever Gakupo had been drinking, while Kaito and Luka wondered the possibilities of "it".

"What is 'it'?" Gumi asked urgently.

Gakupo lowered his head grimly. "It..." he repeated vaguely. "The socks..." He drew in a breath, the rest of the council leaning forward as he did so. "...were all over the village! Everywhere you turn, socks on the streets, socks on the roofs, socks in the wells, on the shutters and coops! They were pasted to windows, they were nailed to the trees, there were socks in every corner the naked eye sees!" He stood up slightly, each foot on a different stair, as he waved his arms in exaggerated, panicked motions. "They tiled the floorboards, they plastered the walls, and soon, your highness, I fear..." He knelt back down, head hanging solemnly as he finished. "...they will cover our halls."

Queen Miku stared blankly down at him as she attempted to process what was being said to her. She tilted her head to one side, then to the other, until eventually she shook herself, disbelievingly spitting out the word, "Socks?"

"Some seem to believe that there is dark magic involved in the caper," Gakupo added.

Now everybody in the room was staring at him disbelievingly. Rin held a hand to one side of her, saying, "Socks." She then held the other to her other side, saying, "Dark Magic." Her brow lowered. "Pick one."

"I'm fairly certain that socks and dark magic have no correlation to each other," said Gumi. Holding a fist over her chest proudly, she added, "As the royal necromancer, I would know."

Gakupo shrugged defensively. "'Tis but the word of the people."

"Why do they care so much about this?" Miku questioned exasperatedly. "Can't they just buy new socks? Or, you know, take the socks that are all over the villages?"

"Um, with all due respect, your highness," came the Countess Luka, "I believe this is not so much a matter of cold feet as it is a matter of pride."

"Indeed!" exclaimed Sir Kaito, who was trying his best to look dignified while holding his pants up with one hand. "Certainly there's no greater insult than watching your home helplessly fall victim to such a childish prank."

"Other than your pants falling down?" Rin challenged, and Kaito lifted the waist of his slacks higher, face red with embarrassment.

"I don't know, Miku," said Len, cautiously observing his older sister nearly tear her hair straight from her head in pure, unbridled frustration. "This may not have seemed like something to bother with at first, but if it's gotten to be this big of a problem, then..."

Miku placed a palm against her face, for several moments concealing it from her council who now silently awaited her response. When she looked up, her eyes addressed Gumi, conveying hopefully that the Wizardess may have had the answer she needed. Gumi's eyes darted to the side, before reconnecting with the Queen's. She sighed.

"If the citizens are so up in arms, then it's our duty to find a solution to their problem."

Miku's already solemn expression faltered, and she gave a groan. "Ugh... okay." She sat herself back up, brushing a hair away from her face, and doing her best to put on an authoritative expression. "Call the Guard Captains here," she told Luka and Gakupo. "Tell them that it's... urgent." Her brow scrunched. "I'm sure that one of them will be useless enough to go on this... sock mission."

"At once, your highness." Luka and Gakupo bowed in sync, before dashing off in opposite directions to do as they were told.

"Well, this should be fun," Rin scoffed. "I can't wait to see what loser you pick for this."

"Hopefully someone with more dignity than that loser..." Gumi muttered.

Kaito scowled at her. "I'll have you know that I have plenty of dignity," he declared. "Just... my underpants don't."

"Uh-huh," said Gumi.

Suddenly, with a snort, Meiko sat up, startling Kaito and causing him to drop his pants again. "What happened...?" Meiko questioned groggily, rubbing her head and looking around. When her eyes landed on Kaito's briefs, they froze there, and Kaito's face flushed again. After an incredibly awkward moment of staring, Meiko laid back down. "Wake me up when that isn't a thing anymore..."

While the Princess howled with laughter and the Prince averted his gaze, Gumi heaved a tired sigh. "I'm so sorry," she whispered to the Queen.

Miku slumped back over, removing her crown and burying her face in her hands. "Gods help me."

|| I challenge you to read the opening paragraph all the way through with a straight face without stammering. ...Nope, I can't do it.

Today I found out how difficult it is to find pictures of the six Vipperloids together. Most of them either have Ted in there too, or are missing Rook and/or Miko. Then there's the matter that even if I did find something, I would need to get permission to use it, and... most of the pictures are Japanese... Long story short, I'm using a screenshot from "Confront! You Look So Cool!" for now (which doesn't even have any Vips in it other than Teto, I'm so good at this).

Uh, I should probably update this soon. We haven't even met any of the main characters yet. I would have introduced at least one, but I really don't want these chapters to be too long. Just consider this the prologue. ||