The Path of Least Resistance

Prologue - Ties That Bind: How I Fell

Or, falling into Fire Emblem Fates and waking up as Corrin when you sucked at the game and have no idea what's going on, and what do you mean 'people are going to die'? What do you mean 'I can't get out'? What do you mean I 'signed up for this' – oh, right. Lunatic Classic mode. Damn it. Self-Insert.

AN: not written to be taken seriously. Due to the self-insert, will slowly but surely cause ooc amongst everyone at least once throughout the story. Meant as light reading/just something to kill time. Rated because a lot of swearing, as the first and last words in the chapter very clearly prove.

Fuck.

Alright, take a deep breath. Calm yourself, me. Me calm? Good?

Okay.

Sorry for starting off like that, but god damn it if you were in my situation you would have sworn too.

Speaking of my situation, sorry, gotta let it rip again.

Fuck.

Believe it or not, I've actually softened it out a bit. If I was really voicing everything I was feeling without a filter, well, let's just say I'd never actually get started with the story.

If I was a storyteller, I'd start with something that sounds pretty, or poetic, or just nice.

'This is a story of fate – countless decisions that all come flowing into one large river, to join the ocean's grey waves – and choosing to hold onto both by siding with neither.'

That's how my brother would describe it. But he's a dick, because he's the one that got me into this mess, so I'm not going to use that prissy description.

So I'll tell it to you up straight.

This is a story about a girl who played a game she didn't really know on a super hard mode because she didn't think things through, and had no idea about the consequences.

That girl sounds like a Lunatic, and she is.

And that girl is me.

Fuck.

Let me be clear on something. I'm not much of a gamer. My friends may disagree with me on this one, because I have a 3DS and I play Pokémon, but really, compared to my brother, I am not much of a gamer. He played everything, from the abovementioned titles to Sonic, Zelda, Mario, and a bunch of other titles I didn't know.

Not much of a gamer. I just know the ones I know, and I know them well.

But I was getting a little bored of Pokémon. I was Champion, the strongest in the region, and all the stories and missions were cleared. There was nothing else left for me to do.

I was bored, but I didn't want to delete my file and start again – I was too attached to my party.

And the root problem wasn't just that. I didn't want to go around catching fantastic beasts in tiny balls to make them fight for me. I wanted to try something new. Something different. Not just different in the 'gym leaders replaced with island trials' different, but different entirely.

I said all this to my brother, who had gotten me first attached to Pokémon. He was currently busy staring into his phone, tapping away and humming lightly.

"So?" I asked when there was no answer.

"You should get this game on your phone," my brother said, slowly – reverently – moving the mobile device into a summoning circle made of cards, charms and print-out images, all of the same one character.

I smacked the idiot behind his head. He'd been the one who got me into Pokémon, but he played other games as well, while it was just Catching Them All for me. Right now he was playing something else, and trying to pull me into it.

"And make demonic summoning circles for a waifu?" I said, looking at the picture of a character who had the misfortune of being my brother's latest fictional crush. For someone with a not-too-bad face – and this was not a biased opinion for my fraternal twin – he really needed to get out more and make better use of it.

"Hey, Tumblr promises that it works," he protested as he adjusted the pictures and scented candle slightly. "And it's not demonic. My intentions are pure."

"What game is this?" I sighed as he reached for his phone like it was a holy relic and began tapping at the screen. "I don't think I have any more room on my phone after Pokémon GO."

"Fire Emblem Heroes," he said, and I blinked. Fire Emblem was a familiar name, but I'd never played it when he told me about it before, because he first mentioned it around final exam times in the last year of high school.

I did great. He, being a genius, did nearly as well despite having skipped as many classes as he could without failing to graduate. Life was unfair.

"If you don't want it on your phone," he continued on, eyes slightly glazed over. "Play a DS version of the series."

"Where's the game for the DS?" I asked. It was summer vacation, and a weekend besides. Time to play something to kill the abundance of time I had on my hands.

"in the game drawer. Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright. Now hush," he ordered. I was tempted to kick him in his side because of that memory. Maybe bust a kidney or something. If he nearly died from that, well, served him right for being so weak. "I need to confer with the heavens so that they can grant me the serene grace I need."

Translation: shut up so I can get my lucky mojo going.

I dug out the game, and was tempted to not play it when I saw the cover. "Is this going to be just outright Japanese otome?" I called. It looked like some sort of time and dimension travel stuff, where good looking people from different times all came together onto a battlefield to take a group photo and look good. Judging from the different types, you could probably choose your favorite and then seduce that one until you were happily married.

Or you could have a Sims marriage, too, filled with cheating and affairs and all the dramatic shit you wanted to run away from in reality. I doubted it, but you could.

"Not outright!"

Nice.

"Yes!"

By that loud cheer I assumed he got his waifu. So, game in hand, I grabbed two cans of soda and rejoined him.

"Explain that to me," I said, throwing the game cartridge case onto the seat next to him.

The mojo kicking him left him generous, so he set down his phone to speak. "You're a prince or princess growing up in a kingdom called Nohr, but it turns out that you're actually from Hoshido, which is like the neighboring kingdom that Nohr has a long rivalry with. Depending on which one you choose – your adopted family, or your birth family – the game changes. Conquest, which is Nohr, or Birthright, which is Hoshido." He tapped the box with the art of the Japanese-looking people plus some others. "Although they're not actually your birth family either."

"What."

That goes against the very name, doesn't it . . . ?

"Fire Emblem is a strategy game, where you have to factor in advantages," he said, once he was done his abbreviation of the game's story. "But unlike Pokémon, you're moving units across a field for a purpose. Usually to clear out the map of any enemies, but sometimes the objective is a little different. Oh, and you have more stats to deal with, and it's harder to level up or EV-train."

While he talked and sipped at the soda I handed him, I made a new character. It was my first time, so he recommended that I play easy, with something he called 'Phoenix mode'. "A safety net," he called it. "You literally cannot die."

We rushed through customizing my character. I went with the default name, 'Corrin', and then saved in the file he pointed to.

"Play Birthright first," he said. "Then Conquest."

I didn't know anything, so I just started, figuring I'd pick up stuff while playing through.

I played through Birthright, and then went to the Branch of Fate option to choose Conquest. And both sides left me heartbroken, but not all that impressed with the gameplay.

"It was boring," I said when my brother asked how I found it. "No one on my side dies but people fighting me die in heartbreaking ways. I still can't believe Xander accidentally killed Elise! And then I kill him! I didn't want to kill him!"

"What about Takumi and Ryoma?" he asked, when I didn't continue on.

My answer, like the thunderously cracking whip of Indiana Jones, was lightning fast. "Fuck Hoshido." After playing and watching people who didn't have the common sense to be on my side die, I learned one thing – that I was Nohrian scum, through and through. Sorry not sorry. "I like the Nohrian one better, even though they were both boring. Nohr was just less boring, and also I like the people there better."

Alright. Up to there, that's fine. Forgivable.

But then my brother had to open his big fat mouth.

"You know, I don't think you're enjoying it all that much because you're playing on Phoenix mode," he said.

That was probably true. I saw no reason to do anything except charge my zombie units onwards. This wasn't strategy – it was just a waiting game. And waiting games weren't fun. Half the time I was just skipping every turn and jamming buttons, bored out of my mind.

"So, what?" I asked. "I completed Birthright and Conquest. Played both sides of the game. And okay, there were some really hot guys here, and some of the supports were super cute, but still. I don't want to play it again, especially now that I'm sort of attached to them. Watching my loveys die once was bad enough, thank you. What sadistic freak wants to see that happen again and again?"

"You've played for the Light side and Dark side," my brother said, ignoring the last part of my words directed at him, and honestly, could he try to not sound like an edgelord? Seriously. "But what about the last choice?"

I perked up. So it wasn't Nintendo's usual 'buy one game for the price of two'? "What last choice? Is it like Pokémon Black and White, and the Gray that I never got?"

He nodded somberly. "Except you will get the third option," he promised. "It's called Revelations – and you choose neither side."

"Which makes sense," I said, after thinking about it briefly. "If I'm not actually related to either side. I don't understand what claims Hoshido has over me, by the way, if that's what happens. They need to seriously chill."

"You're related because your birth mom was their step-mom, whereas in Nohr it's just a case of Stockholm Syndrome and Lima Syndrome. You just don't like Hoshido, Nohrian scum."

I cackled. "That's right, Hoshidan bitch."

My brother, ever the drama queen that liked to pretend he was the more mature one, rolled his eyes. In response to that, I very maturely (no, for realsies) kicked him in his shin with the force of an angry soccer mom charging at the coach that benched her kid.

He, of course, couldn't let that one slide.

"Try playing Revelations," he said after the brief tussle we had that I won by jamming my fingers up his nostrils. He was more grossed out by that than I was, and made me go wash my hands with soap and water. "It's the true ending of the game that answers all the unanswered questions in Birthright and Conquest."

"Wow." I blinked. So it wasn't just one game with slightly different choices you got, but instead three different games and storylines packed into one? "I can't believe they put three arguably different games into the price of one." That sounded like an amazing deal, one I wished Pokémon would do instead of splitting stuff all the time.

"You better not believe it, because they didn't."

"I'm sorry?"

"You have to buy the other two paths you don't have as a DLC. Each one costs less than a physical copy of the game, but . . ."

"Motherfuckers," I said simply when what he told me sunk in.

"That was what I said when I first found out, too."

Well, if he paid for it, then it would only make sense to get the full money's worth. I cracked my knuckles, ready to seriously get every cent's worth from the third path instead of glossing over everything like I did in Birthright and Conquest.

"Better just find out what the real ending you have to pay extra for is," I said. "Even if it's just going to be a zombie invasion again."

"About that, there's something you can do to make it more interesting."

"Define interesting." This was the guy that used to think watching ants in a glass box willed with transparent colored gel was interesting.

"Well, you can up the stakes in your gameplay. Fire Emblem is famous for perma-death," he told me. "And you can choose Phoenix mode or even Casual mode, but you could also go with the true spirit of Fire Emblem and play on Classic mode, with permanent death."

"Permanent death?" I asked. "So . . . in-game Nuzlocke?"

"Pretty much."

I was the type of person that cheated when playing Nuzlockes. "That sounds like scary shit. Why would you even do that."

My brother smiled in that 'I am superior to you in every way' way. I resisted the urge to punch him in his face. Just barely. "It's strategy," he said like that explained everything. "Every choice you make has consequences, and lives aren't things to take easily, especially in war. It makes you really think everything through, and as a result enjoy the game more."

"It sounds like it takes balls," I replied.

"You have lady balls. They're just as strong as man balls, aren't they?"

Honest to goodness, holy shit had he not said that, I probably would not have done it.

But he did, and now I had to do it or risk having my ovaries questioned. This was a challenge to the girls, and I had to fight for my girls.

"Give it a try. Revelations is easier than Conquest, but harder than Birthright."

I sighed dramatically. "Goodbye, Phoenix mode," I moaned, and was met with an option. "Wait, so if I want perma-death, I go Lunatic?"

"Huh? No, you don't have to – oh, but that's a good idea. Go Lunatic. That's like, Extra-Hard mode. Fates doesn't have Lunatic+ like Awakening did, but regular Lunatic should be plenty challenging enough for you to enjoy the experience."

Understanding like none of what he just said, I looked down at the game. Birthright on Phoenix Easy had been easy, but I messed up a few times because I wasn't used to the game. Also, Kaze died because apparently you need a good support with him or some shit, which I called total bull on. He was married to Azura, he should have tried harder to live for his beautiful wife and hot son instead of making supports with me. Conquest on Phoenix Easy had been . . . harder, because I missed summoning punching bags for gold on already-cleared maps. It was hard pairing people up on those limited maps and resources.

I loved Nohr, don't get me wrong, but this place was poor as dirt. No, that was an insult to dirt. Nohrian dirt didn't grow shit too well. We needed to invade Hoshido and rob it ASAP. At least I got married to Kaze and kept him from being killed in Conquest and two kids with the hot ninja. Sure, on this path he supposedly survives, but I wasn't risking it. His hotness was a valuable asset to this grim world, and it needed to be preserved.

But here's the thing. I'd been playing on Easy, and he thought jumping straight to Lunatic was a great idea. And not just Casual mode, where they just faint and retreat and come back to fight perfectly fine like Pokémon. This fucker was telling me I should play on Lunatic mode. Not Hard mode. Lunatic. As in 'you are a Lunatic for playing on this mode, and should be locked up for the safety of yourself and those around you'.

Honestly the name itself said it all.

This guy. Was offering a beginner. Who sucked at games and strategies. A chance to play in perma-death on the hardest mode available.

LMAO this guy.

But you know what?

This was just a game. Who cared if I messed up – and that wasn't an if, that was a guarantee – and got one or two or all the virtual people killed due to stupidity, inexperience and just sheer carelessness?

This was just a game. Was what I thought at the time. And if I couldn't handle it, I'd just delete and start over again, or quit altogether and go back to my safe world of E-rated dogfighting to be rich and powerful.

So me, being me, said this.

"Even though I feel like you're just trying to fuck me over, eh, sure, why not."

LMAO me guy.

When I found out I couldn't go Branch of Fate and start at the part where I make the decision, I nearly quit then and there.

"I don't wanna go through six chapters of tutorials again!" I whined even as I customized my character. And by customize I mean rush through the default settings by jamming the A button like my life depended on it. "They were boring the first time around!"

My brother frowned at how I was abusing the A button, but I just did not have the patience to spare the 3DS and his precious feelings. He could suck it up, and my 3DS was made out of Nintendium. It would survive.

When I said that, my dear, sweet brother scoffed. I tried to kick him, but missed.

Unfortunately, I couldn't keep trying to kick him because I needed him to look over my choices before I started playing.

"Hey, is this good?" I asked.

"Uh," he said, coming over once he was pretty sure I wasn't going to try breaking his leg bones with my toes and looking over the Avatar I had made. "Corrin, female, birthday March 15, boon is Quick, not bad . . . Bane is Sickly? No. I'm changing it to Unlucky."

"What? Why?" I whined. "I need luck. Lady Luck is my favorite bitch to hang with. She's so awesome."

He changed it, not giving a rat's ass whether his sister would be lucky or not. "Trust me, it's the one you need the least."

"Hey, what if I end up marrying that super unlucky guy, huh? Then we'll both end up dead from our combined misfortune and our kid will hate us. It's the wyvern kid, right?"

He frowned, but didn't change it back. "You're probably not going to marry Arthur," he said dismissively. "And yes, Percy is the 'wyvern' kid."

"Oh yeah?" I demanded. "And how do you know that?"

"Not your type."

I stared at him defiantly. He stared right back, daring me to disagree. I sighed in defeat because dang it, he was right. The Unlucky Dude was not my type. I liked pretty boys.

. . . Hey, don't judge me.

"As for Talent . . . Dragon? Really?"

I was a Dark Mage in the last one because magic. I love magic, and that turned out to be a good choice (in my Phoenix-mode playing opinion) because that Dark Knight skill – Lifetaker – was amazing. But this time I wanted to try something different, and although it may have been redundant riding a wyvern around when I could turn into a technical dragon, I still thought that was the coolest class, hands down. Turning into an antler thing that might be classified as a Dragon-type was fine and all, but those wyverns looked awesome. And, as a bonus, I could still use magic.

My brother, however, read my mind. "You don't get armor like Camilla's," he warned.

"Damn it!"

Whatever. Even with that minor (damn it . . . ) setback, I was still set on being a Wyvern Rider. My brother tried to convince me to pick a class making use of a sword, but fuck swords. Swords, as far as I was concerned, were the root of evil in this game. It was a sword that exploded and killed my game-mom. It was a sword that randomly chose me and let me get away without any punishment when my previous sword exploded and killed game-mom and wrecked shit up. It was a sword that Ryoma used – his own lightning sword which was completely OP and helped me break Birthright without doing anything and would have killed me good if not for Phoenix Mode in Conquest – to stab himself in his stomach. It was a sword, Xander's sword of purple and black fire that honestly looked so wicked cool that killed Elise.

Elise.

That beautiful, bright, baguette-haired girl was my favorite character. And she died. Like what the hell. She didn't deserve that shit. And neither did Xander.

Nohr FTW, you Hoshidan bitches. And fuck swords.

He handed the 3DS back to me, and I began rushing through the game asking me questions. No, please don't hand over my personal info to the main headquarters of Nintendo where evil people in suits gather in a shady executive room to plot world domination via Lavender Town theme music. No, don't tell me what new stuff you're making or releasing, I'm not interested in that shit.

"Ugh," I said. "Tutorial. Can't you just play through that part for me?"

"It's Lunatic mode, and Classic," he said. "A lot different from Phoenix mode. You might as well play through the first five chapters to get the hang of it."

Before I could reply, I blacked out.

And when I woke up, that was when the un-fucking-believable shit all started.

This – this is why I shouldn't have put Unlucky as my Bane.

Fuck.