To Have and To Hold

Disclaimer: don't own anything recognizable

Author's Note: First excursion into the Kurama/Botan pairing. Written before "Much Ado About Nothing" so is technically a stand-alone AU. Anything "weird" for a Yu Yu Hakusho story draws from the same mythology as my Dragonsong universe; namely that Loki's children are the Generals of the Grim Reapers.

K

The first time, he was still in middle school. Not a week after they returned from the Dark Tournament, Kurama woke to a presence in his room. He opened his eyes, listening, searching. Nothing. He closed his eyes but now, he was very much awake. Ah. There. Spirit energy shifted, burned, then the faint scent of peonies brushed his nose.

"Botan?" He blinked, sitting up to see the ferry girl standing at the foot of his bed. "What's wrong? Has something happened?"

Botan shook her head with a sob.

"Karasu," she whispered. "The bombs…Please…can I…?"

Oh, his mother was going to kill him. She was going to skin him alive and hang his pelt on the wall behind the television as a reminder that This Was Not Appropriate.

Botan sobbed again and he quickly pulled the covers back. The poor thing was shaking so badly. As soon as she hit the bed, she clutched his shirt and buried her face in his chest. She wasn't a loud crier, or a particularly pretty one, but it still made him nauseous to see her like this. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes.

K

The second time, he was mad. Genkai's ridiculous test, while useful, had tried every last nerve. And Kaito. The one human that had reason to hate Shuichi Minamino had to be the one human that gained the power over words. Stupid boy. Stupid stupid—

She came to the window this time, like Hiei.

"Um…Kurama?"

He turned his back to her, grinding his teeth. His mother had taught him well, taught him to control his tongue lest he say something he'd regret and he'd certainly learned self-discipline as Youko. Somewhat.

"Kurama…"

Spirits, she sounded so…lost.

Ignoring her, Kurama peeled off his shirt. He distantly heard her gasp—how nice—and his pants followed his shirt into the hamper. Stupid. Such a stupid mistake, thoughtless, impulsive.

No. He had to stop thinking about it. He needed rest and that wouldn't happen if he kept nursing this black, burning anger in his chest.

So he took a deep breath and climbed into bed. A moment later, he felt her climb in behind him, her smooth, slim arm snaking around his waist. He sighed and covered her hand with his own.

K

The third time, he barely woke. Sensui. If Kurama slept for a week, he would still wake up exhausted. As it was, he barely had the strength to rinse off in the shower before falling into bed naked. His mother would just have to forgive him.

He never heard or sensed Botan entering his room. He just rolled over at some point during the night and she was just there so he held her and they snuggled until they fell asleep enough to roll away from each other.

His mother calling for his laundry woke him that morning. His eyes flew open.

"Shit!" And suddenly he really was a sixteen-year-old naked human boy with a girl in his bed and holy crap, his mother was coming up the stairs.

"Botan!" He shook her shoulder and her eyes flew open just as his mother called again, this time at his door.

"Just a minute," he said. When he looked back down, Botan was gone, leaving only the scent of her hair and clothes on his sheets, on him.

…Yeah, his mother couldn't see him like this.

K

Yomi's. How the hell did she find him at Yomi's? Kurama hurried to shut the door, Hunting for any stray demons on this floor.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered.

"I heard about the tournament," she said, her oar gripped tightly in her hands. "You're fighting."

Kurama pursed his lips and came to stand in front of her.

"I don't have a choice," he said.

"I could protect them." Though her eyes were lowered and her voice was soft, there was an edge to the sentence. "I could protect all of them. None of you have to fight."

She looked up at him through her thick lashes and a chill raced down his spine. Of course. Ferry girl. The others saw sweet, bubbly Botan, the lovable if ditzy little escort that got lost on purpose to keep the others safe. But she was one of Fenrir's, assigned to accompany those who had died violently and those trips were anything but safe. In his darkest nightmares, he remembered seeing a blue-furred wolf running next to him so many years ago. He could only imagine what she looked like in full armor.

Of course, as with many things, that was against the rules. Ferrymen could only draw their weapons in that space between worlds and only in front of living mortals during times of absolute disaster. How ironic then that Sensui's success would have allowed her to bear arms but tournaments to decide the fate of Makai, Reikai, and Ningenkai did not.

"This is our choice," he said. She licked her lips, violet eyes clouding, and he brushed some hair out of her face.

"You can't stay," he said. "They'll kill you. Yomi already knows you're here. If he decides to act—"

Wrinkling her nose, she threw her arms around his waist.

"Stupid rules," she growled, snuggling into his chest. He held her, breathed in her scent.

"You should go. We'll be fine."

Botan pouted up at him then straightened, ripped the ribbon out of her hair, and forcefully tied it around his left wrist.

"See you at the tournament," she said. Hopping on her broom, she turned invisible and flew back out the window. He smiled and ran his thumb around the ribbon.

Well, now he had to win.

K

Her hands were soft on his back, soft and cool and gentle as he lifted his head to see her crawl in next to him after they got back to Earth.

"Hey," he said, smiling.

"Hey." She grabbed his arm and pulled, shifting and fussing until they were arranged to her liking, with him as the big spoon. He just chuckled and nuzzled the back of her neck.

"Mother wants to meet you," he said.

"Mmm." She was already falling asleep. How strange that the bed of the Legendary Bandit felt safer to an Angel of Death than the Spirit Realm.

"Have dinner with us."

"Mmm…try…"

He closed his eyes. His mother would love her and he'd have to deal with the well-meaning but persistent questions after Botan left. Where were they going, what did he intend, is that why he was so secretive, and a hundred other things. And he would smile and answer as honestly as he could without giving anything away, all the while wondering if a relationship was really all that possible.

The woman in his arms rolled over into his chest and raised her face into his neck.

"Kurama?"

"Hmm?"

"Promise me something?" She started tensing and he pulled back a little to look at her. "Promise you won't let me take you."

His heart stuttered. Any other woman would ask for his fidelity, undying loyalty, unwavering attention. But then, Botan had always seen things others couldn't.

"I promise."

She held his gaze for a long second, as if hunting for the lie, before she nodded and settled again. He smiled. Such a gentle heart for such a horrendous job. Was it any wonder she'd succeeded where so many others had failed?

He kissed her and she melted and when she ran her nails along his scalp…

A creak elsewhere in the house made them freeze. When nothing happened, he licked his lips.

"Just as well," he said, lying back down. "Not even Youko Kurama can be that quiet."

Botan snorted, slapping a hand over her mouth before collapsing in a fit of giggles. Kurama smiled.

"Shh! You'll get me in trouble!" He closed his eyes and pulled her close anyway.