Takeshi stood in front of his mirror, smiling tearfully and fakefakefake shifting from foot to foot, scratching the back of his head, like this was something he could brush off, like the cast on his arm was a decoration instead of a reminder that he was a failure.

He bowed his head, smile dropping off his face to be replaced with a look of disgust, anger, sorrowlongingregret-

If he didn't have baseball, what did he have?

His dresser creaked from the tightness of his fingers gripping the wood.

"I should have listened to Sawada."

#

Tsuna, although he should have expected it, was surprised when he found Gokudera waiting outside for him. The older teen murmured a quiet good morning to him and fell into step beside and slightly behind him. They chatted about insignificant things on their walk, quietly meandering around potholes and plot holes and making it to school just in time to avoid Hibari-san's tonfas, although he did give them both the gimlet eye as they hustled through the front doors.

They made it to class early(for Tsuna), and instead of moving to his seat on the other side of the class Gokudera literally picked someone up, set them on their feet, and took their spot right next to Tsuna's desk. When the looked like they were going to protest, Gokudera shot them a soul-shattering glare and they shut up without a word, scurrying to their new desk.

Tsuna sighed as the inevitable whispers started up at the exchange. He twirled a pencil in his fingers. "You know, Gokudera-kun, if you wanted a new desk that badly I'm sure Nezu-sensei would have been happy to switch the seating chart up for you." He smiled gently as he teased the other boy, letting him know that he didn't really mean it.

Gokudera grinned right back, smaller but no less genuine. The whispers kicked up even higher. "Well, Tsuna-kun, I find that this method is much more quick and effective."

Tsuna reached over and poked his cheek, practically beaming. "I've never sat by a friend in class before, this should be fun."

Gokudera hesitantly swatted at his hand, smile widening when he realized that, yes, teasing back at Tsuna just made the boy happier; that he wasn't going to snap at Gokudera just because Gokudera had slightly stepped over the bounds of mafia etiquette. Tsuna wasn't in the mafia, not yet, and even then, would he care? He'd said they were friends, equals, and for the first time he could begin to believe it.

He'd never had a real friend before.

He blinked away tears quickly and gave Tsuna the biggest, brightest smile he could muster without breaking down.

"Yeah, me neither."

#

Takeshi, from his place across the classroom, watched the exchange out of the corner of his eye, heart aching behind the smile he gave to his notnotnotfriends. God, what had happened between the two of them? Didn't Sawada-kun jump out the window yesterday trying to avoid Gokudera-san? Where had this easy camaraderie come from?

Why couldn't he have something like that?

#

Tsuna, go to the roof right now.

Tsuna paused, a bite of his bento halfway to his mouth. 'Um, why?'

TSUNA GO TO THE ROOF RIGHT N O W.

Tsuna winced and set down his lunch, running to the stairs. 'Ouch, okay, I'm going! Can you at least tell me why?' He took them two at a time, head throbbing. Gokudera followed right behind, shouting in concern.

He slammed the door to the roof open, freezing at the sight of Yamamoto Takeshi.

Yamamoto Takeshi, sling wrapped arm and all, standing at the edge of the roof.

'Oh,' he breathed. 'That's why.'

"Gokudera-kun," he muttered quietly, "go back downstairs."

"But Tsuna-kun-"

"Now, please, Gokudera-kun." He shut the door to the roof in the bomber's face.

Yamamoto smiled, one of his easy fake grins coming to his face. "Hey Sawada-kun."

#

His smile slowly slipped off when Tsuna didn't reply. Tsuna just stared at him, an inscrutable expression on his face, and for the first time in a long, long time Takeshi got mad.

"Well, Sawada-kun? Are you going to say something?" He waved his bandaged arm in the air, giving a slight wince as he did so. "Going to tell me about how I should have listened to you? How it's all my fault and if I had just fucking listened to you I wouldn't have-"

He violently wiped away a tear that had started to trickle down his face. "-wouldn't have to jump off this fucking ledge because I'm nothing without baseball?"

Tsuna hesitantly took a step forward. "Yamamoto-kun, of course I'm not going to tell you any of those things."

Takeshi blinked, slightly startled. "Why not?"

Tsuna smiled, achingly sad, and Takeshi felt the hole in his chest where feelings were supposed to go twinge a little bit. "Well, because none of them are true, of course. You don't have to be a baseball star to be worth something, Yamamoto-kun, you just have to be you. Nothing you can do will ever be more important than you yourself."

"How would you know? You're so good at 're Magic-Tsuna! You've probably never felt the way I do, like you're worthless without your special talent."

Tsuna leaned over and glanced at the crowd that had gathered underneath them, silently waiting for him to leap. And, inside his mind, he took a deep breath and made a leap of his own.

"Actually, Yamamoto-kun," he murmured, just quietly enough to be heard, "I've thought about killing myself almost every other day for the past eight years. And, unfortunately, I can't, because my death would start a guaranteed sequence of events that would be even worse than living could ever be." For him, dying would automatically start some sort of ghost plotline. He'd either have to find some way back to life, or become the focus of some divine comedy, or fight demons as a spirit detective or something like that, and compared to all his other options those seemed the worst. That didn't make the idea of ending his life on his terms, and giving a giant middle finger to the anime he was living in, any less appealing.

Takeshi's grip in the chain link fence tightened. Blood started to drip from his palm. "But… why would you want to kill yourself? You have the perfect life! I've always wanted to be like you."

Tsuna's face went blank with shock. "You- you want to be like me? But- I thought you hated me!"

They stared at each other, both absolutely spellbound, and before Takeshi could stop himself he opened his mouth and the words started spilling out like a rainstorm falling from the clouds.

"Sawada-kun, I've been jealous of you since the day we met! You're so nice to everyone, and you have so many friends, and you always know just what to say to make everyone laugh, and you do so good at schoolwork, and… you've always been the better version of what I've tried to be my whole life and you do it so effortlessly. Why am I here, why do I bother trying anymore?" He felt more tears slip down his cheeks, and this time he made no move to wipe them away.

"Who would miss me when they have you?"

He turned, preparing to end their conversation, his life, everything, when Tsuna's small voice called out from behind him.

"I would."

He froze. "W-what?"

Tsuna hesitated, like he didn't quite know if he should be talking at all, but he visibly gathered himself together. "I-I would miss you. I would miss you so much Yamamoto-kun. God, I would never be able to stop missing you, if you died. I've wanted to be your friend for so long, Yamamoto-kun, and I never even tried because I thought you despised me!" He laughed wetly, a hint of hysteria in his voice. "I always thought that you'd never, ever want to be friends with someone like me, who'd never had a real friend until yesterday, who never showed anyone their true feelings, whose life is so messed up that they can't even have real interactions with people." Tsuna found himself blinking back tears. "So I never tried to be a real friend to you, because I thought that you could see what I was really like and decided you wanted someone better than me."

He quickly rubbed his tears away, staring at Takeshi with sad and empty eyes. "I know that this might be coming too little too late, Yamamoto-kun, but I want to help. I want to help you be happy. I want to be your friend. I know that I might not be enough for you, and I won't blame you if I'm not. How could I be, after everything I've done to you without even knowing it? But," he opened his arms, like he was offering a hug, offering himself. "I- I want to try. I want to be selfish, and have you as a friend, Yamamoto-kun, as a real friend." He smiled, trembling, about to break down. "If you'll let me."

"I-" don't know.

He turned.

"I'm not-" sure I'm worth it.

He hesitantly leaned forward, stuck a foot out over empty air.

"I can't-" be everything everyone needs me to be. It's hard. It's so hard.

Tsuna smiled, the tears on his face glistening in the morning sunlight like diamonds, arms still open wide. Even though Takeshi didn't- couldn't- say the words aloud, Tsuna seemed to hear them anyway. "I know, Yamamoto-kun. I know. It's okay. You don't need to be anything for anyone anymore. Just you is enough for me."

Takeshi leaned forward, felt himself fall-

-caught himself on his stumble down from the ledge, pushed off the hard cement of the roof, and threw himself at Tsuna.

Tsuna caught Yamamoto and lowered them until they were sitting, and then he let Yamamoto wrap himself around his own smaller frame and just cry. The baseball star clung to him like a lifeline, like Tsuna was all he had left, and maybe Tsuna was. Tsuna wrapped his arms around the other boy just as tightly, let Yamamoto know he was wanted, and carded his fingers through Yamamoto's soft dark hair, whispering softly.

It's alright, it's okay, I've got you. I'll always have you. You'll always have me, too. Even if everyone leaves you to rot, you will always have me. I will never betray you, I won't ever leave you, you'll never be alone again. You're mine now, and I take care of what's mine. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. It's not your fault, it was never your fault, and I need you to know that the world would be so much worse without you. I would be so much worse without you. We're each other's, now, and we'll always be together, even if the whole world is against us. You're mine, and I'm yours. I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours.

And, with every beautiful, genuine word, Takeshi cried a little harder, clung a little tighter, felt a little more of the hole in his chest fill up.

I'm okay, now that you're here. You brought me back. I'm safe, I'm here, I'll never go again. God, I'm so stupid, I almost left the world that had you in it. I never knew how good you were, and I almost never did. Thank you. You saved me. You didn't have to, you could have stood aside like everyone else, but you didn't. You saw something worth saving in me, and I don't know what it is right now, but I'm going to find it. I'm going to be better, for you. As long as I have you, I can be better, I can be good, I can be me. I hope with everything I am that you meant what you said, because now that I have you, I can't ever let you go again. I'd break without you. All of me, everything that I am and will ever be, it's all for you, now. I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours.

#

Two boys sat on a roof, one as big and accepting as the sky, the other a rainstorm, fit to burst, that could finally let itself go. And they sat, and they cried, and it was good.

They had each other, now.

#

Gokudera, who had been sitting on the stairs to the roof and smoking quietly, stood quickly when the door opened, crushing his cigarette under his boot. He looked both of the boys up and down. Tsuna-kun seemed to be okay, thank the lord, Gokudera wouldn't know what he would do if he'd lost such a precious person just a day after he had found him. The other boy- Gokudera didn't know his name and didn't quite care, either- seemed to be shaken, and was probably in need of some food and water after an ordeal like that. In fact, both of them could probably use something to drink, if the multitude of tear stains on their faces were any indication.

"Tsuna-kun, are you okay? Did this guy make you cry? Do you need me to get you anything?"

Tsuna just smiled, that beautiful, beautiful smile that made Gokudera's heart ache with the force of it, and shook his head.

"No, Gokudera-kun. Thank you. We're okay."

We're okay.