This wasn't what they had agreed to.
Late night meetings called when ever he pleased and an agreement that either member of the party would tell no one was part of the understanding the two had reached. Passionate nights of lust when they were both single- that was the perfect way to live for both of them. It was supposed to be completely emotionless, no strings attached. He could remember when they had talked about what they both wanted. The night he had come across her, by accident, when she was in tears, and he was boasting about some conquest. He wasn't sure what he was thinking then, and he still wasn't sure what was going through his head that night, but he had helped her up. And then some.
He had kissed her that night. And then he claimed her. He took away one of the most precious things she had; her virginity.
But it wasn't rape. He kissed her, and she kissed back. She was the bold one that night- ripping off his robes and begging him. He almost thought it was pathetic, the way she wanted him so badly. He made it very clear before hand that he didn't want a relationship of any kind with her. That was fine- she only wanted his body for that night. He gladly gave her what she wanted. He took her to bed and pleased her. That was it. Nothing more. Never again. No emotions. It was all easier said then done.
In the days that followed, his thoughts kept coming back to that night. She may have been a virgin, but she was clearly going to be a Goddes some day. His hands had traveled her body, his fingers had touched her. He could still feel her soft skin under them. Still hear the moans that only his ears had heard before. In the middle of class, he would suddenly find himself in pain, because he had dared to think of how hot and wet she had been when he entered her. He could still see her face twisted in frustration and pleasure- frustration from want of the pleasure he wouldn't let her reach. He could feel her arching her hips to meet his quick motions of entering and withdrawing. And the sight of her when she finally did climax.. That was something that would stay with him forever. The only part of the night he hadn't liked, surprisingly, was waking up, sheets heavy from his orgasim and finding her gone.
So he spoke to her.
"Weasley.", he had spat when she was alone. It wasn't easy to find her that way- her Goddamned brother always followed her.
"What do you want, Malfoy?", her bitter voice came. She said his name like it was a disease. Filthy. Much like he had done to her for six and a half years. It was nothing like the way she had screamed 'Draco' the other night.
"I want to have you again."
He watched as her face had gone pink. She knew exactly what he was talking about. Knew exactly what he wanted. He thought perhaps she was thinking over what he said, replaying the six words he had said over and over in her head. He thought she would need time to decide what she wanted to do. What if it turned out that he was wrong? What if she hadn't enjoyed that one night as much as he had? What if she was just an incredibly good actress?
His doubts subsided as she spoke.
"I'll admit I've thought of nothing but our encounter. I do want another night, like you. I just didn't know how to ask."
She had thought of nothing else.
He had thought of nothing else.
This was when he knew. That's when he came up with it. When ever he felt the need for feminine attention, when ever she needed to experience pleasure, they would call upon each other. They would forget their names, forget their families' hate, just for a couple of hours and enjoy each other. It was pure ecstasy for the both of them. They'd be drunk with lust and not have to worry about the world. Not have to worry about what others would say. They were completely detatched from feelings. It was every guy's dream.
Over time, their hatred melted away. And while they weren't about to announce themselves a couple, or even study together, a sort of respect and trust had grown. They would talk sometimes. Condie in one another. He'd confessed more of his personality to her then he had to the entire world put together. It was amazing the things she confessed to him- amazing the number of things they had in common. He couldn't believe the feelings she had at times. Couldn't believe that she felt unloved more often then not.
Why she cried that first night was a topic that came up only once. She told him that if he told anyone her secrets, she'd tell his father he had been "slumming". This was more then enough reason to keep her words locked in his mind, no matter how tempting it was to taunt people.
While he was off scoring with a Ravenclaw, Ginny was walking in on Hermione kissing Harry. A huge betrayal. Hermione had been seeing Ron at the time- she'd cheated on Ginny's brother. This wasn't nearly enough to bring her to tears. The part that killed her was that she had confessed her love for Harry to Hermione just that afternoon. She betrayed two Weasley's with one action.
When Draco hear this, he'd wanted to laugh. It was all too Slytherin, Granger's actions. Even more so that Ginny slept with someone to try and forget what she had seen. But he knew not to laugh. Not to betray her. After all, the last time someone did that, this girl ran off and slept with the first person who found her. He didn't want that. Didn't want anyone else to touch her.
No, he would never betray her.
It still amazed him that she even agreed to this arangement in the first place. Three months ago, when they made the deal, she seemed so young. Even if they had already experienced a night of lust, she still seemd so virginal, so pure. She was quiet and shy. Easily embarressed. Until they were naked, anyway. Then she abandoned her self image, not caring how she looked. But in her Hogwarts uniform, amongst her peers... She seemed so young. Not old enough for this type of relationship.
He was a year older then her, but he felt at least ten. He was so young, in respects of how long he'd been alive, but he felt so old, so tired. He'd seen so much- too much, really. Abuse, rape, death, murder. He'd caused some of it, too. He hated thinking of all he had done. Hated thinking of all that he would do. If there was a chance of survival, he'd defy his father's life. Defy his family heritage. But if they was a chance of survival, he wouldn't be so Goddamned unhappy.
When he became a Death Eater, would she still want him? Would she be able to see him enough for them to continue their arrangement? After all, he was graduating soon and she was still a sixth year student. Would she wait for him for a whole year? What was there to wait for? All they did was have sex. She could surely find someone other then him to fufill her needs while he was off killing innocents.
It was thoughts like this that made him realize that he didn't want anyone else touching Ginny. Not even for a hug.
It was waking up alone, no matter how much he asked her to stay, that made him realize he wanted her for more then just sex.
And it was her smile just after he kissed her, her face just after he had made her orgasm, that made him think of how beautiful she truly was. Made him think it was possible to make things work.
None of these emotions, none of the things he wanted were part of the deal.
He quickly stopped thinking of his betrayal when he saw her enter the empty room. She wasn't wearing her Hogwart's uniform. Instead, a simple black pleated skirt and a black form-fitting t-shirt clung to her curves. Her firey-red hair had just been dried- he could tell. Her eyes were lined with a bit of black, and her lips had been glossed over. Gods, she looked amazing Would look sexier if she was under him. But if he thought about that, he'd never be able to ask her about how she felt. He must keep his mind on asking. Must not get distracted.
She walked straight over and kissed him. She didn't even bother to say hello, but she never did. Always just molded herself to him and forced his head down to her. Their lips touch for just seconds before she demands something more exciting, something more fun. Her lips part, and his tounge slides in, gently touching the skin that is now exposed to him. Silky and wet.. smooth. He tastes the same as always. It's a taste he can't explain, a taste he shouldn't know. It's sweet, like cream, but with more sugar. It's never too sweet, and it never gets old. But like he said, it's the same way every time. He never has to guess what's going to happen.
"Draco..", she whispers a he moves his head down to the nape of her neck. Soft, gentle carresses. Nothing like with her mouth. Her fingers work at his robes, and he tries to refuse her.
Something new.
It shocks her enough to break.
And Draco knew this was his chance.
"Ginny, I've been wondering..", the words had come from his mouth before he had a chance to think them over. Was that how he wanted to approach the subject? What if she hadn't been worried about his being a Death Eater? What if he put the fight in her head? What if it all ended now? "Well, I can't help but notice I'll be graduating in about five months. You're just a sixth year.."
He didn't need to think twice about the reaction on her face. He's smart. He knows that she thinks he asking her to be only his, to not look for a relationship. Even before she dropped her arms from around his neck and backed away. But she thinks he's just being possessive. He suddenly wished he hadn't brought it up. Now she is afraid and for all the wrong reasons.
"Draco, I don't know what I want to do with my life yet. I'm not going to hold out for you, because I don't even know if I'm staying in England after I graduate."
"But I want to make sure that we do! I want for us to see each other as much as possible and not just for sex. I want us to be together, as a couple. I want for people to know."
"I thought we agreed that that would be too hard. My family would strongly disapprove after all that you've done. I'd be kicked out for all that your father's done. And you.. Merlin, Draco. Your father would use Crucatious on you! You'd have to get a job, because he would cut off your inheritance. Can you honestly imagine being in a relationship with me? It wouldn't just be us having sex with me not allowed to flirt with other guys. It would be picnics and dating and holding hands out in the public. It would include working through things and-"
Draco cut her off.
"I don't want anyone else to touch you-"
"Draco! That's not enough reason to date someone. You should actually care."
"I do care. Ginny.. I want you so bad it hurts-" A glare. "I didn't mean it like that. I want your mind and soul, not just your body. I don't care what happens past us. I just want there to be an us."
Her face seemed to be full of frustration, while he knew he was pleading with his eyes. He couldn't stand not knowing what she was thinking about. Usually anything that entered their minds was said aloud immediatly. The word 'silence' wasn't a part of their vocabularies around each other. This entire conversation had been different then normal.
Just not the normal he wanted.
Goddammit, why was she taking so long?
"Ginny, please say something."
"You may not care what happens if we get together, but I do."
'If'? She didn't say 'when'.
"I don't think I can be your girlfriend, Malfoy.", she confirmed.
"Fine, things won't change."
"Actually, they will." She paused to let him think over her words. "You see, we agreed to unattached sex. You're attached. I, um, don't think I can do this knowing that you're hoping things will change. Knowing that you want more then what I can give you. It would be.. too hard."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying we should stop this."
Stop this? Stop everything? All contact? She wanted to go back to just ignoring each other- to him making fun of her? He would never be able to pretend nothing had happened. He had thought that she, too, would be unable to just drop this and not look back. Thought that she loved seeing each other.
Maybe it was just sex for her.
"Ginny... How can you say that? I know now that you don't love me, but I thought that you at least liked me."
"I do, Malfoy. But I'm not like you. I don't have an optimistic attitude. I don't want to be in a serious relationship with anyone. I agreed to this with you, because I thought you would be able to leave us and not look back. I mean.. You're a Malfoy."
"Stop saying my name like it's a synonym for 'heartless bastard'. And you can call me Draco. You've seen me naked, you've touched me, for Merlin's sake."
Ginny shook her head. "My answer is no. And I don't want you to talk to me ever again."
She went to turn away. Draco didn't know what to do. He quickly grabbed her wrist and spun her back to him, pulling her to his body at the same time. He looked down at her lips, and she knew what he was going to do even before he brushed a loose strand of hair out of her eyes. She felt his mouth press to hers, give her a sweet, slow kiss. He opened his mouth to her, but closed it almost as soon as he did so. Draco's lips massaged Ginny's, and he waited for her to respond before doing anything more. His hands left her waist and grabbed the sides of her face, opening her mouth for her. His tounge darted across the threshold immediatly and seeked for hers. That did the trick. She was kissing him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and throwing all she had onto his mouth. He burned her everywhere he touched her, gave her a fever. He could feel it, too. He knew that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He could taste her desire for a relationship. Could almost feel her own love. Most of all, he could feel her hesitation. Suddenly, he understood why she didn't want to continue down this road with him; she was afraid.
And he pulled away. She tried to stand on her tippy toes to kiss him again, but he made sure that she didn't. He didn't want her to do anything she didn't want to do, especially if she was just going to turn him away again.
Then the weirdest thing happened. He felt angry with Ginny. Angry that she had made him feel something. Angry that she had made him want something, and then told him he couldn't have it. Angry that she didn't trust him not to hurt her. She should know. She should just know that he would never do anything to hurt her. She didn't.
He pushed her as far away from him he could.
"Malfoy..", she whispered, her voice full of sorrow and desire.
"Just go, Weasley. Just go..", he told her.
And she did.
He watched her leave the room. Watched the door close. Watched the door for a full fifteen minutes before he gave up.
Then he cried. This was the second time in his entire life that he had cried. The first was when it was clear he didn't mean anything to his parents, that he was just an heir. This hurt a thousand times more then feeling meaningless. This was different. This was betrayal and want and rejection all in one. It hurt so bad to not have Ginny by his side. Why had he turned her away?
Oh, that's right. He didn't. She did.
And he hated her for it. Hated her for making him cry. Hated her for making him hate her.
He cried until late that night. He didn't leave the room until it looked as though nothing had happened. Then he left. Then he crawled into bed, but he never fell asleep.
All because of her.
TBC... if you want more, anyhow. Cuz, y'know.. I do have ideas of what I want to have happen, but if no one wants it, then I'll like.. just leave it this way.. So.. yeah.