Chapter 17:

Allura

"Are we really doing this?" Hunk asks, as soon as they're well out of potential earshot – which is at least one deck down and three corridors away from the common room, if they want to be absolutely sure.

Shiro nods, pursing his lips before finally drawing out a less-than-comforting: "Yep."

"Oh good, I just wanted to be sure," Hunk says, gesturing with both hands. "Because trusting pirates worked out so well last time."

"We know," Keith states dryly, not willing to revisit that subject again.

Hunk hadn't stopped telling them I told you so for days and he clearly still isn't done.

"Technically, he's a smuggler," Lance points out.

"And a spy," Pidge adds. "Possibly a terrorist, even."

Keith snorts, trying to cover a laugh. "Yeah, and to the Empire, so are we."

"You know," Hunk starts and then pauses, frowning. "Oh. Well, I guess that… makes sense. But that doesn't change the fact that this is a bad idea."

"Do you have a bad feeling about it?" Lance asks, waggling his eyebrows. "You know what they say about that."

"That's no moon?" Pidge smirks.

Shiro just shakes his head, rolling his eyes as Hunk sputters and both Lance and Pidge laugh. "You really need to stop with the Star Wars jokes."

"Is that what that's from?" Keith says without really thinking about it. "Huh."

Pidge, Hunk, and Lance, however, stop short, nearly slamming into each other, and all look at him.

"What?" Keith asks.

"Is it possible?" Pidge asks, pushing up her glasses on her nose as she stares at him.

Lance narrows his eyes. "No, it can't be."

Hunk lets out a horrified gasp. "I think it is."

The three of them then scream and tightly cling to each other. "Keith hasn't seen Star Wars!"

Shiro covers his face with a hand and sighs very deeply.

"I don't think so?" Keith manages and the three of them let out another horrified round of gasps. "I mean, I had amnesia when I was little, so maybe I did and I just… don't remember it? It's not a big deal, really. Lots of people haven't seen it."

Lance and Pidge shriek and exchange twin glances of horror.

"This is an emergency," Pidge declares.

"Oh yes," Lance agrees and grabs Keith by the arms. "Don't worry, little buddy! It's gonna be okay!"

"Are you serious right now?" Keith demands, giving him a bewildered look as he wriggles free. "It's just a movie, right?"

Hunk actually screams – really screams.

Lance looks at Pidge, then at Shiro and says very seriously: "I'm going to need an old priest and a young priest."

Shiro takes a deep breath and carefully maneuvers himself between Keith and the others. "That's enough."

The tone he uses makes it perfectly clear that Shiro expects the subject dropped right now and that he will be very unhappy if someone decides to test him on that.

Keith twitches and hangs back a little behind Shiro as they get moving again, trying to hide from that old horrible feeling that he's an idiot for not knowing the things that are obvious to everyone else – like that Star Wars is, apparently, serious business. The reality is that he could have been a lot worse off than losing memories most people usually grew out of anyway.

Finally, they reach the training room and Shiro palms the door switch.

Allura is waiting for them inside.

She looks awful.

"Are you okay?" Pidge asks, running up to her.

Allura gives Pidge a wan smile and hugs her. "I'm… fine. I'm fine."

She's definitely not fine and everyone knows it, but if that's what she wants to say, then Keith supposes that's fine, too.

"I'm glad you came," Allura says, smiling, and gestures for them to join her in the center of the room, where she's set up some chairs. "Please, sit."

Reluctantly, Keith follows everyone to their seats and sits down. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asks.

"Yes," Allura says, closing her eyes. She opens them again and smiles a little. "I'm just tired, I suppose. The past few days have been taxing."

Lance's brow furrows and Pidge narrows her eyes a little, her eyes flicking from Hunk to Keith in confusion. They haven't really seen her much at all since they got back from Gunfwe Praexhli. In fact, Keith can count on one hand the amount of times she's appeared since then and still have fingers left to spare.

"We're changing course," Shiro tells her, without preamble. "Kline has suggested we go to Beswe."

"Beswu," Pidge corrects him.

Shiro inclines his head towards her to show that he heard.

Allura nods slowly, as if considering. "That's… good. That's very good. Coran is seeing to it, I suppose?"

"Yes," Shiro answers.

There's a moment of awkward silence and then Hunk makes a frustrated noise, sitting up. "Okay, I'm trying to be understanding here, cause I know there's stuff we don't know, but I can't stop thinking about it and I'm really concerned – can you tell us why we're trusting this Kline guy again?"

It all comes out of him in a rush that leaves everyone blinking, especially Allura.

"He is Feyulja's man," she states slowly.

"Yeah, but how do you know that?" Hunk asks.

Allura blinks again, looking at him as if she is just really seeing him, and then she looks at all of them. "It was obvious. I thought you all knew."

"Um, nope, I'm pretty sure we're in the dark on this one," Pidge says.

Allura frowns a little as she leans back in her chair and purses her lips, pressing them to her fingertips. "Tell me, what do you think the Elders said to us about Feyulja's man on Gunfwe Praexhli?"

"Um," Keith flounders, looking at his fellow Paladins.

Lance winces, shrugging a little, Hunk shakes his head, and Shiro looks a bit put on the spot.

"He is as we are," Pidge replies, carefully. "And that he isn't – no, his face isn't known to them?"

Allura blinks in surprise, sputtering as she sits up. "Oh, oh no. That's not… Your language has no words for a group of people within a group?"

"An exclusion?" Pidge practically sits up. "Altean has exclusions! Oh, that's why… That makes so much more sense."

"A what now?" Lance asks.

"The Elders didn't mean all of us," Shiro explains. "They just meant Allura and Coran."

Allura nods, smiling thinly. "Yes, that's right. But, more specifically, they were telling us, as discreetly as they could, that this operative shifts their shape in the Altean manner. And that means they're of direct Altean descent, either from Altea or Pollux."

She pauses, pressing her hands together, and closes her eyes. "That's where we think Kline is from. The fact that he was kid, the evacuation, the cryopod – everything fits with the Blockade. It's… it's what they did. And there were so many ships that didn't make it through all the jumps to Altea. There were just so many… We'd find them, every now and again – ships, whole ships of the dead, with their children still sleeping, safe in cryo. And we couldn't tell them… we couldn't…"

Allura is shaking now, her head sinking into her hands, and she is suddenly folding in on herself, crumbling into silent sobs.

Keith exchanges a look with his fellow Paladins, who are just as stunned and horrified as he is.

And yet, already, Shiro is rising from his seat, approaching Allura. He kneels and, with his left hand, he very gently reaches out to hold her shoulder. "It's all right, it's all right," he murmurs softly.

"No, it's not," Allura bites out and suddenly, in a weird, too-fluid movement that sends the willies down Keith's spine and knocks Shiro clear on his ass, she is on her feet, eyes flashing in rage and pain as she roars, "It's not! And it never will be again!"

She towers over them all easily, eyes and markings glowing like embers, and her hair moves of its own accord, writhing and bristling in a way that suggests it's not hair at all, but a weapon. Then, as if she realizes where she is and who they are, the light in her eyes dims and she shrinks back into herself – or, at least, what they have always considered her normal shape.

Keith doesn't know when he grabbed his knife, but he's still reluctant to let it go. His heart won't stop pounding in his ears.

"I'm sorry," Allura says, quietly. "I should not have lost my temper like that. I'm afraid… I'm not doing as well as I would have you believe."

"Really?" Pidge asks, sarcastically. "You think?"

"Pidge," Shiro admonishes her, as he gets to his feet.

"This is not easy for me," Allura grounds out, balling her hands into fists at her sides. "My people are dead. My world is gone. And these people, these survivors… You don't understand what it's like. They are my people, but they are also Galran and I can't, I can't…"

She trails off, pressing a shaking hand over her eyes, and they can see the tears on her cheeks. "I hate them… for being what they are and not more Altean. And I hate myself for hating them because they cannot be anything other than what they are. Don't you see? That's why I can't… I'm – I'm afraid I'll lose my temper and they haven't done anything, they haven't. They aren't the ones who did this to us! I-I can't do this. I can't."

Silence falls.

"I think you can," Lance speaks up, suddenly. He draws himself up to his full height and holds his head up high as he approaches her, while he fishes around for something under his shirt collar. It's a necklace, with a simple pendant: a six-pointed star, formed from two interlocking gold triangles. "This is a symbol from our world. It's from my people, specifically, and we, like you and Coran and everyone on that station, we survived genocide. We survived."

Lance pauses and looks her straight in the face, his eyes misty as he sniffs and adds: "You survived. They survived. And as long as your culture survives, even in part, Zarkon hasn't won. Not yet. So you can do this. You can. I know you can."

His lower lip trembles as he goes silent and then Allura glides forward abruptly. She pulls him into a fierce hug, her face screwing up as she nods, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I survived," she says.

"Yes, you did," Lance agrees. "That's the easy part. Now, you have to live."

Notes:

Let Shiro rest. Let him rest.

Keith underestimates the power of the Star Wars. He has no idea. The poor baby. Fortunately, Pidge is Prepared For This.

And oh, yeah, so if you were wondering where Allura was and why she was basically not around a lot: WELL YEAH THIS IS WHY. Say hello to unprocessed trauma, survivor guilt, probable PTSD, oh yeah and super complicated feelings about having people who are part Galran but also hella Altean right in front of her nose. She is Not Okay. She is so very Not Okay.

Also, if you haven't figured it out by now, yes, Lance is explicitly Jewish for the purposes of this fic. This is why he's reacting the way he has been to everything about the situation with Gunfwe.