A/N: Phobia Factor is my favorite episode of Total Drama Island, because it was hilarious to see the ways the campers tried to deal with their worst fears. Just for fun, I am trying to tell a short story here of what would happen if the racers of The Ridonculous Race were offered their own "Phobia Factor" challenge by Chris (and Don). Note: Some of the phobias in this story are based on things that actually did dismay the contestants on The Ridonculous Race, but many others are ones that I creatively made up myself, based off of the wackiness of the TDI campers' worst fears.

Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama or The Ridonculous Race, Fresh TV presently does.

Prelude

"Sooo," said Geoff the Surfer Dude, "does anybody mind telling me why we were all invited to Camp Wawanakwa for a night and day again?"

"I'm not sure," said Ellody intelligently, "Apparently, Race hose Don said that his friend Chris McLean, host of Total Drama, wanted to play an experimental game with all of us here. He didn't say exactly what it was."

"I'm really not looking forward to working with that narcissist, Chris," said Laurie, "He's supposed to be an even bigger pain-in-the-neck than Don, and Don made me eat meat and get my face swollen by bullet ants, for goodness' sake!"

"And his looney lackey, Chef Hatchet, is a real jackass who terrifies the heck out of anybody he looks at or talks to," said Stephanie. "That guy can go walk the plank for all I care."

"I feel for you, Stephanie," said Ryan, her boyfriend and former hater, "But don't worry. My upper body strength can match Chef muscle for muscle. If he tries to hurt you, I'll make him hurt worse, even if it does get me in trouble with Chris and his producers!"

"That's so sweet, Ryan," said Stephanie with eyes shining, "I love you when you stand up for those you love. So much better than the way you treated me while we were the Haters!"

"That's my girl!" exclaimed Ryan. They made out for a few moments.

"Yeah," said Junior, "But what about the rest of us? That Chef is like a drill sergeant on steroids; he's hysterical when people don't obey him to the letter."

"Oh, he's not that bad, Junior," said dad Dwayne, patting his son on the back, "He's kinda like your mother when she thinks I'm hitting on another woman! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Junior rolled his eyes. "That's really encouraging," he said sarcastically.

The 36 contestants from The Ridonculous Race, including three from Total Drama Island and one from TD: Pahkitew Island, were outside around a campfire on the beach of Camp Wawanakwa, conversing about what could possibly be up Chris and Don's sleeves this time.

"This isn't going to be a full series again, is it?" asked Noah.

"I don't think so, man," said Brody, Geoff's "bro." "I think they just want to try one thing out on us because Don and Chris, especially Chris, are very curious about it."

"Well, whatever it is, I intend to win this time," said Ice Dancer Josee, "The gold must, and will, be mine!"

"Not in a million years, you cheater," said Police Cadet Sanders.

"Yeah, you just watch yourself, ice capade girl!" MacArthur, her partner, agreed. "I may be a so-called 'bad cop,' but even I don't cheat against my enemies. I just fart at 'em!" MacArthur got up and broke wind in Josee and Jacques' direction. MacArthur laughed.

So did Owen. "Ha, ha, ha, ha! Nice one, MacArthur!" he complimented her.

"Nice one!? That was so gross!" Emma disagreed. "Since when do cops behave like that?"

"You get used to it when you spend a lot of time with Owen," said Noah.

Emma laughed this time. "Now that's a nice joke, you dork," she chuckled, pecking him on the cheek. Suddenly, there was another fart from next to Emma.

"Not you too, Kitty!" exclaimed Emma.

"Oops! It was an accident, sis, really!" Kitty pleaded coyly.

Mickey came back from going to the bathroom behind a bush, and as he returned and gave one of his signature sneezes, he stumbled backward and rammed into Josee, hard.

"OOOW!" Josee cried. "For God's sakes, please don't do that again, you little klutz!"

"Yeah, you baby," said Taylor rudely, "Don't let yourself get blown halfway across the island by a simple, tiny sneeze."

"Taylor!" said her mom, Kelly. "That's just plain rude!"

"So is giving me a bunch of phony trophies to stack in my room," said Taylor.

"Uh…yeah, right," said Kelly.

"Hey, wait a moment," said Devin, "Why so hysterical about Mickey bumping into you like that? It wasn't that hard a hit, or a stomp."

"Never you mind," said Josee, "I just don't like being hit or torn, especially by surprise."

"Pain isn't that bad, Josee," said Carrie. "Devin dealt with it amazingly gracefully when we were eliminated from the Race."

"Hey," said Owen, "This reminds me of an old sharefest me and the other Total Drama Island campers had one night, right on this very spot. After Courtney mentioned her dislike for green jelly, and DJ and Tyler brought up their fear of snakes and chickens, we all started sharing our worst fears with each other and kind of bonding at the same time."

"I remember that," said Noah, "I saw it from the Elimination Station. I was voted out before that episode, so I never mentioned my personal fear to anyone."

"I can still remember my fear, very vividly," said Owen, "I was afraid of flying. That's always crazy stuff! Fortunately, the Phobia Factor challenge we did the next day helped me deal with it a little better than before, even though flying still scares me."

"I hear ya, man," said Geoff, "I told the world that my fear is hail, small but deadly stones falling out of the sky, dude. I don't think I did nearly as good conquering my fear, though." He lowered his head sadly.

"Oh, that's all right, bro," said Brody, "I have an unnatural fear, too. Ever since that boat ride from France to Iceland, I'm sacred of electric shocks. And before that, lightning. The promise of unspeakable agony, not to mention all those thunderclaps that follow." He shuddered.

Confessional

"Okay, so it's like, just because the TDI campers had a sharefest about their fears years ago, now the Ridonculous Race racers have to have one, too," said Noah. "Spud the rocker went on about how his mortal fear is being swarmed over with ants, particularly army and fire types, because of his slow reaction to things, and how by the time he became aware of it, the ants will have half-consumed him. Also, Kitty said she's afraid of samurai, Mickey's afraid of spiders, even Lorenzo's afraid of gladiators."

Confessional Ends

"Okay, so one of the little wimps can't stand spiders," said Taylor. "How about you, wimp number two? What paralyzes you with fear?" She turned to Jay.

"Um," said Jay hesitantly, "I have a serious case of asthma, so I'm scared to death of being without air for more than a few seconds. Oh man, I hope the air around here isn't thinning!" He trembled.

Taylor rolled her eyes.

"All right then," said Ellody, "You think you're so perfect and holier-than-thou, Taylor? There's definitely something that scares you, and I demand to know what it is!"

Taylor raised an eyebrow and sighed. "All right. You wanna know what really scares someone as clean as me? Any form of filth. Mud, poo poo, pee, food spills, you name it, I can't stand being covered by it. A girl in my position has to maintain her cleanliness all the time."

"And because she sometimes insensitively treats my body and clothing like a doormat," said Kelly, "I have the same phobia. Taylor gets me dirty on purpose so she doesn't have to be!" She glared at her daughter.

"Maybe my cleanliness is more essential," said Taylor innocently, "You're always covered in sweat and grime anyway, what with your older skin and your warm, not to mention unfashionable, clothes."

Kelly almost screamed through clenched teeth.

"Hey, hey! Take it easy, you two!" said Jen, "We don't enjoy dirt, either, but you don't see Tom and I complaining about getting it all over ourselves!"

"Doesn't surprise me," said Taylor, "People employed in fashion are so much better at staying cleaner than grunts like me. But if grunge isn't your phobia, then what is, Fashion Bloggers?"

Jen started, but remained calm. "Something more important than dirt. Bad, ugly fashion." She looked like she had goosebumps at that moment.

"And me?" said an uncomfortable looking Tom. "Criticism, of our blog, especially constructive criticism. Jen and I like the way we do things, and while you can defy rude criticism, you can't argue with constructive criticism."

Taylor humphed.

"Can't you stop your lips from flapping for a few little minutes, you crazy broad?" said MacArthur to Taylor. "Some of us would like to talk too, you know!"

Taylor shrugged. "Whatever."

"My daughter is not a broad!" hissed Kelly through clenched teeth.

"Ahem, mother," Taylor whispered, "I don't need you to defend me, you know."

"Oh, you're so ungrateful, Taylor!" growled Kelly.

"AHEEEMMM!" Emma said loudly. "Nobody wants to listen to either of you right now, so shut up or shut down."

Kelly and Taylor reluctantly quieted down finally.

"Okay," said Emma, "Now, how about you, Noah? What kind of thing scares you?"

"Me?" Noah replied, "I guess, being lost in the sewers. How about you, Emma?"

Emma cringed. "This is really silly, but…I'm afraid of cows."

"Cows?" laughed Gerry, "What's so scary about cows? If I were in your shoes, I'd be more afraid of bulls!"

"Shows how much you know, Gerry," Emma replied, "Cows can be pretty mean."

"He, he, I'll bet!" said Pete.

"Well then, I take it you're afraid of bulls, Gerry?" inquired Ryan.

"Actually, no," said Gerry, "I just said I'd sooner be afraid of bulls than cows."

"Well then, what is your fear, old boy?" asked Stephanie.

Gerry hesitated a moment. "I was a soldier in the Vietnam War once, because I lived in America before I moved to Canada," he said finally, "and I'm afraid of having to aim and fire an automatic rifle accurately. Those guns have such a terrific kick, I can barely handle it."

Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Well, that makes some sense. And you, Pete?"

Pete rubbed his upper arm and said, "Going to the doctor. I can't stand vaccination."

Stephanie shrugged and said, "Well, my fear was already showcased on The Ridonculous Race, so I might as well admit mine: beans."

"And because I'm only 25% lower body, I'm afraid of gymnastics," said Ryan.

Gerry and Pete spluttered with laughter.

"Beans, and gym?" said Pete.

"Some people fear the oddest things," said Gerry.

"Oh yeah?" said Stephanie, "Well I'll bet you're only phobic about your phobias because you're old geysers."

"Hey," said Pete, "You take what you get."

"That goes for all of us, you know," said Ryan.

"Touché," said Gerry and Pete.

"Say, guys," said Spud, "What are we all talking about?"

Rock huffed. "You already forgot, dude? We're talking about our phobias. You said yours was ants."

Spud looked clueless for about ten seconds. Then he said, "Oooh, yeah. What's yours, Rock?"

"Oh well, I'm afraid of Jedi," said Rock, "They're such deadly fighters, and they control the minds of the weak-minded, man! If they were real, they could easily take advantage of Spud and me."

"But they're not real, Rock," said Mary, "And while there is a real world religion called Jediism, it's ridiculous to fear fictional characters."

"Oh, I don't know, Mary," said Tammy, "Sometimes fiction can come alive in miraculous ways."

Everyone stared pointedly at Tammy, except her friend Leonard, who looked away.

"Oh, come on, you fellas," said Tammy, "Who hasn't feared Darth Vader sometimes? Or Freddy Krueger? Or a Ringwraith? But I'll tell you, my greatest fear is what so many unimaginative people call 'realism.' When people do everything in their power to dissolve the fantastic, oohhh, I can't stand it!"

Everybody continued to stare. "Well, that makes one of you," wisecracked Mary.

"Just you wait!" Tammy exclaimed. "The fantasy world will claim us all yet!"

"Uh, I'm afraid of fire," interjected Jacques suddenly.

"Fire?" said Devin.

"Oh, yes," said Jacques, "As an ice dancer, fire scares the willies out of me, because fire melts ice."

"Hmm, makes sense," said Devin.

"I'm scared of sharks," said Dwayne, "'Cause I'm not a strong swimmer, and when I go in the water I seem to have some kind of animal magnetism."

"And I'm scared of being embarrassed," said Junior, "Because nothing is worse than humiliation, especially in front of your friends."

"You won't get me anywhere near root beer, man!" said Chet, "It's almost as gross as swallowing your own barf!"

"Yeah, you should know," said Lorenzo.

"Hey, don't start something, jerk!" Chet shouted.

"I'm not starting something, I'm finishing something!" Lorenzo retaliated.

"No more fighting!" said Emma sternly. "Let's just finish our 'sharefest' and go to bed."

"Yes, ma'am," said Chet and Lorenzo.

Mary looked at the Vegans. "I guess your fears are a no-brainer. Meat, right?"

Miles nodded jerkily. "Nothing's more frightening than a vegan eating meat, especially after being forced to do so on the Race."

"Actually, that's not quite my greatest fear," said Laurie, "It makes me sick to watch vultures feed. Gazing at a bunch of bald, ugly birds tearing through rotten carrion with their beaks-Oh God! Get me out of here!" She ran over to the bushes and vomited behind them.

"Can't say I enjoy watching vultures either," said Ellody, "Although they don't make me sick to my stomach. A scientist can't afford to be easily grossed out."

"All right, then," said Miles, "What about you 'Geniuses?' What do you fear?"

Ellody looked highly uncomfortable and embarrassed. "Well, you see, there's one department where Mary and I are not so smart. We always make well-thought-out and organized plans for our tasks, that's what our genius is good for, and I'm deathly afraid of having to improvise when a good plan fails, especially under pressure."

"Yeah, we kinda figured that, man," said Geoff, "the way you panicked when your 'data' for building a sand castle was washed away by a wave."

"Hey, we all have our weaknesses, don't we?" said Ellody defensively.

"Not me," said Josee smugly, "I'm really not afraid of anything."

"What?" said Jacques, "But Josee, we both know that you get-OWW!"

Josee had elbowed Jacques hard in the ribs. "Shut up, Jacques!" she hissed through clenched teeth. "No really, I'm fearless, like any ice queen," she said to the others.

"Oh, I'll bet," said Leonard, who sat near her, "Anybody who loves fantasy knows that nobody's truly fearless."

"Really?" sneered Josee, "Well, what's your fear, wizard boy?"

Leonard looked around at everybody with quiet nervousness. They all stared back, clearly expecting an honest response.

"It might be the same fear as her pal, Tammy," Mary whispered to Ellody. Ellody giggled.

Leonard stared a few more moments, and then he finally sighed and spoke up…

"All books written by Daniel Dennett."

Mary burst into laughter. So did Ellody.

"Daniel Dennett's publications? Excuse me?" said Ellody between laughs.

"You're afraid of a philosopher, and one with impeccable manners?" Mary spluttered.

"But Dennett is so against belief in make-believe," Leonard protested, "And he won't be quiet about how foolish it is to believe in Santa Claus, either."

"Sounds smart to me," said Mary, "Although my family celebrates Christmas, we haven't believed in Santa Claus since I was seven years old. And if you refuse ever to live in the real world, everybody will agree with Don that you and Tammy are freaks."

"Don't say it, you arrogant mathematician!" Leonard begged.

"Leonard! Mary is anything but arrogant!" said Ellody. "And frankly, being afraid of a cover and binding full of paper pages is beyond ridiculous."

"Shut up!" Leonard howled. "All right, Mary, you think you're Darwin's gift to womankind; what are you afraid of?"

Mary thought for a moment. "To be honest, I hate clergymen, a lot. They're a lot more dangerous than even the most charismatic philosopher."

"Uh, I don't mean to interrupt," said Carrie, "but Devin and I still haven't mentioned our fears."

"Then let's hear from you, by all means," said Ellody.

"My fear is a pretty common one," said Carrie. "I'm afraid of nudity. Seeing a naked man or woman, or a naked boy or girl, just creeps me out, and I don't like other people to see me…that way either. That's why I wear a one-piece bathing suit when I go to the beach."

"And I don't even want to dream about being covered by rats," said Devin, "Those beasties are so dirty and ravenous, and the big variety are really creepy."

"We haven't spoken yet, either," said the emotionless Goth Ennui. "I must maintain my bone-white skin color to remain Gothed, so I'm afraid of ultraviolet rays."

"And because black bats are the most beautiful creatures in the world," said Crimson, "I just can't stand the sight of…(shudder)…white doves."

Everybody stared unblinkingly at the Goths.

"Will wonders never cease?" said Noah.

"I hear you, Noah," said Owen.

Without warning, MacArthur suddenly said, "Frogs."

They all turned to look at her, Jacques and Josee with amusement.

"Okay, so it's a childish fear," said MacArthur, "But I can't bear the sight of one of those squashy little things with the odd body shape and their legless larvae!"

"And while this may be a liability for a police officer," said Sanders, "I am afraid of being submerged underwater without an air supply. I'm not the best at holding my breath, and drowning is something that I have nightmares about."

"All right," said MacArthur to Josee, "You're afraid of something, Ice Queen. Spill it!"

"No, really," Josee insisted, "Jacques may be a scaredy cat, but as an Ice Princess, not a 'Queen,' I can't afford to be afraid of anything at all."

"Funny," said MacArthur, "You didn't always show fearlessness on the Race."

"Did it ever occur to you, Lady Constable, that maybe I was being theatrical for the sake of the drama theme? I mean, sometimes Owen was theatrical in TDI, right, Owen?"

"That's right," said Owen, "That's one of my greatest talents on TV."

"The rest are eating, farting, and burping, of course," remarked Noah.

"I don't think so, Ice Princess," said MacArthur, ignoring Owen and Noah, "You're a lot dumber than Owen ever was, and a lot more conniving."

Everybody gasped.

"Shut up! SHUT UP!" roared Josee.

A/N: This chapter was longer than I expected it to be, but I hope the extra details and Drama (and humor) didn't bore any of my readers. In the next chapter, Chris, Don, and Chef Hatchet put their second, and bigger, Phobia Factor challenge into play.