Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: The Next Generation or any of its characters. Please don't sue me or steal my story. Thanks! :)

Hi everyone! It's April Fool's Day! :D This story sprouted from a combination of wonderings I've been wondering for a while, viz.: What kind of practical joke might Data have fallen for in his first year at the academy (he mentioned this to Wesley in The Game), and what might his academy days have been like in general, given his confession to Worf in The Next Phase that he didn't know what a friend was until he met Geordi. I hope you'll enjoy my story! :)

Academy Hijinks 101

By Rowena Zahnrei

Lt. Commander Ozymandias Thackeray scowled at his computer screen – more specifically, at the cursor blinking at him from the empty box on the student evaluation form the screen displayed.

Blink…blink…blink…blink…blink…blink…

"Knock, knock!" came the trilling voice of his department chair, Commander Eloise Evans, as she swept into his office without actually knocking or waiting for him to call 'enter'. She wore her hair differently today he noticed, the dozens of waist-length black braids twisted and coiled into a strikingly elaborate bun, but Thackeray didn't comment. Instead, his shoulders tensed at the intrusion into his thoughts and his bitter scowl deepened.

"Well, Ozzy, it's that time again!" the commander practically sang, making herself at home in the chair across from his desk. "Cadet Evaluations are due next week. I must say, I expected to see you a bit more chipper. Weren't you just telling me how our exobiology first years were top o' the notch?"

Thackeray grunted.

"It's that damn android the Board let in," he said, and gestured to the mostly blank form on his screen. "'Cadet' Data. Tell me, Eloise, how the hell am I supposed to evaluate the performance of a machine?"

Evans shrugged her daintily sculpted eyebrows.

"How do you evaluate the performance of any cadet?"

"That's just the thing," Thackeray said. "We're not talking about 'any cadet.' We're talking about a computer. A positronic processor with arms and legs."

Evans leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk.

"Is there something we should be concerned about?" she asked. "Some problem with his work or conduct or—"

"No, not exactly," he grumbled. "That's the issue I've been having with this damn evaluation! Cadet Data has been the model student. Emphasis on model. He does what he's told exactly – no more, no less. His lab reports and written assignments are practically perfect as far as recording and relaying the facts and results - straight As, all the way. But here's the problem: they're dryer than dust, without a hint of curiosity or initiative to push beyond the given example or experiment. And, as for class participation – the android hasn't shown a shred of wit or personality. At least, not in my presence. I've been watching, and I have never once seen him initiate a conversation in class. His interactions with his lab partners are solely on a Q&A basis, with them questioning and Data rabbiting off a stream of results like some ambulatory search engine. He has made no friends, no connections. He has no social life to speak of…"

Thackeray shook his head and sighed.

"If he were human, I might put his failure to connect or build any kind of social network down to extreme shyness or even some non-verbal learning disorder, like high-functioning autism, and advise counseling. But, he's not human. He's a machine. He thinks and acts like a machine. And, for the life of me, I can't figure out what the Board was thinking when they let him into this program," he said, and slapped his palms down on the desk. "A machine like that could never be a successful officer. Pristine lab reports and perfect test scores are no indication of a being's ability to give orders, or the leadership qualities required to inspire others to take them. Honestly, Eloise, what it all boils down to… What I've been trying to say…"

He closed his eyes, then spat it out.

"Despite his academic marks, I don't think I can recommend Cadet Data be promoted to second year. Not in good conscience. Not based on what I've seen from him so far."

"I see…"

Evans nodded slowly, carefully digesting the commander's concerns.

"OK, I'll tell you what," she said after a long moment's thought. "We've still got a week. Hold that evaluation back for now, and I'll do some observing of my own. If I agree with your assessment, we'll bring this to the commandant together. After all, it is our job to make sure no cadet is promoted who can't be expected to handle the demands of a Starfleet career. It's no good for the cadet, and it's no good for Starfleet."

"Thanks, Eloise," Thackeray said, and blanked his screen. "You know me. I can't stand to see any of my students fail. But, Starfleet service requires so much more than scholastic achievement of these kids. To be officers, they must earn the trust and respect of those with whom they serve. They have to prove that they can think on their feet, adapt to shifting challenges in situations where the rulebooks won't always apply. And, I'm just not convinced this android has displayed the cognitive ability to make those necessary leaps of initiative and intuition. If he's lacking that, he's just not going to make it here. No matter what training we provide."

"Save your fancy words for the eval-form," Eloise said, rising to her feet. "You've already swayed me. I'll go grab a copy of Cadet Data's schedule from the office secretary, and we'll hammer this out on Monday. Sound good?"

"That's a check, sir," Thackeray said, and they shared a friendly smile. "Oh, and Eloise," he added as she headed for the door. "If you intend to venture out among the student body today, I'd advise you to watch your step. It's April the First, again."

"April Fools' Day, right! I completely forgot," she said, and laughed. "Good luck with your classes, Ozzy. I'll see you at lunch."

To Be Continued...

I'm aiming to finish this story today, so the next part will be coming soon. Stay Tuned!

Reviews welcome! :)