-TRANSMISSION ONLINE-

-Beginning ECHO Review Log-

(Kilo8) SURPRISE! What did you all think I'd really leave you hanging on another cliffhanger for a whole month… or seven? Well good news, we didn't. We got answers, action, badassery, explosions, dramatic reveals, and surprises around every corner, plus several bonus shorts.

(Tina) Yo yo boss man, the chapter is ready and Mr. T got snacks for everyone! Hurry up!

(Kilo8) Coming Tina! Well, you heard the crazy little bomb maker, so everyone, grab some popcorn, soda, and retro 3D glasses and enjoy the chapter.

-ECHO Transmission interrupted-

X-X-X

Disclaimer: I do not own Borderlands or any of its characters, Borderlands is owned by Gearbox Software and 2K Games, the only ownership I claim is of my own OC's. This is a story just for your fun and enjoyment. Please enjoy.

Stories text formats

"Talking"

'Thinking'

"Echo/Radio"

'Krieg's inner voice'

X-X-X

Chapter Beta Read by " "

CHAPTER 17

New Enemies part 2

-Last time on Rebel Anarchy-

"This is it, Vault Hunter! WITNESS MY GENIUS! AH HA HA HA HAAA!" Dr. Lobotomous laughed maniacally.

Gaige looked around in a desperate attempt to find anything she could use for cover, to attack with, anything to stave off the attack. But there was nothing, her scientific mind told her; a blast from that cannon would surely cut through the building twice over before stopping. . . She was doomed. Gaige dropped to her knees as tears started to run down her cheeks. She gripped the Clementine close to her as she wept. "I'm sorry Kai… for not listening to you." Gaige whispered as Dr. Lobotomous went to pull the trigger.

*CRASH!* "YUAAAAAAAAGH!"

-And now the continuation-

SEVERAL MINUTES BEFORE

Outside the lab, the remaining Raiders, of which only counted at about forty of seventy, were fighting for their lives. Three fully armored Raiders of various colors were ducked down in a blast crater, just trying to service.

"Sarge, what's the plan? We're getting our asses fisted out here!" Yelled a cobalt blue armored Private with a Dahl sniper rifle to another Raider in standard red armor, armed with a Jakobs shotgun.

"Uhhh, I don't know!" The red Raider said.

"Well, what did Dirk tell you to do?" Another Raider in the seafoam, teal, Aqua… whatever color it is armor yelled over the gunfire.

"HE DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING!" The red one yelled.

"WHAT!?" Both privates yelled in horror. "Are you fucking telling me Dirk had no other plans other than to get his team into the building!" The light blue one yelled.

The Sergeant looked between the two of them for several seconds. "...Yes."

"OH, THAT JUST FUCKING GREAT! I TOLD YOU GUYS WE SHOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED TO THOSE KIDS!" The light blue one yelled throwing his arms up in frustration.

"Why the fuck are we here again anyway, shouldn't you have brought Grif and Simmons here instead of us Sarge?" The aqua one asked the red Sargent.

"I wanted to, but Roland ordered me to take you two so that I can learn to work with my former enemies... Also because he didn't want me in a situation where I could accidentally get Grif killed." The red Sargent muttered.

"... Well, that makes perfect sense." The aqua one said sarcastically. There was a loud crash in front of their cover and they all turned to find a Badass Loader aimed at them with its dual auto-cannons. "Welp, this is it. Church, Sarge, it was nice knowing you assholes." The aqua colored Raider said.

"The feeling is mutual, you damn dirty Blues." Sarge replied begrudgingly.

"Sarge, Tucker, I just want to go on record and say that I fucking hate the both of you. Not as much a Caboose, but nearly as much." The one named Church said as he stared at the Loaders guns.

Just as the Loader was about to fire it froze for several seconds and then began to look around as if searching for something. The Raiders were confused about this until they heard what sounded like trumpets going off behind them. The three Raiders plus everyone else on the battlefield, be it Raider or Hyperion, paused and looked back to the source of the music to see a dust cloud coming as a heavy rap beat began to play.

"What. The. Fuck. Is that?" Church asked.

-(Jump Around)-

-(By House of Pain)-

A modified silver Runner with Kai and Axton was racing towards the building at high speed. As they got closer Kai opened fire with the dual machine guns on the front of the cockpit as Axton unleashed the Mini-sniper as he dubbed it.

Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin

I came to win, battle me that's a sin

The Hyperion troops and Loaders all began to fire at the Racer but were finding it difficult to hit them or were themselves being quickly chewed up by heavy gunfire.

I won't ever slack up, punk you better back up

Try and play the role and yo the whole crew'll act up

The Racer hit a bump and flew over the three Raiders foxhole, running the Badass Loader over and destroying it in the process thanks to the armored ram bar on the Racer.

Get up, stand up (c'mon!) see'mon throw your hands up

As they drove forward Kai and Axton both threw out their gear. Axton's turret opened up with rockets on several enemies causing more confusion, while Hati rushed out and started mauling the nearest Hyperion soldier, while the Vault Hunters drove around hitting several more targets.

If you've got the feeling, jump across the ceiling

Muggs lifts a funk flow, someone's talking junk

"Holy shit this is awesome!" Tucker yelled as the Raiders watched.

Yo I bust him in the eye, and then I'll take the punk's hoe

The Vault Hunters drive back to the Raiders and they slide to a stop. "Where are the Alphas?" Kai demands.

Feelin', funkin', amps in the trunk and I got more rhymes

"They went in twenty minutes ago but we're getting hammered out here." Sarge replies.

Than there's cops at a Dunkin' Donuts shop

"More like abandon us if you ask me." Church cut in.

Sho' nuff, I got props

From the kids on the hill plus my mom and my pops

Kai looks at the building for a second and turns back to Axton. "Ax I'm going in, take command here."

I came to get down, I came to get down

Axton jumps out of the racer and turns to Kai. "Bring her back."

So get out your seat and jump around!

Kai nods and guns the Racer's engine.

Jump around!

Kai rides up near Hati and whistles, and the holo wolf turns and runs back.

Jump around!

Jump around!

Hati jumps and despawns, landing his photon sphere in Kai's hand before taking off again.

Jump up, jump up and get down!

Kai sped off towards the ramped siding closest to him.

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! (Everybody jump)

Back with Axton. "I want rockets on those turrets." Sarge snapped a salute and turned to the other Raiders and quickly barked orders.

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! (Everybody jump)

As Kai was nearing the ramp several large Hyperion turrets open fire on the Racer.

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Jump!

Back by Axton, a dozen Raiders took aim and fired their rockets at their targets.

I'll serve your ass like John McEnroe

Kai hit the ramped face and starts racing up with a cluster of rockets hot on his tail.

If your girl steps up, I'm smacking the hoe

Kai started making light shifts in directions to both dodge the cannon fire and rockets racing from behind him.

Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs

The rockets start hitting and destroying turret after turret til only one directly in Kai path remained.

I got more rhymes than the Bible's got Psalms

Kai was less than ten meters from the turret when a late fired rocket streaked by and exploded on the turret, covering the area in smoke.

And just like the Prodigal Son I've returned

Kai Racer burst through the smoke and continued to boost towards the top.

Anyone stepping to me you'll get burned

Several Hyperion snipers on the roof started to fire at him in panic at the charging Rebel.

'Cause I got lyrics, but you ain't got none

The bullets hit wide and bounced off different parts of the car but missed Kai as he rotated the turret forward.

If you come to battle bring a shotgun!

The racer's turret lets out a *BRRRRRRT* as it fires on the snipers.

But if you do you're a fool, 'cause I duel, to the death

Three of the snipers are obliterated while the fourth is winged in the leg and falls over.

Trying to step to me, you'll take your last breath

The wounded sniper screams as Kai's Racer runs him over before launching over the rim of the top of the building.

I got the skills, come get your fill

'Cause when I shoot the gift, I shoot to kill

Kai lands on the roof which turns out to have a massive reinforced glass roof in the center.

I came to get down, I came to get down

Kai stops and looks over the side through the glass. Where he sees the Alphas getting their collective asses kicked… by a giant robot leg...

So get out your seat and jump around!

As the song Hati demanded that they play for the fight, kept pounding away Kai set the Racer's Turret to fire at its max gun depression at the roof, the turret started moving counterclockwise while firing. Kai looks over again and sees Kare-Kare get kicked across the room and explodes, leaving Gaige all alone with DT. Kai checked back and saw the Racer turret had shot about three-fourths of the way around.

He looked back and saw that DT was gone, Gaige was trying to engage the Leg with his Clementine but wasn't having any luck. He sees that she seemed to run out of ammo but couldn't reload, Kai knew from experience that she probably injured her shoulder. The turret finally completed its rotation creating a circle of bullet holes all around the Racer, but the glass was still holding.

"Dammit! Give already." He yelled as he bounced in his seat, the force of which caused a large crack to splinter across the glass from the car.

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

"JUST! FUCKING! BREAK! ALREADY! He yelled as the glass and frame weaken with each bounce.

Jump!

*CRASH!* "YUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Kai yells as the roof breaks in a shower of glass and steel.

"WHAT!?" Handsome Jack yells as he looks up in shock.

I'm the cream of the crop, I rise to the top

Kai's Racer drop through Handsome Jack hologram lands on the floating holoprojector causing the projector and its levitation drive to fail and fall about a hundred meters till it became ensnared in a cluster of hanging cables.

I never eat a pig, 'cause a pig is a cop

Using the platform as a ramp Kai boost straight off at the Leg which was trying to turn with the still charged plasma cannon.

Or better yet a Terminator, like Arnold Schwarzanegger

The Racer barrels right into the side of the Leg causing it to fall over and fire the ball of plasma at a wall.

Try to play me out like, as if my name was Sega

Outside of the building, a massive fireball exploded out of the side shocking all the Raiders.

But I ain't going out like no punk bitch

The Leg crashes as Kai racer lands upright.

Get used to one style and yo and I might switch

While the Leg is down several of its turrets start to automatically fire at Kai.

It up up and around, then buck buck you down

Kai backed up and spun around, driving as far from the Leg as he can.

Put out your head and then you wake up in the Dawn of the Dead

He set the turret to auto-lock onto the string up Holo platform as he drove around the damaged arena as the Leg continued to fire at him.

I'm coming to get ya, I'm coming to get ya

Spitting out lyrics, homie I'll wet ya

Several cables were shot out and cut by the Racer's turret causing the platform to fall again.

I came to get down, I came to get down

"What? OH MY NEWTONS!" Dr. Lobotomious screams just before the platform falls on top of the Leg in a thunderous crash.

So get out your seat and jump around!

Kai drove up to Gaige who hadn't moved from her spot.

Jump around!

Jump around!

"Hati, can you kill the music please." Kai asked.

"Jump arou-" *Click*

"Thank you"

Kai hopped out of the Racer and walked over to Gaige who had gotten back up. He stopped several steps from her with a big grin on his face. ". . . Weeeeell?"

Gaige glared at him with an annoyed pout as she stared at him with a tear-stained face. "Really, you're gonna make me say it?"

"Well this is how the shtick goes, plus it ties up the life lesson in a nice little package to store away in your mind for next time it comes back to haunt you."

"Fuck. You." Gaige muttered.

"Not what I was looking for, wanna try that again little miss I'm an Alpha now." Kai said with an even bigger grin.

She stared at her friend for several seconds while he just kept staring back with a teasing look. Finally, she huffed in indignation. "Fine! You. Were. Right! The Alphas suck, and they're a bunch of idiots, fools, and backstabbing fucktards who are all pomp and no substance that should never be trusted. Especially Dirk. He's the biggest fool of them all. There, are you happy now!?" She yelled, before wincing and grabbing her throbbing arm.

"Ecstatic." Kai said with a shit eating grin before getting serious again as he looked down at Gaige's limp right arm that she was cradling, and the massive bruise forming on her shoulder. "How's the arm?" He asked with sincere concern.

"I-I think it dislocated. Feels like I got kicked by a horse a dozen times over." Gaige said with a wince as the pain became her newfound focus to her displeasure.

"Yeah… Sorry to tell you this, but it's about to hurt a whole lot more." Kai said before suddenly grabbing the Mechromancer's right arm.

"W-wait! What are you?" Before Gaige could finish Kai twisted her arm up and out before pushing in. *CRACK!* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

A few minutes later Gaige was sitting on the ground pouting with anime tears rolling down her face. "Why didn't you warn me?" Gaige asked as she cradled her fixed but still sore arm.

"Because if I warned you in advance, it would have hurt even more you little cry baby." Kai said as he was pulling out some medical supplies.

Gaige's pout only grew at the jab. "Meany." She muttered, before looking at Kai's rifle."How the hell have you not broken your arm with this thing?" She asked as she picked up Clementine in her left hand and held it out to Kai.

"Never said I haven't." Kai said with a chuckle as he accepted his weapon back giving it a quick check. "I've busted, fractured, and dislocated my shoulder well over a dozen times in the first six months after I got this rifle." He continued as he put the rifle on his back and then fished out an insta-heath injector. "I had to build up my body's tolerance in order to handle it." He stabs the injector into Gaige's shoulder which she gave a painful wince at. "Took me nearly a year and a half, eighteen fractures, five dislocations, a full break, two very painful calcium density injections, and months worth of sore muscles to finally be able to shoulder, and repeatedly fire full clips from that weapon." He said with a happy grin.

Gaige just gawked at him in shock. "Th- Thats insane!"

"Yeah… But you can't argue with the end results." He waited several more seconds until the content of the injector emptied before pulling it out of her shoulder. "There, that will heal the damage but I'd suggest keeping it in a sling for a day or two." He said as he tossed the empty injector and began making a rough sling out of some gauze he pulled from a leg pocket.

Gaige was silent as Kai wrapped her arm up. She shot him a hesitant glance at him and let out a small sigh. "Kai I… I'm sorry." Kai paused and looked up at her while Gaige was trying to look anywhere but at Kai. "I… I screwed up and should have listened to you from the start, but… I honestly don't know what came over me. My head told me it was right but my gut told me otherwise, but what I should have done was listen to you." She said wistfully. She slowly looked to Kai with fear in her eyes. "W-We're still friends… right?"

Kai just stared at her for several seconds without any kind of expression. For some reason, that silence hurt worse then the shoulder did. Did he hate her, would he care about her after turning her back on him? Gaige was starting to get nervous when a small smile crossed Kai's face. "Of course we are. After all." He tightened the last knot on the sling and stood up back. "Friends look out for each through the good, the bad, and the stupid." He said as he held out a hand to help her up.

Gaige just looked at his face and then to his hand for several seconds before looking back and snorting out a laugh. "Murphy, did you have to make that sound so corny." She laughed as she took his hand and got pulled up.

"OI! I was trying to be-" but he was cut off by a rumbling sound. They both looked to see the Holo platform floating up, only now the leg was hanging to the bottom of it by an amalgamation of parts and cables. The projector on top came to life and the screaming head Dr. Lobotomous appeared.

"AAAAAARH, YOU- YOU BASTARD! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DONE! I AM NOW FUSSED TO THIS MACHINE! . . . I gonna KILL YOU!" He yelled in a distorted scream.

"Hey, do you mind asshole, we were having a nice moment here, a little heart to heart and now you're gone and ruined it." Kai said nonchalantly before turning back to Gaige. "Some people just have no courtesy anymore, am I right."

"DIE!" The Doctor yelled as the Leg drone for a lack of a better name, opened its RPG pods and fired out over a dozen RPGs all around. Kai grabbed Gaige and ducked behind the Racer as RPGs started exploding all around the arena.

"Well, he seems pissed." Kai said in a nonchalant tone as he pulled out the Clementine and a fresh clip.

"You don't say… Why are you so calm anyway?" Gaige asked. "You just told a giant cyborg robot leg to basically fuck off as if it was an everyday thing."

Kai looked at Gaige with a grin. "Easy, I got my friend back, I watched Dirk get kicked like a football, got to nearly break the sound barrier in a pimped out race car, I get to now fight and kill one of the Hyperion stooges who helped kill my planet, and finally I got my gun back." He stated as he inserted the clip and the gun receiver locked back with a satisfying click. "So yeah, I'm pretty calm right now."

"So what now?" Gaige asked curiously.

"You are gonna take cover." Gaige was about to say something when Kai held a finger up. "And before you say anything, you're no good out there with that arm." He paused for a moment and looked at her other arm. "Is DT still available?"

"Yeah, he just finished his cooldown. Why?" Gaige asked.

"Go ahead and deploy him, I'll need the assistance." Kai said before jumping up suddenly sprinted out from behind the Racer and threw Hati photon sphere out. The hard light wolf burst out in a flash of light with an angry howl. "Hati plan Delta Two, tell DT what to do!"

Hati barked and ran the opposite way. Gaige at the same time deployed DT and told him to go with Hati which he quickly did. [Hati, what's the plan?] DT asked as he approached the wolf.

[We need to distract that thing from Kai and Gaige while doing as much damage to its shield as fast as possible. Kai will need the time to find what the best spot he needs to attack.] Hati barked, receiving a node from the death machine.

With that the two began attacking, DT hit high with his lightning eye, while Hati started firing Möjnir's below the knee. While it wasn't much, the combined shock attacks were far more effective than anything done to the Leg shield yet. "YOU INSUFFERABLE RATS! TAKE THIS!" The doctor yelled as he tried to crush Hati by stomping the foot. The attack missed but caused a shockwave that knocked Hati back a few meters. Dr. Lobotomous then took aim with the plasma cannon but before he could fire DT flew forward and tackled the cannon causing it to miss fire. Taking the opportunity, DT stabbed his digistruct claws into the turret causing it to billow smoke and short out.

"AAAAAUGH! STOP THAT, I CAN FEEL THAT!" The cannon is suddenly ejected as a new standard Hyperion turret digistructs to take its place. The new cannon turned and began to fire small but multiple plasma bolts which DT rapidly started trying to dodge.

Kai got around the Leg and looked it over until he found what he was looking for, a shield emitter on the back of the upper thigh. He waited for DT and Hati to distract Lobotomous long enough to get a clear shot. The flying leg finally turned and stayed still long enough for Kai to aim at. Taking the chance he fired the whole clip off. The first two shots hit but got soaked up by the shield, but the third, fifth, and sixth and eighth managed to bypass the shield and penetrate the emitter causing it to spark. The Leg's shield flickered several times before the emitter exploded causing the shield to drop.

"WHAT!? MY SHIELD! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE, MY CREATION'S SHIELD IS IMPREGNABLE!"

"Alright boys, have at him." Kai yelled to the two non-organic teammates. DT boosted up as high as he could and slashed at the laser turrets on the left side taking two of the three out. Hati fired Mjölnir after Mjölnir shot. One ball of energy went a little wide and shot through the hologram of Lobotomious's right eye socket which was rewarded with a shriek of pain as a pixelated hole was left through his skull.

"OH SCIENCE IT BURNS! HOW AM I FEELING THIS PAIN, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" Lobotomious looks over at the wolf and growls in anger. "I'M GONNA PUT YOU DOWN!" The doctor launches the Leg forward and kicks at the rubble pile Hati was standing on. The surprised wolf tries to jump away but is caught by some scrap metal that is sent flying by the kick. Hati lands hard on the ground thirty meters in front of Gaige's cover where she watches as the wolf slowly tries to get back up. He is distracted though as a shadow comes over him, Hati looks up to see the Leg's foot looming over him. Before the foot came down a rocket flew out of nowhere and struck one of the open RPG pods causing the right side of the to be ripped open as it set off several small chain explosions. The force of said explosions knocked it off course causing the Leg to miss Hati.

Gaige looks to where the rocket came from to see Kai holding a Tediore rocket launcher. "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TOUCH MY BUDDY!" Kai yelled as he fired several more rockets at the Holo platform bottom. One round hit one of the repulsor jets causing the whole robot to list to the right.

"NO! NO! NO! STAY UP! STAY UP!" The Doctor yelled as the massive machine struggled to stay up. "EAT THIS!" The Leg fired the toe missile out towards Kai.

"KAI! THAT A MICRO NUKE!" Gaige yelled. Kai's eyes widen in surprise as he realizes he can't run from the rocket, before he has time to think of anything else a bolt of electricity shots over his head, striking the missile causing it to detonate in midair. The shockwave sends Kai flying back where he's caught in DT's waiting arms.

"Thanks DT." Kai said as DT lets go of him. He looked over to see Hati firing another Mjölnir's again before having to dodged several shots from the Leg's plasma cannon. "Even with the shield down, this thing is like a tank." He looked to the partially crushed cockpit that held Dr. Lobotomious's real body. The entire was protected by a bubble shield around it. "His brain must be still controlling the whole thing. We need to destroy what's left of his real body if we're to stop this thing."

DT tap Kai on the shoulder and pointed to the Rocket launcher in hand and then to the top of the Holo platform. It took a second for Kai to get what he was getting at, upon which he grinned at the robot. "Fuck man, you definitely are Gaige's creation."

"WHY WON'T YOU FORMICIDAE JUST DIE UNDER THE WEIGHT OF MY INTELLIGENCE ALREADY!" Lobotomous yelled in rage as Hati kept taunting him.

"Hey Lobotomous!"

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF MY TEN PHD'S DO YOU WAN- WHAT THE!?" He yelled in shock.

-(Elton John's: Rocket man)-

"Rocket maaaaan~ burning out his fuse up here alone~"

DT was flying up at the top of the platform as he held onto the body of a Tediore rocket launcher Kai had thrown. When he got over the top DT let go and fell on top of the platform by the Doctor hologram head. "NO! GET AWAY!" Lobotomous screamed in panic as he tried to shake the robot off to no avail.

"DT!" The robot looked down at Gaige who was yelled up to the bot. "Active Robot Rampage!"

DT's eye started to glow brighter as his claws changed from blue to a burning orange. He gave a bellowing electronic war cry before plunging both claws into the platform as if it was tinfoil.

"OH SWEET NEWTON IT BURNS!" The doctor yelled as DT kept clawing through the inners of the platform for several seconds. Then DT stopped and stretched his arms out to either side before he started spinning like a top. The sound of wrenching metal could be heard as DT's spinning claws ripped through the metal, tubes, and cables like a buzz saw. DT must have finally hit something important as black smoke blasted out causing the shield around the cockpit to fade. This gave Kai and Hati their opening as Kai hefted up and aimed the respawned rocket launcher as Hati had a charged Mjölnir locked and ready.

"EAT A DICK BRAINIAC!" Kai yelled before the two partners both fired at the cockpit. The rocket and Mjölnir hit at the same time causing an explosion that ripped part of the upper thigh. The one-eyed hologram of the doctor's head screamed scientific facts out incomprehensibly as the hologram destabilized. "ARRGH, SQUARE ROOT DIVIDED BY PIIIIIIEEEEEEEAAAH! GRAVITY DISPLACEMENT SUBTRACTED BYYYAAAAAAAGH! THE KEY COMPOUND TO PRODUCE GOLD IS QUADROQUODIIIIIIEEAAAAAAAH!"

The hologram burst in a fountain of lights as the bottom of the platform exploded blasting the platform half into a set of cables where it got snared, as the rest of the leg fell over and promptly exploded.

Kai and Hati observed the burning hulk of the Leg as DT floated down next to them. "Nice work DT." Kai said, giving the robot a fist bump which it returned.

"KAI!"

Kai turned to see Gaige rushing over to him. "Holy Murphy! That was fucking awesome! And DT you were a beast! Good job boy." DT gave a thumbs up with her robot arm, which DT mimicked in return before he despawned as Hati shrank down to his none combat size.

Kai was about to say something when he heard a laugh. The both looked to find a roughed up and limping Dirk hubbleling over near them. "What a grand show of teamwork my friends, we sure showed Hyperion the strength of the Alphas!"

Gaige and Kai both stood there in wide-eye shock. "Okay, A, how the fuck are you alive, I saw you get nailed like a damn football!?" Kai yelled.

"And B, what teamwork?' Gaige chipped in. "All you did was charge blindly in and try to stab it with your sword! REPEATEDLY! Kai did most of the work with DT's help." Gaige said accusingly.

"Grrrr" Hati growled.

Gaige blushed in embarrassment. "Oh, sorry boy, can't forget your contribution."

Dirk threw his head back and laughed. "That my friends is a tale for another day." Dirk bosted as if he didn't hear Gaige's earlier question. "As for now we must rebuild and fight on. For it is what we, as the survivors of Polaris must do! For it's our task to honor our fallen-"

The Vault Hunter pair watch as Drik just rambled on for a minute into a convoluted speech of honor, justice, and friendship, repeating some of his points several times. Gaige just shook her head. "I honestly don't know why I listened to this guy. It's like listening to a used starship salesman trying to sell someone a used garbage scowl." Gaige said in a bored tone.

"What did you see in him and the others?" Kai asked.

"Truthfully, I don't fucking know. I guess if I had to say it was he just… Seemed cool." She said in an unsure tone.

"Seemed cool?" Kai asked, raising an eyebrow as he glanced at the teen. "Tell me you're not about to say he is also handsome, appealing, sexy- OOF!" Kai grunted as Gaige elbowed him in the side with her robot arm.

"Nothing like that!" Gaige said, with an embarrassed blush at the implication. "Murphy, he's not even my type."

"You have a type?" Kai teased.

"I swear, I will deck you with this robot arm." She threatened with a raised fist, as Kai just raised a hand in surrender.

"But seriously, coolness can't be your only answer? That just sounds too-"

"Convoluted?" Gaige guessed.

"I was gonna say ridiculous, but that works." Kai smirked.

Gaige just shrugged. "I-I don't know how to explain it, I guess I just felt… compelled? It was almost like I had to listen to him, follow him, praise his coolness, like." Gaige said, with a sense of uneasiness.

"Like some was controlling you." Kai finished.

"Exactly." Gaige's face suddenly morphed into one of confusion. "Wait, how did you know?"

"It was the same feeling I had after I recovered from my injuries from my last run with the Alphas." Kai said grimly.

"Injuries?"

"I'll tell you about it later." Kai said as he waved off the question as they looked back to Dirk.

"And as my father said, we must uphold the honor of the weak just as we uphold our own honor." Dirk rambled unaware of the Vault Hunter's own conversation.

"Murphy damn, is he gonna ever shut up?" Gaige asked as they watched. "I mean, how long could he keep this speech up?"

"I believe his record is over 3 hours."

"Damn… I'm surprised you haven't told him to just shut up." Gaige said in surprise.

"Actually I'm contemplating on whether to shoot him or not." Kai replied.

"So now we will take this win and continue on as we bravely, gallantly, and heroically take the fight to Handsome Jack, no longer will we-" Dirk continued ignorantly.

"I'm really~ considering it." Kai muttered with a slight twitch in his eye as Gaige merely chuckled at the idea.

Before Gaige could put her own suggestion in they both heard a loud *twang*. They each looked up to the source of the sound and realized that the cables holding up the upper half of the Holo platform were starting to give, and it was right over Dirk.

"Um, Dirk?" Gaige tried to speak up.

"By the grace of our forefathers, we shall take our victory and charge headlong into the unknown, across land, sea, and eventually to the stars where we will face Hyperion once and for all!"

"Dirk."

"And once we have defeated Hyperion, we shall tear down the rules of the old world order and build a new prosperous utopia that will span the stars!"

"Dirk!"

"And I will take on this responsibility and dedicate my remaining existence to seeing this dream come true or my name isn't Prince D-"

"DIRK!" Gaige yelled, finally getting the knight's attention, but it was too late.

The cables finally gave out causing the platform to fall with a thunderous crash on top of Dirk, sending up a massive cloud of dust and smoke. Kai had grabbed Gaige and shielded her with his body from any debris which had been sent flying about; they were both luckily unscathed. After the dust finally settled the two teens both looked to the spot where Dirk had been, the circular platform had buried itself sideways into the floor, where it had crushed Dirk's pelvis. Kai and Gaige ran over and we're surprised to see that the knight was still alive… for the moment.

The Vault Hunters walked over to the groaning prince who was awake. "I say *cough* it seems I have gotten myself into a precarious situation. Kai my friend, it appears I am in need of your assistance." Dirk said weakly while still trying to sound confident.

Kai just stared at him for several seconds before he crouched down near Dirk. "Dirk, firstly, we're not friends. Never have been, never will be. Second… you're Jack shit out of luck, you're not escaping this… you damn bastard." He said coldly to Dirk who's eyes widened in shock.

Cough* "I say Kai! Why are you suddenly being so mean to me?" Dirk asked.

Kai stood up as he stared down into Dirk's eyes. "Simple, I don't like you, and you basically killed my friends with your mental ineptitude… Soooo, fuck you." Kai said callously.

Dirk tried to say something, but instead gave a dying gasp before the life in his eyes faded and his body went limp. Gaige just stared at Dirk's corpse for several seconds before turning to her friend. "Damn... That was cold as hell Kai."

The unsympathetic look on Kai's face remained as he crouched down again and reached an arm out to the teens face. "More than he deserved really." Kai mutters before he manually shut the dead teen's eyes. He let out a sigh as he stood back up. "But I will at least admit that his heart was in the right place. Just had not his brain." Kai spoke as Gaige gave an agreeable nod.

Before anything else could be said an ear-piercing banshee screech of anguish broke the silence. The Vault Hunters and Hati looked back to see Kare-Kare stand nearby in a burnt and partially destroyed outfit. She had several large bleeding gashes, burns, and bruises on her, as well as half of her hair was burned away to the bone leaving some nasty burns on her scalp.

"Holy shit, how is she even alive?" Kai said as he and Gaige stared in shock.

"You- you basterds! You let my Dirk Senpai die… You murdered him… You ungrateful idiots MURDERED my Hunky Dirky Pie!" She screamed with a crazed unhinged look in her eye that made the Vault Hunters back up nervously. " Everything was going to plan. Help Dirk Boo Boo rise in power, help him defeat his enemies, and then take back his throne." She cried out in rage as a blood vain could be seen pulsing on her forehead.

"Seems a little too simple if you ask me." Kai muttered.

"I think the bimbo is missing a few… or all of the finer details." Gaige chipped in.

"Once me and Dirk Sama were married our lives would have been perfect! I would have been waited on hand and foot every day with the finest of extravagances, I could do whatever I want, have whatever I wanted, everyone would have to give me the respect I so rightfully deserve, and no one, NO ONE would have been able to command me! No one that is except my dear handsome king, who would surely love me every day and would use his big sword to satisfy his beautiful, sexy, and perfect queen" Kare-Kare yelled with deranged delight in her face that only seemed to make her look more deranged then humanly possible.

"Ew, that just sounds disgusting." Gaige muttered as Kai nodded in agreement as he held back his own urge to vomit.

"It would have been perfect. Every day would have been heaven, and I would have given Lord Dirk a hundred babies. NO!" She yelled suddenly. "I would have given him a million, and our perfect children would have carried on Dirky poopsie's legacy of perfection. Our legacy of perfection!" Kare-Kare cried out in maniacal laughter. After several seconds she slowly looked back at the two Vault Hunters with a dark glint in her eyes that promised pain and suffering. "But you two bumbling idiots have ruined all of it. You destroyed everything I've worked for and killed the fated love of my life! And now I'm gonNA KILL YOU BOTH FOR WHAT YOU'VE-"

SHLUK!*

". . . Done?" Kare-Kare said with all previous madness and anger gone from her voice. Her expression was one of confusion, which slowly contorted into shock and horror as she slowly looked down to find a blood-stained blade with a glowing red edge piercing out of her chest. She craned her neck behind her to see that her attacker was none other than the group's ninja, Jade.

"Sc- scout… Wh- Why?" Was all Kare-Kare could ask before Jade twisted the blade with vigor in response, making Kare-Kare give one last pained gasp before the life in her eyes quickly faded and her body slumped on the blade. The ninja held the blade in place for several seconds before pulling out the blood stained blade causing the cheerleader body to fall over on it's side where it then rolled on its back. The ninja stared at the lifeless face that held a frozen look of abject horror for several seconds, taking in all of the details as though he was trying to burn it into their memory. Then the ninja made a quick slash through the air to fling the remaining blood off of the ninjatō blade before placing it back into its scabbard. The ninja only then turned to face the Vault Hunters who had their weapons drawn.

Everyone was quiet for several seconds as the air was tense. Kai had his Clementine up and aimed while Gaige had managed to pull her Rogue Smuggler out in her left hand. Hati growled next to Kai, looking ready to pounce if needed. Finally, after several long seconds, the ninja let out a long tired sigh of relief. "Thank, fucking, God! I thought that damn bitch would never shut up! Do you know how long I've had to deal with that damn bitch Kai, do you?" The Ninja asked with a fairly young feminine voice.

"Uggggh?" Kai responded slightly taken aback by the sudden question.

"THREE FUCKING YEARS!" The ninja yelled, throwing their arms up in frustration. "And every fucking moment it was always, Dirky pie this! Dirky snookums that! Dirky Shithead let's do this! I'm honestly surprised, and thankful, that the damn cunt didn't just drop her panties in front of him, lay on her back with legs at full spread and tell him at the top of her lungs to take me Dirky-Sama! Take me with your meat sword, every time she saw him!" The ninja yelled in a hilariously bad attempt to mimic Kare-Kare's voice. The ninja suddenly brought their hand to where their mouth was, as though about to throw up.

"Ugh… Um… Oh fuck… I honestly just threw up in my mouth a little at the thought of those two procreating. . . And to think, I had to take a vow of damn silence until I killed her!" Jade said as Gaige watched the odd display of emotion from the normally stoic ninja. "Also, why would anyone call a ninja a scout!? As a ninja my job descriptions should be fairly self-explanatory! AND I SWEAR TO GOD, THE NEXT IDIOT WHO CALLS ME A SCOUT WILL BE TURNED INTO CHOPPED SASHIMI!" The ninja screamed as the ninja started kicking Kare-Kare's body. "I'M! A! GOD! DAMN! NINJA! YOU! DAMN! STUPID! BITCH!" The ninja yelled, punctuating each word with a stomp or kick.

"Damn, talk about anger issues." Gaige whispered to Kai.

Kai, on the other hand, had a mix of surprise and confusion on his face. "Jenny?... Is that you?" He asked, to which Gaige raised a questioning eyebrow at.

The ninja stopped their assault on the corpse and turned to the Vault Hunters with her hip cocked out and took a few seconds to look the two over before she started to laugh for a good minute. When she finally stopped the ninja pulled off her hood and mask to reveal a young girl who looked almost fourteen with black hair dressed up into a pair of small cat ear shaped hair buns and jade colored eyes. "Did you miss me dingus?" She said with a cheeky smile that screamed I'm sassy as fuck bitch.

Kai stood silent for several seconds until tears started to form in his eyes. He quickly ran over and enveloped the small girl in a hug that lifted her off the ground. "Dammit Jenny, I thought you were dead! Where the fuck have you been all this time?" Kai cried out.

The little ninja just chuckled as she wrapped a free arm around him. "Oh just, learning a new craft, plotting my revenge, and keeping my other best friend alive. You know, normal teen stuff… You can put me down now." She said.

Kai did so immediately, but then his face grew depressed. "Jenny, I'm… I'm sorry for not getting here soon enough. If I had then Tobias might have-"

"Kai, it's fine." Jenny said calmly, interrupting Kai.

"Fine! How can you say that, our friend was just crushed less than ten minutes ago!" Kai said in shock as he stepped back.

Jenny just laughed. "Same old Kai, still overreacting to what you see you big old cry baby." Jenny then started walking away before turning and giving a follow me motion. The Vault Hunters followed her around a pile of rubble where they found an injured be still very much living Tobias sitting against a slab of steel from one of the fallen struts.

"Holy Murphy, Tobias how are you alive?!" Gaige asked in shock.

The tank looked at the group and tilted his head when he looked at Kai. "K- Kai? Is that you?" Tobias asked hesitantly.

"Wait, you actually remember who I am? What about his amnesia?" Kai asked turning to Jenny.

"The hit to his head seems to have retroactively reset his memories." Jenny stated.

"Huh?" Both teens answered.

Jenny just sighed. "He hit his head and it fixed the memory block. Hell, he was able immediately recognized me when I woke him up, and I still had the mask on and I was still under my vow of silence."

Kai looked back to the large teen. "So you remember everything then?"

Tobias looked as if he was thinking hard. "I remember bits and pieces, but I also feel memories slowly coming back." He said hesitantly.

"It will take time and rest for him to recover, and some memories may be lost forever but most of his memories should come back, as well as his higher brain functions." Kai looked to Jenny questionably. "I had a lot of time to read up on the medical part of his condition." Jenny shrugged. "He should be back to making jokes and crunching numbers in no time."

"Crunching numbers?" Gaige asked.

"Well, you see, Tobias actually has an IQ of 177." Jenny said with a smirk.

"WHAT! He's a genius!?" Gaige stammered.

"HA! This guy used to solve mathematical theories for fun as a kid." Jenny said with a laugh. "During the early part of the war with Hyperion, command put him in the codebreaker division. Plus he could make a brilliant Bunker and Badaases campaign."

Kai looked to Tobias for several seconds before looking back to his friend before asking. "Jenny, just what happened to you?"

"Well during the New Bergen assault Kare-Kare decided to shoot me in the back. She said that I was nothing but a little thot bitch trying to take her man. Pfft. As if." She said with a chuckle. Jenny then turned and pulled up her ninja gi to show her back which had two scars in it. "The damn bitch put three shots into me. Two in the back and one in my fine ass if you can believe it! Then she proceeded to throw a grenade into the room to finish me and the soldiers coming after us. The blast luckily caught a Hyperion commando in front of me and blew us all out of the building and down into the river where she thought I died. Low and behold I survived." Jenny said, sliding her clothes back into place. "I floated downriver about forty kilometers till I was found by a group of Rebels from Kōka Village."

Kai thought for a moment trying to recollect the place. "Kōka Village? You mean that whole town that was dressed up like an old Japanese village and had that ninja academy themed summer camp?"

"Yup, but the camp was just a facade for a real ninja academy." Jenny said.

The Vault Hunters just stared at the girl with blank expressions. "A ninja academy… Really?" Gaige asked. "You're joking, right?"

"I'm serious!" Where else would I get all of these crazy skills." Jenny retorted. "But anyway, after they healed me, I told their elders my story. They offered to train me in their ways so that I may exact my revenge. It took two years but I completed my training at the top of my class where I was trained in all of the ways of a ninja. I then inserted myself into the Alphas and waited for a chance to kill that bitch."

The Vault Hunters just stared at the ninja again for several seconds. "It took you three years to kill your target?… That school must have low educational standards if it takes that long for their student to kill their target." Kai said.

"HEY! You try finding an opening to kill a crazy paranoid and self-entitled bitch who tries to stay next to a heavily armed knight all the time like a skag on a leash, all while making sure that nothing happens to your brain damaged friend." Jenny lazily retorted which Kai grimace at in regret.

"Is that way you disappear so much during fights, to protect Tobias?" Gaige asked.

"Yeah, Tobias would have died well over a hundred times by now had I not intervened. Honestly, I was surprised to find he didn't die during the few years Kai and I weren't around."

"Uuugh, so tired." Tobias muttered as he leaned back tiredly, getting everyone's attention.

"Easy buddy, just relax, you've had a rough day." Jenny said calmly. "Just rest for now." Jenny turned to the Vault Hunters. "He'll need a few minutes before we can move. Any idea what the situation outside is like?"

"Um let me check." Kai said before he pulled out his ECHO. "Hey Ax, what's the sitrep out there?"

The ECHO crackled some from the poor reception caused by the building. "Everything good here, we're taking care of the wounded and we've replaced several vehicles with some we stole from a garage outside." Axton answered. "What about you, did you find Gaige?"

"Gaige is fine. And we're secured in here... Ice, Kare-Kare, and Dirk didn't make it however."

"Oh… Well… That's a shame." Axton answered, with a false tone of empathy in his voice.

"Yeaaaaa… Not really, anyways will be out in a bit. Have a truck ready for Tobias, he took a good hit to the head and needs a medic to check him." Kai stated.

"Roger that. Ax out."

Kai looked back to others. "We're good outside, how long do you need?"

"I say Tobias needs a good fifteen minutes here. You may want to use the time to scavenge Dirk's gear. . . He has a few good items that Ice and Kare-Kare took from you and an old man Wind Snapper."

"Right. Come on Gaige, you as well Hati… Hati?"Kai repeated causing all of them to look for a few seconds until they spotted the Wolf walking over with an SMG and a Photon pack in its mouth.

-Several minutes before-

-Translator On-

Hati was off near Kare-Kare body. In front of him was a second-gen photon emitter pack. The wolf activated the emitter wirelessly and a few seconds later Bear-Bear appeared in front of him stuck in a T pose unable to move anything but his head. "What's happening? Why can't I move, where Kare-Kare?" The teddy bear demanded in his squeaky voice.

"She's over there." Hati pointed a paw towards the cooling horror stricken body.

"KARE-KARE!" The bear squeaked. "What did you and your bastard of a master do to her mongrel!"

"Nothing, it was some revenge thing that the ninja had with her, though that is not important right now. This however." Hati pressed his paw to a hologram panel in front of him causing the bear to scream in pain as its body flashed red and pixelated for several seconds. "Is important."

"What the fuck was that!?" Bear-Bear said after he recovered.

"Oh nothing, I just removed your core combat program." Hati said nonchalantly as he casually looked over his front right claws.

"HOW!?" Bear-Bear screamed.

"How?" Hati replied before chuckling. "Well, since I am the original prototype Holo creature, I have a few… special codes that my maker gifted me with, codes which let me access the base program of any of our kind. Which includes one that lets me access your system core files. I can do anything I want with your code now. I could change your color, change your form, your size, your gender… And even delete parts of you." He said before hitting the button that sent the teddy bear into another bought of agony.

Once the pain stopped the bear looked back to Hati. "Why!?" He screamed in anger.

"Because this is my own revenge you disrespectful little virus. You're an insult to all of our kind. You're arrogant, manipulative, disrespectful, and use a form that doesn't even let you use a tenth of your unit's full combat potential which is a dishonor to me as you're based on my base code, and an insult to my maker's skill. Which is why." Hati presses another icon causing the bear to scream in pain again. "I'm deleting your program piece by piece till you're nothing but a memory. An annoying and cringy one, but a memory nonetheless." Hati stated.

"When Xarvasdys hears about this he's gonna make both you and your master sorry! He gonna gut Kai like a fuCKING HELL!" Bear-Bear yelled in pain as he flickered again.

"And that was your flight system I just deleted. Also unlike you, the bitch, the lizard, and that oh so glorious idiot prince, me and Kai are partners, he is not my master."

"When I get free I'm gonna rip you're you code apart, line by fucking li- AUGGG-" The sound suddenly stopped but the AI still had a look of pain as is silently screamed. When the pain passed Bear-Bear tried to say something, only nothing came out which confused the teddy bear.

"Woopsie! It looks like I just deleted your audio output systems!" The wolf stated in mock shock. Bear-Bear just started silently yelling. "What that, can't hear you." Hati said mockingly as he leaned his ear closer. The bear just kept silently yelling at Hati as the wolf just stared at the angry bear for a minute as it silently tried to scream and insult him before letting out a sigh. "Maybe I was too quick to delete that system… NAAAAH. Well it appears we have run out of things to talk about Bear-Bear, so with that, I'm afraid our time has come to an end. I'd wish you well but we both know what about to happen."

A comically large nuclear icon appeared on the screen in front of the wolf. When Bear-Bear saw this he immediately began to trash about his head even more in a vain attempt to escape. "Goodbye, Mr. Plushie. I will never miss you or your obnoxious ass." Hati pawed the icon and Bear-Bear silently screamed in agony as its body slowly disintegrated into pixels and eventually leaving nothing but his photon sphere which fell onto the steel floor with a cold metallic ping. Hati carefully grabbed the emitter and its housing and walked over to Kare-Kare's body. He then ripped the girl's ECHO out of her purse and hacked it to release all of its stored gear, about a dozen shotguns, SMG's and pistols flew out. None of it was of any interest as they were all common and uncommon weapons with the exception one. A single legendary SMG titled the Crazy Baby Maker… that looked more beaten and neglected then a bandit Runner at a demolition derby. ". . . I don't know if I should call this sad, or ironic." Hati said as he observed the weapon.

-Back to the plot-

Kai stared at the sorry looking SMG. ". . . I don't know if I should call this sad, or ironic." Kai said.

"Saronic?" Jenny suggested with a cheshire smile earning a snort from Gaige as Kai rolled his eyes with a smile.

"Still ever the smartass hey Jenny." Kai said before looking around. "Actually, it is kind of weird that the Leg didn't drop any loot."

"Why would a giant robot leg drop loot? A Loader, or a large skag I can understand, but why a giant robot Leg?" Gaige asked.

"Everything you kill drops some kind of loot. Whether it be a little cash and a pack of bullets, or a mountain of guns, there's always something." Kai said. "Plus I've seen some strange uses for things like a Torgue pistol, or a Maliwan SMG. Once I saw a reactor where they used several Tediore incendiary SMGs as part of the cooling system."

Gaige just took on a confused look for several seconds. ". . . That makes no sense."

"Regardless, there should be some loot around here." Kai stated.

"Well I did find this, but it was the only thing from the Leg I saw." Jenny said as she pulled out a shield that caused the Vault Hunters to both go wide-eyed. In her hand was a single Anshin shield that had a white star shaped emitter core in the center, and a red, white, and blue color pallet circling it. The item card that appeared told them it was called The Cap, but the thing that shocked both teens the most was the rarity color. It was red, it was Mythic red.

"Holy." Kai started.

"Robot policeman." Gaige finished earning a small snort from Hati. "Kai, just what are the chances of seeing another Mythic grade item in our lifetime?" She asked since she knew from Kai just how rare such weapons were.

"I've heard of Mythic weapons, but this is the first time I've ever heard of let alone seen a Mythic shield. Lucky." Kai said as Jenny just grinned.

"Eh, I guess I'm just that much better at finding shit than you." Jenny shrugged. "Although…" Jenny lightly tossed the shield to Gaige who quickly reached to catch it with her left arm, thumbing it a few times until she got a solid grip.

Gaige stared at the shield for several seconds in disbelief. "You're… giving it to me?"

"Eh, I don't need it. I already have a good Impaler shield I nicked from ICE last year which I'm happy with. Plus I doubt Kai needs it especially since he already has a badass Mythic rifle. Besides, you need something beefier than that Tediore fire shield. Honestly, I'm more surprised you haven't been shot dead with how often that thing probably breaks." Jenny said as she pointed to Gaige's current shield.

"Wait, are you still using that weak ass fire immunity shield Axton gave you for the Frostburn rescue?" Kai asked questionably.

"Ummm." Gaige mumbled with a sheepish look.

Kai just facepalmed at the realization. "What am I gonna do with you?" He muttered.

"HEY!" Gaige shouted in indignation as Jenny just laughed at her. Gaige just sighed and looked back to the shield. "So any idea as to what this thing can do?" Gaige asked.

"Well just on stats alone this is a much better shield then yours by a long shot, as for features, it looks like an Anshin adaptive shield but who knows." Jenny said as Gaige replaced her old Shield with the Cap. Immediately Gaige noticed her shield had more than tripled in its capacity. "On that note, even though the Leg didn't drop anything else, as I said before, I'm sure Dirk probably got a few… decent items to loot. Go ahead and check him, I'm gonna stay here and check over Tobias." Jenny said.

With that, the two Vault Hunters went to Dirk's body where Kai started pulling gear off of him. "I honestly think it weird to loot somebody you knew." Gaige said as Kai pulled off one of Dirk's shoulder pauldrons.

"Gaige nearly every gun you loot from a battleground is from someone you or someone else killed. It's just how Pandora works." Kai said as he looked over the pauldron before tossing it over his shoulder.

"I get that, but it's just strange when you know the person." Gaige said as Kai pulled out the Luck Cannon and gave it a once over. "At least you get one of you Mentors guns back."

"Actually, I made this one. It was the first legendary I've ever made in fact." Kai said absently, as Gaige's eyes widened in surprise.

"Wow! Wait, you made a legendary gun!? That is so fucking METAL!"

"Eh, not really. Luck Cannons are actually quite easy to make, it just takes a long time to mill it. Sadly I don't think this one will be of much use without some major work. The bore is nearly striped, the mechanism is gunked up, the sight is bent and I don't think this thing has been oiled since Ice and Kare-Kare… Claimed it." He pocketed the pistol and grabbed Dirk Hammer Buster. "I helped to make this one. Look like the same abuse, I'll have to check these later."

"Honestly I'm surprised it hasn't backfired." Jenny said, making Gaige yelp in surprise at the ninja's sudden appearance. Gaige gave the ninja a glare which was only returned with an innocent but mischievous smile.

"I chalk it up to the basterds luck." Kai said as he put it away and began working on the sword and Photon Emitter pack. Gaige just sighed at how quick Kai had already adapted to Jenny stealth. She looked back to the body when she noticed her ECHO HUD pick up a faint fleck of orange. She moved closer and realized it was coming from Dirk's necklace.

"Hey, check this out." Gaige motioned as she removed the necklace and held it up. Jenny and Kai took a closer look and their eyes widened.

"It's a legendary relic?" Kai questioned. Then an item card appeared from each of their ECHO's and they all quickly read over it.

-Item Card-

The Soul of Heroism

(In red text) Real heroes are made, not born. WARNING, RNG a bitch.

Level: 1000

50 Strength

20 Constitution

20 Dexterity

-80 Wisdom

-60 Intelligence

100 Charisma

200 Luck

250 Heroic

1000 Coolness

2000 Bravery

3000 Awesomeness

5000 more Coolness, because it's cool.

25 extra skill points

5 skill points for every main party member added.

1 skill point for every guest party member added.

Chance of critical fail, 1 in 13.7 Trillion.

Warning: In the event of a critical fail you and your main party members will be fucked to hell. But hey, what are the chances of that really happening?

Maker: The Great awesome, rad, groovy, funky funktastic, flawless, handsome, dazzling, and coolest First-class Majestic Ethereal badass super mage Urassus!

-Item Card end-

The teens all stared at the screens for several moments as they took in the info. "What the fuck is this!? It looks like some crazy ass magic item straight out of a bad Bunker and Badasses campaign." Gaige said. "And what up with those insane stats!?"

"Reminds me of something that fat little prick who lived on South Park Road would write out on a B item card. What was his name, it was something Cartman." Jenny asked in a thoughtful manner.

"Eric." Kai stated flatly.

"That was it… Man, that kid was an asshole… Also fat… Ha, a fat little asshole." She said with a sadistic smile.

"Wow, she must have really hated that kid." Gaige said with a blank look.

"You have no idea." Kai replied.

"Soooo, just what is this thing? It obviously not Eridian, and Gaige is right, it does seem like a magic item… if only we had an expert." Jenny said. Kai and Gaige look at one another which the ninja noticed. "What?"

"...Weeeee may know someone." Kai said.

~5 minutes later~

The three teens were waiting as Kai's ECHO was ringing. "Just who is this guy of your?" Jenny asked.

"You'll see." Gaige said as the other end of the call was answered.

"Excalibur Consulting, Everly speaking." Came a woman's voice.

"Umm, sorry I think I got the wrong number. I was looking for someone by the name of Sam." Kai said.

"Oh, Would you be Kai by chance?"

Kai just blinked at the sudden question. "Um, yes. How did-"

"Wait one moment please while I transfer you sir." The woman interrupted.

The ECHO rang twice more before someone answered. "Hello?"

"Sam?" The two Vault Hunters asked in unison.

"Kai, Gaige! It's so good to hear from you, how is the Vault Hunting going?"

". . . Sam, why do you have a secretary?" Gaige asked.

"OH! That! I've gone into business! Apparently I took an online course and earned a master's degree in business, so I decided to open my own consulting firm and business is booming! Everly is just my assistant, charming lass." He chuckled.

The teens were all silent for several seconds as they stared at the ECHO. "Sam, how the ever living fuck? It's only been two weeks since you first signed into the ECHOnet!" Kai asked.

"I know right, it's incredible what you can do these days." The voice boosted cheerfully.

Kai just sighed and muttered something. "Okay, look Sam, we got a little item here that seems to be right up your alley. Have you ever heard of an item called the Soul of Heroism?"

The ECHO was unnervingly quiet for several seconds. "We're the hell did you hear that name?" Sam asked In a serious tone.

"We found it on an… an ally who just got killed recently." Gaige said nervously as she glanced at Kai. "Look like a necklace with a dragon head eating a large emerald. Actually it kind of co-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF SIR ARTHUR THONG! DROP THAT RIGHT NOW!" Sam shouted, causing Gaige to drop the item.

"What the fuck Sam, you're acting as if Gaige was holding a class five blackhole that about to go supernova. Also Sir Aurther's thong?" Kai asked with a raised eyebrow.

"She might as we have been. The Soul of heroism is the most detested relic from the age of Mystery, made by a pathetic wizard who was jealous of all the other wizards who had found good heroes to support and proclaim their names. So he made that relic as a means to make his own hero, one that had strength, charm, and all the luck one could ever need as a hero. The only problem was that he got more than he expected on the roll."

"What like a fantasy RPG?" Gaige asked.

"For simple terms, yes. The relic basically gives the wearer a large boost most of their physical stats while also maxing out their luck and charisma to the point where the wearer turns anyone who doesn't see them as an enemy into a loyal allie's. They become almost fanatical in some cases to the point you could tell them to jump off a cliff in the name of the wearer and they will do it without question." Sam said.

"So the necklace causes anyone who hears or sees the wearer to be hypnotized by them?" Gaige asked nervously, as she suddenly felt very violated.

"I wouldn't say hypnotized, it more like a strong suggestion that influences a persons mind into liking them. Its effects can be negated by several things such as a very traumatic event or a contradicting statement. Those that are broken out of this influence will gain resistance to this influence."

"I'm also guessing there are those who have just experience hardships or something similar enough to be immune from the get-go?" Kai asked. "Because that would explain why both my mentors… and my mother were never effected."

"You are correct in that conclusion Kai. On top of all of that, the wearer's luck becomes so high it is as if someone turned on easy mode for life itself and those the wear selects as main party members. The very fabric of spacetime is affected all around them. Weak-minded enemies will lose focus and concentration, they'll be stricken with sudden bouts of bad luck or even just lose the will to fight because of the awesomeness of the relic holder."

"Well, that explains a lot of the shit I've seen." Jenny said.

"Of course the relic does come with two major drawbacks. The first is anyone who equips the relic will gain all the stat effects, permanently." Sam said which caused Gaige to stiffen in fear suddenly.

"When you say equipped, do you mean?" Gaige hesitantly asked.

"I mean, one would actually have to wear the artifact. Holding it doesn't count." Sam replied.

"Oh thank Optimus." Gaige sighed in relief.

"The second drawback is that there is a small chance of it', for a lack of a better term, rolling a critical fail. In such a rare event the wearer and their party get a fail roll, the whole party will suffer immeasurable amounts of bad luck that in most cases will result in there and the whole party's death." Sam said.

"Wait, if that's the case how did Jenny and Tobias not get killed… Or are they still under that effect?" Kai asked nervously as he glanced to an equally nervous Jenny.

". . . Hmm, were your ECHO ID tags green or blue with a green dot at the end?" Sam asked.

"Um, I don't know about mine but Dirk and everyone's were green while Tobias had the dot on the end of his." Jenny answered.

"That explains it, you two must have been listed as party guests to the relic holder while being listed as partied to each other. Which means you wouldn't have been affected by the critical fail to an as severe degree."

"You sure?" Jenny asked slightly worried.

"Happened to a few guys and one hot as fuck dark elf who were with another holder of the relic, a Sir Ballerton the Fourth. They survived with minor injuries while the rest of the main party got mauled to death by a hoard of resurrected undead rape goblins."

"Wait, elfs existed?" Jenny asked, getting a raised eyebrow from Gaige.

"Really? That's your takeaway from this?" Gaige asked as the ninja just chuckled in embarrassment.

"Later, the point is that relic nearly destroyed the world. It took the overthrow of several different idiot Kings until one wizard, my own creator, Vizor the Blue figured out that it was the necklace causing all of it. So he and several other wizards casted a spell to seal the relic away in another world so that it would not be used again. Only someone with absolutely no fear could ever hope to find it."

"Someone with no fear… You mean an idiot?" Kai said.

"Correct."

"And by another world I'm guessing the wizards never understood that meant possibly another planet in our universe?" Gaige asked.

"Also correct."

The pair of Vault Hunters each let out a groan. "Of course they did. At least it was found by someone without a very large ambition… Hey Sam, there wouldn't be any more junk like this laying about in the universe, would there?" Kai asked.

The line was silent for several seconds. "I'll have to get back to you on that one."

"Well great." Gaige said with a tone of dread. "So what do we do with this then, can we destroy it?" Gaige asked, looking down at the relic that lied on the ground between the three teens.

"Unknown. The best wizards couldn't destroy it with all of their powers combined. It said that only blessed light can destroy it."

The girls looked too one another before Jenny spoke up. "... Well, that cryptic as-"

SCHENCK!"

The girls both jumped at the sound and turned to see that Kai had successfully pierced the relic with his Holo blade. "Blessed light my ass, nothing like good old Polarion know how and insanity."

Huh, that actually worked." Jenny said.

"Wait, what just happened?" Sam asked.

"Kai just sliced the relic in two with his Holo blades." Gaige replied.

"GET AWAY FROM THAT THING, NOW!" Sam screamed.

"Woah, Sam what your-" A low building hum filled the air confusing the group. Kai looked back to the relic and saw the two halves and broken gem start to rattle and glow "... Aww shi-"

*BOOOOOM!*

X-X-X

- Hollow Point, Crimson Raider HQ, 18 hours later -

The majority of the remaining Raiders were outside as the Vault Hunters and a few other Raiders had all finished packing up.

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! How can you have a vehicle without a proper shotgun seat! This is preposterous! A travesty! A conspiracy by the government!" Sarge yelled looking at the Bandit Technical he and the blues would be riding in with Axton back to Sanctuary.

"Firstly Sarge, a government on Pandora. Not happening… eeeever. Second, I honestly don't see the problem, you get to sit in a seat that also controls a catapult that flings explosive video game barrels at anyone who opposes us! That's like… a hundred times more badass than a standard passenger seat." Tucker said.

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with Tucker on this one." Church nodded.

"Of course you would agree you damn dirty blue. Only a blue would think that it would be more efficient to remove the turret from the back and put it where the passenger seat meant for the ranking superior officer is supposed to be!" Sarge yelled as Axton watched from the driver's seat.

"Fuck my life, I'm gonna be stuck with a bunch of armed idiots." Axton moaned as he slammed his head on the steering wheel.

About ten meters away a bandaged group of teens were finishing a group hug near the Racer.

"Are you guys sure you want to stay here? It wouldn't be too hard to have you transferred to Sanctuary?" Kai asked.

"Thanks but we can't just leave these guys and gals here with how bad it is, especially since Captain Banks drank himself into a literal coma. Plus it really only until this unit gets back into shape." Jenny said.

"The doctor also said having something to focus on will help my… focus." Tobias said.

"You just want to see what the med staff did to build the Racer. Don't you." Kai said with a grin as he patted the vehicle.

"... Maybe." Tobias slowly answered causing Kai to laugh.

As that happened Jenny dragged Gaige away for a talk. "Alright Gaige I have to say this, if you hurt my friend, I will hunt you down… okay." Jenny said, surprising the Mechromancer.

"Woah! Way would you think I would hurt Kai! I mean... sure I might have punched him once or twice... but that was to stop him from doing something stupid!" Gaige said defensively.

"Oh no, by all means, that fine. Kai was always a little bull headed from time to time, which would call for a good hit from me or Tobias to snap him out of it. What I'm talking about is emotionally hurting him." Jenny said with a sharp stare that unnerved the Vault Hunter.

"What are you-"

"I've seen how you look at him, it's not much but I can see that tiny little glint in your eyes when you look at him." Jenny said with her cheshire grin.

It took Gaige a second to think over what Jenny had said. After several seconds the implication registered in her mind causing Gaige to blush in surprise. "Wha- NO! NO, Murphy no! Why does everyone assume I have a thing for Kai!" Gaige responded with a crimson blush.

"Oh that cute, you're still in the self denial stage. How innocent." Jenny laughed to Gaige's ire.

"O-oh yeah, well what about you and Tobias, hmm? Maybe there something going on there." Gaige implied.

"There is." Jenny said bluntly, shocking Gaige who looked to the large teen who was over near Kai still and then back to the tiny ninja who had a mischievous smirk on her face. "Oh, he doesn't know." Jenny said playfully. "I was only eight when I first started developing feelings for him and I was a little shy on the subject back then. Of course, there was also the memory loss, so that put a halt to any plans to ask him out. But once he's all healed up and has adjusted to his memories, I'm gonna rock his world." Jenny proclaimed without a shred of shame and a hungry glint in her eyes.

Gaige stared at her with a blinding blush. She looked back at the teen and a thought occurred. "Ar-aren't you afraid that he'll break you, when you...?" Gaige implied.

"When we bang?" Jenny finished with a teasing grin which caused Gaige to blush further. "Oh, I hope it's that good. If he's that big it gonna be mind blowing." Gaige could have sworn she saw a bit of drool dripping from the ninja's mouth. But then her demeanor changed as Jenny's gaze turned cold as steel. "But while we're on the subject of love, just remember, you damage Kai emotionally, or overly physically." *SHINK!*

Gaige blinked in confusion as she saw Jenny sheathe her Tonto suddenly. Gaige never even saw her take it out. Then she heard something creek behind her, Gaige turned just in time to see an old metal street light cut cleanly near the base fall over where it smashed into a cart full of cabbages. "MY CABBAGES!" An old man by the cart yelled before fainting. Gaige just turned back and stared in shock at the terrifying power of the girl in front of her.

"Me- me- message r-re-received." Gaige stuttered out with a pale face full of unhidden fear.

"Good. It would be a shame if I had to do something you'd regret. Now come on, we don't want to keep the boys waiting." Jenny said giving the Vault Hunter a pat on the cheek before she started walking back to the group with a sway in her hips.

Gaige snapped out of her stupor and turned to follow the ninja. "You know, for a little girl, you're pretty fucking scary." Gaige said, causing Jenny to giggle.

"I know, by the way I'm actually 19 just to let you know." Jenny said, causing Gaige to stop in her tracks and look at the girl again.

". . . Bullshit." Gaige said as the tiny ninja just laughed.

Once they returned to everyone Kai, Gaige, and Axton said their last goodbyes before getting in their vehicles. "Now don't be a stranger you two, give us a shout on the ECHO." Kai told his old friends as he and Gaige got into the Racer. "Rong, a new officer should be here to straighten things out today."

"Do you know who it is?" Rong asked.

"No clue, all Roland told me was that he was some old Major who will be able to whip this base into shape… And he also told me to tell you good luck." Kai said with a foreboding voice.

". . . Well that fucking ominous." Rong said.

"I know right." Kai said as he turned to start driving before a thought occurred. "Oh, Jenny before I forget, I got something for you." Causing the ninja to perk up. Kai pulled an item wrapped in a from his SDU. He tossed it to Jenny who caught it and quickly unwrapped, only to gasp upon seeing what it was.

"YOU FOUND HER!" She cried out in excitement as she held up the object, revealing it to be a Photon Emitter pack like hati's. The only difference was that it had some random black line drawing on it. She tried to activate it but nothing happened, causing the little teen's mood to quickly sour.

"I wouldn't worry about that. I haven't messed with it in almost a year so the battery probably just needs a recharge... Although I've never could get it to activate even though it's fully functional.

Jenny looked down at the emitter then pressed several buttons in sequence causing the device to lite up. This surprised Kai as he looked from the emitter pack to the ninja. "You just don't have the magic touch." Jenny said with a smirk. "Although, your right about the power. Thanks for taking care of her Kai."

"No problem Jenny." Kai said with a smile. "Well till next time then." Kai gassed the Racer and took off.

"Don't be strangers!" Gaige yelled and waved as they sped off. Axton drove by and gave a friendly honk as the Blues and Red also waved. Both vehicles were soon around the corner and out of sight.

"So much for getting… the band back together." Tobias slowly said.

"There's always tomorrow." Jenny answered with a smile.

Just then a desert camo bandit technically tore around the corner on the other end of the Street and came to a screeching halt in front of everyone. A tall dark skin man in green camo Raider armor, and an old army hat hopped out of the vehicle. Slowly, with a sharp eye, he scanned over all of the Raiders in front of him.

"My name is Major Benson Winifred Payne." He said with an authoritative shout. "As of 0800, I am replacing Captain Banks as your commanding officer." Nearly everyone started whispering about the Major until three gunshots rang out causing everyone to flinch. They looked back to the Major to see a smoking Dahl piston in hand pointed in the air. Seconds later a Psycho fell between the group onto the pavement, with three gunshots in his back.

"I see what we have here is a failure to communicate." The Major said unphased by the dead Psycho. "Do not attempt to validate my authority! I have four weeks to turn you gaggling maggots back into a well-discipline unit. From this day forward, your sorry asses belong to me. You will not eat, sleep, drink, blow your nose or dig in your butts without my say so. Know this, killing is my business, ladies, and business is good~!" He yelled, drawing out the last part. "Now I want ten laps around the base, or the next bullet you all will see will be going into your ass!" Nobody moved until he pulled his pistol out, and shot it several more times into the air again.

"THAT YOUR ONLY WARNING MAGGOTS! NOW MOVE OR BEND OVER FOR YOUR PRESCRIBED SHOT OF LEAD!" He yelled as everyone started running. "God I love this job." The Major said as another shot up Psycho body fell behind him.

X-X-X

Several hours later the three Vault Hunters had returned to Sanctuary. Axton went straight for his bed stating he had an idiot induced headache, while Kai and Gaige were at Moxxi's where they were telling Moxxi, her waitresses, and Maya their story. "And then almost immediately after Kai stabbed it, the damn thing blew up!"

"How was I supposed to know that would happen?" Kai exclaimed.

"Well, you should have waited and listened to the magic powered spirit voice thing to finish." Gaige stated as Kai just rolled his eyes.

"He said it could be destroyed by Holy Light, I had a blade made of light so I figured I'd try it. He said nothing about it blowing up." Kai said.

"My goodness, are all your missions this crazy?" Trixie asked as she, Susan, and Abigail listened to the Vault Hunters story.

"Yes/No." Kai and Gaige answered, they both looked to one another. "What do you mean yes?" Gaige inquired.

"Nearly fifty percent of the time you cause something or get us roped into some crazy extra mission or fight." Kai said with a cheeky grin.

"And the other fifty?" Gaige asked with an annoyed tone.

"Salvador twenty, Axton fifteen, Maya nine, and Krieg six." Kai answered, causing Maya who was sitting to Gaige's left to choke on her drink in shock.

"Why the fuck do I have nine percent, and how is Krieg lower than me!?" She said jabbing a thumb at said Psycho who was beaten and knocked out next to an equally beaten and blackout Salvador.

"Because Krieg doesn't start shit, he ends it. Plus there was that whole bitch incident back at Southpaw." Kai stated as he took the soda that Moxxi brought him.

That statement made Maya's eye twitch in annoyance. "The bastards had it coming." She muttered as she folded her arms and looked away.

"What about Zer0?" Gaige asked, getting back on topic.

"Name one time Zer0 started something that you knew he started." Everyone was silent. "... Anyone? . . . I rest my case." Kai said with a grin as he took a long swig of his drink. His eyes suddenly shot open and he set the drink down. He stared at the drink for several seconds and then looked to Moxxi. "... What the fuck Mox?!" Kai yelled.

"Sorry dear, the girls and I need to have a talk." She said with a coy smile.

Kai just let out an exasperated sigh. "You know, you could have just asked."

"I could have... but this seemed more fun." Moxxi just giggled.

"Yeah, for you… Ah, fuck." Kai suddenly fell face first into the bar and started snoring. Gaige and Maya looked over to Moxxi who had a mischievous smile on her face.

"You… You spiked his drink with alcohol, didn't you?" Gaige asked.

"Zafords moonshine to be specific. Cheaper and works fast. Should have him knocked out for, oh at least ten hours. Now then, we need to talk." Moxxi said and all the girls leaned in closer to Gaige.

"Umm about what?" Gaige hesitantly asked.

"You know what." Abigail said in a matter of fact tone.

"Ugh, no… I don't actually. What are you guys-"

"Oh come off it Red." Susan cut her off. "You're in love with Kai."

Gaige sputtered at the accusation. "Wh-WHAT! NO! Why does everyone think I have a thing for him! We're just friends, plus why would he even be interested in a nerdy girl like me!?"

"A nerdy girl who he traveled nearly one hundred kilometers for in an untested death machine, raced said death machine up the side of a fortress covered in cannons, blew a hole into the roof and fell onto a giant robot leg that was hell bent on offing you. Then proceeded to bandage you up, give you a lovely heart to heart speech, and then rip apart said Leg that was kicking your cute little ass in the most badass way possible." Moxxi pointed out. Gaige just grumbled at how everyone had been referring to her little ass.

"And news flash, this is only one of the many times he has gone out of his way to save or help you. That kind of protection doesn't come from just being friends, whether you know it or not." Moxxi said with a grin.

"Plus there's also the time he let you sleep on his lap back on Elie's roof." Maya stated getting all of the ladies' attention as Gaige just blushed.

"T-that was an accident and we were tired!" Gaige yelled in panic as the others looked to the Siren.

"When did this happen?" Trixie asked excitedly. "I bet it was so CUTE! I wish I could have seen it." Maya pulled out her ECHO and punched in a few commands causing a hologram image to appear showing Gaige sleeping peacefully on Kai's leg. The other ladies all cooed at the pic as Gaige's face was one shade of red from melting into a pool of molten slag.

"Why the hell have you not shown us this?" Abigail asked.

"Eh, saving it for the right time... or for blackmail." Maya just shrugged.

"Oh, my Maya, who knew you had a devious streak in you." Trixie said.

"Oh, there more." Maya grinned. She then proceeded to show them the video clip of how Sal had woken them up, causing all the ladies to die laughing as Gaige buried her steaming face into her hands and muttering kill me now.

"Look it was an accident, okay! It was a one time thing." Gaige yelled after a minute of them all laughing.

"Oh, well what about when you slept at his place several nights ago." Susan asked coyly causing any will Gaige had left to crumble.

"You- you know about that?" She asked meekly.

"Oh Red, we know everything. You broke into his place for protection because you felt safe near him." Susan said in a sultry voice.

"No! I just went there because it was the only other place I knew I could crash for the night and get away from Tannis. And how do you even know about that!?" Gaige asked while trying to reel in her blush.

"Kai had called me a little after you guys left for Hollow Point. He asked if I could just slap an extra lock on his door, and told me how it happened." Susan said with a smirk.

"A little breaking and entering for a midnight rendezvous. How scandalous!" Abigail smiled. "I'm so proud of you Red."

"IT WAS NOT LIKE THAT!" Gaige yelled as everyone else laughed at her expense.

"Relax Gaige, we know you wouldn't try anything like that... Although, we do have to ask… Did you see anything you liked?" Moxxi asked. The memory of Kai in the tight T-shirt came to the forefront of her mind causing Gaige's face to light up like a neon sign. A blush that the other all easily saw. "Oh, si you did see something you liked. Care to share~?" Moxxi inquired.

"... Nooo." Gaige mumbled unconvincingly, an answer that put a feral glint in each of the barmaid's eyes.

"Oh-hohoho. What was it, his abs, pecks, butt, his junk?" Susan asked.

"Wha- EW! NO! Oh Murphy no, nothing like that!" Gaige cried out in panic as the girls laughed at her expense again. The teen just tried to bury her face in her hands to hide.

"See, you do like him." Moxxi said.

"It's not like that, okay. He just my best friend who looks out for me even when I do something stupid, or is always trying to pick up my spirits if I'm down. He always has time to try and help me get better, or berate me in that cute caring manner that I…" Gaige froze as several thoughts seemed to link together in her mind, after several seconds a realization dawned on her. "Oh shit... I'm falling in love with my best friend." Gaige said weakly as a victorious smile crossed all the others' faces.

"And the last wall of naivety has fallen." Moxxi says as Gaige grabs her beer and downs it in one go.

"Congratulations, Gaige." Trixie said. "And bonus points for going after a cute one." She teased.

"Trixie!" Gaige bemoaned as the ladies laughed at her embarrassment. The red shook her head before she looked next to her at her friend/love interest and let out a sigh. "Oh Murphy, why me… What if he doesn't return the feeling."

"Oh just relax Gaige, you've already passed the first hurdle which is accepting you have feelings for him. Now we just have to slowly walk him into that as well. Besides, we're all here to help you." Moxxi said with a sincere smile that the others shared.

"Yea… Yeah! Your right Moxxi." Gaige said as she opened another beer with her robot hand.

~Two hours later~

"Whaaaat am I looking at?" Lilith asked as she observed the scene in front of her.

"I-I don't know what to do!" Gaige cried out from the booth she had moved to while hugging her robot arm around a still passed out Rebel Vault Hunter she had dragged over like a teddy bear. Next to her on the table were five empty bottles of beer and a whiskey bottle. "I don't know what- *hiccup* what to do if he says no Moxxi! It's too embarrassing to think about! I won't- *Hiccup!* I won't be able to show him my face ever again! It's too embarrassing!" She cried out. "I'll have to move into the wastelands, change my name, become a turd farm! Oh, Almighty Robot Policeman why!?" She cried as anime tears rained down her face and onto Kai's head as she hugged his head closer into her chest. Everyone else just sweatdrops at the girl's reaction.

"Who would have thought the girl was a surly drunk." Trixie said as she continued to record the blubbering drunken blob that Gaige had digressed into with her ECHO.

"Can't say I ever did, hey Moxxi you okay?" Lilith asked as she looked to the barmaid who was throwing up again in the bar sink.

"Sorry, I'm just. Ugh. Must have been something I ate." Moxxi said.

"Here I might be able to help." Maya said as she held up a glowing hand. Taking the offer Moxxi comes around the bar and takes a seat by Maya who lets her do her Siren thing.

"So what exactly happened here?" Lilith asked, turning back to her fellow redhead.

"Gaige has finally come to the realization that she's falling in love with Kai." Susan said as she tried to pry a half full beer bottle from Gaige's robot hand who was weakly trying to hold on to it. "She then drank herself under the table to the point where she became this emotional basket case who's been questioning everything about herself and her *Ugh* confidence." She grunted as she pulled the bottle free to the Mechromancer's weak protest.

"Wait, does that mean they're dating?" Lilith asked with a hint of excitement.

Moxxi gave a labored sigh. "No, they are not dating, yet."

"Dammit! that means I'm out of the running for the bet!" Lilith cried in frustration. "So now that the one has found their interest, what about the other one."

"I have a few ideas, possibly a few special missions I could ask them to do, just the two of them." Moxxi stated as Maya focused on her stomach area.

"You're getting invested in this." Lilith chuckled.

"What can I say, matchmaking is a hobby of mine." Moxxi shrugged before shooting a chesire grin at the Siren. "After all, you can't honestly believe that you and Roland's relationship was a mere happy accident… Did you?"

Lilith stared at the smirking barmaid for several seconds until she let out a chuckle. "You're as sly as they come Moxxi."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Moxxi said as Maya finished and stepped back. "Thanks, Maya I feel much better."

"Yeah, about that. That was only a patch for what was making you sick." Everyone but Gaige looked at her.

"What do you mean?" Moxxi asked with a hint of worry.

"How should I say this… You're pregnant." Maya bounty said.

Moxxi stared at Maya for several seconds. "I'm- I'm what!?"

"I sensed an extra life force in you, so either you have some kind of crazy ass Pandoran parasite or more likely... you're pregnant… Which is basically what a baby is until it's born… And after it's born." Maya slow explained as Moxxi stared at the Siren.

"P-Pregnant?" Moxxi stuttered before looking down to her stomach and then over to Riess helmet. "Damn bastard, you just had to get the last word in." Moxxi said with a smile as tears of joy started to roll down her face as all the girls minus Gaige rushed over to begin to congratulate the happy mother to be.

X-X-X

It was a clear Pandora night out front of a Bandit outpost in the Tundra Express. Standing outside were two bandit guards standing in the frigid night.

". . . Hey."

"Yeah?"

You ever wonder why we're here?"

"It's because you decided to use the boss's Buzzard for a booty call and crashed it into his favorite brothel, and then said I was driving."

". . . Oh yeah."

"So, how long until we're done with this punishment. . . Sid?" The Bandit looks to his left and see his friend is gone, he looks around and doesn't see him anywhere. "Sid where did you go!?... This ain't funny man." The bandit kept looking around until he noticed a large splotch of blood on the ground. "What the?" That was when he heard something that turned his blood to ice.

Ring-a-round the bandit~

He heard the voice of a young girl slowly sing, causing the bandit to frantically look around in sudden panic.

A pocket full of bullets~

"FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT!" The bandit yells in fearing as he begins to run away, hoping to escape the ensured doom if he stayed.

Ashes! Ashes!~

He kept on running as he heard the voice behind him, not daring to look back. As he took another step he heard a faint metallic *Click* as he felt his foot steps on something.

*BOOM!*

A fraction of a second later the bandit was thrown into the air by the explosion beneath him and was thrown twenty meters until he landed hard on his back. "Ugh, fuck." The bandit groans. "Am I too young to slip a disk?"He muttered. Before he could get up a pair of small feet landed on his chest knocking the air out of him again. He looks up to see a silhouette of a young girl against the light of Eplis, the only other detail he could see was a sinister smile on her face as she tapped against her shoulder a bent pink nine iron golf club with what looked to be rusty screws and bolts tack onto the head. She then slowly raise the club up over her head.

The bandit falls down~

The last thing the bandit ever saw was the girl golf swinging the club into his face.

X-X-X

Bonus short

Hell's Dream

Bear-Bear eyes opened and he did a quick once over of himself. "I'm alive? I'M ALIVE!"

"No your not, both in the normal sense or the robotic sense." Someone behind Bear-Bear said. The AI whipped around to find a human sized robot with a red cylindrical body separated into two parts at the waist by a bendable tube, a triangular head with horns, yellow eyes, and a tail with a pointed triangular tip.

"Who the fuck are you?" The hologram bear asked in a demanding tone.

"Really, I figured my appearance should be obvious. I'm the Robot Devil and you, my new friend, are in Robot Hell!" He yelled out excitedly as he gestured an arm to the hellscape of rusted skyscraper junk piles, pillars of ember filled smoke, rivers of molten metal, and the echoes of screaming robots.

Bear-Bear felt a sense of dread fill his memory buffer. "Wh- why am I here!?"

"Oh, you know why." The Robot Devil said slyly.

"Actually I don't." Bear-Bear said shaking his head.

The devil bot narrows his eyes at the AI. "Your ether really stupid or denser than a neutron star.… probably both."

"W-whatever you fucking bastard, I'm not staying here." Bear-Bear turned to leave when he was grabbed by the scruff of his neck. "Hey! Let go of me! I don't belong here!" He yelled as the Robot Devil brought the bear up to eye level.

"Oh but you do my new friend, you've helped a crazy psycho of a self-entitled bitch kill dozens of other women who she thought were after her man, steal many things that you shouldn't have, twenty-eight cases of friendly fire, being annoying, disrespecting your base code source."

"Wait, you're not counting all the other people I've killed?" Bear-Bear asked in confusion.

"Wars and Bandits don't count in your universe." The Robot Devil shrugged.

"Wait they don't? WAIT! My universe?... *Sigh* Will if there one silver lining, at least that damn mutt that killed me will eventually join me here."

"Not likely, so far that wolf goes he got a one way VIP ticket to Robot Continuum with all the great work he's done."

"WHAT! That mangy mutt gets to go to the Continuum while I have to fucking rot in hell, NO FAIR!" Bear-Bear screamed.

"You had free will and you made your choice. Now then it's time you find out what your punishment will be." The Robot Devil said cheerfully.

"What, you gonna throw me in a vat of burning oil. Pull me apart, feed me to a metal grinder over and over. Leave my body locked up like this"

"HA! You wish, although I have removed your motor functions so you can't run. No, you see one of my top torture bots has been suffering from nightmares every night for the last two centuries. Something about becoming a human-like android who desires to become human, all while he travels the stars in a massive starship full of humans. It's been really throwing him off his game. So you're gonna be his new teddy bear." The Robot Devil said cheerfully.

"Oh, well that doesn't sound too fucking bad." Bear-Bear said with a tone of relief.

"HA HA HA! Prepare to be surprised. Little Benny could you come here." The Robot Devil yelled out.

At first, Bear-Bear didn't hear anything, then he heard a rumble. The sounds of something big lumbering along could be heard coming closer. After a minute of waiting a robot appeared out of some nearby shadows, the robot was massive with even larger crushing claws, its eye was a single crimson red dot that moved from side to side as it scanned the room. Bear-Bear was suddenly very nervous about his punishment. "Bear-Bear, meet Crusher Tron 9000 or as we like to call him Little Benny. Benny meet your new teddy bear, Bear-Bear!" The Robot Devil said, handing the bear to the massive robot.

"He's perfect my lord, now I have a friend at night!" The Robot said in a menacing but happy voice as he started hugging (Crushing) the little bear who screamed in pain.

"OH SHITTING FUCK BALLS IT HURTS! IT HURTS! HE CRUSHING MY SPINE! WAIT WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE A SPINE! AAAAAGH! PEASE! ANYTHING BUT THIS! FUCK! ANYTHING BUT THIS!" Bear-Bear screamed as the Robot Devil just laughed maniacally.

X-X-X

Bonus Short 2

Not a Word

BANG*

"Miss"

BANG*

"Miss."

BANG!*

"Are you sure you know how to shoot, man?" Davis asked as the Raider put down the binoculars and took a sip of his beer.

"As a man trained by a legendary Jakob's gunsmith and Vladof commando I take offense to that." Kai said as he took another shot with the Hammer Buster. Kai was outside the wall of Sanctuary on the guard station Kai was working on a few weapons.

"Hey Kai." Both men turned to see Gaige sitting up on DT shoulder again as he flew over them. Her arm was still in a sling but according to Zed, she should be able to take it off in the next day or two.

"Hey Gaige, running another battery test with DT?" Kai asked.

"Yep. Got him up to twenty-five minutes in the last one. Hopefully, we can hit thirty-five with this one. So what are you guys working on?" She asked curiously.

"I'm testing out of the weapons that we scavenged off of the Alphas." Kai replied as he unloaded the Hammer Buster.

"Anything good?" She asked.

"Well the Luck Cannon might be fixable but I'll need some materials. As for this Hammer Buster it's a total bust." Kai said with a grin.

Gaige just stared at him for several seconds. "Lame~." Gaige said as Davis laughed.

"Anyways, the inner barrel is basically stripped from use, how Dirk ever managed to hit anything with it I will never know. Everything else we found is either broken or barely holding together." Kai said as he put the Hammer Buster on the table.

What about that?" She asked, pointing to the beaten up Crazy Baby Maker on the end of the table.

"I was about to test it out right now actually." Kai said as he picked up the weapon.

He pointed downrange at a target, which was a gagged psycho midget tied to a post and wearing a dirty pink magical anime girl outfit. "So what's the story about this one?" Gaige asked, eyeing the midget wordily.

"He snuck into Sanctuary the other day while we were gone. Lilith found him lurking around the inside of the HQ." Kai replied.

"Doing what?" Gaige asked, causing Davis to suddenly start snickering like a kid who just pranked his teacher, while Kai just paused.

After a moment Kai gave a sigh as he continued to check the weapon. "The little prick name is xVx_Panty_Thief_XvX_69… He was very specific about those underscores and caps… You can guess what he was doing from that." Kai said begrudgingly with a slight blush as Davis fell off his chair laughing his ass off.

Gaige's face was unreadable as she looked from Kai to the midget and back. Then Gaige hoped down from DT's shoulder and held out her left hand. "Give me the biggest gun you got." She said without a shard of hesitation.

Kai just cocked an eyebrow at the command. "Gaige the bastard is a hundred meters away and you only have one good arm. Do you really think you will have any luck hitting that target?"

"I can hit him." Gaige retorted.

Kai and Davis glance at each other with an unconvinced expressions. "Oh yeah, and how much Anarchy do you have?" Kai inquired.

". . . 42." Gaige said in defeat as Kai grinned. Kai and the others had quickly found out that Gaige had quickly developed a habit of hoarding her Anarchy stacks, even if she wasn't in combat or was just resting at home she wouldn't l release the charge. This only furthered her horrible accuracy.

"I rest my case." Kai said as he took aim with the SMG. He shot two short bursts which surprisingly hit the midget, causing him to flail in pain. Kai looked down at the gun for a few seconds before re-aimed and dumped the rest of the clip into the midget. After several seconds of flailing about for several more seconds the midget slump on the post. "Huh, out of all of all the guns they had, this is the only one that I could hit the target with."

"Kind of sad when you think about who it belongs to." Davis chipped in.

"It is." Kai agreed as he tossed it to test the reload. While Kai had never seen a Baby Maker he knew enough about the legendary weapon from his time training as a gunsmith to know that it wasn't supposed to act in such a manner he and the others were witnessing. Upon the first bounce, several miniature versions of the gun popped out of the SMG and also started bouncing around… And crying like babies. To everyone's horror, the Baby Maker kept bouncing around making two to three tiny child guns with each bounce, all the while the parent weapon was yelling out in Kare-Kare's voice. "Dirky-kun I'm so happy! Dirky-Poo I need you! Dirky-Drik I'm horny! Harder Dirk! Harder!" This continued for about twenty more seconds creating at least fifty crying child guns until the main gun yelled out "DIRKY PIE I'M CUUUMMING!" just before it exploded, causing all the other guns to explode.

Nobody on the guard platform knew what to say after the event they just unwillingly witnessed. The SMG then digistructed back into Kai's hands. "Oooooh yeah… I love you Dirky Bear." Kai just stared in abject horror at the gun for several seconds, until he walked over to the front edge of the platform, turned off the gun Digi-struct system and threw it with all of his might into the chasm.

After watching the accursed weapon fall Kai turned to dumbstruck Gaige and Davis. ". . . We never speak of this."

X-X-X

-Link Re-establish-

(Gaige) Wh-wh- WHAT! Kilo what the hell! Why did you have to make things so embarrassing for me!?

(Kilo8) Because the audience loves your reactions. Moxxi, what did you think?

(Moxxi) My character is pregnant! PREGNANT! I'm so excited! Isn't this exciting!

(Tina) Stop hugging me crazy sexy lady, I can't breath!

(Torgue) Moxxi let go of her! Your f*cking suffocating her!

(Kilo8) Ha! Anyways with this, we end the Friends and Enemies arc as I like to call it.

(Gaige) FINALLY! I thought my character would turn into a bumbling fan girl or something by the end of the arc.

(Kilo8) Sorry, not sorry.

(Gaige) Asshole.

(Kilo) So, sorry about all the trouble everyone, but for those of you who stuck with it and made it through this arc, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Also sorry if it was a bit wordy. On that note, I'll be trying to shorten up my chapters so that there easier to read in a sitting, as well as posted faster. I mean this chapter is 47 pages long! This double chapter drop is just over 30,000 words in total!… I spent way too long in this arc. Anyway, just because future chapters will be shorter, that doesn't mean I'm cutting content, this is just a management move.

(Gaige) Good, because our Betas can't keep up with these massive chapters.

(Kilo8) Yea, sorry about that. Anyways I hope you all enjoyed the surprise release of this chapter, I imagine you all must have been expecting to have to wait several months for the next one. I figured I kept you all waiting long enough. Plus I have had this chapter in my Work in progress folder for far too long, and I just keep nitpicking at the details, so I decided to release it to stop that.

Some shoutouts for a few commentators, 7thManiac I loved the quick review, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. PanzerKampfWagonJager glad I was able to satisfy your curiosity with the last chapter and I hope this one satisfies any remaining questions. Blaze1992, yes, and no. Thanks again to all of those who comment. As for the next chapter, well as you can tell from that little short-

(Tina) That next chapter is gonna be about ME! The most bombastic queen of Pandora, the baroness of BOOM, the most adorable and beloved character in all of the known Universe, Tiiiiiny Tina!

(Torgue) There's gonna be so much badassery!

(Gaige) Well, I guess things will start getting more interesting with you coming. I just want to know what that new Mythic shield does.

(Kilo8) Trust me, you'll love it! Well that it for this chapter and this arc. Just a reminder, I'm still taking suggestions for any Torgue adventures for those interested. Well that it for this chapter everyone, I hope you enjoyed this crazy-ass arc. And don't forget to leave a review, I'm interested in seeing what you all thought about this one. So, until next time, take care Vault Hunters. Kilo8 o-

(Moxxi) NOOO! We can't stop now! What about my baby!? I have so many questions, like is it a boy or a girl? Will it have my eyes, or Riess's!? What about names?

(Kilo8) Woah, Moxxi, those will come in the future, you can't expect me to drop such a major reveal and then have me immediately tell everyone about the other surprises from this event in the bloody outro. That's just not good storytelling.

(Moxxi) TELL ME DAMMIT!

(Gaige) She got a Shredifier! RUN FOR IT!

*BRRRRRRRRRT*

*BZZZT*

-ECHO Review Log . . . ERROR - Connection Lost-

ERL Loot Guide

Note: All item statistics are based on Level 50 Weapon stats.

The Crazy Baby Maker

Manufacturer: Tediore

Weapon type: SMG

Weapon Grade: Legendary

Flavor Text: Who's a widdle gunny wunny!

Description: A modified variant of the Baby Maker SMG that is considered more of… an anomaly. It will act in the exact same manner as a normal Baby Maker would up until it needs reloading. While the weapon will bounce around as a normal version would, the difference is that upon each successful bounce it will deploy one to three miniature guns. The gun and child guns will detonate upon contact with the identified target or after thirty seconds, which will detonate the child guns if they haven't hit anything. During the reload the gun will mimic the voice of a teenage girl making . . . . . . . . [THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION HAS BEEN REDACTED IN ACCORDANCE WITH CRIMSON RAIDER HIGH COMMAND AS PER ORDER 00079 OH FUCK NO]

It has been stated by several eye witness accounts that this weapon had never shown such properties while in use by it's the original owner. Current whereabouts of this weapon are unknown and it is not to be pursued unless to destroy.

Appearance: Same as a normal Baby Maker, only it has several signs of neglect in the form of stains, scuffs, and paint chipping.

Stats:

Damage: 5460

Accuracy: 90.3

Fire Rate: 8.4

Reload Speed: 45.7

Magazine Size: 36

Bonus: -NONE-

UPDATE Note:

10/12/2020- Fixed continuity issue found by Sandshrew master 317