Cheers to 40010Prototype's CHOYQUZU! for the general beginning Chris scenario, where I just sprinkled a bunch of my own scenes afterwards.

Characters from KonoSuba.

! WARNING: CONTAINS LIGHT NOVEL SPOILERS !

! WARNING: CONTAINS LEMONS ! (as if that's secondary, lol)

! WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREME "-RIS" BIAS ! (as in, all girls whose names do not end with "ris" are gutter trash, but that probably won't stop the lemons)

Extremely Important Note: Why exactly does Kazuma's name tag on Fanfiction have a capital A in it? Doesn't that bother anyone else?

Xxxxx

I often joke about how my occupation before dying and coming to this world was protecting my house from intruders, when really, that's just the euphemism all neets use. In comparison, I now spend my days actively protecting my very own mansion from burglars and the like.

For example, here comes a thief right now, through the window. This one seems to be making a habit of coming at night when everyone's asleep and trying to steal my treasure.

The moonlight bounces off the trademark silver hair of the Silver Haired Thieving Group's Big Boss. She's using the Thief class's [Hide] skill to avoid detection, but I know she's there. I can see her clearly with my [Night Vision] skill. What's more, I am also using [Hide], and I manage to sneak up behind her. Next is a combo attack.

I first use [Steal] to take an article of clothing from her-It ends up being her facemask. I guess that means she's not wearing any underwear.

I then activate [Bind] using the mask as the material to gag her. This is extremely important. If I do not gag her, she will utter the words that spell GAME OVER for me:

"Kazuma, wait, it's me, Chris!"

If I allow her to say who she is too quickly, I'll have no choice but to let her go.

"Oh, Chris. I did not know it was you. I merely saw a thief, so I was about to capture her and punish her for trespassing."

"Ack."

"So what brings you to my mansion?"

"N-nothing! I just got the wrong mansion! I'm leaving now!"

That's how the first time went. I immediately knew why she came and what she was after. And I will do whatever I can to prevent her from getting it.

I found sexual harassment works the best to keep her at bay. This information about her weakness led me to come up with these naughty methods of using my skills to incapacitate her.

Now that she has been successfully silenced, I can run up and tackle her from behind! I seal her movements with my arms and start groping her lacking chest with my hands. Not that I mind her chest being lacking. She can still flail her forearms around, but I'm keeping her elbows locked against her sides.

I move one hand down to unbuckle her belt, and use the other hand to pull up her tiny top. Since she's not wearing underwear, I can access these areas more readily. When I pinch one nipple and slide one finger down along her slit, she elicits a muffled moan and tries to grab my arms. I doubt she has the strength to resist me, but just in case she does, I'll use [Drain Touch] to bring her magic level down to about 80%.

Suddenly, I feel a whole lot stronger, luckier, and bolder. I venture my finger deeper into her private part. Damn. I also feel my own private part getting bigger and harder against her soft butt.

That's enough. I can't wait any longer! I pull down her tiny jean shorts, as well as my own jersey pants, just low enough to expose her hole and my dick. Then I lean forward, bending her over too.

I'm going in!

Ah... So soft... And it went in so smoothly! Chris shudders. My finger is doused with a warm liquid... Then I realize my finger is still inside her pussy and isn't conflicting with my penis.

...What just happened?

Just then, "Puah!" It seems Chris managed to spit out her gag.

"Ka-Kazuma, hah, wait! Ti-time out! Ah, I, nghaa, I'm so weak..."

She looks back with a pair of sexy bedroom eyes.

"...Chris? It was you?" I feign surprise.

Unsuccessfully.

"You knew, hah, you knew it was me the whole time!"

She knows I have [Night Vision].

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I was just apprehending a thief that I happened to catch sneaking around my mansion. I shouldn't just allow her to steal from me, right?"

Justice is on my side.

"Jeez, you wouldn't stick your dick into just any random thief's ass, would you?"

...You don't know that. You just happen to be the only thief that comes to my mansion for any purpose. Although I seem to have missed my aim when entering, Chris doesn't look displeased one bit. I guess you can say I lucked out, finding her weak point right away.

Still, I can't let her know it was accidental, so I'll pretend I was an ass man all along.

"You're right. Chris is my main heroine after all."

"...You're the worst." She says, looking away.

"Hey!" I make her look back and immediately steal her lips before she can respond. I'm pouring all my feelings into this kiss, I hope she accepts. That calms her down a little, so I guess I can start moving my hips. Since I'm no longer locking her arms, she brings one arm around my head and pulls me deeper into the kiss.

"Nngh..."

She's really getting into it. Her gluteal muscles are giving me such a wonderful massage. It feels like I'm in heaven. Well, even if I say that...

She is my Goddess, after all.

"Eris-sama! I'm at my limit!"

"Wait, slow down! I am too! Nghaa!"

Such a cute cry just adds more force to my flow. If I pull out now, I'll get it all over the walls. So I keep it in. And fill her ass up.

"Hah... Hey, how did you even know that goddesses prefer anal? Did senpai tell you? You didn't do it with her, did you?" She sounds concerned and jealous, and I do not hate it at all.

"Huh? With Aqua? Don't joke around like that...I'm just an ass man."

"Oh."

I don't know if she bought it or what she's thinking.

Ahh... Chris looks spent, so I princess carry her to my master bedroom and lay her down on my king-size bed. As I'm spent too, I crawl over to her head and line my tip up with her mouth. I let the last drops of my cum trickle into her mouth. She responds with a suction kiss to my tip, making a slurping sound.

"...Shit, I got an erection again."

"Nngh?!"

I feel it returning to its maximum size between Chris's lips. Without removing it, I lift her head up, and set her up against the headboard. I also clasp her head between my hands. Now that she has no room for movement, I have no way of screwing up my aim like last time. I mean, I wouldn't want to poke her eye or anything. I push my entire length in, straight through her lips, over past the back of her wet tongue, and all the way down into her throat.

Man, if I thought her ass was heavenly, her throat is completely divine!

Her eyes are bulging, and her pupils are shaking. That's probably a bad sign, so I back out enough to let her breathe. Do goddesses even need to breathe? I don't think Aqua does. Anyway, I wait until Chris's breathing becomes steady again and her facial muscles relax. Then I slowly push it back inside. She's a lot more accepting this time. When I go all the way back in and her lips touch my base, she looks up at me with the same bedroom eyes as before.

If she likes it, then I'll start repeating the motion, while gradually increasing my speed. My hips are getting tired though, so I pull her away from the headboard and plop myself down in the middle of my bed. But I don't remove my hands or cock from her head.

In this sitting position, I can pump her head up and down like a piston. I can go faster like this, but it'll probably make her dizzy. I already see her eyes spinning. But I'm so close to my second! She'll just have to bear with it for a while. Once again, I can't afford to get any on the wall, so I force her head down as hard as I can and shoot load after load straight into her stomach.

I feel kind of bad for that one though, being so rough with her. I let go of her head and put my hands behind me for support. Her eyes are closed. She's not moving. That's extremely worrying.

"Hey, Chris?"

I gently brush the her short, trademark silver hair out of her eyes with my thumb. She's still warm. Before I can move my hand to her neck to check for a pulse, she opens her eyes and rises from my cock. Ah, what a relief! She uses her fingers to stretch the corners of her mouth open wide and sticks out her tongue to show me the disappearance of my seed from her mouth. I have no idea where the hell she learned that, but I do know that I love this girl. And that I have another boner.

I can't help but tackle her again and kiss her with even more passion than before. I taste something peculiar, and then realize it's a mix of my penis and her ass. That's really disconcerting, but it's no where near the amount of humiliation I just put Chris through, what with making her deepthroat a dick that's been in her ass. I hope she doesn't hate me for it. That's why I'm kissing her, to show that I too can be as humble as I make others. That she's not only kissing me back, but also embracing me tight like we've been separated for years means I shouldn't worry.

"Now it's your turn, Chris. You decide the next position."

When we finally break, I point to my rod, letting her know that I still have some fight in me.

"...Honestly, I was scared at first, but overall, you actually know how to treat me really well. It was surprising. It'd be a shame to say no. A-alright, Kazuma, lie down and let me have my way with you." She says, feigning confidence, but I see a faint blush becoming more prominent the more she talks.

"Alright, but if you do something I don't like, I'll use [Drain Touch] to rob you of your movement."

"That's terrible! Just shut up and lie down! You'll love it, I promise!"

A real goddess's promise. That means it has to be true. I will love it, whatever it is. I have no problem surrendering myself to her now, so I lie down like she wants me to.

While I'm waiting, Chris removes all of her clothes and throws them to one corner of the room. Then she positions herself over me. Specifically, she stands with both feet on either side of my head, facing toward my feet and the headboard. If I look straight up, I have a clear view of both her holes. Her puckered anus still has some of my white seed inside, while her cunt is glistening with her own cum.

Now they're coming closer to my face. Ah, it's because she's squatting down. Is this what she had in mind? Well, I'm enjoying the view, but I wouldn't say I'm loving it. Oh, she's landed. So squarely on my face that the tip of my nose has already penetrated her ass. It feels wet. I obviously can't breathe, so I have to open my mouth. When I do, her pussy juices drip down and land on my tongue. Despite the difficulty breathing, it's a very refreshing flavor, and overall a very interesting experience.

But Chris doesn't stop there. She reaches forward and starts stroking my boner with her hand. That's normal enough, I think. But then she leans forward even further, lifting her ass up off of my nose and touching her pussy down onto my mouth. Yes, this 69 position. I'm starting to like it more.

I feel her lips on my dick again. I figure it's time for me to move too. I bring my hands up to her butt cheeks and give them a nice, forceful squeeze, pulling her closer so I can make out more passionately with her lower lips.

In response, Chris goes down all the way to my base once again-oh! It's different! This is from a different angle after all, so I can definitely discern this new sensation from the previous deepthroat. She can move her hands to massage my balls too. Yes, yes, you were right all along, Eris-sama! I love this position! I'm so glad I chose you over my relatively useless teammates, Megumin and Darkness! They would never think of something like this! And Aqua doesn't even count.

Wait, I should calm down. Thinking of other girls during sex might mess up my mojo. Let's think only of Eris-sama. And Chris. Come to think of it, if she was wearing her elegant goddess robes, would I squeeze her ass and hammer her throat the same way? Well, she's wearing nothing right now, so it's kind of like she's in both personae at this moment. Ah! Imagining receiving a deepthroat from two people at the same time is enough to tip me over the edge!

"Ah! Eris-sama! Chris! I'm coming down your throat again!"

Even though I'm not holding her head down like last time, she stays down on it by her own accord and allows me to shoot full force into her stomach, just like before. I'm guessing she just prefers being filled over being covered.

A split second after my third ejaculation, Chris showers my face with her own second-or is it her third as well? I feel like I'm drowning. But compared to all my previous deaths, this has to be my favorite. Before, the only good thing about dying so often was meeting Eris-sama every single time. But wait.

...If I die now, who's going to greet me in the afterlife this time? If Eris-sama is here with me right now, that means she's off duty. Will there be someone else in her place? Or will I have to wait until she comes back before she can resurrect me?

Everything's black. I think I'm already there. I can't feel anything save for a pleasant sensation on my lips. And suddenly, my lungs fill with oxygen and I'm back.

"Cough, cough!"

So Chris performed CPR on me. Looking back, that was pretty pathetic of me. Chris could take my servings no prob, but I couldn't take hers. And then she used the same mouth that was blowing me to breathe life back into me before it was too late. But I can't complain about anything. I'm real fortunate that it's her.

"...I think we went too far." She says, looking away. "So let's call it a night." She starts getting dressed. "Have sweet dreams, Kazuma." She says with a smile. "And I'll give up on my target. I think you deserve it." She looks at my wall. "But I'd still appreciate it if you didn't display them out in the open like that. At least put them away in drawer..."

She's talking about my special collection of 29 panties arranged to spell out "Chris [クリス]" in katakana. This was her goal since the beginning. Well, they were all originally hers, after all.

"No way. They are my most prized possessions, you know. But I hope this doesn't mean you won't come over anymore just to have some fun at least. I want to start a new art piece that spells out 'Eris-sama [エリス様]' on the opposite wall."

"You're going to take more?!-" Just then, she shuddered. "Shit, senpai's coming this way! We'll talk about your kleptomania later. I'm Audi Five Bajillion, peace!" As she jumps out the window.

Where the hell did she learn those phrases? And I don't want to hear about kleptomania from a thief-by-class. I head toward my bed before hearing a knock at the door.

...I did lock it, right?