This is a short one. Whoops. Enjoy anyways!

I Instantly Have Regrets About Inviting a Handsome Latin-Speaking Demon to be Around My Girlfriend

Early on, I had made a grave mistake in assuming Star was like me. Physiologically, I mean.

See, the thing about Star- or rather, Star's entire race- is that they aren't exactly human. Sure, to any common spectator, Star looked and acted like any regular girl (albeit a girl constantly on a wicked sugar-high), but her species was fully and undeniably Mewman.

There are no obvious differences between humans and the inhabitants of Mewni- we share a basic anatomy, psychology, and even a modern language. But there was one glaring factor in discriminating between our two breeds- one that Tom would make sure to nail into my skull mercilessly, as if it were the final hinge on a coffin door:

Mewmans possessed a magical potential. Humans did not.

"The wand is useless now!" Steam blew out of Tom's nose (You think this is a figure of speech or something?) "It's garbage! Rubbish! It's what you mortals might call a fresh piece of shit."

I snapped, "I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what came over me-,"

"You're weak willed," Tom whirled around and jabbed a clawed thumb into my sternum. "No better than the caenum that pursue power like starved dogs."

It was something about Tom's slip into Latin that shook me loose from the magic-induced high I was riding. Usually, he just spoke with typical Earth slang (because really- calling a twelve year old an irrumator praetor matrem suam over Xbox live really does not give the same effect as its English equivalent). He'd mentioned once that language- especially languages with the words of the ancient- held power in his dimension, and were never to be used lightly.

Something told me that if I didn't calm down soon, I'd earn an early trip to the underworld.

"I get it, okay? I screwed up. There's nothing we can do about it now," I said, releasing a heavy sigh.

"You should be glad I care far more about Star's life than your suffering," Tom snarled.

"Thrilled," I assured him with a roll of my eyes. Before Tom could send me down to an eternity without A/C, I continued. "This isn't a lost cause, okay? I got word from Victor's clean-up crew that he regularly gets interdimensional shipments. If we can find those orders, we can find him."

"What kind of shipments?" Jackie asked. Her voice shook me a little. I'd forgotten that she was even there.

"Sunstone," I said after a brief pause. "And… mane tonic."

"Sunstone…" Jackie hummed thoughtfully. She reached into her drawstring and pulled out a skinny black book.

"Then we have to get moving," Tom said, his eyes meeting mine. "Get your car started, and make sure we have gas."

"Dude, I've got dimensional scissors. We can just-,"

Tom snorted humorlessly. His eyes flashed for a moment, and I got a sudden vision of the souls of the damned, screaming and clawing at the pits of hell. I shivered.

"We're going to a universal trading port, dumbass. It's literally the Holy Grail of dimensional rifts. Do you really think putting more holes anywhere around that area is a good idea?"

"Fair enough," I nodded, subconsciously feeling the burn scar on the back of my head. Heackapoo's wrath was definitely not on list of things I needed to deal with right now.

"C'mon, Jackie," I said. "Let's go start the car."

Jackie held up a hand in dismissal. "I'll be down in a little. I need to decipher this." She gestured towards her book and tilted it upwards to let me read the title:

STUDIUM DAEMONUM

I was about to say something, but Tom beat me to the punch.

"That's Latin," he mused, eyes lighting. He strode over to peer at the old yellowing pages. He scanned the text for a moment before nodding. "Tell me what you need to know," he said gently. He then turned to me, and his eyes hardened again. "We'll meet you down there, Marco."

I felt compelled to obey, though my teeth and fists were clenched tightly the entire way down.

Getting in my car, I checked the gas. It was three-quarters full (I never let it dip below the halfway mark in case of emergency), so I dug into the garage for a jerry-can. After making sure the fuel was substantially closer to the "full" marker, I found myself sitting behind the wheel.

I turned on the stereo, hitting my third preset to tune into the Echo Creek Alternative station. It grated on me, and I turned it off almost immediately.

Tom had been right: possessing the wand had been idiotic. I'd already failed as Star's escort and guardian… Claiming the wand and besmirching the Butterfly name on top of that only assured me that contacting her parents would be suicide.

Jackie and Tom emerged from the front door. They seemed to be cheerful enough, Jackie laughing brightly at something Tom was going on about. My eyes narrowed, but I said nothing.

"Did you find what you needed?" I asked as Jackie took shotgun.

Tom stretched out his legs in the back. "We did," he nodded.

"Tom…" I chastised. He was sitting long ways, with his back propped against one window, and his feet against the other.

"Fine, fine. I'll sit like a good little boy," Tom put his legs down and buckled himself in. I grinned.

"Anyways," Jackie broke in. "According to the Study of Demons, Sunstone is a big component in warding away witchcraft."

"That must be what Victor used to charm himself with," I nodded, putting my car in reverse and pulling out.

"Do you know where you're going, Diaz?" Tom asked with an unamused frown.

"I… uh…"

"Right, of course," he huffed. He flicked his wrist, and a long blue flame tore from beneath the car, leading down the street in a thin, straight line.

"Is that-,"

"Demon GPS? Basically," Tom grinned.

"You're a massive pain in my ass, but this is awesome," I said. I followed the blazing trail full-throttle.

We're on our way, Star, I thought. I swear, we'll be there soon.