The Shocking Proclivities of a Lion and His Mistress

~~LoLu~~

I do not own the characters of Fairy Tail.

~~LoLu~~

"That bastard Loke," Gray grumbled sourly as he watched his friend sitting down at the other end of the bar from him surrounded by a bunch of girls. "He claims he loves Lucy, but then the moment she's not in sight, he's hitting up tons of other women? I knew he was just saying that. He's still doing the same damn shit he used to do before he met her."

Mirajane paused in wiping the bar down, caught a little off-guard at that statement. Oh, that's right. He and Juvia just got back last night from that job. They've been gone and don't know. Then she raised an amused brow – this was going to be fun. She chuckled and leaned her elbow on the bartop, setting her chin in her palm as she watched the handsome, ginger-haired man - and the girls vying for his attention.

"Do you believe so?" she asked. "I'm honestly surprised you think that."

The dark-haired mage shot her an incredulous look. "What the hell are you talking about? How is his behavior now any different than before?"

"Look closer, Gray," she tittered softly, amused but also glad to see that Lucy's teammate and friend was so concerned for her, even if it was completely unnecessary. "Loke's just sitting there. Those girls are all over him, but he's not all over them. In fact, if you pay close enough attention, you'll see him trying to keep them from invading his space too much without seeming like he's being rude, and his smile is very forced. Now," she grinned as she caught sight of and indicated the person just walking through the doors, "watch."

The ice mage had barely taken in the fact that it was his favorite blonde teammate entering the building when an ecstatic, relieved shout of, "Lucy, my love!" echoed loudly around the cavernous room, and his friend was no longer sitting at the bar – he was across the hall and practically on top of the now beaming woman... the beaming woman who wasn't Lucy-kicking him into next week for trying to flirt with her.

Both brows shot into his bangs and he gaped. His eyes slid to Mirajane, and then over to the girls Loke had just ditched so... enthusiastically, and then back to he and the celestial wizard. "Wha-?"

Tucking a lock of silver hair back behind her ear, the takeover mage smirked at Gray's utter shock, but when he tried to sputter out further words, she shook her head and put her finger to her lips. "Shhh. Just keep watching," she whispered, knowing the young man was in for a very large surprise. The rest of the guild had gotten over theirs by this time, but as he hadn't been around, it was his turn now.

Still gaping, he could do little but stare and listen for whatever it was that had Mira looking the way she did.

"More girls, Loke?" Lucy was asking, though oddly enough she didn't sound upset or jealous... but almost as though she was flirting with the ginger-haired tomcat his friend was in return.

"No way, babe! I was just sitting there waiting for you and minding my own business. They came in here looking for me, I didn't go looking for them!" he denied, not paying any attention whatsoever to the insulted gasps that came from those he'd abandoned so cavalierly. "You know you're the only woman for me now."

"Hmm... I'm not so sure," she bantered back, eyeing the man in the neatly tailored suit up suggestively. "Perhaps my lion isn't as tamed as I thought."

The ice mage promptly choked. Did she just...?

"I'm perfectly tame for you, Princess," said lion purred hotly, "but if you want to tame me some more, go right ahead. You know I love it when you assert your... authority."

"Well, if I'm going to subdue you, I suppose I'm going to need the right outfit, aren't I?"

Loke's eyes widened to twice their normal size. "T-the lion tamer's outfit?" he breathed with a hopeful smile.

"Mmm, we'll see." She pressed a finger into his shoulder and used it to push him aside, then continued on towards the bar, a small, pleased smirk playing about her mouth.

That fake brush-off didn't phase the celestial spirit one little bit, and he was instantly behind Lucy as she came to a stop and took a seat on an empty barstool. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned down to nuzzle into her ear, then hummed, "Mistress," while rubbing his cheek against her like an over-affectionate cat. "Do you promise?"

"Only if you're a good boy, Loke," she returned, patting his hands where they folded over each other across her abdomen. "Right now, I want one of Mira's smoothies. After that, well..." she leered at him over her shoulder, "who knows what I'll want?"

Hazel eyes blinked, and then he was sitting next to her with an adoring, sparkly-eyed grin as he raised a hand for the blue-eyed bartender. "Anything you say, babe," he agreed fervently, obviously more than keen to please the small blonde woman. "A pineapple smoothie for my lady, Mira," he called over.

"Coming right up," she replied with her usual sweet smile, then turned to make the requested beverage.

A minute or so later she set the drink down in front of the blonde, and Loke immediately took it and adjusted the straw just so before offering it to his mistress with an ardently smoldering look. To Gray, he seemed like nothing so much as an eager puppy, and that was just... too strange. His friend had never acted like this when he was chasing practically anything in a skirt back in the day. He'd been the one the ladies were acting like this over, not the other way around - as was obvious from the shock evident on the faces of the girls that were still sitting and watching the two just as he was. Every single one of them looked completely dumbfounded.

Dumbfounded, but also very jealous.

"She's got him whipped!" Gray finally exclaimed incredulously. "I never thought I'd see the day any woman managed to do that to Loke."

The lion heard him quite clearly, as the ice mage had known he would, and looked over at him with a perverse smirk. "You say that like it's a bad thing, man. But I definitely don't see it that way - my beautiful mistress can whip me anytime she feels like it. Especially when she's wearing the lion tamer's outfit."

That was freaky enough, but it was Lucy's rather sultry chuckle and her, "So Virgo's not the only spirit that likes to be punished, hm?" that did it for Gray.

"Oh, come on, really?" he yelled, his head spinning. "I don't want to know about shit like that, you guys!" Then he looked at Lucy. "And you! I can't even-" he smacked himself in the forehead, "-can't even believe what I'm hearing! Where the hell did Team Natsu's innocent little celestial mage go?"

His question was met with a sigh. "I'm not a child, you know." Then she shrugged and glanced mischievously at her lion before looking back at Gray. "Besides, no one stays innocent forever. I find I've developed quite a taste for a certain type of... adult behavior."

"Damn it, stop!" the ice mage shouted, shivering with the horror of it all. "I need some eye-bleach," he moaned desperately, slamming his head into the bar. "I don't want those sorts of visuals in my head!"

"Yeah... I don't want you having those sorts of visuals in your head, either," Loke glowered at his friend. "No one should have Lucy's body on their minds but me."

"Ack! T-that's not what I meant, you bastard! What the hell are you thinking?!" Gray sputtered, turning a dull sort of red.

"Don't make me collar you, Leo the lion," the woman in question said, cocking a golden brow at the spirit in warning. "He's got no interest in me, and you know it."

Loke completely ignored the last part of her statement to stare at her with a wide, amazed smile practically lighting him up as brightly as his Lion's Brilliance move. "The lion tamer's outfit... and the collar? At once?! You're not kidding me, are you?"

Lucy didn't really answer, just gave him a saucy little smirk as she sipped the last of her smoothie rather teasingly-

And just like that, Gray and the rest of those that were there were left blinking in surprise as the two seemingly just vanished, the only proof they'd even been there the now empty smoothie glass wobbling on the bartop - and the slamming of the exterior doors as something burst through them with great speed on its way out of the building.

It took the ice mage a few to recover any sort of calm, and he shot a reproving glare at Mirajane as she laughed at his reaction, muttering, "Priceless!" and, "Wish I'd had a video camera!" in between bouts of giggles.

"Oi," he grumbled, "It isn't that funny."

"Yes it is!" Mira continued laughing. "You were so shocked you've still got your clothes on!"

Gray looked down at himself and frowned. Huh. She's right. I am still dressed. Not that it was a bad thing, but...

"So, when did that-" he waved a hand at where the two had been sitting, "-insanity start?"

The takeover mage was still laughing, however, so it was left to an approaching Levy to answer. "You mean Lu-chan and Loke?" she asked, having entered the guild just as the lion dashed by carrying her friend. Knowing that their resident ice mage had been gone for some weeks, it didn't take a genius to put two and two together when she got close enough to hear the conversation, and realize what he was asking.

"Yeah, that."

She grinned at him. "Oh, they've been dating for a couple of weeks now. I think they got together right after you and Juvia left on that job, actually."

"Dating?" Gray asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "So it is 'dating' and not just... well..."

Levy almost looked scandalized at that question. "Of course it is! Lu-chan's not the type to play around like that... even if Loke used to be," she added as she caught sight of the crowd of very disappointed girls that were finally beginning to disappear.

"Yeah... yeah, I know," he sighed, still looking a little green around the gills at everything he'd seen and heard in the last twenty minutes or so. "And I guess I know Loke wouldn't really take advantage like that, at least not of Lucy, anyway," he admitted a little grudgingly. "I always knew he cared about her, but..."

"And here I thought he'd been so obvious," Mira replied. "He's been in love with her for ages – I really don't know how you could have missed it."

"Easily. I mind my own business," he tossed back. "How'd the flame-brain take it?"

"Oh, he actually helped them get together," Levy chirped, taking a seat next to Gray. "Of course, that was after he'd had a 'private word' with Loke, but I guess he was able to convince our resident fireball that he was serious about Lu-chan. After that, Natsu was all for the relationship, seeing as she's so obviously happy."

Gray didn't have to be a genius to know what that 'private talk' had consisted of. It would have been a more excitable version of the same warning he'd have had for the stellar lion – you hurt Lucy, I hurt you, in other words.

He sighed, then shrugged. "Well, I guess that's all that counts, then. I'm glad they're happy... but damn it all to hell, I really could have done without all the extra information, Mira! You couldn't just tell me they got together instead of exposing me to that... that utter wrongness?"

The sweet, white-haired mage grinned as Levy laughed, and he groaned. "I need a drink... or ten."

"Tequila?"

"Tequila. It's going to take a lot of something strong to get that horror out of my head."

"Coming right up," the barmaid said cheerfully, and when she returned she was carrying not a shot glass or two, but the entire bottle.

What the hell - I'm probably going to need the whole damn thing, anyway.

With a grateful nod, he grabbed it and took a good, long swig - the sooner he got started, the sooner he could scrub the last half hour out of his brain.

Needless to say, by the time Gray managed to drown those memories, most of the bar's stock of tequila was gone, and not a little bit of its vodka, as well.

~~LoLu~~

A/N: I'm just... terrible. This little piece jumped into my head while I was taking a bath, and I almost drowned myself laughing imagining the look on Gray's face on hearing his friend get all excited about 'the lion tamer's outfit' and being 'collared'. Besides, I thought it'd be fun to do a story where Lucy was as much a perv as Loke.

Ja!