Hey guys. Honestly I'm not even gonna apologize for the long update, I'm starting to sound like a broken record. I'm pretty certain this is the last chapter. anyway on to chapter 14, I hope you like it!

disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination.

Chapter Fourteen

I feel like I've been sucker punched at the words and I stumble back a step, trying to process what they said. I try to ignore the growing knot in my stomach as Officer Andrews gives Sam and I a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry boys. I know this isn't easy." Sam, who seems almost unfazed by the news, speaks up.

"What happened?" There's no emotion in his voice, which earns him a suspicious glance from Hanson. He gives my brother a once over before answering.

"As I said earlier, there was an accident. Your father lost control of his car and drove off the end of a bridge." The knot in my stomach intensifies as he describes the scene and I can feel a headache forming behind my eyes. I lift a hand to my head and grunt.

"You ok son?" Hanson's voice echoes through the room and I glance up to see everyone staring at me. I wave them off.

"I'm fine." He cocks his head to the side, clearly concerned.

"Are you sure? Maybe you should..." I cut him off.

"I said I'm fine." The man backs off but suddenly there's a hand on my shoulder. I turn to see Sam, worry clear in his features.

"Dean maybe you should sit down." I can tell by his tone and the look he's giving me that he's worried about my injuries, he still doesn't think I'm a hundred percent yet, but doesn't want to clue the officers in on what happened. At the reminder of what Dad did, a phantom pain ignites in my abdomen and I instinctively put my hand over the old gunshot wound. My brother immediately notices my discomfort and fixes me with a glare.

Andrews clears her throat and draws my attention away from the man in front of me. She turns to Sam.

"Maybe your brother would be more comfortable sitting on the couch." She motions toward the living room.

"Actually I think he would." I shake my head.

"No I..." Sam lets out an exasperated sigh before grabbing my arm and basically dragging me to the couch. He gives me another glare and I roll my eyes, plopping down on the cushions. Bobby, Hanson, and Andrews have taken seats around the room, the two officers eyeing us warily. I look away from them, rubbing my temples in an attempt to lessen the pressure there.

I don't know why I'm reacting like this, especially after what Dad did to me. Hell, I should be relieved that he's dead but for some reason I feel like this weight has settled on my shoulders, threatening to crush me. I'm pulled from my thoughts when Sam nudges me with his elbow. It's then that I realize that officer Hanson is speaking to me. He stops mid sentence.

"Are you sure you're alright?" My hands clench into fists, I swear if they ask me that one more time I'm gonna start throwing punches.

"I'm fine." I grind out. He gives me a skeptical look before turning to my brother.

"Can I talk to you and Mr. Singer." He glances at me. "Alone." Sam starts to protest but I put a hand on his arm.

"It's fine." At first I think he's going to resist but eventually he nods and stands to his feet, Bobby doing the same. Sam throws me one last look before following Officer Hanson out of the room. As soon as they're gone, Andrews takes a seat across from me much to my dismay. I can feel the pity radiating from her. Her gaze bores into me and, after a few moments of tense silence, I sigh.

"Is there something you wanna say?" She shifts uncomfortably before nodding.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about your dad."

"I've heard." These empty apologies are getting real old real quick. Her shoulders sag slightly at my sharp tone.

"I want you to know that I know how hard this is for you..." I interrupt her, my hands clenching into fists.

"Stop acting like you know me." I'm sick of her pretending that we're old friends or something. Andrews shrugs.

"I read your file. I might not know you, Dean, but I know a lot about you. I know that your brother Sam is the only family you've got left. I know that you've lived with your dad since your mom died.." My head snaps up, anger boiling in me.

"Don't you dare bring her into this." I spit, effectively cutting her off. She puts her hands up in surrender, pausing a minute before continuing.

"I know that for a long time Sam and your dad were all that you had. And I know that having something like that ripped from you, it's hard. I just want you to know that I understand." I shake my head.

"Trust me, you don't." Andrews sighs.

"Look, I've been where you are..."

"For your sake, I really hope you haven't." She gives me an almost surprised look and is about to speak when Sam, Bobby, and Hanson re-enter the room. My brother's posture is extremely tense and I can tell by the way he's wringing his hands he's pretty shaken up, which automatically puts me on edge. "Sam?" Instead of answering me he turns to officer Andrews.

"I think it's time for you two to leave." Andrews stares at him for a moment before nodding knowingly and standing. She stands and joins Hanson before following him to the door. They give the three of us one last glance before leaving. As soon as they're gone I turn to Sam.

"What's going on? What did he say?" My brother looks at Bobby for a minute and, after a nod from the older man, he comes to sit next to me on the couch. Without a word he pulls out a sealed envelope and hands it to me. Cautiously I take it from him and advert my gaze to the cover. Both of our names are scrawled across the white surface in black ink, one look at the splotchy lettering tells me that it's Dad's handwriting. "What is this?" My voice comes out barely above a whisper and I feel my brother tense beside me. After a few seconds of silence he sighs.

"Apparently, driving off that bridge wasn't an accident." My heart drops at his words and I glance at him.

"Sam, this isn't..." I can't even bring myself to finish the sentence.

"It's Dad's suicide note." He clears his throat. "The cops found it at the motel where he was staying. That's what Hanson gave to me in the other room, he could tell that you were pretty drained and he didn't know how you would react. He wanted me to look at it but I didn't want to read it without you." I let out a trembling sigh and stare at the envelope. My brother puts a hand on my shoulder. "If you wanna wait, it's ok." I shake my head.

"No. I need to do this now, or I'll never do it at all." I suck in a breath and turn the letter over, hands shaking, and rip open the seal. Slowly I reach inside and pull out a piece of paper, it's surface covered in carefully written letters. With a sigh I raise the note to the light so the two of us can read it.

Dear Sam and Dean,

This letter isn't to ask for your forgiveness, I know that I'll never deserve that after what I did to you. I'm not trying to make amends or tell you a bunch of excuses as to why I thought I was doing the right thing, I just want the two of you to know that I've never been more ashamed in my entire life. Since the day you boys were born Mary and I promised each other that we'd always take care of you, no matter what, and I failed.

I fight monsters every single day but I never realized that I was becoming one, not until that night in the motel. I'm no better than the things we hunt, I know that now, and there's nothing I can do to fix that. I can't change what I did, but I can tell you that it was the worst mistake of my life. You boys mean everything to me and I turned on you. And that is unforgivable. I'm not asking you to give me another chance, I'm asking you to not let yourselves come out of this fight like I did.

A lot of boys want to grow up to be just like their dad, but I want you two to promise that you'll never be anything like me. Don't let this life change you like it did me. You boys are gonna be better men than I could've ever dreamed of being. I'm proud that I'm able to call you my sons, even if I no longer deserve the title of your father.

There will never be words to describe how sorry I am for what I did to you, and I deserve every bit of rage and hate that you have for me. There's no excuse to make up for what I did. I was your father. I was the man you were supposed to look up to, tot rust to keep you safe. In the end I'm the one who ended up hurting you the most and I will never forgive myself for that. I failed you, I failed Mary, I failed everyone I ever loved and I'll burn for that. I know this won't change anything but I can't live one more minute knowing that I caused you so much pain.

It's over boys, I'm sorry it had to end like this. I love you both.

-John Winchester

A single tear drips down my face as I read the last words and I hastily wipe it away. The paper falls from my hands and drifts to the floor. I exhale and put my head in my hands, fighting back the wall of emotions that suddenly slams down on me. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I don't even have to look up to know that it's Sam but I refuse to meet his gaze.

"Dean." I don't respond and he sighs. "Dean talk to me." Finally I pick my head up.

"It was supposed to be over." My brother nods sadly.

"I know." It's quiet for a moment and I shake my head.

"For a while I wanted him gone. I thought that if he was dead I could move on, but now it just hurts worse." I glance at Sam. "After everything he did to me, I still wish we had found some way to put everything behind us. I wish that we could've gone back to the way things were, I wanted us to. Now Dad's dead and, the worst part is, I miss him. I miss the monster that beat me."

"Dean, what you're feeling..."

"I don't want to feel anything!" I yell as I jump up from my seat on the couch."I want to scream and curse and shout at the son of a bitch who did this to me. Who made me feel worthless, who gave me nightmares when he was supposed to make me feel safe. I want to be angry, or pissed, or happy that he bit the dust, but I can't. I can't." Suddenly it's like all my energy is gone and I sink to my knees. "I hated him Sam but It's like there's this hole in me now that he's gone, like something's missing. Like part of me died with him." My brother kneels down beside me.

"He was our dad. He was the one who was there for us when mom died. Dean we've spent almost our entires lives with nobody but each other and Dad. That kinda relationship just doesn't disappear, no matter how much we want it to." I sigh and lean against the couch next to him.

"Yeah I guess you're right." I scoff and turn to him. "I'm just tired of everybody leaving me. Mom, Dad..." Sam nudges me.

"Hey you've always got me, no matter what."

"Yeah. I guess I do." I smirk. "Even if that does mean being stuck with my geek brother." Sam rolls his eyes and slugs me in the shoulder.

"Bitch." He grins.

"Jerk."

Well that's it for chapter 14! Actually that's it for the whole story. I had a great time writing this and I'm sad to see it come to an end, but all good things as they say. I want to thank everyone who stuck with me through this story, it means a lot. Even though this is the last chapter reviews are definitely still welcome and appreciated.