18

Strange Vibrations in Line at the Poké Mart... Refilled & Reloaded... A Girl Betrayed

The great poet W. B. Yeats wrote: "Things fall apart. The centre cannot hold." It has always been true, and of many things; of empires, of systems of belief, of young love.

And now toward Bethlehem slouched something tragic indeed. The centre of Youngster Joey and Officer Jenny's relationship was beginning to fray.

After the regrettable incident with Tapu Bulu, Youngster Joey felt he needed a break from active duty, so Moon Child agreed to grant him a short leave so he could collect his thoughts. And Officer Jenny, trusting soul that she was, made the terrible mistake of lending Joey her police badge so that he would be able to talk his way out of whatever trouble he ended up getting into.

Back in town, Youngster Joey went into the first Poké Mart he came to and got in line at the pharmacy counter. The line, mostly due to the new lack of Tapu Lele's wholesome influence on the world's mental health, was unusually long and full of strange people.

"Do you have anything to cover up the airbag in my car?" asked a stooped, balding little man who had finally made it to the counter. The Pharmacist Joy who was filling prescriptions raised her eyebrows wearily.

"Some sort of shield, or spiky plate," he elaborated. "I was driving today and realized that if I got in a wreck, that airbag would probably save my life. But just enough that I would wish I had died instead. I'd most likely end up some type of deranged cripple that couldn't even buy health insurance to cover the dozens of painful surgeries the wreck would leave me needing."

"I'm sorry, you—you want a… a spiked plate," Pharmacist Joy said.

The man nodded. "Something with big, sharp spikes. It would need to clamp or lock over the steering wheel so the airbag wouldn't be able to deploy, and spikes my face would hit to ensure my death in the event of an accident."

"What the fuck are you talking about," Pharmacist Joy said. She sounded like she was about to cry. It was two in the afternoon, and she'd been at work since six. She had not yet eaten, and she still had four more hours until her cousin, Pharmacist Joy, was supposed to punch in to relieve her.

"You don't have anything like that in an over-the-counter?" the man asked.

Youngster Joey was at the very end of the line. He looked elaborately around himself, trying to gauge how long it was likely to take him to reach the front. The prognosis seemed dire.

"Hey lady, outta my way," Youngster Joey said to the unsettlingly skinny woman directly ahead of him. He flashed Jenny's badge. The woman, who happened to be a Paralyz Heal addict with a natural fear of the law, shrieked and dashed out of the line and into the parking lot. In this fashion Joey cut a fairly efficient path through the queued patrons, dispensing one oddball after another. When he finally got near the front, the line's current leader was arguing with Pharmacist Joy about the validity of a prescription that had apparently been scribbled onto the back of a graham cracker.

"You can still read what it says!" the old woman screamed.

"I don't care what it says!" Pharmacist Joy screamed back. Her eyes bulged in her skull. "It's a goddamn cracker!"

"You twisted little slut," the old woman said. "You have no idea the kinds of things I've used to fill scrips. In 1947, when paper was so dear, my doctor used to write my hemorrhoid cream prescription on old unexploded mortar shells!"

Pharmacist Joy clenched her teeth so hard the small muscles of her jaw began to jump and twitch.

"Why, I recall that I once was allowed to buy a case of morphine from this very Poké Mart with a prescription shaved into the wool of a Mareep!" the woman cried. "This young generation is perfectly incompetent!"

Pharmacist Joy lunged over the counter and began clawing for the old woman's chest and throat. They grappled for a time. Eventually a Chansey came out of the back room and broke up the fight by smashing a large egg over the crown of the old woman's skull.

"You have ten seconds," Pharmacist Joy said to Youngster Joey as he approached the counter. "And it better be the simplest order of all time."

Joey flashed his badge. "Alolan PD, miss. I've run out of acid and need more."

"What?"

"You know. Lucy. Yellow Sunshine. Blotter squares. Microdots. LSD-25."

Pharmacist Joy's nipples grew so hard with rage that they became briefly visible through her stiff lab coat.

"Or what the heck, I'll settle for some crazy research chemical. Whatever you've got back there. As long as it'll send me into Ultra Space for about twelve hours."

Pharmacist Joy refused to respond.

"Ma'am, I'm afraid this is a very time-sensitive matter related to a criminal case."

Pharmacist Joy lowered her gaze, defeated.

Youngster Joey shopped around while he waited for his prescription to be filled. After about twelve endless strolls through the various bland aisles, Pharmacist Joy's tearful voice announced over the store's intercom that the order for "Joey, Youngster" was ready.

"Looks like this is a refill," Pharmacist Joy said as she rolled the top of the small paper bag closed and stapled the receipt to it. "Have you used this before, you little piece of shit?"

Youngster Joey laughed. "Of course!"

"And do you have any questions?"

He smiled and shook his head.

"Get out of my Mart," Pharmacist Joy said, flinging the little bag into Joey's face. He took his prescription into a nearby park, got comfortable on a bench near a small pond and a few cute palm trees, and dropped three tabs. He considered for a moment and then immediately dropped two more. An hour later he stood up, stretched, took in a lungful of the fresh air, and smiled. A little ways off in another area of the park was a miniature train designed to delight the children of Ula'ula with a long, scenic trip through the island's various locales. Youngster Joey saw other Youngsters like himself climbing aboard. He could feel his destiny calling.

The following day, Officer Jenny, whose hearing had by now reluctantly returned, got a call from her Sergeant.

"What were you thinking?" came the man's voice from the receiver. He chuckled. "Unbelievable."

"What? What's unbelievable?" Officer Jenny said.

"Christ, you'll have to turn in your badge." He laughed again. "I just can't believe you really did something like that."

"Did what?!" Jenny cried, now feeling quite worried indeed.

"Tore apart that kiddie train!" the Sergeant said. She could hear him shaking his head in amused disbelief. "My god, Jenny, there were hundreds of witnesses. There's no reason to play dumb. You were flashing your police badge all over the place. I mean, that is, before you got too far gone on the gin in the conductor's car." The Sergeant laughed again, clearly impressed. "Someone said that at one point you took two whole bottles down from behind the bar. After that it was like trying to deal with a wild raccoon. They've got you going up and down the length of the train, from car to car, wrestling with people and singing in tongues. Christ, there was no way to get away from your crazy ass! As soon as you appeared in the doorway of the next car everyone inside would scream and try to huddle toward the other side."

Officer Jenny's heart thumped coldly at the base of her throat.

"I guess they wanted to stop the train to throw you off, but how the hell could they? The conductor didn't want to be responsible for getting two hundred or so little kids rear-ended by another train while they were stopped. All they could do was try to outlast you. Some of the children managed to barricade you in the caboose for about half an hour before you found that heating vent that led to the outside. Someone actually texted me a picture of you clinging to the side of the train like Spiderman, with your little blue cap turned backwards."

The plastic phone receiver creaked in Jenny's rapidly tightening grip.

"And then you had the nerve to heckle the tour guide in front of everyone when the train finally stopped at that scenic overlook. You apparently called him a 'rat-dicked little son of a bitch,' and kept screaming for him to get back inside and make you another drink." The Sergeant roared with laughter. "Man, I wish I could've been there."

Officer Jenny hung up the phone feeling numb and betrayed. She had been planning on being a bad guy with Youngster Joey until the end of their days, but she never in a million years would have thought he'd ditch her to go be a bad guy on his own.