I guarentee no expertise on parties, crushes, religion, parties, alcohol, adulting, dancing, cake, or parties.

-OOO-

The rebellion was ruthlessly swift and swiftly ruthless. Of course, Sankt-Kaiser Rose's superior speed allowed her to evade capture for a while, but she was outnumbered six to one- literally one, as all her allies had abandoned her in her time of need.

The rebellious curs dragged her off to the ceremonial kitchen, where she would be ceremoniously chopped up and devoured with, ironically, little to no ceremony.

"I expected this from you, Arch-Princess and Grand Admiral," Kaiser Rose said to Belladonna and the Schnee, "You have only ever truly been loyal to each other. But you, Pyrrha? Is your honor so malleable? Did your word mean nothing?"

"I'm sorry, my Kaiser," said the spartan commander, "But my bloodlust has surpassed my loyalty, and my hunger has surpassed my human aversion to cannibalism."

"You will find the joke is on you, traitorous poppinjay," said Sankt-Kaiser Rose, "for a lifetime of poor dietary decisions have rendered my flesh toxic to digestion and distasteful to the tongue. Muwahahaha!"

"You may comfort yourself with any thoughts you wish in your last moments," Pyrrha intoned.

Sankt-kaiser Rose held her breath and closed her eyes, making peace with her life- and with her deeeaaaath.

"I Object!" yelled a familiar voice, "Or, er, I mean, stop right there!"

And General Glynda charged in, scattering the rebels and slashing Ruby's bindings-

"Wait," Ruby said, "What are you doing?"

"I'm, um," Glynda said, "I'm cutting the, uh, the ropes."

"Oh!" Ruby said, "Oh, no- I'm not tied up, I'm in a soup pot."

"Oh! Oh, okay, um-"

General Glynda charged in, scattering the rebels and kicking over the giant soup pot, spilling bits of gross vegetables as well as Sankt-Kaiser Rose to the ground.

The Kaiser rose to her feet, dramatically. She turned to the traitors- who started to cower in fear... and loathing.

"Run while you can, you mongrels," the Kaiser intoned.

And they did.

And then the hunt was on.

And the two unlikely allies chased the rebels down, throughout the Kaiser's old base. The rebels put up a good fight, but this was the Kaiser's home-field advantage- and the General's superior age imparted upon her great wisdom and also greater reach and running speed.

Until they cornered the six traitors in the Kaiser's personal saferoom.

"Haha!" cried Valkyrie-lord Valkyrie,"This is your personal saferoom. If we are safe anywhere, we are safe here."

Sankt-Kaiser Ruby Rose only chuckled, evilly. General Glynda was taken aback.

"The joke is on you," said the Kaiser, "Because for personal reasons, I rigged my saferoom up with DEADLY POIIISSSONNN~" The kaiser waved her arms in the air, "RELEASE THE NEUROTOXIN!"

"Um," Glynda said.

And the traitors clutched their throats and choked and begged for mercy-

"I think neurotoxin targets the, um, the nerves," Glynda interjected, "so you wouldn't really be choking-"

And the traitors clutched their nerves and spasmed and begged for mercy-

"Well, yeah, that's true," Ruby said, "But aerosolized nerve agents are usually delivered through the respiratory system, and their mode of killing is to prohibit control of the respiratory muscles to cause asphyxiation, so there is indeed choking involved," Ruby said.

And the traitors clutched their throats and spasmed as they lost control over their respiratory muscles, and they begged for mercy as best as they could, what with the loss of motor control and all.

And Sankt Kaiser waved her arms in the air and cackled, viciously cruel and cruelly vicious, as she watched her friends die. "Die, you traitors! Die like animals! WE'RE ALL ANIMALS~!"

"Um," said the General, "Are- are we just going to let them die?"

"They're not actually dead," Ruby said.

Nora raised her hand, from where she lay slumped over on the ground. "Yo~"

"No, I um," Glynda said, though a forced smile, "I meant, in the context of the game-"

However, Glynda never finished explaining her misgivings, because at this point, a woman with a doctor's coat and deep bags under her eyes stepped into the garden, regarding the the assortment of people in her yard.

"WHAT THE HEEEEeeee-" said a woman, from up the hill, "-eck is going on here?"

Ruby immediately dropped her pretend persona and turned to the top of the hill.

"It's. Um." said Raven, "The garden party Ruby wanted."

Summer snapped her fingers. "That's why I bought a piñata."

Ruby reached the top of the hill.

Ruby started running up the hill.

And Glynda decided that, since she'd met Summer multiple times and since Ruby was the person at this party she knew the best, it'd be better to follow Ruby up the hill to her mother, rather than stand around awkwardly nearby a group of strange children against whom she had just pretended to be complicit in violating the Geneva conventions. So Glynda followed Ruby up the hill. (Behind her, the children quietly jeered at Ruby's devotion to her mother, until Ruby turned around and glared, prompting the other kids to run away screaming.)

"Ruby!" Summer called out. She kneeled down and held her arms out, and Ruby ran up to hug her.

"Oh my sweet baby girl," Summer said, squeezing her daughter around the torso, "you look adorable! Mwah!" She smooched Ruby's forehead.

"Thanks, mommy, but-"

"Mwah mwah mwah! And is that my hairband? It looks so good on you!"

"T-thanks, mommy, but-"

"Why don't you keep it?"

"Um, Okay, yeah! -but um," Ruby closed her right eye and tilted her head as she bore the onslaught of her mother's affection, "Do- do you think we can maybe do this later?" Ruby managed to say.

Summer paused. She pulled out of the hug and looked Ruby up and down, and then she looked around at the eight adults, seven kids and one teenager standing around in the yard, looking at her.

"Oh, are you embarrassed in front of your little friends?" Summer said. She pulled Ruby in for another hug and smooched her daughter's forehead again, but without the sound effect. "Don't worry, they're just jealous because their mommys don't love them as much as I love you."

"Um-" Ruby emitted.

"Mwah!" Summer smooched Ruby's head, "And two of them are orphans, so they know it's true-"

"Um!-" Ruby emitted.

Tai stepped into Summer's view, just then. "Um- Summer," he said, "Can I take your medical coat?"

"Nah," Summer waved the air, before using that hand to hug Ruby again.

Tai made a smile and leaned to the side, "But, ah. It's got- a little bit of blood on it-"

"I CHOOSE TO WEAR THE TATTERED FLESH OF MY DEBTORS~" Summer said, suddenly. She waved her hands in the air. Ruby took that opportunity to step back, out of the hug.

"Debtors?" Glynda couldn't help but ask.

Summer waved the air haphazardly. "Well, what with the sate of the insurance markets nowadays, aha - ISN'T THAT RIGHT JACQUES?" She called out that last part to the array of lawn chairs.

Mr. Schnee made a grimace. "We- ah, we don't actually shape federal policy-" he gestured to himself and his wife.

Tai took the opportunity of Summer's distraction to gently ease the woman out of her doctor's coat. Summer didn't say anything or turn to look at him, but she held her arms out to make it easier.

"OH!- Raven," Summer said, "Be a dear and get the piñata set up, won't you?" Summer rummaged through the right pocket of her jeans and pulled out a key. She tossed it at Raven (with an arc that was a little higher than necessary, Glynda thought).

"Yes, right on it," Raven said. She bolted away.

"Do you want some food, mommy?" Ruby asked.

Summer smiled and rubbed her daughter's head. Ruby smiled back and glanced at the ground, real quick, and brushed some of her hair out of her eyes. "That would be lovely, dear," Summer said.

"Okay!" Ruby ran off to get some food from the serving table.

Summer made her way to the two men standing off to the side of the main huddle of adults.

"Hey Qrow, whaddaya know," Summer yelled out. She held her hand out as she approached.

Qrow held his hand out in response, and Summer slapped it, and then bumped the back of Qrow's hand with the back of hers, and then she shook hands the conventional way while also pulling Qrow in for one of those shoulder-bump side hugs.

Summer stepped out of the hug-thing, suddenly.

"And- Mr. Ironwood, is it?" Summer gestured to James, "I think Qrow's mentioned you a few times," She said. She held her hand out to him as well.

"I- yes. I hope it was nothing but good things, aha." He said. James held out his re- his biological hand and braced for whatever it was that happened to Qrow, but Summer just shook his hand in a professional way.

Summer winked and made a smile and said something that Glynda couldn't here from where she stood.

"Summer~!" Qrow whined.

James coughed.

By now, Tai had come back out, with a bloodless white jacket in his hands. He stepped next to Summer and said nothing as he held out the article of clothing.

"Thank you, dear," Summer said.

And- Summer smooched Tai, on the cheek.

Well, it could have been a platonic kiss, Glynda figured. Like, if Summer was on good enough terms to invite her ex to her daughter's superfluous garden party, she might have given him a platonic cheek smooch.

Summer pulled her jacket on, haphazardly, as she made her way to the lawn chairs. Zwei barked and ran over, since that was at the outer radius of where his leash would extend to. Summer petted the canine's head after she sat down.

Ruby ran up to her mother with a plastic cup of purple liquid and a paper plate of snacks.

Summer accept both and took a sip from the cup. She furrowed her brow. "Is this punch?"

"Um," Ruby said. She stiffened and leaned to the side, "Yeah- is that- is that not what you wanted?"

"No no, it's fine," Summer said. She smiled, warmly, at her daughter. Ruby smiled back, brushing some hair out of her eyes. "It would have to be punch, there, cause, the kids can get to it. It's fine. You're fine. TAI!"

"Yes?" Tai said, from where he had been standing nearby the whole time but nobody noticed.

"Be a dear and bring I and our guests some wine, won't you?" Summer said. Then she downed her cup and threw it towards the trash can. It managed to go in, and Simmer threw her arms up in victory. Ruby clapped.

"Yeah, I can do that-" Tai said. For the- fourth time, maybe?- He stepped out and into the house.

Summer stuffed a finger sandwich into her mouth. "So how is the party so far?" Summer enunciated, to Ruby.

"it's really fun!" Ruby said. "Raven led some games and then we played pretend and then Glynda and I killed all the other kids!"

Glynda choked on her own spit, just a little. To cover it up, she pretended she needed a drink, so she stepped over to the table and grabbed a cup, and a few sandwiches for good measure.

Summer smiled and rubbed Ruby's head again. "Aww, I'm glad you're having fun. Show them all who's boss."

More quickly than Glynda would have figured, Tai returned with a bottle and a few wineglasses in his elbows.

Summer waved him down, and Tai nodded and approached.

Ruby met Tai halfway and took all but one of the glasses to the table, and Tai poured out a glass for Summer.

Summer downed it in one gulp and held it out for more.

"Um," Tai said. He smiled, nervously.

"Its been a long day at work, dear," Summer stated.

"O-okay," Tai responded. He refilled Summer's glass.

Summer didn't down that one, but she took a small sip. Tai started taking and filling the other adult's wine orders.

Then Raven came around the house into the garden, hefting a giant piñata and some rope.

Glynda kept her face neutral, because, it turned out, it was a Queen Elsa piñata. She stuffed her second sandwich in her mouth.

"Raven!" Summer called out.

Raven's head shot up, and she glanced at Summer, and at the piñata in her hand, and the crowd of children that, in the absence of adult supervision, had resumed pretending to hunt each other down for food.

Summer gestured over, and Raven ran over, lugging the piñata as she did.

"What- um. What did you need?" Raven said.

"Lean down," Summer instructed.

Raven glanced to the side and made a smile, and she did so.

"A little lower," Summer said.

And Raven brought her head down, next to where the doctor sat, and Summer sat up and smooched Raven on the cheek. (In the exact same manner that she had smooched Tai, Glynda noted.)

Raven blinked as she stood back up. There was a slight blush on her cheeks. (Glynda closed her mouth, since it had fallen over at some point for some reason.)

Summer leaned back again and turned to look at the children down the hill, enacting their blasphemous cannibalistic rituals. "I forgot to do that when I came in, my bad," Summer stated.

"Oh! Um. Yeah. Thank you." Raven pointed at the tree, down the hill, where all the kids were working out the logistical details of their new, cannibalism-based economy. "Ima go set this up, then?"

Summer nodded. "Please do."

"Yay! Piñata! I'll help too!" Ruby said. She waved at Glynda. "Come down once you're finished with your food, m'kay?"

"M'krmmm," Glynda managed to enunciate, since in an astounding lack of foresight, she took three sandwiches, when she was really only hungry enough for two. She chewed her mouthful as quickly as she could.

And after Raven left earshot and Summer stuffed another finger sandwich into her mouth, the four visiting parents shared a look and leaned in.

"So, we were wondering," said Shuang, "What is the exact nature and origin of your relationship with, ah, Raven?"

Summer's face was inscrutable for a moment, as she swallowed her food and she glanced at her glass of wine and then down the hill where Raven was supervising the new cannibal tribe.

"She's my sexpet," Summer said.

And the world broke again.

.

.

.

Glynda was a little caught off guard, but not as much as the adults were. She hadn't been eating or drinking at that particular moment, though she did almost drop her empty cup and last sandwich.

Mr Schnee did a legitimate spittake, before devolving into a coughing fit. Mrs Schnee's eyes bugged out and she started pounding her chest and choking.

Shuang fell over, out of his lawnchair, while Caroline seemed to have been paralyzed by shock.

And as soon as one of the guests made a choking sound, Zwei started barking, continuously, adding to the general chaos of the scene.

Summer leaned back and crossed her legs and brought her wine glass to her lips, slurping audibly as she watched her friends die. There was a slight smirk on her face.

During all that, Glynda managed to only choke a little.

Because, like, she knew that Summer and Raven were like, romantically and, um, and sexually involved-

Well, she'd seen them adjourn to the master bedroom while making out, and like, she had seen the adult women in each other's shirts, pantless, so like, Glynda had kind of assumed-

-not that she spent a lot of time thinking about it or anything-

- but she'd kind of assumed that Summer and Raven were, you know.

Like, ah-

-doing-

- doing adult things with each other.

So it wasn't really a shock, per se. And, in retrospect, it was entirely in keeping with what Glynda knew of the situation.

"That was. Um." Glynda said, "A very descriptive term for. Uh. For your girlfriend-"

Raven ran up the hill then, since apparently a giant coughing fit was noticeable from down the hill.

"Um- what- what happened?" Raven asked

"I take it you never told them about yourself?" Summer said.

"Well, I told them about my self."

"And the reason you're here in the first place wasn't an important part of your self?" Summer asked, pointedly.

"In my defense, they never got up the nerve to actually ask me, so." Raven made a smile, "I just answered honestly to every question thrown my way."

Summer took another sip from her glass and grinned. "That's hilarious."

"Aha. Glad you think so," Raven said. "So um. Should we help them?"

Summer took another long look at her guests as they slowly died in various ways, many of which involved respiratory dysfunction.

But, now, it looked like Shuang was actually choking. Summer sighed, theatrically, and she stuffed her last sandwich into the corner of her mouth as she stood up.

Without looking, Summer handed her glass to Raven, dropping it a second before she had her grip on it, but Raven managed to duck down and catch it, without spilling any of the contents.

And the doctor performed that one anti-choking move on the civil rights lawyer. Shuang spat out an olive. Zwei barked and ran over to where it landed.

Raven helped him to his feet and gave him a plastic cup of water.

"Ah- um, Glynda," Raven turned to the teenager, "Do you think you could take charge of the piñata-"

"Y-yeah," Glynda said. She ran down the hill, extremely relieved that she had an excuse to step away from that whole mess.

And she could see it from afar, but up close Glynda could really take it in. It wasn't necessarily a very show-accurate reproduction of Queen Elsa, but it was definitely supposed to be Queen Elsa, in the form of a piñata.

And Glynda had half-hoped that maybe Ruby had changed her mind about the Disney princess but that hope died once the children started chanting.

"Slay the queen! Slay the queen!" chanted the children in hideous unison, dark invocations to the uncaring, charnal wind. Ruby was the most enthusiastic chanter of all, and she was the one wielding the aluminum baseball bat that they were to use to, aha, slay the queen and gain access to the candy within.

"So, uh," Glynda said, to Ruby. "I guess, I should help with the piñata...?"

"Slay the queen! Slay the qu- yeah!" Ruby said, "You just have to pull on the string when other people swing to keep them from slaying the queen," Ruby state.

Glynda made a smile. "Ah- other people?"

Ruby leaned in and her eyes narrowed and her smirk turned more mischievous. "Heeheehee. I know you like me best, Glynda."

Glynda scrunched her mouth to the side. "I. um. I can't really, like, help you, specifically, like that..."

"Of course," Ruby whispered. She tapped her nose.

"No, I mean,- I really can't, like, cheat for you-"

Ruby's smile never wavered. She stood up straight and stopped whispering. "You'll do fine, Glynda! I just know it."

Glynda smiled. Ruby's words were strangely comforting. "Um. Okay..."

And the kids separated into rock-paper-scissors brackets to decide who got to go first.

"Wait," Ruby said, after finalizing the pairs, "Where's Yang?"

"I saw her go upstairs with that orange-haired girl," said Jaune. He pointed at the house.

"I'll get her, real quick," Ruby said. She handed the bat to Glynda dropping it a second before she had her grip on it, but Glynda managed to duck down and catch it. "Stall the revolution, ok Glynda?"

Glynda caught the bat before it fell. "Ah-"

But Ruby shot off before the teenager could finish voicing her doubts.

"Ahhahahaha," Glynda finished.

And finally it had come to pass- something which Glynda had tried very hard to avoid since she got here- she was alone with 6 hyperactive children whom she had never met before.

So like, not even remotely alone, but 'alone' as in she was outnumbered, though she could probably round up all these kids into Ruby's secret room to poison them-

Glynda shook her head and checked her reality. No, if she was just honest and assertive with this crowd of children, it'd all work out fine-

"So you're Ruby's babysitter," said Pyrrha. She had a big smile on her face.

"I- yeah," Glynda responded.

"She must really like you to invite her to her reading party," said Weiss. She also had a big smile on her face.

"I- guess?"

"So do you like her back?" said Blake.

"Yeah. She's really cool," Glynda said. She didn't add 'for an eight and a half year old', because qualifying her compliment would imply Glynda didn't actually think Ruby was cool.

"Ooooo~" jeered the kids.

"Ah-" Glynda said, bewildered.

"So, anyway," said Pyrrha. She waved the air. "Are you familiar with the concept of utilitarianism, by Jeremy Bentham?"

"Oh! uh," Glynda said. This was one of those tests that kids gave teenagers to try to prove that they were smart and teenagers were dumb.

But the joke was on Pyrrha, because Glynda actually knew that one, because Ozpin had a bunch of random hobbies. She stood up tall and recited. "That's a theory that means, that the course of action that benefits the most people, is the right one."

Pyrrha nodded. "Exactly! And in this case, the best course of action Is to eat you, since you're the biggest, and can feed the most people."

The other kids nodded in agreement.

"Ummm, " Glynda said. She was sure there was a fallacy there, but she wasn't sure exactly what it was.

And as the horde of cackling, menacing, hyperactive children closed ranks, Glynda realized she had one chance to try to talk them down.

"But, you shouldn't do that," Glynda said, before they all managed to get her.

"Oh? And why not?" said one of the kids.

"Because," Glynda said, and her voice only wavered slightly, "You're, due to play with me, once the others get back-"

And then, more confidently; "And you mustn't play with your food."

The children pondered that long enough for Ruby and Yang and Penny to appear at the top of the hill, and Ruby- who was well known as a Glynda sympathizer- assumed command of the horde again, and instructed them to spare the teenager.

Raven helped the last houseguest stop choking to death, as that was her duty as Perfect Host. (and by the way, she was nailing this role- not that there had ever been any doubt.)

"Is everything okay?" Qrow asked, when he and James walked back into the backyard. (They both had a beer, from the indoor house fridge, and were keeping themselves occupied, so good for them.)

"Nah, Summer just, said something really funny," Raven explained.

So like, don't get her wrong, all the best parties resulted in sending someone to the hospital, but like, when the Hostess (Well, Summer counted as that, right? She owned the venue, even if, like, she didn't do any preparation or lead any of the activities) deliberately set it off, thaaaat, was sort of like, inviting all your loyal minions to a grand display of your power and then using it on them.

"Anyway, Shuang," Summer stated, "Have you seen the new biopic about the polyamorous triple that created Wonder Woman?"

Raven's heart fluttered- She was the one that had shown that to Summer. (That was a fundamental joy of geekdom; having someone you like take to something you geeked out over- that sharing your passion to the point where you propagated it, assimilating all into a exigent hive-mind of squealing fangirls.)

"I- no," Shuang said, and he grimaced just a little.

"Pity. It's pretty good, and I was going to tell you that that was basically what our-," she gestured to Raven and Taiyang and herself, "relationship is like. "

"Ah-"

"But in lieu of easy analogies, to fully answer your question," Summer said, "Raven is Yang's mother. She and Taiyang used to date, before they met me."

The other four adults nodded.

"I see the resemblance, between you and Yang," said Caroline.

Raven rubbed the back of her head and closed her eyes and smiled. "Ehee~"

Summer nodded. "Yes yes. To continue my story; the three of us dated for a while before Raven left to pursue her music career."

And there was Summer's special move; absolute guilt implosion. It took off your current health bar and reduced your resistance on the next one by up to 25%.

Like, obviously, Raven knew she was supposed to feel guilty, and she did, and she was trying to make up for it- because yeah, there were a lot of mistakes there, in her past-

"So you just forgave her for that?" Willow asked, but Raven assumed it wasn't out of malice.

"Well unlike some, it seems Summer's capable of forgiveness-"

Summer frowned. "Caroline, I swear to whatever vague amalgamation of diefic concepts you worship-"

"He's called 'Allah', and he's singular-"

Summer shook off the interjection. "-that if you continue to insult my guests, I will stick my foot all the way up your butt, and then overcharge you for the removal procedure."

Mrs. Schnee snickered twice before Summer shot her a death glare.

Caroline scrunched her mouth to the side and sighed. "Ok. I'm sorry."

"Its not me you need to apologize to," Summer stated, to her wineglass.

And Raven observed in awe as Summer convinced someone who's actual job it was to argue with people to do the opposite of that.

"I apologize for any aspersion i cast upon your empathetic abilities, Willow," Caroline said.

Willow glanced at Summer, and probably figured it was best to accept the apology. "Don't worry about it."

Summer seemed satisfied. She drained her wineglass and snapped her fingers. Raven ran over to the wine bottles. She always got a tickle how Zhu Li always knew what 'the thing' was, so Raven took undue pride that she didn't need summer to explain what she needed.

Willow cleared her throat. "So anyway, it looks like the kids are training to be anti-monarchists..."

"Slay the queen! Slay the queen!" chanted the children in hideous unison to the uncaring charnal wind.

Glynda sat at her post and stifled the urge to defend royalty in general and a specific royal in particular.

Raven had wrapped the piñata in rope and threw the rope over a branch in the tree, so Glynda just had to pull on the string to lift the piñata up. And since the only other part of her job was to make sure the children didn't do anything too out of bounds, Glynda figured she was doing her job well enough.

The children handled the blindfolding and the spinning of the current entrant with great efficiency, (to the extent that Glynda worried about what they might accomplish if their cannibalistic civil war ever resolved and they all banded together under one purpose), so all that was left was for Glynda to pull the piñata out of reach whenever the respective child tried to, aha, slay the queen.

It went fine for the first five children. Ren got a glancing hit in, and Jaune completely fumbled, but otherwise nothing exciting happened.

And then when it came for Ruby's turn-

Glynda started second-guessing herself- trying to remember exactly how hard she'd pulled the string and how long she took to pull the string before the swing connected- and how fast she'd pulled the piñata out of reach-

And the sitter figured she had the technique right, this time-

Except Ruby hit the piñata with an overhead swing after a jump, so that when Glynda pulled the piñata up to try to dodge the blow, it just collided with the bat with slightly more force than it would have if the piñata had been stationary-

And the Disney Princess burst open with the blow, spewing it's artificial confectionery innards all over the lawn. The children exulted in the dismemberment.

"Candy! Candy! Candy!" screamed the children as they descended into a feral pack of sugar-starved gremlins, clawing at the sugary bounty before them.

Like, there was fighting, and there was the gnashing of teeth and the growling of stomachs and throats-

-and there was biting-

"Hey! Uh," Glynda said, "you shouldn't bite each other!" Then, more timidly, "Um, please?"

The kids collectively paused and turned to the teenager.

"Oh, no, its fine," said Pyrrha, as she brought her left forearm up. Nora had her mouth around it, teeth barred, head sideways. She glanced up at Glynda, best she could with how her head was positioned. "Ren and Nora are orphans, so they bite. Its not bad, its just different."

Nora nodded as best she could while still having her teeth around another child's forearm.

Glynda made a smile. "I- oh, um, okay..."

Ren waved the air. "And besides, we're all slowly descending into cannibalism anyway, so it's all fine."

"Oh- uh- maybe, you should, not do that?"

Several sets of childish eyes narrowed at the teenager. Glynda sweated.

"Ah- because-' Glynda stammered, "there's candy to eat instead? And candy is more delicious than, uncooked human flesh?"

The kids looked around at each other, and shrugged in reluctant agreement.

"I suppose that does solve our food crises in the short term," said Jaune.

"But it's not as nutritious!" Yang said, in counterpoint, "Humans contain literally every vitamin, mineral, and protein a human body needs!"

And the kids looked around at each other, and shrugged in reluctant agreement,

But hey, at least they weren't eating each other.

And while they were distracted, Ruby gathered up a large horde of the candy, for herself, which she shared with Glynda.

And then it was time for the dance portion of the party. Glynda thought that made as much sense as anything; she'd never been to a garden party before, but like, it made sense enough that they'd have a dance portion and a piñata and some pretend war games. Yeah.

Raven procured her guitar from somewhere and walked down the hill, hyping up the impending dance.

The dance would be up at the top of the hill, next to the house, and the adults were invited to join in too.

Summer sat up and brushed herself off and smiled gently. She walked up to Ruby and kneeled down and placed her empty wineglass on the grass besides her. It tipped over.

"Ruby, do you need a dance partner?" Summer said. She leaned forward and held her left hand out.

"Umm," Ruby said, to the ground. She kicked her little foot, a little. "I actually asked Glynda for the first dance..."

Summer's smile slowly vanished as she stood up straight. she turned to Glynda, deliberately, and she shot the teenager the most withering stare Glynda'd never been on the receiving end on- Glynda probably imagined it, but she felt a cold breeze blow along her face and neck- or maybe it was just some variation of getting tingles on her spine.

"Okay," Summer stated. She turned to her daughter and smiled "But I got second one, okay?"

Ruby smiled. "Yeah!"

Summer nodded and stood up.

"TAI!" Summer yelled, suddenly, to the air.

"Yes?" Tai said, from behind Summer.

"I guess we're dancing," Summer said, without even looking at him. She leaned down real quick to pick up her wineglass and she made her way back to the lawnchairs, presumably to stick the glass on a table somewhere.

"O-okay," Tai said. He followed Summer.

There was a clearing made at the top of the hill where the dance was to take place. The party guests slowly gathered there. Raven procured her guitar and a lawn chair and set up at the head of the clearing.

As far as Glynda had gathered from conversations with Ruby and Yang, Raven did a lot of pop song covers and some sort of Japanese music, but she'd never actually heard Raven play the guitar. (And that actually meant that Glynda'd heard Ruby try to play guitar more than she'd heard the professional musician in their family do so. Come to think of it, maybe that was why Ruby liked the guitar so much? Because even though outwardly Ruby seemed to dislike Raven, maybe a part of her idolized her mother's extramarital friend?). So a part of Glynda was curious, at least, about what this sort of live music dance portion would be.

Raven introduced herself and told everyone to be at their places, as she sat at the edge of the chair, with the guitar in her lap, laying like it was meant to be there. She glanced over the stringy bits of it with a serene expression on her face, and she closed her eyes and took a breath and her fingers danced over the instrument.

It was just a little bit of a surprise that she did a full waltz, with the three step beat and a melody on top. With a single guitar.

Glynda felt her jaw drop. "Woah," she emitted.

Ruby appeared to Glynda's side. "Yeah, she's good, huh?" Ruby said.

"Um, yeah," Glynda managed to say. Most of her brainpower was spent trying to follow the complex rhythms of Raven's song.

Ruby waved her hand under Glynda's face, to get her attention. Glynda shook her head to clear her mind.

Ruby held her hands up in a ready position, and with just a moment's hesitation, Glynda took them and-

Shizz. What was she supposed to do next?

Ruby tilted her head to the side. "Do you know how to waltz?" she said, seeming to read Glynda's mind.

"Umm," Glynda said. She scrunched her mouth to the side and glanced at the horizon. "Honestly, no."

Ruby giggled, adorably. "It's pretty simple; there're three beats, and on the downbeat you take a big step, to the side or forward or back, with either foot. And the second beat you move your other foot to follow, and the third beat you step in place. Since it's three beats it's helpful to alternate feet every bar."

Glynda's brain started paying attention to the downbeats.

"So how do you manage not to step on each other's feet?" Glynda asked. That was actually something she'd wondered ever since she first saw people dance, and she figured hey all just practiced a lot, but now that didn't seem as likely.

"Well, the lead picks which leg and which direction, and the follow- ah, follows," Ruby said. She blinked a few times. "So, would you like to lead?"

"Um," Glynda said, "Sure?"

So, she just had to step in place and like the third one was a longer step or something- yeah, this would be easy.

So Glynda stepped out with her right foot-

And Ruby mirrored her, perfectly. Well, her foot was always right there, even though that meant she had to stretch and/or jump if Glynda took too big a step (Glynda remembered to take smaller steps after that).

And after a few measures, Glynda could do it without looking at her feet the whole time.

So she instead looked at Ruby, who was smiling at her, encouragingly. "See," Ruby said, just loud enough to be heard over the music but quiet enough that Glynda figured they wouldn't be overheard by neighboring dancers. "You got it!"

"Y-yeah," Glynda said, "Is this it?"

"Well, there's some spins and stuff we can do. And usually we'll use this time to chat, since historically it was the only time socialites were allowed to interact with each other," Ruby said.

"Oh," Glynda said. She glanced to the other couples; The two guest parent couples were smiling at each other, potentially flirting, - Summer made eye contact very briefly, and she looked like she was glaring but the look was quick enough that Glynda actually wasn't completely sure she could trust her memory.

"So do you like the party?" Ruby asked.

"Oh- yeah!" Glynda said, "There's a lot of people but, well, I know you- and Yang and Raven I guess- and like, that's a big comfort, amid all these, aha, strangers..."

Ruby beamed. It was adorable. "Awww. I'm glad you find me a comfort, Glynda."

Glynda smiled at that. Then she realized they hadn't been talking for a while.

The teenager cleared her throat. "So, did you see the trailers for the new Lego movie?"

Ruby's face brightened at that. "Yeah!" she said, and she rambled about that for the rest of the dance.

And as the song finished, Glynda felt the oppressive presence of someone standing right behind her.

And maybe Summer had picked up some tips from Tai since they'd been together, because she was waaaay closer than Glynda would have thought, once the teenager turned her head. Glynda flinched.

"Did you have fun?" Summer asked. Glynda almost said 'yes' before she realized that there was, like, no way that Summer had directed that question at her.

"Yeah!" Ruby said. She held her hands out, "Are you ready to dance, Mommy?"

"It'd be my honor," Summer said. She bowed theatrically and escorted her daughter to the dance... lawn.

So Glynda sat the next dance out. Maybe she could, just, watch all the other dancers super hard and pick up how to waltz just from studying well.

There was a basic twirly thing you could do, when the lead lifted up their arms and the follow spun under it, and you could dance facing the same way like that, until you did that twirly thing again except in reverse.

Though, there was one couple that was doing all sorts of fancy moves, which was Summer and Ruby. They did like a spinny thing where they let go of one hand and the follow spun away so that they were a maximum distance apart while still holding each others hand, and a bunch of dips where the follow leaned back and posed while the lead held them, also in a pose. And Summer did more than one lift, which considering Ruby was eight and a half, probably meant that the impressiveness to ease-of-performance ratio was pretty high.

But it still looked impressive, especially since the dress Ruby was wearing flared out on all the spins, and the frills and rose patterns poofed out.

Glynda figured that those moves were, more a long term dancing goal. But the arm lift and going under it was something she might be able to try during the next dance.

But the next dance was for the kids, it turned out. It was the chicken dance. All the kids loved it.

All in all, there were eight songs,- four waltzes, with some kid dance-a-long songs filtered in between them.

Summer took Ruby for the next slow dance but on the fourth slow dance Glynda managed to sneak in and get a dance partner. (Summer ended up dancing with Tai during that one.)

And it turned out, when your partner was significantly shorter than you, lifting your arm to allow them to spin under it wasn't all that hard. But then Ruby did the arm lift, and Glynda had to bend her knees and duck her head to get under.

But then Ruby kept on spinning, and it turned out that you could do this thing where you crossed your arms and just spun around.

Glynda laughed out loud before she got dizzy enough and Ruby stopped the dance move, and they were facing each other in their original position.

"You're getting the hang of it!" Ruby said, one they were facing each other again.

Glynda smiled.

And as the song ended and Glynda was indulging in fantasies of adequacy in regards to rhythmically moving her body for fun, there was an 'oof', loud but high-pitched- emitted by a child.

And Summer looked behind her-

"Oh," Summer stated, anti-climatically "Sorry."

Jaune was on the ground, as and Glynda quickly deduced that Summer had managed to kick him, with her last dance move.

Jaune started crying, (And Glynda would later learn that he manage to scrape his hand when he fell).

Summer sighed, theatrically. She pulled a first aid kit out of somewhere (it must have been a doctor skill) and then she stood up straight and tilted her head back.

"RAVEN!" Summer yelled, to the air.

The music stopped and Raven appeared, in front of them, standing up straight with her hands out, open, awkwardly.

"Oh! Ah," Raven said, looking at the teary-eyed child on the lawn, and then at Summer.

"I would like to sit down, as I do this," Summer said.

"Oh! Okay, uh..." Raven said.

And Raven pulled her dress up above her knees, and she keeled into the grass and then leaned forward, on all fours-

"A lawn chair," Summer said, exasperatedly. She brought her hand to her brow and sighed. "I meant that I want you to get a lawn chair from the patio, so I can sit down on the lawn chair as I tend to Juane's scrape."

"It's 'Jaune'," Jaune corrected, in between cracked voiced sobs.

And after just a moment, Raven appeared with one of the lawn chairs, and Summer sat down on it, to sort out the child's wounded arm.

And Summer put some antibacterial ointment and then a bandage, on Jaune's arm. Jaune's chokes and shudderings decreased in proportion to the progress of his wound being treated.

"Oh, ah," Raven said. She made a smile and clapped her hands, "Who, wants the cake?

And the promise of cake seemed to cheer Jaune and the rest of the children up.

And then there was a cake. Turned out it was a cookie cake (And Glynda couldn't help but feel that was exceedingly appropriate.), except piled with frosting and various toppings- which included other, smaller cookies.

And the cake was probably the reason that all the guests were now in one main group at the top of the hill (Well, one main group and a bunch of random stragglers; Qrow and James were off to the side, and Yang and Penny were under a tree, but most people were there.)

"Yay! Cookies!" Ruby said, beginning a chant.

"Cookies! Cookies! Cookies!" Chanted the children in hideous unison to the uncaring charnal wind.

"And that's not all," Raven said, suddenly pulling out a few tubs of ice cream. Chocolate, Vanilla, and Strawberry (Idly, Glynda wondered if buying just a Neapolitan tub would have been cheaper or easier, but she supposed just one wouldn't feed the, like, 16 people here, the three separate ones would work better to accommodate different flavor preferences.)

Jacques leaned over to Summer.

"How many cookies does your daughter consume per day, would you say?" Jacques said.

"Jacques, I swear to whatever vague amalgamation of diefic concepts you worship that if you ever insult my daughter again," Summer intoned, gravely. She stood up and invaded Jacques's personal space. "I will inform you, statistically, of the life expectancies and predicted causes of death of all your childhood heroes."

Jacques's eyes widened, and he almost dropped his punch cup. "No," he whispered.

Summer' eyes twitched and her mouth turned into a rictus grin. "I do believe you and Willow were fans of Bon Jovi~"

"No please, have mercy!" Jacques cried out.

"You liked the headliner, right? You know, given his age and current habits~"

"No! We fell in love listening to his fresh yet funky musical stylings," Jacques said, his body trembling, "Please- please have mercy-

"THEN BEG!" Summer yelled, "BEG LIKE AN ANIMAL!"

Tai appeared there, then. He put a hand on Summer's shoulder. "Ah, dearie-

"WE'RE ALL ANIMALS!" Summer yelled, as she waved her arms in the air and cackled.

But with Tai's help, Summer managed to stop making noises long enough for other people to hear the words coming out of thir own mouths.

Jacques cleared his throat, and there was a noticeable waver in his voice. "I apologize-"

"ACCEPTED," Summer yelled. She slapped his shoulder. Jacques flinched.

And then Summer's manic smile vanished and she brought her head next to Jacques, conspiratorially, "Just don't let it happen again~"

Jacques blinked. "Ah- yes-"

Summer nodded and she stepped back, but her expression didn't change. "Now eat your ice cream."

Jacques looked down into his hands, where someone had pushed a bowl of ice cream.

He took a bite nervously.

Glynda was worried that giving children sugar would make them even more hyperactive than they did, especially since when it was Ruby's turn to take a piece, she cut a second piece (a very large second piece), on a second plate.

But then, it turned out that that second piece was for Glynda.

Ruby waddled up to her sitter and held out a piece of cookie cake with cookie dough ice cream for her.

Glynda graciously accepted the food, and at Ruby's behest, she took a bite of the cake in front of an expectant audience (and though Ruby never broke eye contact, she managed to eat half her slice of cookie cake without needing to look down at it.)

As soon as Glynda swallowed, Ruby beamed up at her.

"Do you like your cake, Glynda?" Ruby enunciated, around a mouthful of dessert.

"Ah," Glynda said she looked at the much larger slice that had been given to her, that she was nowhere near finishing, and she didn't have the heart to tell Ruby it was too sweet for her.

"Yeah, I'm savoring it," Glynda said.

That seemed to satisfy Ruby. She went over to Pyrrha to talk about some kind of cannibal cookies.

And when nobody was looking, she scooped some of the extraneous frosting into one of the garbage bins.

And after the children and adults finished their food, it was time for the party to officially start winding down.

Some of the children were flopped on their backs on the lawn, laid low by their recent consumption of high-calorie confections, crumbs and ice cream and chocolate chips coating the edges of their mouths. They groaned, dying gasps as they shuffled off their mortal coils, casualties of the party lifestyle.

Now, it was time for cleanup and to start saying goodbye to the guests. Since Glynda had driven here, she figured she could stick around to help clean up, and also maybe shed try to steal some of the extra sandwiches. Like, the way squirrels do, by stuffing them in her cheeks.

Someone came by to pick up Jaune and Pyrrha, and they left with some of the food. (But Glynda swiped her own piece when they weren't looking)

Yang said her goodbyes to Penny and Qrow, and to the, ah- Ironwoods?

But then at one point, Glynda saw a familiar head of curly black hair walk in the side gate to the backyard, and her heart stopped, but not long enough to prevent the teenager from running into the house and pressing herself against the wall, next to the door.

Ruby saw her do it, and she followed. When she caught up she looked concerned. "What's wrong?" Ruby asked.

"Oh- nothing," Glynda lied. "You- you should be out there, being- being visible, to your guests-"

Ruby giggled, "To not draw attention to you? Got it." She smiled at Glynda one last time before she left.

Glynda looked over the inside furniture to distract herself (there was an open area in this dining room, and beyond a cutaway she could see the couch where she and Ruby spent so much time watching cartoons), but Cinder's voice was hard to not notice among the ambient sounds.

"Hey~o," Cinder called out. "Nora! Ren! I'm here to drag you back to hell~"

"Okay- we just gotta say goodbye first," said Nora.

And then, after a moment-

"Oh," Cinder said, "It's you."

Glynda peaked out from her hiding place.

In the middle of the lawn, Ruby, Ren and Nora were facing off against Cinder.

Ruby narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "It is me. And I must also say, that it is you."

Ren extended a hand out to Ruby. They shook hands very slightly, wordlessly.

Nora, in contrast, grabbed Ruby's hand with both of hers and shook it around.

"Bye Ruby! It was super fun!" Nora said.

Cinder froze, at that point.

"Wait, you're Ruby?" Cinder said.

"Yeah," Ruby said. "And you're a dumbface."

"So that means~," and even though she wasn't looking Glynda could all too clearly imagine Cinder's smirk. "That Glynders is around here too? I thought one of the cars out front looked familiar..."

"I saw her run inside," Nora said, raising her hand to point- but Glynda ducked her head back in before

But after a moment, she sighed. Because the jig was up, and she'd just have to bite the bullet for an awkward conversation with her nemesis-

And Cinder knew- she knew she was here, at an eight-and-a-half year old's party - she'd be so insufferable about- about something.

Well, to be fair, Cinder didn't really need a reason to be insufferable.

Glynda took one last breath and stood up tall and she stepped into the yard.

"Hey Glynders~" Cinder said.

Glynda opened her eyes- And Cinder did, indeed, have the most insufferable smirk. "Cinder. I see you're being tasked with chauffeuring around small children."

"Yeah, but that's not important," Cinder hid her mouth behind her finger tips. "So you got yourself invited to some kid's- what party was this again?"

"A garden party," Ren said.

"Specifically it was a 'Reading achievement garden party'," Nora said.

Cinder's face did something stupid. "Oh, really?" she said, almost without laughing.

"Well, I'm sure it's not the most embarrassing thing you've ever done, Glynders~" Cinder waved the air stupidly.

Glynda frowned- but not as much as Ruby did.

"Well!" Ruby exclaimed. She folded her arms and pouted, "It's less embarrassing than a shizz waifu-"

"Ruby!" yelled Raven, suddenly, from the other side of the yard. She immediately ended her conversation with Qrow and James and ran up to her- stepdaughter? Whatever it was Ruby was to her.

Ruby looked a little guilty as Raven kneeled down and put her hand on Ruby's shoulder. Ruby avoided eye contact.

"Ruby," Raven said, "You must never insult someone's Waifu. You understand?"

Ruby smushed her lips together and didn't move or say anything.

"Someone's Waifu is a reflection of not only their innermost desires, but an externalization of their will, as well as a mark of bravery and self-actualization inherent in actually publicizing it."

Raven painted a panorama with her arm, in front of Ruby, as she continued her speech.

"And that is why it is imperative that you give an individual's Waifu the same respect you give them."

Ruby puffed out her cheek but she agreed, quietly.

Raven stood up and managed to lean on only the air. "So, who's your Waifu, then?

Cinder grinned, stupidly, at the ground, stupidly. "Ah..." she said.

Ravens face did a thing, but she recovered well and she started talking about her history with Waifus.

And during that time, the four remaining adult guests- Caroline, Shaung, Jacques, and Willow, left with their respective daughters (Glynda saw Blake and Weiss hug each other deeply, and she wondered if Raven was right, in that those two fifth graders were secretly in an illicit romantic relationship that their parents would disown them for). Tai finished cleaning up the remains of the queen, under the tree.

"Come by the music shop one day. Its down on 8th and main," Raven said, as a goodbye.

Cinder pointed finger guns at the adult. "I actually am in my school's light music club, so, absolutely!"

And that actually restarted the conversation, so it was fifteen more minutes before Cinder finally left.

And after the cleanup, Glynda found herself clapping her hands right outside the back door.

"Glynda!" Ruby ran up to Glynda. "Did you have fun?

"I- did!" Glynda said, making a smile. And it wasn't a lie, it was just, also kind of overwhelming, and she wasn't sure when this little knot of anxiety that settled into her diaphragm would go away. "You did a good job, Ruby!"

Ruby giggled. "Thanks, but I think as the host it should be Raven who takes the credit."

Glynda must have subconsciously glanced over at Raven, just then.

"So, Glynda," Ruby said. She glanced down and kicked her little feet a little. "Do you want to hang out a little bit, just the two of us?"

Glynda smiled. "Sure!"

Glynda rubbed the back of her head. "Like, the party was fun, but you and Yang were really the only people I knew, so..."

Ruby's eyes went wide and she brought s her hands to her face. "Oh no! I'm sorry-"

"No no, its fine- I'm glad you had a lot of fun!" Glynda said, hastily, "and I'm fine, not having attention all the time- its just, it was a little overwhelming..."

Ruby's concern slowly evaporated from her face. "Oh! Yeah, sometimes Ravens like that too." She then waved for Glynda to follow her.

And right before they entered the house, Summer suddenly appeared, in between them.

"Ruby~," Summer said, trying to hug her daughter- 'tried' being the operative word, "Everyone else is gone, so now we can hang out, just the two of us-"

Ruby pushed her mother's arms away. "Mommy, no. "

Summer then paused, and she tilted her head to the side and pouted. "W-whats wrong, my sweet baby girl?" She said with an exaggerated voice affect.

"You got drunk at my party~" Ruby whined. She folded her arms.

"Mommy had a long day at work-"

"And you were super embarrassing in front of all my friends~"

"That's just because I love you so much-"

"And you were mean to Raven-"

Summer made a grimace. "That's- well, relationships are a complicated hurricane of emotions-"

"And you kicked Jaune in the stomach-"

"Hey, I fixed that-"

"And you never even said hi to Yang." Ruby nodded in finality.

Summer blinked. "Is-" she began, her voice less confident, "is that right?"

Yang stood there. She smiled, awkwardly, at the ground, but then she waved the air with her hand. "Nah, that's fine, don't mind me-"

"Ruby, I'm so sorry-" Summer began. She held her arms out.

Ruby swatted away Summer's hug and stepped back. Ruby folded her arms.

"No." Ruby squeaked. She closed her eyes and turned her head away and harrumphed.

"Ruby~" Summer cried out, and she got on her knees to beg. "Please, my sweet baby girl, I promise ill make it up to you...?"

And there was a pregnant pause (or maybe it just felt like one) before Ruby responded.

"No." Ruby said, and she harrumphed again.

"But I love you~" Summer whined.

"Then that's your problem," Ruby said. She turned away more. "I'll just have Raven pick me up from school, and Yang can help me with Homework, and Glynda can watch cartoons and play blocks with me."

There was another pause, before Summer spoke again.

"You," Summer spat, as she turned to the babysitter. She wobbled to her feet and ran up to Glynda. "What did you do to corrupt my daughter?"

"I- ah-" Glynda began,-

But then a blue latex glove hit Glynda in the face.

Glynda blinked.

Glynda kneeled down to pick it up. "I'm sure we can, just, talk about thi-"

"Glynda noooo~!" Yang yelled. She clutched her face with her hand.

Glynda blinked. She stood back up and held the glove out, but Summer didn't take it.

Summer smirked and exhaled, and then, breathing heavily, she ran into the house. "RAVEN! I'M BORROWING YOUR SAMURAI SWORD!"

Glynda blinked, again. "Um. What?"

"You accepted the duel," Yang explained, her voice tinted with horror.

From further inside the house, Glynda could hear Summer cackle something.

"Um," Glynda said again, but more forcefully this time, "What."