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Backfired
By Deana
This is a modern musketeers AU story! For all you skeptical readers, give it a chance, I'm sure you'll enjoy it! ;-)

Thank you to Fleuramis for the title for this story!

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"Gentleman: here it is!"

Athos and Porthos looked up from their desks as Aramis walked into the room.

"That's a whoopee cushion," said Porthos.

"Thank you for stating the obvious, my friend," Aramis answered. "Brilliant detective work!"

Athos studied him for a minute before saying, "Please tell me you aren't that stupid."

Aramis' smile faded. "How did you guess?"

"You're obviously not planning to prank one of us with it," said Athos, gesturing between himself and Porthos. "So who is left? Only the most dangerous person to do that to."

"Captain Treville?!" Porthos exclaimed. "You're gonna whoopee-cushion the captain?!"

"Shhh!" Aramis said, smiling again.

"Are you insane?" Porthos asked.

"You know he is," Athos calmly said, going back to his writing.

"Do you remember last Christmas when he tricked me into kissing Agatha under the mistletoe?" Aramis shuddered.

Porthos guffawed. "Yes! She was standing there making eyes at you when you weren't looking!"

"Treville did that to get back at you for all the grays that you've put in his hair," said Athos.

"Agatha is seventy-two years old!" Aramis exclaimed, with a shudder. "Well I swore to get him back." He held up the whoopee cushion. "This is the last thing he'd ever expect!"

"Awfully childish," said Athos.

"What he did to me was childish," Aramis replied.

Suddenly, the door started to open and Aramis shoved the whoopee cushion into his pocket.

Captain Treville walked in and looked at his three best detectives. "Good morning," he said.

"Morning, captain," they all replied. Aramis stared at him as he kept walking through the room and into his office.

"Will anything I say to you change your mind?" Athos asked.

"Nope!" said Aramis, smiling as he sat down at his own desk and turned on his computer.

As the three men worked, Aramis would chuckle intermittently and kept looking at their captain's office. It was a couple of hours later when Treville came out and said, "I have an appointment; I'll be back."

"Yes sir, captain sir!" said Aramis.

Treville turned to look at him, rolling his eyes and leaving when Aramis gave him a military salute.

Athos and Porthos both looked up when Aramis jumped to his feet and whipped out the whoopee cushion.

"You're still going through with this?" said Porthos, surprised.

"Of course," Aramis answered. He shoved the end in his mouth and blew air into it, inflating it as fast as possible as if afraid that Treville would come back into the room. His head spun and he tipped towards Porthos, who threw out a hand to steady him.

"Whoa, don't suffocate yourself, moron!"

Aramis ignored him and headed into the captain's office before placing the cushion on his chair, pushing the seat as far under the desk as possible so Treville wouldn't see it ahead of time. With a chuckle, he came back out and sat down.

"You do know that you're going to regret that," said Athos.

"I told him that I would get revenge for making me kiss Agatha," Aramis answered. "He knows that something is coming."

"That was five months ago!" said Porthos. "He probably forgot about it!"

Aramis nodded. "He was lulled into a false sense of security!"

Athos shook his head and went back to his work.

When Treville returned, he entered the room and found Athos and Porthos still at their desks, but Aramis was absent. Thinking nothing of it, since he could be in the bathroom or at the water cooler, he headed into his office. "Have a seat, gentlemen," he said.

The governor and the head of the state police followed, closing the door behind them.

In the next room, Athos and Porthos watched the procession with panicked expressions.

"Aramis is dead meat after this!" Porthos hissed. He grabbed his cell phone and quickly texted Aramis, 'You're dead meat! He brought the gov and head statie in there!'

Suddenly, the Darth Vader theme filled the air, and both men realized that Aramis had left his phone on his desk.

"He's dead meat!" Porthos repeated.

*PTHBBBBBBBBT*

Athos and Porthos heard the ominous sound, and they each got up from their desks and quickly filed out the door.

Treville jumped up as if something had burned him. He looked at the whoopee cushion on his chair in shock before picking it up and stalking over to his closet to get rid of it. He pulled the door open and unexpectedly came face to face with Aramis, who'd been hiding in there to witness the prank.

Aramis' face had turned deathly white when he'd seen the other men follow Treville into the room, and he almost passed out when Treville opened the door and caught him there.

Without a word, the captain tossed the whoopee cushion at his face before closing the door again…and locking it.

Treville returned to his seat and continued his meeting with the two surprised men…each of which were inwardly laughing, having been the subjects of many pranks themselves. They acted as if nothing had happened in order to spare Treville the embarrassment, and eventually left.

Inside the closet all that time, Aramis lived his own private hell. He realized that he should've listened to his friends and was terrified of what Treville would do to him now. Would he be thrown off the police force? If so, his life would be over.

Once the men were gone, Treville walked by the closet door and smacked it hard with his elbow before leaving the room without letting Aramis out.

Aramis jumped, and was surprised when the door wasn't opened. He waited, but heard nothing but silence. "Captain?"

Nothing.

Aramis waited to see if Treville would open the door, but there was no sound at all on the other side so he finally pulled out his wallet and used a credit card to open it. He peeked his head out and found the room empty, so he quickly left and looked for his friends. When he found them gone, he grabbed his phone and hid under his desk.

There were eight text messages, beginning with 'You're dead meat!' He quickly opened a group text between the three of them.

Aramis: OMG

Porthos: Aramis!

Athos: Told you so

Aramis: Where are you

Porthos: Waiting for you in Athos' car

Aramis: Where's Treville

Athos: He left. Come outside right now!

Aramis poked his head up from under his desk before standing and quickly leaving the precinct. He spotted Athos' black Cadillac and ran over, jumping into the back seat. "What am I gonna do?!" he exclaimed.

Athos shifted into 'drive' and hit the gas. "First of all, calm down."

"Calm down?!" said Aramis. "Treville sat on a whoopee cushion—provided by me—in front of the governor and the head of the state police!"

Porthos suddenly started laughing, his guffaw filling the entire car.

Aramis reached around the seat to punch his arm. "Stop it! I may've just lost my career!"

Porthos' laughter instantly stopped. "Sorry. If he fires you, I'll quit, and so will Athos."

"No one is quitting because Treville won't fire you," said Athos as he turned down the road.

Aramis looked at him with a spark of hope. "Really?"

"We're his best detectives," Athos reminded him. "We work together like extensions of one body and we always solve our cases. He can't afford to lose any of us."

Aramis nodded, feeling relieved.

"That doesn't mean that he won't punish you though," Athos went on. "Severely."

Aramis sighed.

Athos pulled up at the local mall and they went inside, knowing that it was the least likely place for Captain Treville to have gone. Porthos dragged them into the arcade where they shot zombies for a while and then he dragged them into Hot Topic, where he bought a keychain Pusheen plush.

"Who is that for?" Aramis asked.

Porthos handed it to him. "It's for Adele."

Aramis chuckled as he took it. "She'll love it."

Suppertime eventually came and they picked up a pizza, fries, and a six-pack of beer. Athos drove them back to the precinct so they could pick up their vehicles, and Aramis got into his bright red Camaro and patted the dashboard. "I have a gift for you, Adele, from Porthos." He chuckled as he hung the Pusheen from his rearview mirror before pulling out behind Porthos' SUV.

The three of them drove to Aramis' place since it was the biggest and had the best tv, and they ate in front of 'The Force Awakens'. The movie did wonders for taking Aramis' mind off the situation, but he grew nervous again after it was over.

Porthos watched as Aramis suddenly dialed his phone and held it to his ear. "Whozzat?"

"The captain," Aramis answered, wondering why he hadn't thought of calling to apologize earlier.

Athos and Porthos watched, but Treville never picked it up.

"Voicemail," Aramis told them. He waited for the beep before saying, "Captain? It's Aramis…I guess you'll know that anyway from the missed call, not to mention the sound of my voice, but…I'm so sorry, I had no idea that the governor and the head of the state police would be there when you sat on…well I guess I should shut up now. See you tomorrow…I hope?" He hung up the phone and looked at the others. "I'm dead meat."

TBC